December 2008 Coven - white light and basket cases

[EffiePerine]

Seeing as LadyT broke the thread...

Kayz ds1 didn't have 2 year check, tower hamlets weren't that organized. But I know at 2 ds1 didn't even know blue and would have probably tried to drive the doll along some imaginary train tracks!

Arti, I know it seems alot but it seems to work for her. I have also worked out that if she wakes up crying then she hasn't had enough sleep so usually give her the dummy to go back off again or she will find her thumb and self settle sometimes.
Spot, fantastic news about your sister. Sending lots of sticky vibes her way.
Verso my love, you did well not to murder the whole lot of them by the sounds of it. Perhaps with you losing it they will actually start to make a bit of an effort and realise the pressures you are under. Big hugs to you.
Kayz the 2 year check is a bit rubbish really. DS was asked to dress a doll and didn't have a clue. He also only knew a couple of the colours and got very bored so started to play up, but they didn't reccomend him for further observation or anything. In fact the HV who did it seemed to think the tests were as ridiculous as I did, but was just following guidelines, so don't worry.

Hello all!

So how are you and the small folk doing? As you can tell I have been very useless and totally incapable of keeping up with you all so have reverted to just cropping up around MN occasionally. Ds slept through last night, can't remember when that last happened! He only has a night terror every couple of weeks at the moment but usually wakes 2 or 3 times a night having fallen out of bed or lost his doudou or something. He has also entered the joyful toddler phase of being up at the crack of dawn. Joy

Dd is fab, cute, cuddly, does a good line in coos and shrieks, giggles and grins. She is feeding so well now it is a joy. Still won't take expressed milk though and I have a full day training in June so am offering every day for 2 feeds in a row. I can't express enough so she is getting formula sometimes but doesn't seem to care! The most she has ever taken is 2 ounces. Still doesn't sleep either, have decided I get more sleep on growth spurts (she has just had a massive one) as she just feeds and sleeps. When not grwoth spurting she still wakes up just as often but fusses around as she doesn't know what she wants and unfortunately breast doesn't work when she isn't hungry! Ah well, it'll sort itself out eventually.

So, from the small amount I have digested and remembered (you'll forgive me right? I am delusional, have not slept in around 6 months) erm, Lady T how on earth do you keep up a social life and a baby? Are you one of those women magazines print aspirational articles about? If you were not so lovely I would have to hate you . Effie nice happy house news, erm Verso kill the woman, will make you feel better I'm sure. Glad your dh is ok though and can totally understand the anger. Kayz very well done to your dh, bet you are all so happy. Oh and when ds had his 2 year review the HV just asked me if he was talking at all and watched him play a bit, didn't ask him to do anything. Spot very pleased for your sister York shall have to be done again at some point, sounds like it was lovely to meet people. I think now that dd is feeding so well I might actually be able to cope with a full day away from the safety of a bed to curl up and feed on with the 2 of them.

I'm off to read more of the old thread make dinner for ds.

Hello Indith lovely to see you, oh I love the idea of being all snuggled up in bed together. Ds2 has been a bit grizzly today I think it's those sodding teeth slowly on the move. As the day was a bit grey we watched Mama Mia! Ds1 loved it he has been running around singing super trooper and dancing queen.

I think that 2 year check is a bit sexist, now if they asked ds1 to couple annie and clarabel to Thomas he would've passed with flying colours. He also was hardly talking at 2 he could talk the hind legs off a donkey now but I think he was barely saying mummy at 2.

Kayz how was the physio and ds2's jabs? J's jabs are next week and I'm really dreading it, 3!!!! He is going to be so cross with me. I also tried to book my pap smear for the same day but the first slot they have is May 6th so have to wait. Anyone with DC's who are around 3.5 years did your DC's have the pneumoccocal vaccine when it first came out? Ds1 did when he had his MMR at 14 months but no more boosters and have just noticed on ds1's vaccine regime that he will have 3 jabs for pneumo all together? So not sure if Ds1 will have to have more. I guess I can ask on Tuesday.

verso Anyone, PND or not, would have exploded in that situation. Your MIL is obviously just stuck in her ways and believes that as she put her children on steak and chips at 4 weeks or whatever and it didn't do them any harm then so should you. It is irritating and undermining but it sounds like nothing you say is ever going to get her to see sense.

