40+ and pregnant? Come and join the fun!

[cloudjumper]

I am 43 and currently pg with DC2, due early January. I thought it would be nice to have a thread for the pregnant ladies of 'older vintage', similar to the 40+ ttc thread, for advice, support and the occasional moan.

I haven't seen the John Lewis ad yet, but I cry at anything!

moon I've had the norovirus twice! Ugh but it should only last 4 or 5 days. Thinking about you.

Can I have a little advice please! I've been given a due date of April 15. I have the sort of job where I have to plan exhibitions for the whole of 2016 in advance. When do you think it is possible that the due date might actually be? I'm getting the feeling they don't let you go too far over 'at this age'. But how much earlier could it be - more than 2 weeks before?

Also, realistically (this is my first) how long are you physically/mentally done in (unable to leave the couch)?

Basically what chunk of 2016 should I put a line through!

PS I'm lucky that DH will be able to get quite a bit of time off when the little one arrives.

Hopefully I can help a bit.... First off, regarding 'letting you go over' - the policy about offering or recommending induction varies from one area/hospital to another. They can't force you to be induced, and depending on where you live, they may not even recommend it based on age. There is a policy to recommend it at 40 weeks (if you are over 40) where I live, and last time around I declined, but was put under immense pressure by the hospital to agree. So, basically, it depends on your hospital's policy, and also depends on how you feel about it. Having said that, you may go into labour by then anyway, although I think if it's your first, you are more likely to go overdue than with subsequent babies.

As for what's doable, DD1 was due in the mid Jan and I finished work around xmas time, then she was eventually born at the end of Jan, so had just over 4 weeks at home. At 41 weeks I could still walk several miles and run upstairs but I had pretty much gone mad by then and wasn't much fun to be around... It also depends on the nature of your job. Mine involved a fairly long motorway drive and then sitting at a desk for 7/8 hours, which was pretty intolerable at the end. The thing is, pottering around the house or being out and about at your own pace is so very different to being at work!

Bear in mind as well that there's easter at the end of March - maybe have the week before as your last week? or the week before good friday? It also depends as well on how much you want to get done at home, or how likely you are to go mad, get bored etc.

I'm trying to figure out dates myself too as my contract is due for renewal. I'm not due until first week of May but am thinking of Easter as my cut off, although would be nice to last a bit longer but maybe go down to 3 day week at the end.

brooke There is absolutely no way to tell whether you will be early or late, so do bear that in mind. Baby could hang around until 42 weeks, or arrive at 36, so you need to be prepared for every scenario. Don't make any definite plans for anything, I'd say that from a certain point on, everything will have to become tentative.
Yes, they don't like women at our age to go overdue very much, but like eagle said, they cannot force you to have an induction.

As to how tired you will be before/after birth - again, no one can know. It will depend on the nature of your work, yourself and how your pregnancy goes. I know women who worked up right to their due date and others who finished at 32 weeks because they just couldn't continue. I am going to finish at 36 weeks this time, but I am already having to slow down more and more, and it is taking me longer and longer to recover from really hard days.
Afterwards, same thing - some women bounce back immediately from birth, others take weeks/months. I would say, give yourself as much time as possible - you can always change your mind at a later point, but I reckon it's easier to tell work that you want to come back sooner, instead of extending your leave.

Would shared parental leave be an option for you? It might be worth investigating what your DH's company offers - we are going to do this, and DH gets a much better package at his company than I do at mine! So he will be able to take 14 weeks off at full pay, which is brilliant (will save us a fortune in childcare).

Also depends on your baby Brooke. Some settle in to your life very easily & some are very colicky or don't sleep well. All of that will effect how tired you are.
How are you Ellie? I had bleeding from week 5 or 6 to week 15. It was due to a low placenta. Once it moved the bleeding stopped. I was told it might not move though & then I could bleed all the way through. There are many reasons for spotting & not all of them are bad. It's hard not to worry with your history of mc though. When will you see a consultant or have a scan?

Hi all. I was here a month ago and miscarried (you might remember me as Bottlecap). Just got a BFP today.

Nice to see you all again.

