Potty training support for a four-year-old starting school in September

[DearDog96]

Hi all,

DD is 4 and is showing no signs of being ready to train yet which is concerning me as she’s due to be starting school in September. We’ve had a few failed attempts in the past, and she just doesn’t seem to be getting the hang of knowing when she needs to go. The doctors and HV have been supportive and keep giving me all these different tactics to try but to no avail and since I’ve recently had another baby we’ve resorted back to nappies again.

Please don’t come for me, I know she’s late to be trained! Just looking for some support, tips, and to know I’m not the only one still having to change a 4 year old x

Does she have any SEN?

What approach have you tried so far?

Sometimes I think ‘being ready’ is a bit of a con, for some kids anyway. I couldn’t honestly say either of mine were ‘ready’, both were totally happy in nappies, we just went for it because it had to be done. DD1 was 2.5, DD2 was day before her 3rd birthday (as that was the deadline I had set!) because we were a bit lazier with her as life was busy with two.

Some kids take a while of actually being potty trained to know when they need to ‘go’, DD1 was a bit like this, so we just had to make sure she was going very regularly until it clicked as we couldn’t rely on her taking herself. DD2 was the opposite: knew when she needed but could hold like crazy. What worked well with her was upping her fluid intake so she had to go more regularly, otherwise a missed wee and you would be waiting hours for the next one.

I think sometimes you do need to hard commit to it and accept it’ll be a shitty (no pun intended) week or so and no one will have much fun but it’s just one of those life things that needs to be done. First 48 hours will be
miserable but giving up then just means you then have to do them again the next time.

Potty training is not a 1 month activity, it takes 6-12 months to properly settle in for most kids to be reliably dry in the day every day consistently. You need to book a weekend in to get cracking, get rid of the nappies, don't go back and pick a method you want to follow and then stick to it

No she doesn’t

We’ve tried no nappies at all for about a month but she was still having so so many accidents. In the end we went back to nappies as I had baby no. 2. And needed to put my energy elsewhere! She just didn’t seem to be understanding when she needed to go to the toilet/potty

Read "oh crap potty training" I combined this with chocolate buttons 😅

Does she go to nursery or a childcare setting? We found nursery really helpful, we discussed it with them, made a plan, we cracked the first 72 hours at home and then set her in with a suitcase of clothes 😂 They had other children starting at the same time so made “team potty” and all of those children were all taken to the loo at very regular intervals. DD had it cracked within two weeks (daytime) Nighttime took a lot longer!

Well ime she needs the motivation that comes from being The Big Sister now .
What examples of being the oldest is she currently having ?.
Few minutes later to bed?
Longer in the bath ?
Plaits/hair done ?presuming she has more than the baby !
Point of the perks of being big...
Like shopping for Big Girl Pants ..
Ways to help with the baby work too.
When dd can home ds helped at bathtime
took a lot of strengh not to cry when he pulled the plug out on my lounge rug. ...

Chocolate also worked here. My ds was 3. It was a very slow process for him. We always had to preempt and put him on the potty regularly, and promise a chocolate if he went. He's just starting to realise himself when he needs to go, 4 months in. I think I previously judged parents of late potty trainers, but now I realise just how much time and energy it can take, not so much.

Another one who used plain old chocolate bribery

BTW, I read lots of stories of kids that had it down within 2 weeks, but that definitely isn't the case for every child. Start now as it sounds like it will take her longer. And don't go back to nappies at all. We made that mistake for 24 hour while staying with a fussy relative. It set us back about 3 weeks. Good luck!

She doesn’t unfortunately but I can see why that might’ve helped!

Yeah I was the same but not anymore! Glad to hear chocolate worked. I suppose if it can get her out of the nappies then a bit more chocolate for a while isn’t going to matter in the long run!

Thank you that’s good to know. Will definitely not go back this time - need to get it sorted!

Don’t rely on her knowing when to go. To start with, you will need to take her to the toilet regularly - every hour at least. Slowly, the intervals will increase, but you will still need to take her. Eventually, she will begin to take herself. Start now, and then you’ll have it cracked by September.

Have you posted about this before? Why didn’t she go to nursery/pre school?

She is late to be dry but the good news is, you can turn this around super quickly and easily have her out of nappies by the time school starts. You have to be super persistent and keep asking if she needs a wee/poop and at times you’ll have to physically sit her on the potty. It’s also a good idea to put her in pants as having accidents will show her how uncomfortable it can be and encourage her to want to use the toilet. Lots of praise and positive reinforcement when she uses the toilet will also help encourage her. Be super persistent for a week or so and you’ll have her dry in no time.

It may take abit longer to get her fully dry at night but as long as she’s dry in the day at school that’s what’s most important and you can work on it at night.

Readiness is mostly a myth invented by companies that sell pull ups. Just pick a consistent method and stick with it. I’d stick her in knickers, favourite character ones that she won’t want to wet can be a good motivator, push all the liquids and take her to the loo every 30-60 minutes initially where she sits and reads a book or plays with a fidget toy for a couple of minutes, eventually you’ll get something and then give her a smartie. If she has an accident get her involved with clean up as much as possible so she learns the loo is the quickest and easiest option. Don’t worry about nighttime, many kids still are in night nappies at 4. Just get the daytime sorted. You owe it to her so she’s not embarrassed when she starts school.

I have but we’re still in the same situation! And we just never enrolled her as between DH and I there was always someone home to look after her. When the idea was suggested a few months ago it was already too late to give her a big transition only for another one to happen a few months later in starting school

Why didn’t you persevere?

After a month of washing knickers everyday and then having a baby I needed to divert my attention elsewhere!

Have you got rid of dummies and bottles?

Stickers on the side of the chair potty for every use worked a dream for us. Nursery were also a great help.

‘No nappies’ isn’t an approach or a method. What were you actually doing to teach her?

‘Signs of readiness’ is an 99% a myth.

I recommend Oh Crap book, but be warned having waited til 4 the book will make you actually feel like crap too. It’s still a brilliant method though so take it on the chin.