PG after MC: Posifrickitivity thread for the batsh*t crazy

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Welcome ladies, new and old. May we all have dull and boring pregnancies. Pull up a chair, crack open a bottle of (non-alcoholic) wine and settle in for mutual handholding, fishslapping and neurosis.

Saggy sorry you didn't get the news you were hoping for, as others have said, be sure to take the time to register and come to terms with your news and look after each other. Your special little baby is so lucky to have a strong mummy like you xx

Saggy big hugs to you. As others have said but I'll say it again you are going to be an amazing mum with a gorgeous child. I have 3 friends who each have siblings with downs- they are the happiest people and have brought such joy and laughter to their families and all who meet them.
It still must be such a shock for you. Hope you can take some time out to process it.
Lots of love to you and your dp.

Saggy from now on you'll find a lot of people have an opinion. Some more helpful than others and some which you may find hurtful but wasn't meant to be. People tend to not know what to say where disability is concerned xxx

saggy I'm sorry the news wasn't what you were hoping for. I haven't posted my full history but to keep it short - our daughter had a nuchal fold of 9.1mm. We knew there was something very wrong, and eventually she died of kidney disease at 17 weeks. In the horrible interim period we were counseled about all the genetic/chromosomal conditions she could face. We researched many of them and all I can say is, we prayed that she would have Down Syndrome. I don't want to sound Pollyanna-ish so forgive me, but although there are challenges ahead, your baby could be facing some even "worse" conditions.

I'm sorry if this isn't worded well. You must be incredibly shocked and very sad. I just wanted to send some kind of glimmer of, well, something. Not that I mean it in a "cheer up, it could be worse" way.

Oh Saggy I echo what everyone else has said and send a big hug to you and dp.

Anglo thank you very much for sharing your sad story. It means a lot to me.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I spent the time from my 12 week acan to now googling. Especially the other defects that CVS can hilight. Things really really could be worse.

Hugs saggy. I've worked with a lot of people with downs too and they are awesome. I'm sorry you've had such a shock and haven't had the news you and the rest of us all wanted but you'll be the best support network and loving family for this little one. You've been amazingly strong and positive and you'll be the perfect mum to him or her. I hope you get counselling and I hope your dp comes round and feels better soon. Fingers crossed all goes well at the heart scan. Lots of love

Saggy- hugs my lovely, so sorry it's not the outc

Ps I'm sorry I still haven't read the whole thread but wanted to see how it went for saggy. Welcome to all the new members and I'll try my best to stay in touch better! Thank you again for all the support the other night. I had such a scare it's made me come back down to earth with a bang. Pretty sure baby just flipped and was facing inwards, as it seems (s)he has flipped back now! Thank god for that.

Hugs to all xxx

Garden I know. Opinions are like arseholes... I understand my Mum. She told me last week that she didnt believe in termination. It was just a knee jerk reaction.

CBeebies I hope your cramping has eased. Have you spoken to EPAU? Mine is lovely. I am sure they can reassure you.

Sorry!!
Saggy- so sorry it's not the news you wanted. I hope you get all the support and advice you need to help you all.
I hope all the other scans are ok and your baby is doing ok.

I know it's not the same but my son aged 2 was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. In a little child this is a life threatening and difficult to manage condition. He needs endless checks and injections, and every night we get up every few hours to check he's still alive.
What I'm trying to say is that for any of our children we don't know the path that will face them with their health but we all do our best to make sure we can look after them as best we can. It's not a path I would have ever chosen and it took me several years to come to terms with it but I have a wonderful support network of diabetes families and just spent the weekend away with a group of 15 mums and they all understand my life and looking after a child with a chronic illness. I hope you will build similar networks and support as it's so vital.

