PG after MC? Posifrickitivity and handholding aplenty

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Hello again - another shiny new thread for the batsh*t crazy women going through the stress and emotional rollercoaster that is being pregnant after a miscarriage.

Fingers crossed for lots of happy scans and boring pregnancies.

anglo I think you are right. Also on preg 7 and have 2 children. It's very hard to accept how limited our control over the outcome is. I am trying hard to be zen, if that is not a contradiction in terms!

Congrats on the scan today pixie! And good luck for tomorrow guff! X

Tea you win post I most agree with today!
Yes to all of those things. We cant change anything and I am just going ro be a normal happy pregnant woman!
And I agree about the Antenatal threads. Mine is rather scary! Not chipper so much as very opinionated!
im much happier here! I love you guys sooo much!

guff all the best for tomorrow! I was really stressed before my 20-week scan (well, all my scans to be honest), it's inevitable I guess

jmf it's good to hear from you, I've been wondering how you were. I'm sorry to hear you're still scared, I suppose we're all worried one way or another - my biggest fear at the moment is whether I will have a healthy baby at the end of this.

anglo you are absolutely right but I think most women tend to wonder if they were to blame when it comes to miscarriage. It's human nature I guess. If you did something to cause it, you can avoid it next time and therefore it will go well - it's irrational of course and the guilt it brings is soul-destroying.

hmmm, yes I had a look at the November antenatal thread - they seemed nice but really chipper so I'm not sure I would fit in...

guff good luck for tomorrow .... Exciting stuff!!!

Anglo and cbeebies my husband didn't for a second mean that my reaction would cause me to miscarry - he was only speaking out of concern for my well being and that of our child - we both have suffered loss and he would never ever say anything so callous. I think that what I have written may have been taken out of context, I researched and questioned and searched high and low for answers post mc, (I'm sure a lot of women have) and because he knows his my mind works he knows that if anything were to happen - my poor treatment at work has left me physically drained and a emotional wreck, he insisted I saw a Dr today as I slept away most of the weekend - that I'd blame recent events for the outcome, I needed someone or something to blame last time and he is simply acting/speaking out of concern for his wife as I'm sure that all of our husbands/partners would.

I'm fully aware that "these things happen etc" but that's not enough for me, I need reasons, science, statistics, probabilities etc.... That's the only way I can deal with things. I'm not saying that my way is right but it works for me

Has anyone read my funny link yet???? I saved it especially for you ladies

Read me!!! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1875847-Do-you-dunk-your-penis

I read some of the penis beaker thread as a friend linked to it on Facebook- hilarious!!

I agree with your husband that the amount of stress you're under is unhealthy for you and baby, fod. I completely understand where he's coming from with the comment and I'm sure everyone else on here does too. A gp told me once that baby is well protected in there from stress etc but I still think you need to look after yourself. He's bound to be worried. (sorry about the waffle but it's early! )

Good luck today guff xxxx. I have a scan in Friday (35wk scan) and I'm even nervous about that one!!

Had our first of 2 antenatal classes last night at the hospital. Was quite funny and dh seems to be more sympathetic to me being knackered and slow since it finally!!! I wonder will he have dinner ready for me tonight or will he still ask 'what's for tea'! I think it was the bit where the midwife said that the minimum weight women put on is about a stone and a half, but must are much more. At my last check I've put on 2 stone (don't want to check anymore!!), that's 14 bags of sugar to carry around all day!!! No wonder we're shattered!

Ooh yes good luck guff!

Janie- my dp called me a whale this morning or something similar (look out for the killer whale... Accompanied by "jaws" theme tune.... ) then thankfully/luckily for him, felt the need to grovel quite a lot!! Child!

Good morning ladies! Have I mentioned that I'm a blogger? I'm trying to write a post for Baby Loss Awaerness day (today) and am just wondering if anyone had any input. what would you like people to know about miscarriage that maybe they dont already? I'm really struggling with this post today. I want to do some good, but not sure how to word it without saying its not fair iykwim

for now I've shared an old post I wrote a few months back, but really wanted something new.

Good luck with scans today. Im off to have a shower and get ready to meet my midwife [nervous]

Hi ladies!

May I creep in and join you??

I've had 5yrs of ttc with unexplained infertility then the last 18months of 1mmc of twins at 12 wks and 2 mc's at 6-7 wks. I am now 10wks1 and have had 3 scans (one at 9wks5) and so far so good with the help of daily heparin jabs thanks to Raj Rai at St Marys finding a clotting issue.

I have scanned through the thread and hope I can lurk here with good company!

Fod I'm so sorry work is being so utterly awful and yes the penis beaker thread will forevermore be a 'go-to' for cheering up!!

Baking - hello!

Janie hope your dh did some serious grovelling!

Good luck today at your scan Guff and Cbeebies for your blog - I'm useless at that kinda stuff so am no help!

Polka, of course you can creep in here. Glad it's all looking good so far for you, wishing you an event free and very very boring pregnancy

Hi polka! Welcome aboard - this must be the only place where we wish people a very boring 9 months! (Less now of course) but I hope you get hideously bored of absolutely no dramas going on.

Cbeebies - for your blog - I'm not sure about most of it, but the one thing that helped me (in a very sad way) is how common miscarriage actually is. You don't realise until you go through it, but it affects so many people. That helped me feel less alone. So now I try and tell people about miscarriages so if it ever happens to them, they don't feel like such a freak - as I did at first. Don't know if that helps?

