40+ and pregnant? Come and join the fun!

[cloudjumper]

I am 43 and currently pg with DC2, due early January. I thought it would be nice to have a thread for the pregnant ladies of 'older vintage', similar to the 40+ ttc thread, for advice, support and the occasional moan.

Hi, all. Eagle, thanks for sympathy re vulval varices. They are far worse today and those, coupled with my inflamed buttocks, have led to my being bedbound. I'm in so much pain it's unreal and I'm really afraid of the time coming when I have to stop taking dihydrocodeine (in order to birth at the midwife-led unit here in my town). Still awaiting my extortionate vaginal support band from overseas.
Thanks for your tips on maternity wear. I have literally scoured every online store and finally found quality + reasonable prices + not hideously unstylish gear at Mothercare. Their posher-than-average lounge pants and charcoal hoodie are beautifully drapey and the softest jersey. I have to say you sound like a rather stylish woman to me, Eagle, what with your fashion store choices.

Congratulations to those with great scan and harmony news (aaaaaaaaaand breathe!)

Sezra, yes, my puffed-outness comes and goes, oddly, and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to when it surfaces.

To everyone in the first trimester: I honestly believe that breast tenderness is the least reliable indicator of pregnancy health; breasts are stupidly unpredictable in their soreness in those first months.

My bump is absolutely massive. At 26 weeks. This does not bode well for my vaginal varices engorgement (I must, must stop moaning about them!) I have just enrolled my 19 month-old into nursery for next Easter - the first term after she turns two. She will be there five mornings a week which will hopefully give me breathing space with my baby boy. It seems so weird talking about having a baby boy in our house - or even in my whole family: boys haven't been born for three generations!

So...at 26 weeks I have gained exactly 2 stones. When I look at my journal from 2014 in the final weeks of pregnancy with my daughter I can see that I gained a whole stone in the final five weeks! Am I really heading for a four-stone gain in total??

God sorry Eagle hope I haven't put a wet blanket on your brilliant news though! Really pleased for you! :)

Great news, Eagle! But it might be worth putting an informal complaint or something with your hospital or scan dept - they are really supposed to wait for you to give the go ahead to make sure you can move somewhere private

moon So sorry that you got such a worrying result, of course you are scared! Did they say which of the blood markers is pushing the risk up, the bHcg or the Papp-A? Might be worth finding out... Will you be doing the Harmony test now or have the CVS or amniocentesis? Fingers crossed that you'll be able to get hold of someone very soon

Fab news Eagle but how inconsiderate! Surely they should always check you are ok to talk?

Sorry that you have had such worrying news Moon especially after the scan went so well. I hope you manage to speak to someone soon as that must make it doubly frustrating. Do let us know how you get on.

moon so sorry you are worried. They didn't even get the NT measurement at my 12wk scan because of positioning, so I am completely in the dark about it. How much do you want to know? Are you going to book a Harmony test?

Can I ask where people get this done, and is this the test that is expensive?

brooke The Harmony test is not yet available on the NHS, but sometimes you can do it at your NHS hospital, paying for it. Either ask your hospital if they offer this, or just google. You are looking at around £500, however, there are now other alternatives (Panorama, Swift?), which - from what I know - work similarly, but tend to be a bit cheaper.

I don't know what specific thing made the risk so high for me - I don't really know if its worth finding out - would it make a difference?

I have booked a harmony test for Monday - it's £530!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess if that comes back positive (or 99% positive) then we can decide what next based on that. If its low risk, then I guess I stop worrying...

Don't know that I'd go for cvs (not advanced enough for amnio) because of the risk there either.

Brooke to be honest, at the moment I rather wish I was in the dark about it too.

If I had given birth, and it was downs, I think I'd just cope with it. I wouldn't wish it, of course, but I think I'd love it anyway, and it would be ok. Having this power of choice, potentially, I don't know what would be best - for it, for us.

Going to visit a friend this weekend - it seems inconceivable, but I think it would do me good to get away. Have something else to think about!!

