PG after MC? Posifrickitivity and handholding aplenty

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Hello again - another shiny new thread for the batsh*t crazy women going through the stress and emotional rollercoaster that is being pregnant after a miscarriage.

Fingers crossed for lots of happy scans and boring pregnancies.

Pink I'm totally with you on the sad panda news, I welled up reading it too :( and then the wee tiger cub drowning :(

Hi everyone - been keeping away from the ol' internet for the past few days because I absolutely promised DH I would remain excited and positive after 12wk scan and not go hunting around for any obscure things that might now be wrong with the baby :) Although it has been quite easy to be excited - everyone has been thrilled about the news and we have two grannies-to-be who are literally beside themselves. MiL has already started knitting and shopping for nursery stuff. I expect I'll be inundated with suggestions over the next few months.

Work has also been great - I was a bit nervous about telling them so did it on a work night out (where it was obvious I wasn't drinking). The overriding reaction seemed to be one of utter shock - which I thought was hilarious - but then everyone was really pleased which was awesome.

Fod was sorry to read about your work trials and tribulations, it all sounds outrageous! Seems you have some good advice on here though (I haven't read through all the thread) but hoping you are ok...

Welcome all newbies! Today you are pregnant :)

Hello all. I posted many weeks ago but found i coped better ignoring my worries and getting on with things. I do keep an eye on the thread to see how everyone is doing. I recall a lot of Oct/Nov baby action due. Exciting!

I've really started to enjoy this pregnancy but realised today just how much miscarriage still affects me. A midwife looked at my list of pregnancies (1 DS, then 2MCs) and said "so this is baby number 2?" - which of course it will be and she was quite right, but despite not having consciously thought about it before today I realised that this is baby number 4 to me. Just writing this makes me cry. I wonder Cbeebies if there is something to say about MC not being a life event you "get over" but something that becomes part of who you are.

On a positive note I'm 16+5 and i listened to baby's heartbeat which was lovely.

3 yo DS was devastated when we told him about new brother or sister! But is getting used to the idea. Did anyone find it helpful to take DC to midwife appts? I'm considering it for next time.

Congrats to all the recent BFPs. I hope you find a way to cope with the tough first trimester and wish you well.

kjh I'm so glad that your place of work are being supportive and that you've remained positive... I know it's tricky

Thanks for your kind words

Hi all. Welcome newbies. Yes the October / November thread boom is about to happen. Very exciting.

Rainbow- I really like what you said above about miscarriage not being a "life event" that we "get over" but something that becomes part of who we are. I also found it good to talk about it and for the losses to be recognised. My work didn't send me a card even though they send cards for literally everything. They said they didn't want to make things worse but I just felt like my losses didn't matter at the time.

Thank you all for your suggestions, I'll unsigned what I was writing later and pretty much all of what you said I was thinking anyway

I met my midwife today, she is a complete bitch she questioned everything including why I couldn't recall each and every one of miscarriage dates and gestations, why I see a private phycotherapist (ie you weren't referred by gp therefore don't need it ) and why I'm speaking to a senior midwife next week to go over my previous labour and pregnancy notes (very traumatic) she was really horrible. Suggested after this birth I need to get contraception sorted and told me I was putting baby at risk by having a panic attack when she came at me with a needle to take blood I'm so completely drained. The dc and I went straight to McDonald and now I feel sick (struggling to keep carbs down anyway)

Sorry little bit of a rant there.

((()))) hug cbeebies :( I would wait until you are calmer maybe tomorrow and report her the the SOM (think that's who you speak to). My midwives have all been terrible too! I've seen 3 I think all of whom have been disinterested to the point of be even thinking what's the point of these appointments. I'm seeing my gp on Friday because at least she offers support and reassurance!

Omg cbeebies - that sounds horrific! You poor thing!
Will you get a different midwife next time? If not I would request to change. I have had a whole mix of midwives so far- (4 different ones) some of whom are lovely, some are not. Unfortunately I feel completely disregarded by them most of the time - but it doesn't even come close to what you have just described.
Get a good pile of chocolate on the go too....

Cross post with lucky - but isn't it weird how we are all saying the same things?! I think the problem in my area is more due to time constraints rather than particularly nasty people - but still makes me very uneasy about the level of 'care'
I have my next appointment next week - which is my last chance to beg for a scan to check on the progress of the baby hippo I am growing. I am already having sleepless nights over it, surely that isn't good for me or baby?!

