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December 2008 Coven - white light and basket cases

990 replies

EffiePerine · 14/04/2009 17:38

Seeing as LadyT broke the thread...

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
EffiePerine · 16/04/2009 07:19

Verso: I think I'm a better mum for working, DS1 certainly benefited from being looked after by me, DH and his cm in rotation. The thing I am worrying about is that DH isnt sure he can do a day with the boys a week like he did with DS1 as his business is expanding, I think that would be a shame for him and them. We have 6 mo to work it out so we'll see...

You must be fed up with your DH giving you ultimatums and instructions the whole time. If you're going to be the main breadwinner you do have some say in childcare arrangements. Grrrr. Anyway, hope you got a little sleep in the end

OP posts:
EffiePerine · 16/04/2009 07:19

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LadyT

OP posts:
poisondwarf · 16/04/2009 07:38

LadyT have a fantastic birthday. Remember 37 is the new 27 and all that, and if you are feeling old don't forget there is always someone worse off than yourself (me for a start).

Verso if he is determined to be a passenger in the relationship then he can hardly expect to have the deciding vote on the night nanny issue - he wants to have his cake and eat it. On a practical level if the MS Society is no good maybe you could start a thread in Lone Parents - I imagine there must be lots of working parents in there who have similar childcare/finance issues as yourself and you never know, you might be able to get some good advice on how others have made their situations work for them.

artichokes · 16/04/2009 07:47

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy birthday LadyT
Happy Birthday to You!

Have a fabulous day lovely lady. I can't believe you are DL's agent. I have a very funny story about her. My mother was quite the feminist and adored Ghe Golden Notebook. When I was about 10 my mum was invited to a dinner party full of fascinating people. As a single mum who rarely got out she was v v excited. However, on the night she found herself not sat next to any of the witty minds she had hoped to chat to but instead next to a scruffy old lady who looked rather cross and wittered rather alot. Mum was rather cross with her host about this searing plan but "humoured" the poor old dear... You can guess the rest. At the end of the eve the host asked mum what she had thought of her heroine! For my part I enjoyed The Grass Is Singing which I read while travelling round Namibia and this could really picture (I know you have been to Namibia too, isn't it amazing? Prob my best travelling ever).

Right, today is D-Day with the houses. We are taking the PiL round our 3 options this morning and then making that school/house decision.

I hope you are asleep dear Verso. Here's hoping for a much better day for you.

Verso · 16/04/2009 08:17

I didn't get any sleep in the end - well, about an hour or so altogether. H said this morning that I should do tonight again and then perhaps we could arrange for me to have the following night off? I am afraid I couldn't speak as the thought of another 24 hours with no sleep is quite bleak.

Things are pretty bad. My fault, I know. I should have accepted his offer graciously I suppose rather than giving him the cold shoulder. He has been through a terrible ordeal in hospital - I know being hooked up to an IV isn't pleasant - and I should be more tolerant and understanding.

tillyfernackerpants · 16/04/2009 08:27

arti that's a fab story! Good luck with the house hunting today

ladyt Happy birthday!! Can't believe DL is your client! Though like you, I find her books hard to read though I keep trying

verso just wanted to add my support & white light for you. I don't want to offend or upset you but have you thought of counselling for the both of you? I just wonder if having a neutral person there to hear both sides would help you both. If dh won't go, then perhaps just you? You are not a bad mother at all, you are doing the very best under extreme circumstances [hugs]

veggie thanks for veg tip. Will just keep trying!

zj hope you & dd got some sleep last night, is her cold any better?

pd another one here with an invisible wardrobe . I also avoid mirrors so I don't blow the image of how I think I look, that makes me sound a bit of a loon really!

Museum of childhood sounds fab, think we'll give that a go, I think ds1 will love that.

Kayzr · 16/04/2009 08:37

Morning,

Verso, You are not a bad mother at all!! I would be telling my DH that we were having the night nanny if he liked it or not especially as it is your money!! Keep strong and have loads of

LadyT Happy Birthday!!!!!! Hope you have a lovely day.

PD The railway museum is really good. There is a playground, a shed full of things for kids to do(and big kids) and a little minature(sp) railway you can go on.

Physio was good. I have some exercises to do, she said it should get better over time but if it doesn't to go back to her. She said to keep using it as that will help so I don't have to stop doing my dvd.

Hope you are all well.

Sending more love and hugs to Verso. I wish I could do a night for you.

katie3677 · 16/04/2009 08:43

LadyT I knew you were going to say DL. I too find her books very difficult to read.