Thinking of you xx

Oh saggy I'm so sorry it wasn't the news you were hoping for. It must be such a lot to take in. But as others have said, I think you're amazing, and being so strong, and your baby is very lucky to have you for a mum. for you and your DP, and I hope you've both got lots of real life support too xxx

Saggy if your mum said last week she didn't believe in terminations then she probably only suggested it tonight because she didn't want you to feel she would judge you if you were thinking about it. (Not entirely sure that makes sense but hope so).
Anglo huge hug, that was very brave of you to share. And you jmf xxx

saggy I'm lost for words I really am... I can't pretend to even imagine what your going through all that I can say is that your journey has been long and hard and will help lots of us on here, I have 2 DC and wasnt aware of half the tests etc that you have been through. Both myself and DH are devastated for you both, it's taken so much of your strength to get here and I'm sure that you and DP will get through this. Give yourselves time and communicate... Remember your a team. I've been thinking of you for weeks - at least now your out of limbo and can move forwards xxxxxxxxxx lots of hugs and bags of support xxxxx

Saggy, you may have already seen this. I was told about it from a parent of a downs baby and she said it really struck a cord with her.

“When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland."

I like Holland. Its nice and flat. :-)

((((saggy)))) I'm so sorry it wasn't the news you were hoping for and that you've got a lot more to get to grips with. I can only echo what the others have said, you are a strong lady and sound like an awesome mum, and this little one will be lucky to have you as a mum, your DP as a dad and to have a big brother and sister who I'm sure will absolutely think the world of him or her. As others have said the Downs kids I have known have had such gorgeous happy personalities. A friend of a friend had a completely surprise Downs baby last year. She hadn't had any testing. It was a massive shock to her and her DH. I read her testimonial for World Downs day last year and one line struck such a chord with me. The day after her little boy was born, and she was distraught, a consultant sat down with her and advised her and DH to take plenty of time to grieve, but to make sure they remembered that although their little boy had an extra chromosome, the others had all come from her and DH and that that was what was important to focus on, he was as much their baby as their other DC. I've not worded that very well, and can't find the link to her actual story but I remember at the time being very moved by that, and she said it really helped her to start getting her head around it all, so I hope you don't mind me sharing it.

That's a great story Christine- and I think we can all learn something from that. It actually brought a tear to my eye.

saggy I've just seen your news and echoing everyone else, I just wanted to say I'm sorry it wasn't what you were hoping for but you'll make an amazing mum to this little baby. Similarly to garden, our nephew has Downs - my SIL had the screening tests but her hospital messed things up and even though she was close to borderline she wasn't told, never got a letter etc - she only found out at birth and was totally unprepared/shocked. At least you know and will have plenty of time to prepare for it. The boy is 20 months old now and absolutely lovely - he's doing really well and thankfully doesn't have any health problems. I was going to mention the Holland poem (which makes me cry every time I read it) but Christine beat me to it! Thinking of you and I hope you and your DP have all the support you need

I'm also welling up at that story - I've heard it before. Big hugs to you saggy, I can only imagine what an uphill emotional struggle you've got to go through in the next few weeks as you adjust to the thought of going to Holland.

Again, I have no direct experience with Down's but my DC1 was dx with Down's at 6 weeks by the (as it turned out, crap) doctor and off we got sent for testing. For that four week period while we were in limbo, particularly in the first few days (when I did spend a lot of time in tears), I have never loved her more, if that makes sense. I felt totally mother bear about her, and my sadness was solely around the fact that I was scared about how much harder life could be for her. I don't think I thought for a moment about what DH and I might be missing out on, just that I loved her as much as it was possible to love someone. By the time we actually went for the tests, I was totally "whatever" about it.

Oh Saggy, I'm so sorry it wasn't the news you wanted to hear, but you're going to have an awesome baby and be an awesome mum. I hope the follow up scans are all OK for you.

Big hugs to you saggy, you are going to have one special baby indeed.
Hope your scan goes well, and i hope you get all the support you need.
My cousin is downs, lovely little girl, my aunty didn't even know. She is 13 now and is doing marvellously xx

Loving the holland poem, so beautiful :)