I hope this isn't overstepping the mark (I just feel really concerned for you) but would it be possible for you to be referred to go and see someone to talk to? The situation with your DH's illness must be really hard and puts you under so much pressure and worry, never mind caring for a baby, the PND and sleep deprivation.

Hello Indith - Lovely to hear from you.

veggie That sounds like a fun day apart from the teething troubles.

Hello not been on in a while,
But just wanted to say spot that is fantastic news about your sis, real miracle stuff and I hope it works out! I feel a bit teary and I am not normally one for that sort of thing

verso you sound like you are having a really rough time. At least you have your DH back now, your MIL and partner sound a right pair of arses.

effie good news on the house! arti have you made your decision yet?

ladyt I loved your little phone cock up! Made me LOL

Oh and finally, what not to say to a new mum, #34556346 (said to me last night)

"What?? He's not sleeping through the night yet?? Really??"

The guy is currently in hospital recovering from the beating I gave him.

Lol Summer. When dd was about 4 weeks old one of my Rainbow leaders said "so are the sleepless nights finished now? Bless her, she is still a student. She'll learn one day

Just swinging by ....again... only skimmed.

Verso, darling, how you have not taken an axe to these people is beyond me. Far too many peolpe who are already parents seem to forget the relentless naure of looking after small children, without all the stress of having a sick partner to add to the mix. Is there anything I can do to help? Am not far away. DH is around this week so am available for panto, so to speak. You only have to say darling. Am looking forward to seeing you on Monday anyway.

Hello everyone, will read properly later. Hope you are all well.

SL don't even talk to me about that sentence, DH was talking to his Dsis one day and had the phone on speaker she asked how ds1 (who had just turned 3 months) was and dh said 'oh fine he only woke twice for feeds' to which she replied and remember the phone is on speaker and I'm in the room "X he's three months old he really should be sleeping through the night by now" at this point I actually made a leap for the phone (as if by attaching it I could hurt her somehow??) dh managed to head me off. I wouldn't mind if it was just that she had one of thee magic children who slept daily through the night but a) she had a fulltime maternity nurse 5 nights a week for the first 2 months and then when that stopped she basically put he gorgeous DS down in his cot at 6pm and closed the door and would not go back in no matter how much he screamed for her and then would go in with a bottle at 10pm and then leave him again until 6 am so regardless of if he woke crying she did not go to him. She would also ask me until I finally snapped at her about it, if ds1 was still a 'problem sleeper'. The snap came when he was 5 months!!!! She actually thought there was something weird about me because I actually didn't mind giving him a feed at 10pm & 6am when he was 7 months old!!!!! Obviously I still have issues about this.

Just popping with a quick question:

DD2 had a bad cough and cold last week and I took her to the GP on Thursday to check her chest. The GP was nice but implied that I was wasting her time bringing in a baby with a cold and not even a fever. Well the cold is mostly better now but the cough is not. She is still coughing quite a bit. I put her to bed an hour ago and I can hear her hacking away in her sleep. She still has no fever and does not seem unwell. Would you take her back to the GP tomorrow as its been a week and the coughing is more frequent? Or would I be wasting her time again as there is no fever or other symptoms?

arti: take her back and see a different GP if poss. Wasting their time indeed

Veggie: can we do virtual baseball bats as well as the white light? Cos I think Verso's ILs have a few coming (not to mention your SIL, the loon).

oh and we haven't had a 2 year check for DS1 but he certainly couldn't identify colours at 2, he's still a bit iffy about them now. As for dolls... nope. He'd prob bash something with it and be labelled a Problem Child.