Verso you are NOT a bad mother, you are the best that they could ever want or need so please stop apologising.

If you want a bad mother example, try this, I just dropped DD . Still feeling very feverish and shaky and when I picked her up this morning I just didn't have any strength so she slipped out of my arms. Luckily she didn't seem to mind too much and she obviously isn't hurt as she didn't even cry, but I feel terrible. She is now sitting safely in her bouncy chair where she will have to remain until I get some strength back.

I am supposed to be having my first child free night out tonight with DH and some friends but think I'm going to have to cancel as I just don't feel well enough. Very annoying as it took some serious organising.

Off to fortify myself with some tea and toast.

katie3677 · 16/04/2009 08:44

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY LadyT

zoejeanne · 16/04/2009 08:58

morning all, and happy birthday to ladyT, have a very lovely day

Must be quick as DD is wanting a feed, but I wanted to send a morning hug to verso. A thought popped into my head about the night nanny which I thought I'd share. I'm finding that now DD's a bit older and bigger she doesn't always need a feed when she wakes in the night, just a cuddle and settling back to sleep. When I do that I can see the thought bubble pop up 'while you're here Mum, I may as well have a snack', but when DH goes through she's quite happy with just a cuddle and settles back to sleep quickly. A night nanny could do this for you, therefore being more settling rather than less. Does this make sense?

tilly cold didn't keep her awake too much last night, thanks for asking, we managed with lots of nose drops and snufflebabe. Will give her another steamy bath this morning, but no baby cafe today cause the sneezes produce a lot of snot!

Right, off to tend to the hungry lady, but back later

spotofcheerfulness · 16/04/2009 09:19

Morning everyone and happy birthday LadyT! I have to admit I have only read the Golden doodah of DL's but absolutely loved it. Also read some short stories about London which I enjoyed too.
Verso, what a horrible, horrible situation to be in, I feel so badly for you. The sleep deprivation is truly torturous. I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you happy with your DH? I mean, obviously things are very difficult at the moment but do you think in the long run you are getting your emotional and practical needs met within the relationship? You often say you "should" be more this or that - it sounds to all of us that you're doing a marvellous job under very difficult circumstances. So please don't feel like you're in the wrong all the time. Some people make us question ourselves all the time, and that can feel very undermining. Do tell me to butt out if I've overstepped the mark, I just feel so sorry for you and every post you do feels like a cry for help. I just wish I could provide some of the help you need.
Glad the physio is working, Kayz, you sound much more chipper.
Katie, you poor thing, I'm sorry you're feeling so weak, sounds similar to what I had a few days ago, I hope it passes soon.
Well, chez spot DP is still bedbound and T has regressed - last night he had 2 poos at 4am and then another big mucousy one this morning and is refusing to feed again. . He also hasn't done his chattering to me in 10 days which I really miss, feels like he's far from being his old happy self. I really thought things were on the mend with his day of dry nappies, but apparently not. For those who have had LOs with tummy bugs like this before - how long does it go on for?

Kayzr · 16/04/2009 09:42

I have just remembered I have my weigh in tonight. I think I have put on this week

Spot I hope T picks up soon.

Nolda · 16/04/2009 09:48

Verso I really feel for you. You need some sleep and as your H can't help you, I don't think he has any right to complain if you book the night nanny, especially as you are paying.

Happy birthday LadyT .

katie3677 · 16/04/2009 10:16

ZJ please tell me it doesn't last too long. It's been 4 days and still no better. Off to the docs in a bit to try and get a diagnosis and maybe some drugs to kick it in the butt. I HATE being ill, and it's not funny when you've got two little people who need you. Not being able to pick up DD is the last straw. Sorry, feeling sorry for myself

Kayzr · 16/04/2009 10:30

Arghhh!!! Why do I get sucked in???

There is a thread about an article written saying that women who have homebirths are spoilt, complacent, wear sandals and breastfeed until their DC goes to high school!!

So of course I wade ion and it seems to be turning into one of those threads.

