PG after MC? Posifrickitivity and handholding aplenty

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Hello again - another shiny new thread for the batsh*t crazy women going through the stress and emotional rollercoaster that is being pregnant after a miscarriage.

Fingers crossed for lots of happy scans and boring pregnancies.

tea hmmm lots to think about. I was a bit like you and decided not to test with my first one after a lot of pressure from the midwife to do so. There were a few points during my pregnancy were I worried about not having any kind of preparation if anything was wrong. Did you have worry like that with either of your first children?
Since having my DD I have changed my mind about not testing in that I did struggle a lot in the newborn stages (and she didn't sleep through till 13 months!). Also, I don't think I understood before the overwhelming responsibility of having a child and so I decided that I would have the testing this time. As there is now a pretty reliable non invasive test I would probably choose to have that if I found out I was high risk. then I would go from there.
If you are 100% sure that you wouldn't terminate then the only thing you need to consider is what you would do with a high risk result and if not finding out a risk would cause you more worry. I drew a flow chart with my first pg! maybe that could help

omri and leis congrats!!! Fabulous news!!!

tea I think if you don't intend to pursue the testing to the final stage (should the risks be high) then you'll only be putting yourself in a position of more stress and worry. If it was me and I had decided against further testing then i would have to stick with complete ignorance.

It'd be like seeing a fortune teller and being told that that a family member will be incredibly ill in the near future - you don't know it's going to happen - but your going to worry yourself sick about it anyway, despite the fact that it may never even happen! It's too late to stop stressing once the seed has been sewn

Hello everyone! liking the new thread. Janie had a proper giggle at your old-fashioned doc, glad you told him. I have a list a mile long of things to ask my midwife at booking appt tomorrow (oh god it's tomorrow!) I'll probably be there for hours.

Am a tad hyperactive - was so fed up with my sluggish digestive system this morning I decided - after 2.5monthd of no caffeine - to throw my usual pre-pregnancy super strong cup of java down my throat. System ahem duly cleared but I've been a hyperactive maniac all day, just had to take paracetamol for a blinding headache and then had a sob in the loos at work because I'm convinced I've done untold damage to the bean and I'm going to MC before I get to the booking appt tomorrow. So clearly I'm properly batshit insane and therefore still qualified to join new thread!

Tea very tricky question. Have been very interested to read everyone's responses and I like the idea of the flow chart. I guess you need to decide what you'd do if the result was positive and how much anxiety it would cause you either way if you did or didn't know. Funnily enough I haven't been given an option to refuse the test. Bloods already booked in and they'll do the nuchal as standard at the 12wk scan. It never occurred to me to refuse the test and I personally need to know. Hope you don't agonise over it too much!

Kat hope you're feeling better xx

Tea - no advice, but hope you can find a way that works for you and your family.

Omri and Liesl - yay for good scans and lovely news!

Aaaaaand, I had a scan today, 9 weeks-ish (I'm a bit hazy on dates) and was told that everything looks good, heartbeats detected... and there's two of the little buggers in there. Oh blimey!

Tea, don't worry about me, Im fine.
Im kind of undecided on this. I signed up for the bloods because DP was quite keen, never thinking anything would show up!
As it turned out, when the sonographer scanned me and found the abnormal NF measurement and I said that I wished I hadn't consented to testing now, she told me that they measure the neck anyway, and are obliged to tell people of a problem whether they request bloods or not. So if there is an anomaly on the scan you will get the worry anyway. IYSWIM.
I was expecting results for the blood around 1 in 100 or something high but not scary high, and wouldn't have gone for amnio. When the midwife said 1 in 5 and an abnormality became a definite possibility I just needed to know. I can't bear surprises!

Being where I am now, and feeling like I do, I would say that Im grieving for my dream baby, and coming to terms with reality. I hope that doesn't sound horrible.
In a way, although Ive got the next 5 months to go knowing whats ahead before I get my baby, I will hopefully have it well and truly together by then. I imagine that finding out at birth, being exhausted, and hormonal, I would have to go through this process afterwards, on top of recovery, bonding, and getting my head round a new born baby.
And knowing doesn't change anything for me, I was always of the opinion that I would proceed anyway.
The other thing Im glad of is knowing that the problem is just Downs.
A extremely life limiting problem like Edwards Syndrome would be the only situation in which I would consider termination. I can cope with a lot, but having a child and knowing it will die and there is nothing I could do would finish me.
Anyway, Im not sure that this helps you, but its my take on things. x

Snot Eeeeeeee! Green with envy! Two! TWO! Wow!