Trust your instinct arti, nobody can tell how bad the cough is over the internet. I've always found with ds that he coughs horribly after a cold, sounds like he is about to die of some terrible disease. I did take him to the Dr a couple of times when he was tiny to make sure it wasn't his chest but now I'm used to it. I would give it until Friday then you can say that it has been a week, which is a little long for a virus so you want it checked out before the weekend so you don't have to end up at out of hours.

arti ds2 has had the same problem, I took him to the GP the other day & he basically said the same thing. He explained it as because they've got small nasal passages they get snuffly & coughy very easily. If they think there is a problem then they look at feeding & weight gain as well as the chest. hth, though it is horrible to hear them coughing away

spot great news for your sister, that's fantastic

verso echo everyone here, how you have not beaten them up yet is beyond me. Glad dh is back

veggie SIL sounds like a bit of a pain, can't believe they would leave the poor boy crying for so long, I can't bear to hear my boys crying for 1 second! Glad ds1 is starting to eat his veg. Can I ask, did you do anything special to try & encourage him to eat them? Ds1 used to eat anything that I put in front of him but has lately got really fussy. I keep putting veg with his dinners & trying not to make a big deal of it but wondering if there's anything else I can try?!

indith hi there, nice to see you again!!

summer I hate that question as well, along with 'are you weaning him yet?'!

We've had a lovely time at the park today with ds1's best friend, they haven't seen each other for a while so had great fun. Unfortunately, it did mean my ironing got left for yet another day & it seems to have grown!

arti oops I forgot to finish my bit to you! Meant to also say that the GP said to me its always better to bring them in if you're unsure just in case

effie am lol at virtual baseball bats!

And I asked dh about the sleeping bag (or lack of last night), he looked at me blankly and said 'oops, I must have forgot to put him in one'. Honestly, how do you forget to put your son into his covers at night? Silly nana as we would say in our house!

Tilly that's all you can do and is just we have been doing that and getting very excited when he tries something new. We had a bit of a backwards step over Christmas as my mum was over and kept using standover tactics with him which literally sent him back to only eating sausages and cheesy pasta but slowly we have stuck to the give it to him and let him decide and he is coming on in leaps and bounds. He still won't eat lots of different things but we know eventually he will. The other thing that helped was when we went to Munich he only ate sausages and I think that diet made him feel a bit crap as it would. When we got home he was very much wanting my home made veggie soups (green alien soup and orange alien soups) so I think he started to make the connection with veggies and feeling good. Oh the other thing that helps is we sometimes go to his friends house for tea and he will see what other children eat and give it a go. But basically as annoying as it is to watch them waste food just serve it up and trust them to one day give it a go. I was told once that most toddlers are neophobic the fear anything new so if they have seen something on their plate, 50 times, then eventually it is not new.

Oh and Arti I would also say have him seen Friday as has been the main prob is if it is interfering with feeding. There is not much they can do about a cough but is always good to have a listen to his chest just in case it is lower down. Babies who BF will often not get a temp because you are producing the antibodies for them when they are ill (I'm sure you already know about the virus antibody boobie baby swap so won't bore you with that bit) so he isn't completely right about the temp thing. Really as any good paed doc or GP worth his salt will tell you is the best indicator of whether a child should be seen is whether the mother is concerned, so go back if you are but ask for a different GP if possible.

have you tried the tactic of eating with other children? Our CM tells me DS1 is the best eater she's ever had and will polish off anything (news to me, he turns his nose up at most things I give him!)

Well done to MrKayz on the job, that is fab news!

Such fantastic news about your sister Spot, I am so so pleased. . I?m glad to hear T is on the mend now, but now onto his teeth poor little fella.

