Tree, have posted on your other thread.
APOLOGIES, IGNORE THE REST OF THIS POST - JUST BRAIN DUMPING AS HAVE WOUND MYSELF UP.
Dh has spoken to 'she who must not be named' and apparently she wants to discuss THE GARDEN!
Dh mentioned in a note he put with the last rent cheque that we had acquired a number of slabs and wanted to create a kennel and run area with them so we can keep the dcs and dogs in separate areas of the garden.
Apparently she has now offered to pay for an area to be concreted over instead. We don't want that, because once its done its done, whereas you can always lift and move slabs later on if you want to change the garden. Dh said he is going to try and persuade her to do the re-turfing instead and/or get the front driveway done (was supposed to have been done the year before last, but dead boiler over-ruled that at the time) as frankly it is an embarrassment to the neighbourhood.
She wants to meet him to discuss it. Dh is dreading it - obviously. She has to be the hardest woman to deal with that I have ever met - and I'm not alone in thinking that. She has hardly anyone left in her life, as people tend to end up getting angry or exasperated with her and keeping their distance or cutting her off completely. Dad used to cope by packing his bag and 'doing-one' to Ireland when he couldn't cope anymore - they spent far more time apart than they ever did together.
Its a toughie, because I used to be very fond of her and she did love and look after my Dad really well when he was terminally ill, but I just can't cope with having her in my/our life anymore. Not since the will reading when she verbally attacked myself, my sister and my mother. I totally get that she was grieving, but so were we and we didn't deserve any of the things she said. They were so hurtful that my mother and sister can't forgive her, despite my Mum being very spiritual and having a deep belief in forgiveness.
I can/have forgiven her. It was too damaging for me not to and stopping me from moving on. Plus I still had compassion for her and what she was going through at the time. I still had to stick by my decision not to allow her to be actively involved in our lives though. Dh has had to do all the contact/negotiating with her for the last three years and the trust has another 12 years to run. When she came over to see the garden last year, I had to hide in the bedroom with Ez (who she's never met) and as soon as I heard her voice, I actually started to retch and thought I was going to throw-up. Then she came inside to check a damaged carpet and I had a full-on panic attack. I felt like such an idiot that one person could make me feel like that.
Sorry, have gone off on one again. Its a really complicated, emotive subject for me, as you can probably tell.