Brilliant news Sarah. Congratulations x

Congratulations Sarah - quick work!

ellie good to hear you're spotting has stopped/slowed right down now you've moved to the back door, so to speak. I didn't find it worsened piles, or constipation or wind at all, just sometimes a bit painful to insert, do I swapped around as needed. Much less messy that there front though, i hated wearing a pad basically all the time!

brooke like others have said, it's really to know your actual date from your due date, but here's how I'd planned it. I'm due on 30th April so I was going to give my due date as my leaving days for work, but then take two weeks of annual leave before that (to maximise time off after) This is basically because my job is all sitting at a desk, and that is awful when heavily pregnant. If it came to it and I needed to leave earlier, I would have leave saved for that too, plus my work is pretty flexible. As others have said, I could reduce to a three day week also by using leave that way. Afterwards I would say at least six weeks. That's the general physical recovery guideline, but everyone is different. Again, it I'd easier to reduce your time off and return to work earlier than have to ask for extra time. The main thing is, how you feel. Work will seem very very unimportant you you right after, and what your hormones tell you will seem paramount (my experience anyway) and you will want to send time with baba too, and that will probably override any projects you have on when it comes to it... disclaimer this does not mean you will want/feel any of this of course!! Your experience will be totally your own, so quite hard to advise...

Anyway! So I've had a fun night - allergic reaction to anti emetic had me at the night gps, where we had to wait four hours to be seen, then sent to hospital at 4am to be put on a drip for severe dehydration D: Home by noon and been asleep most of day, only woken by the fireworks! Thought I'd never sleep tonight, but already feeling snoozy again.

Got or harmony results through the post today, it's a boy. Not sure how I feel about knowing that given the circumstances. Starting to feel movements more and more too. Only flutters, but I recognise the feeling. Making it very hard to be detached... Actually why am I even trying to be, when either decision will be difficult in its own way... At the moment I think I am going to have to amnio to get a clearer picture, and then we can go from there.

Sorry for enormous post!!! Hope you all are doing well :) love to all xx

Hi Grizzer, not doing well hun. My spotting has now turned from brownish red to bright red and more in quantity, although still thankfully only on wiping. I am unable to contact the unit for advice. But i'm increasing the progesterone to 400 mg twice daily (am on once daily until tonight). But i dont know whether to decrease the dose of aspirin from 150 mg to 75 mg. I am going to try and have a scan tomorrow/Monday but i'm too early so i know i'm gonna come back with confusing findings. Its so reassuring to hear ur story but bright red colour is freaking me out. I have 4/10 niggly pain in left side of tummy and cramp in left leg today. My vagina still feels sore and am not sure the bright red colour is coming somewhere locally? I'm using yogurt too..dont think that would make it bleed..

Ah anyone who could advise me to put my mind at rest would be a God send for me...although i'm feeling positive in myself, I am confused like hell...:(

Ha ha sorry for typos etc in that last message - on phone and tired! :)

Moon, I love ur attitude girl! Quite rightly u need to wait for amnio which is a definitive test. I'm not trying to raise false hopes here but harmony still leaves 1% chance for it being a falsely positive result.i had once severe allergy to antiemetic (almost like anaphylaxis) but st mary's mistakenly administered that during my 22 weeker abortion, despite red alert band, drug chart etc ;) but surprise surprise i got to know that i had 'grown' out of that allergy as nothing happened to me luckily! ;) ah u r having a tough time eh? Me too...but glad we have support here...xxx

SorryGrizzer, am back :( did u have ur medicines fiddled when u were having the bleed??

Ellie unless your bleeding gets really strong, I would not change your meds just yet - but then you would probably go to the hospital anyway, where they can advise you. I did not change anything when I was spotting/bleeding, and I'm on both heparin and aspirin. What is your high dose of aspirin for, is it a clotting issue or something else? Will you be on that for much longer, or is the plan to switch to something else?

Moon Such a difficult time for you! Hope you are ok (well, as OK as possible in these circumstances).

Found out on Thurs that I have gestational diabetes. Saw the diabetes specialist mw on Friday who gave me a monitor to check my blood sugars 4 times a day. She said if I get 3 high results in any 48hr period I am to call the diabetes specialist team and they will start me in medication. I've already had 4 highs in 36 hrs but the team only works Mon- Fri. So spent last night panicking that am making the baby ill. I'm a nurse so have a little knowledge, but can't seem to rationalise this.

Gm cloud, my aspirin is for rasied TEG. It indicates hypercoagulability/tendency to clot during pregnancy. As far as i understand, it picked up those women who come negative on conventional antiphospholipid antibody testing, which is my case. Apparantly there are four components of it and based on that they decide if one goes on high dose aspirin alone or with heparin. I'm not on heparin is coz they did not suggest me and mr shehata was dead against it as he thinks i dont need it as i dont have thrombophilia. i hav autoimmune conditions which can increase the tendency to clot but he doesnt think even then i need it.