So many poorly people on this thread ? hot baths and lots of sleep for you all

Trace an idea about sleep popped into my head yesterday, several people I know swear that sleep breeds sleep so it may be worth actually trying to prolong DD2?s naps rather than cut them short. I?d agree with Katie, in that however much or little DD sleeps during the day her night time pattern never varies (not as good as Katie?s but better than yours). I like to believe in the sleep breeds sleep theory, as I hate waking DD and feel so mean, so always tell myself its for the best that I leave her (and she looks at her most beautiful when she?s asleep [soppy ]). Congrats on the 3 hourly feeds, day and night!

Veggie a workmate of mine had to mystery shop DIG last year and went along, not realising it was solely aimed at children. She had to convince the staff she wasn?t dodgy and just very interested. She had fun, tagging along with a group of 5 year olds and was given a bucket and spade to do her own digging! She did rate it highly, despite feeling like a loon.

Effie good luck with the move, very exciting!

Jolly how glam are you, if LadyT wants your mac

Katie your BIL?s pictures are amazing, so beautiful

Verso with all that going on around you, I would have lost it ages before you did and DD would never have got fed. You did the most important thing, which was look after your LO?s (hope that doesn?t sound patronising, it looks it now I re-read the sentence) and I think your MIL and her partner deserved all they got (and more)

Indith lovely to see you again. Do NOT venture on to the old thread, someone broke it

Yesterday I took DD to the sensory room in our surestart centre (as a treat after her jabs). It has lots of coloured lights, lava lamps, relaxing music, touchy feely toys and soft rugs and skeepskins to lie on. She loved it and wriggled her arms and legs around in happiness for ages, whilst I made very good use of the massage chair tended to her every need. For those of you with a surestart centre nearby, they are fab and must be used.

PS Effie speak for yourself but I can confirm that I am a basket case

H is back. Hideous rows. He asked me to leave at one point because I asked him for some appreciation of the time I have spent looking after his children this week, and the fear and stress I have been under.

Anyway I am doing the nightshift (obviously) because he needs the rest because of his illness. His bout in hospital was nothing to do with the MS so i am sorry to have misled you all.

I realsie now my place in life. I will do my best and not complain any more. I will come to accept that I chose to have children and shoud live with the sleeplessness as it was my fault I got pregnant.

I am so sorry to have come on here being upset etc. It was wrong of me and I apologise.

You have all been so kind to me, and I so, so appreciate it. You have kept me going until now. Ireally dont know where I go from here. I am so tired and sorry for everything I've done wrong. Please please forhive me for my selfish selfish rants and raves and for not havign more selfcontrol./

I am a bad person. a bad mother. not worthy to have the children that I have and I am so so sorry to have inflicted my complaints on all of you. Thank you from my heart. I hoep the night is not too bad and that I can keep going.please message on here if you're up during the nt as I dontknow how i'll get through

verso - please don't apologise at all. We all need to vent some steam from time to time and it is your turn to do so. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now, but the only thing I can do is stay on here, which I will do. Please keep typing, hopefully you can let it out by doing so.

Verso sweetheart you are NOT a bad person or a bad mother. And you do not rant and rave irrationally (in fact I think your posts on here have been pretty measured considering the circs).

I would love to give your DH a kick up the arse and suggest that a little kindness might be in order to his partner

Verso - you poor love. We are all here for you. You have done nothing wrong and are a good person and amazing mother. You are doing brilliantly with the children - I struggle with just one! Please don't think any differently. You are not selfish and this is a place to vent when needed.
I don't think you did mislead us - I have had patients with MS and colds have really knocked them out and off their feet completely.
Keep talkimg to us so we can help. xx hugs xx

Verso my first instinct is to say call his bluff take the kids and go. But I think you have both been scared by this latest health scare so maybe this isn't a good time to make rash decisions. However, your DH is being completely selfish and very unfair. He wants way way too much from you, your supposed to be the full carer of HIS children and also main bread winner. He is now manipulating you to believe everything is your fault. Is his mother like this what his her relationship with his father like? There is something very sinister going on with him. He wants you to be main carer for him and your kids but he wants to asserts himself and emotionally over power you.