And Janie - don't even get me started on the horrificness of the tiger cub!

Hi everyone, very relieved here as everything looked good at the scan! Sonographer was so lovely, she remembered me from the 7 week scan and was so reassuring and lovely.

Felt so strange seeing a properly formed baby in there, made me realise how detached I've been about believing this PG is real. Perhaps I can relax and get a bit more excited now... I hope so. We've kept the flavour a surprise...

Thanks for all the support on here, it has been amazing.

Sorry you had such an awful appoint cbeedies sounds horrendous! Can you see a different midwife next time?

((((cbeebies))))) what a total and utter failure at her job! I watch 'Midwives' and they all seem so committed, and then I meet the widely ranging variety of abilities in my own midwives, and feel really rather cheated!! I want the lady who speaks with an Eastern European accent (Bulgarian? Russian?) on Midwives for my own, she seems so calming, and I loved the way she tells women how much their body is going to do this for them - I think I love her!

kjh I forgot to ask after your 12 week scan, are we still next door neighbours for dates? I know mine got moved a bit, so I'm now due 18th April. You?

saggy Love you guys too. Most genuinely couldn't have been only this much batso without you all. Would have been much more batso.

Feeling very worried, i am 29 and finally had my downsyndrome bloods back at 28 weeks although i had them done at 13 weeks along with nuchal which was within normal range. She said my results are One in 155! What does this mean? Could it be because i have bmi of 38 or are my chances just higher than normal. She never explained

tea, thats funny because I cant stand her! I think it just goes to show how different people need different things!

Her phone also went off twice and she answered it, it wouldnt bother me so much but it didnt sound like she was dealing with pregnant woman in distress, it sounded like colleagues and just having a chat, what are you doning tonight type stuff.

I dont think there is another midwife in the area, at least not in my drs surgery. I wouldnt even know where to begin directing a complaint

Tea I've also noticed that community midwives seem to care a lot less than hospital and mlu ones do, I'm not sure why that is,

pumpkin I would ask for a GP appointment to discuss that. The delay in reporting is unacceptable, you are supposed to be told within a couple of weeks. Also unacceptable to give you a risk factor much higher than your age related 1 in 1000 and not discuss it.
It's still 154 chances in 155 that all is ok and if you had a good NT scan and a good 20 week scan I'm sure it is all fine, but obviously you are going to worry now and you deserve to be reassured.

Thankyou bakingtins, i'm absolutley fucked of as the date on the letter says july, they have been holding on to it even before the summer holidays. I don't think i would have gone for extra testing but the point in the matter is that choice has now been taken from me
Looked again and i read wrong, its actually 1 in 163 which is still high for my age, it says no further testing as their cut off in this area is 1 in 150!
But i should have been told and now u will worry all the way through my pregnancy.

Now wish i hadn't bothered having nt at all tbh.

There is always a chance i know that but with 4 dc, one with sn already i am now really worried at the prospect of having a ds baby. I wouldn't ever consider abortion unless life limiting disease etc but i feel as though they have kept vital information from me.

• i

Hi ladies thankyou for the welcome, I'm struggling to keep up with all of your chatter so forgive me if I don't name check everyone!

I too think mc's are a life changing event and am very open about it with people - if they think its ok to say 'why don't you have children' I think its ok to be honest, up to them if they find it uncomfy or not. Although I do draw a line to some good friends who bought me a necklace after my 1st mc, a big chunky affair that you wear when you're feeling really confident and want to be noticed - neither applied so I present re-cycled.

Cbeebies - definately request a new MW if you can as the ones I've dealt with have all been really nice, or at least mention it to your GP when you next see them.

Great news Guff on your scan today.

Pumpkin I'm so sorry, how can a letter dated July only get to you in mid-October, crazy, like you say the choice has been taken away from you and to add insult to injury you've had no support - definately get in touch with your GP/midwife about it.

Saggy - thinks change very quickly. I was told off my health visitor when she saw me making up DS2 bottles as you're apparently not supposed to make them up in one go and leave them in the fridge. 2 years previously that was the right thing to do. 2 YEARS - how can things change so much? She looked at me as if I were purposefully planning to harm DS2.

Santa - I felt the same last night and asked DH to turn Crimewatch off. DH refused and said we had a duty to watch it. I zoned out and read emails on phone. It's not that I don't want to help in any way I can, it's just that I am highly emotional at the moment and can't really cope with thinking about what might have happened to the poor little mite.