Thanks for the input all. I've been thinking about it for four weeks now and just get no resolution on this. Didn't worry at all about not testing with others, but risks were 1 in 1200 and then 1 in 900 (being younger). I would like to know, so that I can prepare everyone round us for how to best be supportive, and so we don't have to fanny around with people's reactions at the time, but after the MMC just feel like I've tempted fate enough to just stay pregnant again without adding to the risks. I recognised that MC would be hard (theoretically), but it never once occurred to me that pregnancy after MC would be actually the bigger challenge for me. It's the hope that's a fecking killer (sorry for rudery, all!). I seem to be such a total fanny about all of it this time round.

Snot, wow 2! How exciting!

Wow! Snot! our second set of twins! Congratulations!

Cross posted with saggy. Thanks for that saggy, your opinion actually probably is the one I most wanted, but of course wouldn't be such a total prat as to go soliciting.

The midwife told me that same, that they'll tell me if there is a higher NT than they'd expect even if I don't consent to it, and even if I say that I don't want to know and sign to say that. Apparently 'it's the law' (which is, by the way, total rot, but I didn't like to argue). If I have to know that part, I guess I may as well have the bloods to at least get a fuller picture. Righto, call made. I'll have the bloods and we'll see where we go from there. Thank you everyone.

Saggy, I'm so sorry that you have to go through the grieving. The way you described it all made a lot of sense, and I think that I would rather get the knowing done now, so that I can do the bonding and so on then without having to try to process both parts. Thank you so much for sharing what you did, it was a really generous thing to do, especially when you have bigger fish to fry than whether I'm being a wuss over the idea of amnio. Thank you, from both Rob and I x x x x

snot two!!!!

cbeebies- remind me again how old your DDs are? I'm guessing if cbeebies is your life, they're quite young?! mine are 3 and 2 and cbeebies features heavily in our house!

I have some work to do tonight and less than zero motivation. I'm lucky to have a part time teaching job but at the moment I couldn't care less about any of it! Even the children are getting on my nerves hopefully just hormones speaking!

Ooh twins!!! Congratulations!! Wow are you in shock! Can't imagine!!
Was dp with you at the scan? What was the reaction? Yay! We'll have to let anda know

saggy and tea i'm really shocked they have to tell you if the NT is high - do you think there has been some mass misunderstanding of guidelines of something? Surely its the woman's decision.

snot how fantastic! Did you have any idea? xxx

Checking into the new thread, am struggling to keep up with you all - but just seen snots twin news, WOW that must have been a shocker, how fantastic!

Fabulous news on all the great scans...... And twins!!!! Eek!

Bump - handstands in the pool? Tell me more! Mini pink keeps alternating between transverse and oblique- neither of which is helpful! I am more and more convinced that I will need c section, and have kind of settled into this now- but maybe can change this?

lies vom trap it wasn't me. I don't wear glasses except for driving and I def look bigger than 25 weeks ;-)

Janie love the trumpet. I know a few midwives who miss the trumpet. Apparently it is actually a bit easier to pick up a heartbeat with a trumpet but most have stopper because of pt expectations, wanting to hear aswell and not believing them they could hear!

Hi tea the reason we tell if it is over a certain size (3.5mm) as it can then indicate other abnormalities apart from chromosome abnormalities such as heart problems. It is then classed as an abnormality on its own and we are obliged to tell every pt, so they can get specialist scans at the right time and also because of higher the risk of fetal death before the 20 weeks scan. It is complex and hard for people to understand but when you sign that you don't want screening it is purely regarding downs. You are still have anomalies checked. Does that make sense?

snot fabulous!!! Really really fabulous!!! Overjoyed for you!!!!!!

Oh, and I forgot to add, I'm with you Tea. If one more person tells me to think of what will happen when I am dead or too old to cope, I may well commit murder!
In fact, I seriously considered battering my mother with the iron yesterday!
Id just like to get through next week TBH!

snot two babies!! how flipping exciting! do you have other DC as well?

Ooh snot missed your post. Fab news!! Another set of twins for the thread. How exciting!!!!!!!

Oh, and P.P.S , CONGRATULATIONS Snot! That is awesome!

wow snot that's amazing news!!! i'm sure that was a shock, but a good one :) yay!!

Omg snot!!!! That's awesome. So chuffed for you xx

Snot Congrats! Congrats! One for each heartbeat xx