May 2009 - we're all here! btw, does anyone know what the Hungry Cry sounds like?

[Momino]

phew! how many threads have we done since last aug?

I did write a post, and was upset at doing so, but i don't think i can share it with you. I might feel able to talk when I meet up with some of you ladies in York next week.

Maybe i just have unreasonable expectations of what it should be like as I know from the posts on here that some of you are having a much rougher time of it.

3ofeach your dh is off with new gf not really what you need with a new lo.

pula we're always here.. and just writing it down is very cathartic (sp?) or is for me i find.

hee hee dh still asleep and snoring with laptop

g doing wriggly snuffles in my lap..

Fi - DS is currently asleep on me in his sling whilst I watch the tennis and have a sandwich. I love the little noises and stretches he makes

Someone was asking about slings... (apologies for not going back to check who). I have the Babasling (and I think Llare does too). It's the only one I've ever used and I find it invaluable as it's the onlt way I can get DS to have a decent 2hr sleep in the day without having to sit on the sofa the whole time holding him. There are lots of different "holds" but I've only used this one so far.

Off to get DS granuloma sorted this afternoon. The best way to describe what it looks like is a blister that keeps popping out of his belly button. This seems to explain it though.

pula sorry to see you are feeling down. Let it out. You may feel better for it. Sounds like you have a good HV. Like you say, may be worth talking it out with her. They are all hot on picking up PND so am sure she wouldn't mind at all if you called asking for some time.

Hope LOs having jabs are all ok, and momino hope your DH is not in too much pain.

Just trying to sort out DS's 4th birthday party on Saturday. Bouncy castle is booked ( we are bravely having it in our back garden) but need to give some thought to party bags and games. Pass the parcel always seems a winner.

Re focusing and smiling. Have def noticed R focusing on things now. He responds to me DH and DS all smiling at him and is currently in his chair looking at his Baby WHoozit. With DS1, if I remember he was a bit later inthe smiles department.

Have a haircut booked at 4.15. Have a fringe that needs attending to rather desperately.

Ok- i will share some of my concerns.

Is it normal to get so annoyed with your baby's crying to put your hand over his mouth momentarily and shout "shut up" . Only happened once and a few days ago now, but still...

And to leave your baby screaming on his mat because you see them as an inconvenience when you are trying to do something which could easily wait (e.g. sort the laundry into darks and lights which is this mornings example).

I do love him and spend time chatting to him when he's receptive but i do worry about my lack of maternal instinct/caring at other times.

Pula, not sure what to say or advise, but thought I'd share...

Back in week 3 or 4 during the night E was crying a lot, I couldn't seem to calm her (she's usually very easy to calm) I was sat on the edge of the bed with her and i was really rough manhandling her. I spent the rest of the night in tears and was inconsolable the next day at how i'd treated her. I couldn t tell DH and still haven t, but blamed my tears on tiredness. We cancelled all plans and visitors and i slept. All I'm trying to say is I think I understand your actions/thoughts/feelings having felt quite similar.

I don't think E remembers and I've forgiven myself (important I think).

Do talk to someone - it'll probably help, and share as much as you want on here.

pula sounds like you're stretched to the limit and need a bit of time to yourself? i have on occasion left g to cry on her mat for a short time as ds needs some help or because I need to load washing machine or she just won't settle on me. nothing would get done otherwise as g know as soon as i start feeding her g can be there for some time. . if you can do talk to your hv i'm sure she'll help.

oh o she's awake and hungry again.

DH is on the sofa resting from Gen An, watching top gear or 5th gear (masculine program ). don't think he's in pain (yet)as they've given him cocodemol (sp). said it wasn't too bad but needs to take rest of week off work. i've also got to do the dog-walking which means doing it at 6am/8pm for the next few days. it's good that i'm being forced to do physical activity in any case .

pula, as gorgeous as my DDs are, i was seriously considering my suitability as a parent - bit too late for that. i could go on about how mean i am or feel, but we'll talk about it next week.

babies are so hard as well. so much crying. a couple of weeks back after I couldn't figure out what she needed, I'd yelled 'shut up' in Harper's face. DH was home so took over. I also let her cry whilst I get a few chores done. I keep thinking just put this laundry out, then i'll pick her up. also, when i'm getting dressed in the morning after feeding, i let her yell for a bit... otherwise i won't be able to get anything done.

it might help to know you're not alone or unusual in actions but you'd feel better talking to your hv as she will know best advice/support.

hope you're ok and please don't be hard on yourself. xx

Oh Pula, you poor thing. I think if you are worried about yourself, it's a sign that all is not as good as it should be & that if you can, try to speak to your HV. Take care of yourself.x

while we're talking about things we've not mentioned to anyone.. i think it's taken me longer to bond in the same way with g than it did with ds. don't really know why as bf this time not FF and both were cs. maybe it's been because i'm so busy juggling the 2of them and the bf and chores?

pula I don't think the feelings you're describing are unusual, but if you are worried then do try to speak to your HV. Having a baby can seem like being a slave sometimes, you're completely at their beck and call and have to relinquish a lot of freedom to do even basic things like wash and eat. I've caught myself ignoring H when he wants attention to to go and do mundane chores (like ironing muslins!) just because I want to be in control over part of my day for once. And you have 3 to look after! It sounds as if you need to get your feelings off your chest to someone who understands, and also to have a break, as the relentlessness is sould destroying too. Can your Mum/DH/a friend stay with you for a day to look after S and give you a rest?

jabs H has had his second lot this afternoon. Last time, apart from the initial upset he seemed fine for a couple of hours, but woke up from a nap screaming and hardly stopped for nearly 6 hours I wanted to give him Calpol but it said not to for 2-3mo if they were pre-term. He is currently napping and I'm mentally preparing myself for a difficult evening, though I will give him some Calpol this time if I think he needs it.