So, baby has spun round and is head up again! 35.5 weeks - surely she needs to start behaving herself now?!
We must be getting very close to some new thread babies - pentagon - 2 weeks to go? Is that right?
Please remember to come and update when it all kicks off - I do love a real time birth thread!!! :)

I'M with IBIP. People need to yalk about MC more and understand how common it is. So many people came out of the woodwork so to speak when I talked about mine. You just dont realise.

polka so sorry you find yourself here huni, but they are a lovely and supportive group. It's sounds as though your making excellent progress though

Thank you black xxxxxx

Hello everyone.

Thanks for the very
warm welcome last week, I'm not posting much (don't want to jinx etc and it's still extremely early, 5w tomorrow for goodness sake!) but I am reading this thread.
A quick question, did most of you have early scans given your mc history? And at what stage. And what are the pros/cons? I didn't have an early/viability scan with my last pregnancy(mc at 11 weeks) , but not sure what good it would have done me anyway, it wouldn't have changed the outcome. interested to hear people's thoughts.
Welcome polka, you have been through so much, I can't even imagine it, here's wishing you happiness, and you're 25% of the way through already :)
x
PS Meant to say I am 41, so age factors also stacked against me, anyone else in a similar position?

Welcome polka - an old school friend went through hell before discovering the amazing Dr Raj and is just about to produce a drop with her second baby. So fingers crossed for you.

bumble - I think its a really mixed bag for early scans. Some EPUs/GPs will automatically scan (or refer) after 1 or 2 mcs, but some won't till you've had three. I've had early scans privately and on the NHS because of a bleed - but my trust(s) won't scan routinely. All you can do is speak to your mw or EPU and ask. If not, £70 (outside London) seems to be a good price for an early scan if you hunt around, I think really really worth it. The received wisdom on here seems to be hang out till 7/8 weeks if you can bear it, because if you go too early you won't get answers. Heartbeats can be seen at 6+3/4 (I think) but your dates can be out by upto a week (due to length of time between fertilisation and implantation, hence the wait till 7-8 weeks.

bod - I have had the same from my MIL, being really open about wanting a boy. We are on team blue this time (DC1 is a DD) and the collective joy really pissed me off. Still, because I can't be arsed to fall out, I just do the smile and nod whilst inwardly thinking you stupid insenstive cow . I think everyone on here just wants a healthy baby, who cares about colour though I'm a little sad not to be using the really pretty dresses I had for DD

YY to everyone else who said I wish that people were more open about mcs. Its difficult though, because hardly told anyone about MC#2, partly because I hate sympathy but also because it was a weird control thing. The only thing I could control in the whole shit-heap that was last February (EDD and ERPC in the same week, whilst friend giving birth in the same damn hospital LITERALLY as i was finding out about the MC) was the control of information- my sister told someone and I was and still am SOOOO mad at her for it, because that was MY information.

Oops, epic post. sorry!

• produce her second baby OR drop with her second baby. She's not producing a drop....

Fod - I just wanted to say that I totally understand what you're going through. I had very negative experiences at two different companies when preg with DS1 and DS2 and in hindsight wish I'd left/got myself out of the place somehow. I spent too much time being deeply unhappy and crying when really this is a time for happiness, despite all of us having had distressing histories. I hope you find the right solution for you. (I left the last place of work after DS2 and now work freelance and am MUCH happier.)

Bod - This could have been my MIL apart from the obsession with all things pink. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Or ask DH to speak to her. Some people eh?!

Cbeebies - I talk about my mc a lot, to anyone who will listen, I am on a one woman (though sure there are loads more of us out there banging on about it) crusade to normalise mc. I think there's so much secrecy and shame, it's just dreadful. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's no-one's fault, I guess what I mean is that death is part of life and therefore should be a normal thing to discuss. I haven't told my sons yet but I will do when they're old enough to understand properly.

Polka - hello and pleased to see you here. Welcome!

Bumble - I have been having the same issue over whether to have an early scan. I kind of think we should just conserve our £ given this baby will stretch us financially anyway. I also agree that the scan doesn't change the outcome of the pregnancy, but it would make me feel a bit more secure. I have barely any symptoms so am convinced there's no baby in there! I am only 5 weeks though (just) so it's so incredibly early I may not have made enough hormones yet.

Tomorrow DS1 is 5! I feel very emotional at the moment. I went to watch some marathon runners in a race on Sunday and ended up crying as one woman smiled at me. Lordy Lord... what a muppet! She must have thought me very odd.

Crikey! Ive just had a very shocking moment of revelation!
My friend has cot matresses on clearance in her baby shop. Because mine is stashed in my cousins loft, Ive been unsuccessfully searching for the same one on Ebay to get the measurements. I couldnt work out why I couldnt find one until it dawned on me that I bought it EIGHTEEN years ago!

I am seriously old!!!

Hi MeDoingMT

Just want to say "Snap" as I am 5w tomorrow and my dd turns 5 this month.

I also talk about mc to anyone who wants to listen, and I went out on a limb a bit at work to offer to be a mc "mentor" if anyone went through the same thing and wanted to talk.

Is it just me, or is anyone else finding the media coverage of Madeline McCann extraordinarily traumatic? I don't mean to hijack the thread, and really don't want to get into discussing the case, but I keep bursting into tears when I catch clips on the tv. I'm trying really hard to stay away from the coverage but, oh, god, its just too hideously awful for words.

I've heard people say that having children changes you, but I never realised just how profoundly it does.

medoing thank you for your input it's really appreciated, they have made me feel that alienated that although I won't let them see the effects or let them win, I know that things will never be the same again

Oh my goodness - speaking of news articles, I just checked in to bbc news at lunchtime - and saw that the poor panda at Edinburgh zoo had a miscarriage. Queue me having a little sob to myself at my desk. what are these hormones doing to me?