LadyThompson · 16/04/2009 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pmk1 · 16/04/2009 10:37

Lady Happy Birthday! You've only got two years on me but much more in wisdom it seems. Have lovely birthday celebrations this week.
Katie and all those sick - I've had this cold / flu / sore throat for 2 weeks now - I thought it was better (when I went to meet up) but I think I was up on Ibuprofen and after that wore off, thr trip home and the wine I think I extended it. DH mentioned I might have Tonsillitis or Glandular Fever but has since ruled those out after nearly choking mesticking the blunt end of a knife down my throat (tongue depresser)and only finding mild redness - whatever - I feel like death, but I'd have to be admitted to hospital before he'd show concern - until I'm dying, he thinks I'm just being dramatic Says I have to lay off the cheerfulness (which I have been)

Not sure who it was with the sick LO but B was sick as well and ended up with a cough that dragged... I did take him to the GP the first time, but it wasn't on his chest, and they just said basically ride it out. I know most GP's do feel like you're wastijng their time, but fortunately mine doesn't show it (he actually encourages me to come in if I'm concerned at all. If you are worried, your LO will pick up on that, stop feeding properly, and so the vicious cycle begins...

Arti good luck on your decisions with the house viewing today - I hope it's clearer for you tonight

Spot so happy for your S - Hopefully good news on going

Verso Can't really add anything that hasn't been said - you are NOT a bad mother by any stretch - I think 1 baby and a dog is hard, let alone your situation. Toss the MIL aside, try and get through to your own mother, get the nanny - for the love of God -YOU are paying.... I wish you lived next door so I could help out.... I think you are my side of London anyway right? Let me know if I can - please. I guess ifyour DH doesn't want a Nanny around he won't want any of us either? What are you and Syb up to Monday? You need massages and SLEEP! Post on here anytime - always....

poisondwarf · 16/04/2009 10:55

katie that sounds really rubbish - hope you are on the mend soon.

spot when DS had a tummy bug it lasted about 2 weeks. Hard to remember now but I don't think it cleared up suddenly - probably about 10 days of being quite bad (seemed like forever though) then 4 days of gradual improvement. Sounds like T is on the road to recovery and will probably be right as rain in a couple of days with any luck.

Veggie you are not alone - we also shamelessly freeload at the museum. The trainset hasn't been working the last few times we've been though, which is a relief as I haven't had to literally drag DS along the floor when the museum shuts (until the other day when he discovered the lifts that is). tilly let me know if you are planning a trip there in the next couple of weeks - we could join you.

kayz have you been to both railway things in York? If so, which would you say is better?

arti good luck with the house thing.

Never read any DL as it has never appealed. Don't know if I should really admit this on MN but I'm not massively keen on female writers on the whole. Perhaps those of you more knowledgeable than I can put me on to what I might be missing (not that I ever get time to read these days but nice to know for the future). I'm the same with music - most female artists either make me want to pull my fingernails out or just leave me cold. Sometimes I think I have a bloke's brain in a woman's body (although at the moment a flea's brain in an elephant's body would be more accurate).

Right, off to watch the rest of Little Miss Sunshine while DD is asleep. Quite enjoying it so far.

spotofcheerfulness · 16/04/2009 10:59

oooh, effie, i really hope T is better for the meet up with you and PD tomorrow - I shalll bring my popcorn as it starts kicking off about the women authors .

LadyThompson · 16/04/2009 11:03

Nah, I'm with you, PD, actually. Very much so. There is the odd woman writer I like but on the whole...no. Ditto music. Again with the odd exception. Be interested to hear what you think of Little Miss Sunshine, I watched it about a month ago.

poisondwarf · 16/04/2009 11:04

x-posted - hope you feel better soon pmk.

Kayzr · 16/04/2009 11:05

The railway museum!!! I found the model railway world awfully boring. It is a small shop and a few layouts. Well it was when I last went.

LadyThompson · 16/04/2009 11:07

Just had my long post withdrawn as I put a book title in full and that was idiotic as it might end up getting sent to my office or the publishers when the computers do a trawl of all references. So here it is below with detail removed for those who wonder what delights they are missing So no one mention her name or book titles in full please....

Morning all! It's hammering with rain here but it's actually sort of nice, I've got the big windows open and Radio 2 on (drives DP mad but he's at work now so it's on nice and loud ) THANK YOU for all the birthday wishes, it's SO cheering! DD bought me some Dior earrings, which is quite sophisticated for one so young. Tonight is quiet but tomorrow night we are off up to Stafford to watch a dear friend of mine do his show. He's a stand up and he is just coming to the end of a UK tour. He's DD's godfather to be (haven't decided who the others are yet, if any) and is the only person I allowed to visit me in hospital. Ha! We are seeing him in Stafford because that means MiL can babysit, then on Saturday I have this mystery what I assume to be spa day, which is a gift from DD. I need a swimsuit, jogging pants, trainers and warm outdoor clothes. It could be SAS initiation, but who knows. I am spending the day trying to self-tan my vast wobbly acreage so if it IS an SAS training day I may have wasted my time Then next weekend we are driving to France for the weekend - that's my other present.

