Pregnancy glamour overload...

[Baguettes]

I have just picked a fight with DH regarding his bloody stinky feet. We are not talking. I am now lying stretched out on the sofa like a blimp, farting and burping. I am wearing leggings with a hole in the knee and another one developing in the crotch area. No bra. I need a bath. Considering a bowl of Rice Krispies for dinner.

Would anyone like to stake a claim to being more glamorous / sexy than me this evening?

[scarednoob]

Tesco also do nice own-brand versions of magnums but in a smaller size. now before you go mad about wanting a smaller size, let me point out that this means you can eat two. therefore less ice cream and more chocolate. why is chocolate so nice when it's frozen and nibbled off an ice cream?

I have the mint ones and the caramel ones in my freezer. maybe i'll sack the healthy fish dinner and just see how many I can cram in my gaping gob.

I will be arriving home shortly in a presentable black skirt and brown/cream top. within 5 seconds I will be slobbing around in a horrific old nightie that the budgies have pecked holes in and the OH will be wondering aloud why my legs are smooth below the knee and hairy above (because maternity skirts are all mid-calf, dear).

[Baguettes]

Ermmmm noarmani I'm only 9 weeks

[RockerMummy184]

Managed to wear a bikini for most of the afternoon as it was so warm and DS was playing in the paddling pool in the garden. However my boobs have gone from a 34B to a 36DD so when I say wearing I mean that in the loosest sense possible. I'd say it just about covered nipples, but they've got so big I'd be lying about that. I also haven't been able to see to shave properly for several weeks so there was a large amount of foliage trying to escape too.
I've fucked the bikini off now and climbed into a cool bath so it's acceptable to be naked.
DS seems to have gone straight to sleep tonight so I think I'll aim for that wash I didn't have yesterday. obvs after the customary MN browse

[gaggiagirl]

noarmani only 14 weeks! Eeeee I remember your 'is this a line thread' you've been pg for ages!
I'm 26 weeks. I have been pg since the dawn of time.
Today I spat on the midwife thanks to the excessive drooling.
I had a really sore itchy rib and upon further investigation it was a chunk of cinder toffee that had found its way under my boob and sat there all day.
I hid a cheese sandwich in my handbag from a beautiful muscular builder man who came to point my exterior wall because I didn't want to seem.like a fat cheese eating preggo woman!

[geekymommy]

If you've been pregnant since the dawn of time and you're 26 weeks, what does that mean for me- I'm 36+5?

I'm having to sit down and rest after the strenuous endeavour of bagging up some of the recycling (and almost tipping over twice). I feel bad about making DH do so much of it, but I don't really have much choice. He'd need a crane to get me upright if I did tip over.

[geekymommy]

Oh, and somebody has switched the thermostat from Fahrenheit to Centigrade (we're American, it's supposed to be Fahrenheit). It says 76, but no way that's Fahrenheit, from the way I'm sweating.

[geekymommy]

I'm living in a world where inanimate objects come to life and move around when I'm not looking, too. Now I'm looking for the packet of soba noodles I took out to cook dinner. I hope I didn't put them in the oven or the microwave, they're wrapped in plastic.

[KnitFastDieWarm]

20 weeks here. So far in the last 2 weeks I have:
A) vomited hard enough to have given myself a nosebleed
B) vomited hard enough to have given myself a black eye from all the burst blood vessels

I have also tried and failed to shave the fanjo region but gave up after the required contortions started to make me feel dizzy.

I also make a fetching 'uuughhh' noise when I get up out of a chair, like an elderly colonel

I wee a bit when i sneeze, which thanks to the joys of unmedicated hayfever is all the bloody time

Being pregnant is just like a preview of being geriatric really isn't it? What with weeing yourself, getting stuck in chairs and feeling like you've run a marathon after climbing one flight of stairs

[gaggiagirl]

geeky you have had an eternal pregnancy!
knit I'm so impressed you haven't wet yourself while vomiting, that's impressive.

[Hippymama1]

Good morning ladies!

Hope we are all looking forward to another glamorous day!

I was so hot overnight that I slept sprawled out in just my pants curled around my v pillow like it was some kind of pole dancing pole.