Mooncalf - so sorry that you've had such worrying results. I just read back through the last few posts and you had your scan yesterday, the nuchal fold was 1.8 and presumably they took bloods? It just seems incredibly quick to get blood test results back (I think mine took about a week when I had mine done in last pregnancy, although I could be wrong).

In my last pregnancy, I was told I was high risk after the 12 week screening. It wasn't super high risk (around 1:128 I think), but presented to me as a bad news situation and also one in which it was a given I would have invasive testing done. We were really unsure what to do, but I did get an appt with a consultant at the fetal medicine unit in a nearby city (it was our nearest specialist centre) with a possible view to doing the tests, but more with a view to seeking advice and getting the results clarified. We spoke at length with a consultant and she also did another scan. We talked about the risks of testing and what we would do regarding the test results. After scanning, she told us a cvs wasn't the safest option due to the placenta being at the back and advised we return for the amnio window in a couple of weeks. We did that, and saw a different consultant, another scan, and more discussion about how the baby looked and so on. He also spoke to us about the risks of having the test done (which are not as bad as they are usually quoted to be). At no point was I under any pressure to get the test done, and up until the needle went in, he reassured me I could change my mind at any point, which was really helpful.

Sorry for long story, but my point is that I think it could be useful to get the ball rolling regarding testing, if only to see a consultant to have a long chat about things, especially which factors are indicating a high risk result. Harmony testing will give you a clearer idea, but I'm not sure how much information relating to your specific situation they will be able to give you. Meanwhile, hang on in there, and if you get the chance, please do try to get hold of ARC tomorrow as they were fantastic when I rang them. Meanwhile thinking of you and hope you get some answers soon.

By the way, a friend of mine was given a 1:5 result and her baby was absolutely fine.

Well I'm now sick with worry. I'm 15 weeks today and I know symptoms are meant to lessen, but my boobs seem smaller and I don't think that's right. I'm so scared of another mc. And I've always had early ones, never at this stage. Everything was feeling so right, and now I just feel scared. I have a scan on Tuesday, so I guess I'll find out then. I'm fairly sure this is our last chance.

brooke can you ring your epac and get your scan brought forward? You should be able to ring the number on your yellow notes and ask without a Drs referral or whatever. I'm sure its fine, honestly this does happen and is totally normal, but I totally understand that overwhelming fear :( Just talking to the midwife for reassurance will help xx

eagle thanks so much for your post - is given me a lot to think about and its really helped. The midwife is going to ring on Monday and I'll ask to see a consultant then. My placenta is on the back too so cvs is probably out. But I wouldn't do anything until the harmony results are back - that's on Monday so two weeks after that. I'll be ~15 weeks by then - is that in the amnio window??

So much going on in my head atm!!!

Hope everyone else is having a much more chilled out Friday!!

Brooke I'm sure the baby is fine, but totally get what you're scared about. I can remember coming out of the first trimester last time and it felt like a nauseous fog had lifted and I had turned back into myself. Do talk to someone today if the anxiety is unbearable - I know tuesday isn't far away, but it's a long time if you're feeling very anxious!

Mooncalf sounds like you would be better candidate for amnio rather than cvs if it came to that. 15 weeks is definitely in the amnio window, but bear in mind too that although Harmony results are quoted as being 2 weeks, everyone seems to get results back sooner (mine were 9 days).

The Antenatal Tests board on MN is really useful too, if you need to talk to anyone who has had a similar experience. I hope you get through the next few days ok.

I felt pretty shredded after yesterdays' Harmony results - think the stress of the last few weeks suddenly came out. DD was coughing most of the night (in bed next to me!) and so when we woke up I declared today National Duvet Day and rang work to say I wasn't coming in. We had breakfast in bed, she's just been dropped at nursery and I'm going to potter around and catch up on some admin tasks then take a walk later. Feeling a bit guilty but today is the 12 week mark so quite nice to mark it by doing very little!

brooke I can kind of relate to that.
I'm 17+3 and other than a bit of bump out front I don't feel pregnant. I think I'm feeling the odd flutter every now and again but honestly, don't know if it's wind or I'm imagining it. My boobs don't hurt any more and don't seem so big either. So it's in the back of my mind and has been for a week or so.
I can't remember it being like that with DS but it may have been I don't know.
I've read that it's totally normal to feel "normal" in 2nd trimester but it's difficult not to worry. Get your scan brought forward to help put your mind at rest.