Bumble - good for you. I think we only make it less taboo by talking about it. I am also the go to person to talk to about secondary infertility. I love wanging on about which supplements I took, ovulation tests, mucus, temperatures. You name it, I have tried it! What a bore!

On a separate note, is there anyone who had medical style births before who is hoping to do things different this time? I have had 2 x epidurals and 1 x spinal block. Am thinking of trying a hypno birthing course but worried I will sit there thinking 'this is a load of *&%$%%'! I also want to bf this time despite only lasting 2 weeks with DS1 and 2 days with DS2. Anyone have any tips? I think the issue is I am basically a wuss when it comes to pain, whether it's nipple related or otherwise.

Cbeebies - she sounds a treasure! Definitely report her. I had an incompetent midwife at my first birth (failed homebirth) who told me I had not only stopped dilating but 'gone backwards' and spent most of her time looking highly stressed and asking me if I wanted to transfer. She came to see me in the community afterwards and admitted she's examined me incorrectly and I was actually still at 7cm. I wish so much I had complained about her as some other poor woman might not have had such a negative experience as I did. Definitely do it - for the greater good of other preg women.

Pumpkin - I think an emergency appointment with the Dr is in order. Just completely unacceptable to have a letter be that delayed and not offer support with the information.

kjh - great that it's all out in the open and everyone was nice about it.

Guff - hurrah! Positive scan appointment and lovely that you were remembered.

I'm sorry just a quick reply- yes I too have felt really upset by Madeleine McCann news coverage. Found myself googling the tapas 7 lastnight then checking on my kids and making sure all doors and windows shut in the house just so horrific x

Doors locked I mean, even patio doors we haven't opened in about a month. Made me feel really uneasy

Its not really what I wanted to write, but please feel free to take a look at my blog post (its very short, I was crying too much and just wanted to get it done)
<a class="break-all" href="http://cakeskidsandotherramblings.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/baby-loss-awareness.htmlcakeskidsandotherramblings.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/baby-loss-awareness.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">blog post

guff I'm so pleased for you huni!!
cbeebies that's bloody awful!! It seems as though we are all having a poor experience with MWs ;(
pumpkin my MW informed me that if I was high risk that they contact the midwife first.... If you hadn't heard from her prior to the letter then than may be a good sign, I do agree though it's disgusting that they have waited is long

I just spoke to my mum and she has said I need to change midwifes, even if it means i need to change dr's sugeries.
thank you ladies, I will be speaking to the surgery to see if ther is anyone else.

Pumpkin, thats really not on, you need to speak to your midwife to see what she says

black yes the McCain stuff is so sad, but then I think about if it were my children and what I would want people to be doing to find them and dont begrudge them a second of air time, anything that will help find her either alive or otherwise is worth it imo

guff great scan news - hurray!

Welcome polka and congratulations! Sorry to hear you've had such a tough time but it all sounds very promising now - wishing you a happy, stress-free pregnancy!

bumble I think an early scan helps especially if you're worried about a MMC - I've had 2 and both times I lost a month or so...and for me at least, the more time passed the more hopeful I got. I agree with santa, if you decide to go for it, I would wait till 7/8 weeks if possible to avoid uncertainty

cbeebies what a horrible midwife - I would report and/or try to change... how cool that you keep a blog! Quoting everyone else, I wish miscarriage was something women were more open about. It's unbelievable how many others admitted having one (or more) once I mentioned mine. I agree that it's nothing to be ashamed of, I think people avoid talking about it because it's so painful. But it certainly helps to know you're not the only one...frankly, I know more women who've had them than not (so not sure how accurate this 1 in 4 - or is it 1 in 5? - is)

pumpkin I'm so sorry, this is unacceptable. Indeed the cut-off point for the NHS is 1 in 150 but I believe you should be told immediately when the result is so close. Well, you should be told within 2 weeks no matter what - you should report them

saggy I think you've mentioned your age in the past and if I remember well you're not old at all! You've just had children in your early 20s if I'm not mistaken?

ibip yes two weeks till my due date... I can't believe it! But I may be late and I had a long labour last time so we'll see. I will let you know when everything kicks off - only I don't have a smartphone (yes I know, very unfashionable, I should get one) so won't be able to update regularly. I'm starting to get quite anxious now - eeek!