How DH managed to resist me is not clear but I suspect it might have something to do with the wind levels being emitted after my supposed labour inducing curry. Between me and the fan the bedroom was like some kind of muggy, whiffy tornado. Even the cat slept downstairs. I suspect DH contemplated joining him there.

[NickyEds]

Yep, uncomfortable hot night here too. Had a fan and the window open. Window being open meant that all of Gods great fucking creatures woke me up at 5am. I hate birds aswell now. Resumed my position on the couch with fan pointed at me! Poor ds is going to go stir crazy today. i can manage the garden but not really any further. If one more bright spark suggests i take him to soft play I'll scream in their face! Those places are the seventh circle of hell at the best of times in 30 degree heat at 38 weeks pregnant with an 18 month old I shudder to think.... AArrghh.

Feeling for those of you working.

[KnitFastDieWarm]

knit I'm so impressed you haven't wet yourself while vomiting, that's impressive.

There's still time...I am seriously considering a tena lady purchase

Have just returned to my desk (surrounded by every fan in the office) from my regular 10am puking session. It was green! At first I thought I had some kind of organ failure but then I remembered the green smoothie I'd unwisely tried to drink earlier...

DH is highly amused by this thread and has asked me to add that I also now sit like Rab C Nesbitt with my legs akimbo and my belly hanging out...it's amazing any of us ever got knocked up at all really judging by this thread!

[Hippymama1]

Sitting like Rab C Nesbitt is obligatory from 20 weeks of pregnancy and should be written into the NHS pregnancy guidelines.

I am contemplating a shower / air dry session this morning and it has also occurred to me that I really need to do something about my lady area ready for when I go into labour...

Currently it looks like I have Bob Marley in some king of thigh-headlock-wrestling move and although I have been reassured that the MWs have seen all sorts, I would prefer them not to have to give me an emergency wax just so they can see what is where. I am currently channeling the 70s.

Back to my complex set of mirrors set up... Or I may call upon the assistance of poor DH although I think this might be a request too far.

[RockerMummy184]

I've just spent 20 minutes in the loo. The combination of pregnancy, iron tablets, coedine and dehydration is not good on the bowels. My boss asked me where I'd been. I passed it off as a bout of sickness so I didn't have to explain that I was red in the face and sweating from the force of trying to shit...I think he believed me.

[geekymommy]

I'm blaming dribbling on pregnancy, why shouldn't anybody else? Normally, I've got one ledge to worry about dribbling stuff onto. Now there are two. And I can't use my normal anti-dribble strategies of sitting close in to the table or tucking a napkin into my collar. IKEA makes full-coverage bibs, with sleeves, for babies. I wish they made them in adult and maternity sizes, too.

[PooSweats84]

Ah girls, you've made me laugh so hard that the dreaded wind stood no chance of not escaping me, and with a fan on full blast pointed right at me, I smelt the full effects of it!

[Hippymama1]

Awww Rockermummy the dreaded constipation...

If you haven't tried this already, it is worth getting some Lactulose purely for the amazing quantity and volume of farts you will be able to produce for a couple of hours after taking it.

The effects on your constipation are unfortunately less spectacular if my experience is anything to go by, although passing some of the results did lessen my fear of childbirth a bit.

Any dribbling or hand to mouth co-ordination failures on my part are being blamed on my late pregnancy carpal tunnel. I have fingers like sausages and can't make a fist or hold on to anything heavy. Also means I throw food all over myself regularly too. I need a pelican bib like a toddler.

[Baguettes]

I'm sitting on a train which is approximately 476 degrees at the moment. No air con. Tiny windows.

I think I have sweat patches forming on my tits.

[TheTravellingLemon]

I vomited into my mouth in the car this morning and was left with the delightful choice of spitting it all over myself and dropping off DS at school covered in puke or swallow it back down. I was late so I swallowed it back down. It was a low point.

[geekymommy]

Fortunately, the soba noodle packet wasn't in the oven. I realized that, if it had been, I might have had to go to the OB and get checked out, and admit to what happened. That would have been embarrassing.

[Baguettes]

Got to do what you got to do, lemon.

[Baguettes]

I must say I expected a few responses to this; not a 100 message glamour-fest

We are a beautiful bunch.