Pregnancy glamour overload...

[Baguettes]

I have just picked a fight with DH regarding his bloody stinky feet. We are not talking. I am now lying stretched out on the sofa like a blimp, farting and burping. I am wearing leggings with a hole in the knee and another one developing in the crotch area. No bra. I need a bath. Considering a bowl of Rice Krispies for dinner.

Would anyone like to stake a claim to being more glamorous / sexy than me this evening?

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

I farted in Pilates this morning.

[Baguettes]

Unfortunately the closest I get to yoga is sitting with my legs apart on the train to allow air circulation.

[Hippymama1]

If you happen to trump in class, just tut and start looking around at other people - deflects blame.

I really want to go swimming and would do, even though the Sea Shepherds would probably need to be summoned to scare away the whaling vessels which would surely assemble outside my local leisure centre upon sight of me in my bathers.

Unfortunately, DH has given me the fear about my waters breaking in the pool and me not realising so I daren't go. Shame really as it would be totally lush and farting in the pool is totally silent.

[CoffeeAndOranges]

This thread is awesome! I am not quite 20weeks so much of this is still to come. Hoping it will have cooled down by the time I get really big. Can't really blame my excessive trumping on being pg tho, as I have always been a trumper. Dh just looks at me with pity now.

Did have a moment earlier when I was on my way out of work and felt a trickle down my leg. I immediately thought oh god it's happening already I'm weeing myself at work!!!! But thankfully my brain caught up with me a few seconds later and realised it was cold water down the outside of my leg and was, in fact, my water bottle leaking as I hadn't closed it properly

And someone earlier mentioned tescos own brand mini magnums - I got some of those - they are so tiny they make your hand look massive! You need at least 3 to know you've had one! On the other hand, R Whites lemonade lollies are the business when arriving home hot, wheezing & sweaty.

[NickyEds]

I've eaten 5 mini milks today. they were meant to be for ds but what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Dp just asked if I realised how expensive it was having two fans on all day and all night. Just the look on my face shut him up!!

[Purpleball]

I've got comfort shorts on under a maxi dress- they look awful but are the best thing ever. No sweaty fanjo or chafing and they pull up over my bump

I'm going to mummy natal next week and scared of farting during it. I did a lazy Daisy trial and got really uncomfortable trying to hold farts in

[CoffeeAndOranges]

Ooh purple I need some of those shorts, where did you get them? Really want a maxi dress but not the sweaty gusset thigh-clapping that goes along with it!! Oh the glamour...

[Baguettes]

Yes, purple - where does one purchase these magic shorts??

[Blackandwhitecat3]

This thread is amazing, it's exactly what I needed to read to lift me out of self pity exhausted fatigue.

I've got the stomach bug which is going round, so after two days constipation (that doesn't sound much by this thread's standards) and bloating I woke up this morning to diarrhoea and more bloating. Good job DH is away because the bathroom is a war zone. I did make it into work, but without my shower, I decided that not brushing my hair would prevent it looking greasy. Now lying on the bed in underwear only, sweating and trying my hardest to fart out trapped wind.

He doesn't know what he's missing.

[Baguettes]

Wishing you many farts, blackandwhite.

I have just shaved my legs. Very liberating.

[geekymommy]

I found that keeping a big empty cup, the kind you might get soda in at a fast food restaurant, in the cup holder in my car was really helpful. That way, if I vomited in the car, I had something to catch the vomit. If you use a disposable cup, you can throw out the cup with the vomit, so there's no washing up.

[Blackandwhitecat3]

Great tip, Geeky, I'll remember to pick one up!

[Blackandwhitecat3]

Just noticed a crinkly cotton thread hanging off my knickers in just the right place. Looks like an orange pube!

[geekymommy]

I went to a restaurant supply store and got a lot of those cups cheap. A party supply store might have them, too, if you don't have a restaurant supply store near you that is open to the public.

[TheTravellingLemon]

geekymommy good tip. I wish I didn't need it, but good tip anyway

[sarkymare]

Before 6:00am today alone I have vomited so forcefully that I did a massive wee on the bathroom floor. It wasn't just a dribble either, I was literally standing in a puddle of my own piss with vomit flying out of my mouth and nose at 100mph. Nice.

[Baguettes]

Wow sarky. Impressive. How did you have anything I your stomach to vomit at 6am?! I did some nice dry heaving whilst brushing my teeth

[rebbles]

Haha I love this thread.
Last night I was sat in some primark pjs shorts that I had to cut to make fit me then they kept falling down to give me a builder's bum! No bra obvs. Ended up taking them off so was just walking around the house with a gremlins vest on with nothing else as I was so hot . Whilst holding ice cubes wrapped in kitchen roll to try to cool myself down. So glam.

[Hippymama1]

I'm really fed up today. I am 39 + 6 and this baby needs to start making an exit plan - there is just no more room. Either I am going to explode or he needs to be born. I can't see this going on much longer.

I am so fed up that I am not even making an attempt to hide my sweaty night of non-sleep 'aroma' from DH. He's still hugging and kissing me though. He's a good egg. Or has something wrong with his nose. And eyes.

In return for his good humour and general fabulousness he has to put up with me being a humourless, spherical, lunatic woman with mood swings so fast they give him whiplash and who smells of various other body odours / emissions and has at least 5 chins.

He should get some kind of blessing from the Dalai Lama - the darling soul even gave my smelly, sweaty and swollen man feet a rub this morning to try to take the edge off of my grump.

I still haven't had the heart to bring myself to discuss the lady garden issue with him - I may just have to give birth 70s style and be done with it.

[RockerMummy184]

I went for my hair done last night, had it cut and coloured, and also painted my nails. Today I got up early to do my hair properly, and apply make-up to a half decent standard. I also ironed my clothes.
I arrived at work after a very warm car journey, and had to walk up a WHOLE FLIGHT of stairs, resulting in the hair now been plastered to my head with sweat, and the make up sliding off my face and leaving a funny brown tidemark around my neck.
The old women I work with who can't regulate their own body temperature and keep complaining that it's cold in the office can fuck off...the air con is staying on!!

[Hippymama1]

Fuck those women Rocker - they can bring a cardi in with them or a pashmina or something. Fight for your right to Air-Con!

[Baguettes]

hippy Book a wax QUICK - while there is still time

rocker I complained to facilities about the air con on our floor and now the whole office is freezing...I'm in heaven.