Thank you for all your reassurance. I am feeling a bit better, i.e. pregnant again. How much of all of the different feelings are in my head, I don't know. I did read that right about now I should be feeling emotional and full of trepidation - tick and tick .

I'll stick with the Tuesday scan - I'm working all weekend (good to be busy) and DH has his Tuesday morning booked off work. Not too long now.

Can I just say thank you again - it really is a huge help being able to share here with you all.

moon and everyone, hope you are feeling okay

Glad you're feeling better Brooke. I was definitely boob prodding until at least 20 weeks as they kept coming & going. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just relax? I was lying on the bed earlier, after a shower & the baby gave a massive shudder type movement. DD came in & put her head on my tummy & sang twinkle twinkle & the baby didn't budge! I even managed to convince myself in that short space of time that the big shudder was something bad & the baby had stopped moving. As soon as dd went to bed baby started dancing again. It must have just been lying still wondering what the very off key singing was
Sorry you've had potential bad news Moon. I know I've bored many with my story but just to let you know dd was 1:2 for down's. We were put in a room with a box of tissues & told to think about termination. I had cvs & it was fine. They decided it was a heart problem & she'd need surgery. There has never been anything wrong with her. The nuchal fold was ok but my blood came back high risk & they said she had no nasal bone which is a sign of down's.
Bizarrely but I assume coincidently, I did then have a down's baby. Nuchal fold was 8.7! Had cvs again but it was obvious that time.
Is yours 1.8? That's very positive. It might just be something weird in your blood!
I was given a 1:25 risk this time round. I'm lucky because they offer the DNA test at my hospital (in London) which is the same as the harmony I think. Risk was negative but only just (1:103) so they still recommended the amnio but given my history I was pleased with that result.
Good for you Eagle, sounds like a perfect day.
I have just finished work for 2 weeks & off to Spain tomorrow. Booked it way back as a 'I'm not going to have another baby so let's have some nice holidays' type treat. Now I get the nice holiday & I'm having a baby!

grizzer thank you - its really useful to hear this kind of thing. It stops me going into too much of a negative spin. I mean I am being realistic - there is still a 1 in 4 chance given the info I have right now. But - its not helpful to think doom and gloom based on a risk, and not a definite. So I am enjoying my weekend away, knowing I am back into the fray on Monday!

I hope the results don't come back before Friday (I know its doubtful) because I am also in Spain on Saturday, just for 4 days. Just me and my son going as a bonding/birthday thing. And if it's bad news, I don't want to be thinking about that.

Eagle I will check out the antenatal tests board, thank you! And thanks for your support too.

Everyone thanks - Brooke is right, is just so helpful and amazing to be able to share worries here, and being able to help others too, if I can.

I hope you are still feeling ok brooke good luck for Tues, I'm sure it'll be ok :)

X

..

How's everyone doing? I've got my scan tomorrow morning at 15 + 4. Excited but also scared. Someone coined the phrase 'scanxiety' which just about sums it up! Hopefully all will be okay, otherwise, euch, I just don't want to think about it.

Let me know how everyone is doing

Brooke I've got another scan tomorrow too! (Harmony #2). Glad you've only got another day after your anxiety

Mooncalf good luck for your harmony test today

Good luck for your scans tomorrow, brooke and eagle! Hope the scanxiety stays manageable. I still get it, although nowhere nearly as bad as it used to be.
I'm having my whooping cough jab tomorrow, really hoping that it won't knock me out, as we are going down to Somerset on Thursday.

Half term, and both DH and I have the week off, bliss! Just not having to rush out the house in the mornings is such a relief! Makes me look even more forward to going on mat leave. But on the other hand, I'm seriously thinking of pushing back the start for another week... Just to claw back as much leave as possible - DH and I will be doing the Shared Parental Leave that has now been introduced, as this will save us a fortune in childcare for DC2, so every week counts!

brooke and eagle! Good luck for your scans tomorrow!
Mooncalf, hope today has gone ok, been thinking of you.
cloudjumper, I was looking into the potential side effects of that vaccine recently, just out of interest. I was reading 'mild headache, minor swelling, irritability' and thinking 'oh, so just like pregnancy symptoms then!' Hope it goes well.