What was the nature of ur spotting? Was it bright red? Was it with wiping every time? Thats what is happening with me..:(

Isla sorry that u r in this situation. But since u r a nurse, u would know that ur high blood sugars in short term cant cause any harm to ur baby. U may pee more and for that u just need to drink regularly. U would also need to eat/ snack regularly like every 2 hrs or so. If u feel dizzi, u shoud check ur blood sugar to make sure that's stable as sometimes it can go low too. And if it does, drink something sugary or eat chocolate straightaway. I can imagine its a worrying it might be for u, but diabetic nurse will only educate u the implications of gestational diabetes and general measures such as diet etc to start with. I dont think they'd go straight to the medications? Do u?? xx

Since she's already given me a prescription and told me to get the medication "just in case" I imagine that's exactly what the plan is. Thing is, I already follow a low sugar diet, it's just about finding out what carbs do to my blood sugars. I can't actually cut sugar out unless I reduce carbs as I rarely eat it.

Thanks all for the advice DH and I are both self-employed i.e. if we don't go to work, we don't get paid! But you've confirmed what I thought - who know until it happens! So yes, I'll assume the longest time (maybe due at 36 weeks and 3 months after, just in case) and take it from there. Thank you.

Congrats Sarah!

Argh moon what a night you had. You must be exhausted, hope you are feeling better today. Let us know if you are going for the amnio.

Well as is my pattern, I've gone into worry mode (this tends to happens two weeks after a reassuring scan). How do I know what's happening in there! That kind of thing. I'm 17 + 2 and trying to conjure up flutters.

Stupid question time - do babies sleep in the womb?

Can anyone pls pls reassure me honestly??

my hx is as above. I have been spotting since upt positive a wk ago. I started bright red spotting 4 days ago, and today it was first in knicker and then a small clot. What's going on here? I dont want to loose my sixth angel, i'm 39 not gonna get any younger, i dont want to stay childless, it would be so so unfair!

Thanks brooke - yes feeling better today, but still definitely recovering! Were didn't hear from hosp on Friday as expected, bit I will ring in the morning and request an amnio. Feel I need to know more before I can make any decision - still wildly changing what I feel is right thing to do... Will keep you all posted...

ellie no one can really tell you what's going to happen, because it could seriously be either end of the scale... Some ladies bleed all through their pregnancy at their regular period time, and some even don't realise they are pregnant for a while because their bleed is quite normal seeming. And of course most of us here know there other side of the coin - and there's no way to be sure until you are sure. If you are only about 5 weeks out is to really for a scan, but a doc could measured your hcg over a few days to see if its increasing, or you could do another hpt to see if the line is still strong (or stronger) which may give you some reassurance. I had one very early m/c where I had a fairly faint positive on the day I was due, then two days later it was barely visible. I knew what was coming but went to the docs anyway, bit they just said you have to wait. I got what was basically a heavyish period the days later. But having said that I'd had no bleeding until then. But my point is that it was really obvious on the hpt that it was going to fade away...

Sorry if that's not massively reassuring, but I guess I'm trying to say there are things you can do to get a bit of reassurance even this early, and that even red blood isn't always bad news. I'm wishing you lots of good luck and hoping that this is your time x

Moon, yes ur msg isnt massively reassuring but i appreciate you taking time to read my msg, respond to it and wishing me good luck x

Oh ellie I'm sorry, that didn't really come out well, did it :( what I really meant to say was that although of course its so terrifying for you right now, all is not lost - there are genuine reasons that could account for the bleeding. And, although this place is absolutely brilliant for support, there are things you can do even at 5ish weeks to reassure you in your specific circumstances...

I really hope I didn't upset you more - when I reread my post, it seemed really tactless and I apologise for that. Still crossing all my fingers for you, and sending best wishes x

ellie I am thinking of you. I am not able to help from experience. But keeping everything crossed for you ..xxx

Ellie, stick in there. I have no experience of this, so I'm afraid I can't give you a "I had this and it turned out ok" story to reassure you. However, lots of women do bleed (and even pass clots) and go on to have healthy babies. Just hang on in there and consider every hour witht any dramatic worsening to be a blessing and a good thing. Do try to stay calm- there is not much you can do right now, but trying your hardest to distract yourself, stay calm, and get a good sleep will be far better for you all round than the alternative fretting, which will wind you up and put your body under stress.

Moon, I didn't read your post to be at all tactless- on the contrary, I thought it was extremely empathetic and pragmatic, balanced but kind x

Witht = without