Hi everyone,

Sorry to read that some of you are feeling down being a parent is hard work, but remember we're all here, mums together, to support one another.

Unfortunatley things are bad here too, I've had to go back to the Drs today re my fanjo it seems that things are quite serious down there, I've had several swabs taken and when they checked my urine there was blood in it they don't know why but they sent it all off as an urgent case to the hospital, Im really really scared its something serious, blood in urine is not good is it? The look on the Drs face wasn't very reassuring either oh god I knew having a super fast labour with a big baby would leave me broken wish I'd had the c-section now.

Grumpy thanks for the comments about H, he's certainly growing up and getting to be a right chubbster

Thanks for all the support. I think I feel a bit "stuck" with S, especially when he's grumpy, as DH tends to manage the older 2 when he is here, and I could count on 1 hand the number of times he's held S for more than 5 minutes .

So I think i need a break from S as spangle suggests. I have suggested to DH that since S takes a bottle, then I could go out with the older DCs whilst he watches S and he has agreed that its a good idea, but its not happened yet. Whenever S is particularly grumpy, he always suggests taking the older DCs out to give me a break, when really I think taking S out (or me going out instead) would be a better break. So maybe i do need a heart to heart with DH too. I should really let him know how i'm feeling.

fi- sorry to hear you feel its taking longer to bond with G than it did your DS. It took me a long time to bond with my DD but we got there in the end! I think it wasn't really until she was about 3 or 4 months that i felt i'd really bonded. Maybe the cluster-feeding sessions could be a part in it, as i know when S cluster feeds i just feel like a milking machine and there's no interaction there between us. When i gave S a bottle yesterday, he was really looking at me.

Someone talk me out of googling to find out whats wrong with me, I cant wait to get results, how do they expect me to do anything whilst I've got this hanging over me

bonded for sure this wk.. even with the eve marathon feeds I'm feeling a lot closer to her etc. have always enjoyed cuddling, feeding, bathing and talking to her but g just didn't get the same gush of emotion when she was born as i'd had with ds at first IKWYIM?

Choco [warning, stern post alert] don't you dare start googling... it won't help at all and will just set your mind racing. You have done exactly the right thing in seeking help from the GP. Don't start to try and anticipate things as you don't know what's wrong yet and are meeting the train before it's left the station IYKWIM ! Take care.x

chocolatebunnies i agree with tummum it'll just give you more to think/worry about.. it could be one of a huge array of things.. minor too.

chocbunnies Step away from the computer, do not under any circumstances Google. I will be very cross if I find you've been a-googlin'.

Pula I have had a couple of moments with Sophia. I find it difficult to get dressed, etc on a morning as I am sorting out the kids, feeding Sophia etc. She cries when tea is ready and gets restless and niggly for a bit between 8 & 10pm, when DH is home and I should be chilling. I have shouted at her as well .

I remember thinking about throwing DD1 out of the window when she was a baby. I think that was the worst moment. It's the lack of control that does it - not being able to dictate what you will do and feeling like a milk machine/slave.

xxxxx

Momi Have you offered to press frozen peas on DH's 'ahem'? Just to scare him?

chocbunnies blood in your urine could be something as simple as a UTI

pula I remember doing the and over mouth and shouting with DS when he was a young baby. I cried a lot too and sometimes it just gets too much. I don't think I was depressed though. I haven't done anything like that, but I have done the carrying on a chore while C cries plenty of times. That's because I know she cries because she wants holding and if I did that everytime she wanted, I'd never get anything done. I know I could put her in the sling every time she's in that sort of mood, but the sling only works if it's a walking around chore, i.e. not sorting the laundry . I don't think that the fact that you've done either of those things is all that worrying, especially as they were one offs, but the fact that you're down and worried about having done these things, that's the real problem. Hope talking about it with everyone will make you feel better soon. Definitely have that talk to dh about needing some time away from S.

bonding This time around is the 1st time I had the love at 1st sight feeling . With dc1&2 it was something that had to grown.

C is trying to eat me at the moment. I'm getting baby kisses all over, but she's got to wait as the dcs dinner will be ready in 5 min and I don't really want to start feeding her only to stop 5 min later. So C has to to wait a little. Bet she thinks I'm a cruel mummy.

I managed to do everything I had to today, except for the eBay thing. Foolishly I made a typing mistake in the payment info and so all paypal payments are going to a non-existant address and I can't accept them. I looked up what to do and off course most people are struggling with canceling payments and resending them

belgian at the picture of baby kisses. boo at ebay typo. it was def love at first sight with ds.. don't feel so bad for knowing it doesn't always happen

bonding, I'm so glad to hear about how people have bonded and how long it's taken, and that it's been different with different DCs. I didn t feel a rush of love when E was born, then like others i felt like a milking machine, DH was jealous that i could feed her and 'bond' with her, i was jealous that he couldnt feed her and was developing a different relationship with her! I havent shared this with anyone as i was questionning self if i was normal. At about 5 weeks i realised that i was falling in love more and more each day, and thats still happening now, I think we ve definitely bonded now and at times only have eyes for each other - very special.

Jabs went ok. Edie screamed, i almost cried, but managed to hold it together! havent given her any calpol yet, but am closeely monitoring the siuation!