Verso, of course you aren't a bad mum for going back to work. As long as they are loved, children need happy parents and whatever makes you happy and fulfilled is good, whether that's staying at home or going to work. Look, your DH probably feels quite impotent all in all and I bet this colours what he says or does, and saying that about the night nanny is probably just some sort of wrongheaded attempt to have a bit of control over something. Bet he's not trying to be mean. Above all, though, you're a perfectionist and I am not letting him off the hook here, but perfectionists are hard people to do things for...Get the night nanny, but don't fret if the care isn't as impeccable as the care she gets from you. And I agree with what ZJ said about your DD2 not looking out for food with a night nanny. One day at a time, little treats for yourself, be clear about what you need from others, and don't be so hideously hard on yourself - and try to cut those around you a bit of slack too even if they are quite obviously in the wrong. I know a bit about this. I was annoyed with DP last night over something, and he didn't behave well. Things have been a little hard recently and whilst I am not pretending that none of it's my fault, being totally evenhanded about it I do suspect that blame lies more with DP than with me. I usually believe in vocalising all discontent. I like people to know how I feel, as otherwise how can you progress? But this time I went to bed quietly (not in an outward huff though as that passive aggressive shit is worse even than shouting) and though I was ranting in my mind, I had so much more perspective this morning. I think...you have to accept that people you love get things wrong, forgive them, and take the broadbrush view that they don't mean to do it. Everyone is just a hostage of their own whims and frailties. And that's fine. Let's face it, we're all at it. Kicking at adversity gets you nowhere. I'm NO saint but taking a generous view of things helps ME to keep happy.

Tilly, the urge to call you Ros is at times overwhelming!

ZJ - how is your poor snotty little DD today?

Glad your physio was helpful, Kayz.

Katie - what a downer about your night out...Any chance you could rally by tonight?

And Spot - poor little T really has been through the mill (as have you). Poor little sausage.

Loved the story, Arti. Brilliant. She doesn't come across in interviews and things (unsurprising really, she is in constant pain and gets fed up of being asked the same old stale questions about communism and feminism) when she actually loves men, chocolate, champagne, and gossip. When she won the N Prize, after the 978th bouquet arrived she said "Oh, will NO ONE send me a bottle of champagne? I'm gagging for a drink". She loves to watch the big football tournaments when they are on and likes nosing at famous people in the Ivy when they are probably in fact nosing at HER. She took up Russian in her eighties, which is pretty cool, I think. I know it's sacrilege but I found the GN trying. As I said, big fan of her, not big fan of her work.

Right, have gabbled on far too much as usual. The cricket fixtures beckon!

sybilfaulty · 16/04/2009 11:12

Only a quick one as the children are dashing round like loons and about to break something.

Arti - good luck with the house things. FWIW, I have done the whole school conundrum thing and we ended up choosing school over house. Not that I don't love our house but for the same £££ we could have had a huge Victorian pile in E Dulwich with fireplaces, eat in kitchens, mature 100ft gardens etc. The schools were DIRE though and we would have had to have done private which is not an option from 4 with 3 kids for us.

I suppose when we were doing this there are 2 things to bear in mind:

  1. Dire schools can change. There is a school round here that was in special measures until 3 years ago. Not with a bargepole type of place. It then got a fabby new head, lots of council ££££ thrown at it and lots of parents who previously would have said no way sending their kids there. Quelle surprise, it is now one of the most desirable schools in the area. A lot can change in a short time, esp if the catchment area takes from a lot of parents who will get involved in the school.
  1. Many of my friends who live in the catchment for not so good schools have ended up renting for a year near the "right" school to be sure of getting a place for DC! (and the rest follow as siblings). This is costly (though not as costly as private school in the long term of course) and not especially ethical, IME.

It's a very hard decision and one which you will often question if you have to chose one over the other. As I said, we chose school and will find out in a week if it worked. I'll keep you posted. Good luck and let us know what you decide.

Lady T - 37?! Come back when you have reached a proper age [applies go faster stripes to zimmer frame and shuffles off thread]

poisondwarf · 16/04/2009 11:13

ha ha spot