I had my sister's hen weekend at the weekend I'm KNACKERED now, and I have such a busy week ahead of me, I don't know how I'm going to do it. speaking at a conference tomorrow and I haven't even sat down to pull together my slides and talk yet. I feel like I'm lacking my usual mojo for being on my feet, and the cut and thrust of it all. I also feel nervous rather than the usual adrenaline high before doing it. ARGH. Also, after sex this morning I had a fair bit of brown spotting. I know it will just be an ancient cervical erosion coming back into play now that I'm pregnant, and it seems to have cleared up now. But I'm not sure I can deal with 6 months of having to worry/ scold myself for worrying over 'nothing'. I'll speak to my midwife and see what she thinks.

Got my 12 week scan on Wednesday (when I think I am 12+5!) I'll start getting excited once I've come up with my excuse for getting away from work. I'm finding the last few weeks so hard, keeping it a secret in work (my head of dept knows, and my PA, but nobody else.)!

Good luck at the conference tomorrow citymole and for Wednesday's scan - so exciting!

Hi all... Well the harmony test seemed to go ok, as far as I can tell - I mean its a waiting game isn't it? 10-14 days...

The consultant was really nice, he said the scan was all normal, nothing unusual to be seen, nt was fine etc. It was the papp-a that was the unusual blood result. The beta hcg was slightly high, but not unusually so. I did ask if anything else can give a low papp-a, and he said it can be the placenta is low functioning. He was surprised I wasn't on low dose aspirin, which can help with blood flow etc, and advised that I should take that in the meantime.

Good luck for tomorrow brooke and eagle - hoping all goes well for you :)

city good luck for your conference tomorrow (could not do that!!) and for Wednesday.

cloud have a fab half term off - what bliss!

Good luck tomorrow Brooke & Eagle.
This consultant sounds much more positive Moon. Hope it has helped you a little & the next 2 weeks fly by.
Not rushing about in the morning is the biggest thing I'm looking forward to with maternity leave Cloud. Poor DD has to be dropped off at breakfast club at 7.30 every day. She loves it though so that makes life easier. I am taking her out of it from January to September so I can be a school gate mum. Bliss.
I'm flying back from Spain Saturday morning & have to be at a hen do from 2.30 that day. I'm hoping I survive until the karaoke! It's on Halloween so a face painter has been hired to make us all into zombies! I can't wait to get the last tube home - 43, 30 weeks pregnant & made up as a zombie!! Hope no one from social services is on the train
Good luck with the conference & scan City.
So, we haven't had a baby for a while. Are you next in line Cloud? Is Christmas our next due date?

Good luck for tomorrow, Eagle & Brooke and it was lovely to read your Harmony scan update, moon.

Grizzer, I'll bet you're going to look Hallowe'entastic!

I'm in lots of pain now and can barely walk some days. More physio tomorrow but I no longer hold out much hope of pain relief (where is that damned vulval strap from t'internet!) I still consider pregnancy to be the most magical and privileged time but living with this level of pain (buttocks and coccyx) is soul-destroying.

Anyway....this is my bump at 26+5. I love it. Remind me though: how much bigger do we get in the final trimester?

That's a lovely bump blooming!

All good at the scan this morning!! I burst out crying - I had now idea how worried I was. Little arms and legs waving, little heart going like the clappers - just amazing. Feeling so lucky. Due date 15 April!

Can I just confirm to all that boob tenderness and even size does vary. Mine feel fairly normal right now, having felt huge.

Thank you again for all your reassurance, what a difference it makes.

Hope everyone is doing okay.

Hurrah Brooke!! It's that bloody scanner that always sets me off - confronting the truth machine, it feels like.

I've got my scan later this eve - will also feed back to them about their poor phone manner re test results

Blooming you are looking fab - wish I looked half as good as you