Pregnancy glamour overload...

[Baguettes]

I have just picked a fight with DH regarding his bloody stinky feet. We are not talking. I am now lying stretched out on the sofa like a blimp, farting and burping. I am wearing leggings with a hole in the knee and another one developing in the crotch area. No bra. I need a bath. Considering a bowl of Rice Krispies for dinner.

Would anyone like to stake a claim to being more glamorous / sexy than me this evening?

I couldn't be doing with a recliner, I'd never get out of it. I'd need a Wallace and Gromit-esque ejector to fling me back into an upright position.

40 weeks today with horrendous spd (crutches since 15 weeks). Lying in bed with my massive tubigrip on and nothing else as it's too hot. Getting all sorts of cramps and tightenings all day. Every time I try and turn over I'm in so much pain I'm like a turtle stuck on it's back trying to kick my legs over. DP us out, so he can't give me the usual push I need to help roll me over

oh you ladies are so funny!! .. ive just been lol.. i don't like clothes very much at the moment so im always spread eagle on the couch with my dressing gown on (but open)..with no knickers on and boobs out if i didn't look so rough right now dp would love it haha.

DH and DD are sitting in the floor doing a puzzle. If I were to sit on the floor, getting me back up would be an engineering project on the scale of building the Great Pyramid. I'm sure alien astronauts would be helpful.

I have a greasy stain on my vest top from spilling so many buttery toast crumbs down my cleavage and them getting trapped at the bump level. I'm now so hungry I'm regretting having scuffled them out of their storage space earlier and not eaten them. Yoghurt also seems to be magnetically attracted to the bump. Bump will be first born so I can't even blame the yoghurt encrusted clothes on an existing child.

Go for it apple!

I'm in my husbands clothes again and think that in the heat today I'll be bringing a very special kind of sexy back by lunchtime... The kind where I am sprawled on the sofa wearing only my pants.

Might try to get DH to bonk me later to see if it will help shift this baby. In my current state of sexiness he will surely be powerless to resist me.

Wish id seen this yesterday evening, when I was sprawled out on bed, in DPs boxers, topless but with a hand towel tucked round my boobs because I was leaking so much milk , and my feet peeling with the effects of last weeks footner, pulling blackheads out my nose with tweezers taking occasional breaks to eat fabs/twisters. I'm amazed DP managed to keep his hands to himself.

Oh and I make a point of burping and farting as much as possible, especially after treating myself to a Rennie deflatine, and sighing "ahh that's better" I'm 28 weeks

I went to the shop this morning half asleep in DHs shorts and vest type top teamed with flipflops, with unbrushed (but tied back) hair and chewing gum as I couldn't be bothered to go back upstairs (equivalent of mountaineering at 39 weeks) and clean my teeth. I received looks of disgust / distain from teenagers standing at the bus stop.

I am unclear as to whether they disapproved of my outfit or were just marvelling at the dimensions of my hugely swollen hobbit ankles and feet but either way, they will remember me in a few years time when they are heavily pregnant and will surely regret their cruel judgement of my spherical self.

I'm 38 weeks and see buying more bloody expensive maternity wear now as admitting defeat so I'm just wearing my normal vest tops. They rest about two inches above my belly button so i'm sporting a massive flabby midrift at the moment. DS just smeared some banana on my skirt. That's not going any where any time soon. Might have a go at it with a wet wipe later if I can find the energy. He hasn't had banana today so god knows how old it is.
Last night I told dp that if this baby isn't making moves by the weekend we're just going to have to shag. He actually went white and said "each other?" Cheeky bastard. and coward. it's too fucking hot to be this pregnant.

Too right Nicky - I feel a "just take your pants off" moment coming on later - chez Hippymama...

I can't really be bothered to do it but I am too pregnant for this weather and quite frankly, getting desperate. No doubt the baby will do his usual passion killing move of wriggling around like a lunatic as soon as we get anywhere close to the action, either that or self and DH will collapse laughing at the fact that he is essentially trying to get it on with the human equivalent of a manatee and we will give the whole thing up as a bad job.

poor OH. he met a chestnut haired siren who lured him in with lots of laughter and lots of sex.

now he has a grey haired wild mood swinging beast who is either crying over its enormous gunt, unwanted extra hairs that it can't reach to shave, or snapping at him because its back aches. OH has a real hatred of farts. unlucky for him, since the beast blares out a noisy bum trumpet solo approximately every half an hour. it has also started snoring like a hog, but wakes him up if he dares to heavy breathe for more than a minute. it can't turn over in bed without much fuss and complaining that it is squashing the baby with its belly fat, and it goes to the toilet during the night every hour on the dot.

it is safe to say that OH is adamant this will be an only child.

as for sex, nope, been pretty much off the menu since the BFP. OH has been heard to remark bitterly that the only reason everyone thinks mary was a virgin was "because it had been such a long time that poor joseph had just forgotten about it."

My toddler walked in on me weeing in a pot on my hand for my first and only so far MW appointment (which it turned out I didn't need to bother with - grr!) and looked alarmed and asked "what are you DOING mummy?" in a very loud voice. Glad I did it at home and not the loo at the surgery.

Oh those wee pot things. FFS. Ridiculous. I usually cover most of my arm and the bathroom in piss.

I've got to the point of giving up aiming for the pot, now I use the gravy jug and just pour it in the pot when I'm done!

Lol scarednoob

And the drool - THE DROOL!

DH dribbles like a St Bernard in his sleep and I have always claimed the high ground with the sheet changing / washing for precisely that reason but now I have been betrayed by my own body...

I am drooling like a bull mastiff and practically foaming at the mouth in my sleep. I am roaring rather than snoring too... Poor DH - where has the woman he married gone?!!

I feel a bit guilty reading this thread as in my borough we get a funnel for the wee tests - a massive improvement on when pregnant with DD when I weed on my hand/down my arm/somehow on my socks sometimes. There should be a campaign for funnels for everyone.

I'm only 12 weeks and it's trump central. I am secretly pleased to be getting my own back on DH... He he he.

I am a sweaty mess too. To add to flabby midrift I've also now tucked the bottom of my skirt up into my knickers because it was pissing me off wafting about. Ds has decided that just a nappy is very much the way to go today and stripped off. I'm tempted to spend the rest of the day on the sofa with a fan pointed at me but my friend is coming round so might have to make myself some what presentable.