December 2008 Coven - white light and basket cases

[EffiePerine]

Seeing as LadyT broke the thread...

Verso sorry you've had yet another shitty day - hope tomorrow is better. Nothing in your posts has ever suggested you are a bad mother - far from it. Whatever else is happening in your life, your DDs are loved and cared for and that is the most important thing. I know it's hard but try and just tune out your PILs - they are just unnecessary noise in your life. As for your DH, well ... from what you've posted before things got bad after DD1 and got better - hopefully they will be better again.

spot that's such wonderful news about your sis - everything crossed for them. Can't believe Effie is fleeing the hood so soon and our little Hackney posse will be no more.

kayz how was the physio? Interested to know what happens at the 2 year check - I don't think they do one round here. And good luck with the relactation if you decide to go ahead with it - you've got nothing to lose by trying!

arti is there a walk-in at your local hospital? As has been mentioned on here there is a children's walk-in at ours and they of course are used to seeing all sorts of ailments both major & minor. You needn't tell them you've already seen the GP either (maybe tell them you couldn't get an appointment for days or something). If you are still worried in a couple of days that might be an option.

LadyT Primark also have a holdy-inny cossie in at the mo - about £6 IIRC. Can't vouch for how good they are as I have decided to stick with wearing a cossie several sizes too small on the basis that I am in fact invisible. It is a principle that informs my entire wardrobe, which you will no doubt not have noticed.

zj agree about Sure Start centres being fantastic (we are lucky enough to have several within walking distance - something we'll sorely miss when we move to the sticks) but yours sounds deluxe! The sensory room sounds like the chill-out rooms at parties that I dimly remember when I had a social life long, long ago.

Hiya Indith, nice to see you.

Looks like the new place might not be ready to move into on the planned date (1st May) so I might be making an unscheduled visit up North for that week. If that happens I might well take the train to York for the day and see what the notorious railway museum is all about. Not definite at all but if I do it would be lovely to meet some of the northern contingent if anyone's around. And would anyone be up for a cheeky North London meet-up in the next week or two?

Right, off to have a fist fight with DP cos it's Apprentice Time!

PD: Colchester has seven children's centres: see here:www.colchester.surestart.org/index.php?page_id=1

may be a bus ride away but worth checking out

PD can't vouch for the railway museum but the model railway 'world' is...um...well ds1 loved it, and it has a chair.

Oh and sensory rooms, love 'em. I used to be a school nurse for several special needs schools and always schedual treatments when kids where in the rooms. I used to love chilling out in them. There is a mini one at the museum of childhood in bethnal green.

Kayz did you see the game! Arsenaaaaal, I take full credit for the win, I put J to bed in his Arsenal jimjams.

Well Verso, my twopennorth is that you are absolutely on your knees with tiredness and stress and you are not going to be able to think straight or get any perspective about any of it until you somehow get some rest. Unfortunately, it sounds like it's not that easy at the mo. Your Mum is v helpful at times, could you tell her clearly what you need? Could you bring yourself to smile at your MiL and her DP (hard but frankly you need to get people on side) and explain you feel knackered and overwrought (they ought to know this, of course, but sometimes people need things, you know, write large) and that you need some practical help with the kids rather than looking after them? As for your DH, well, he must have been pretty rocked by the events of this week, MS is a lot to face up to isn't it? I know it is very very hard on you too, but he must get depressed about his illness and, you know, it sounds like he is blinkered without realising it. Deep breath, some time on your own if you can get it (even if it's just a nice relaxing bath) and write yourself a long list of things, big and small, which would improve your situation. Then work out how you can start to effect them. Hope you feel brighter tomorrer....

Indith, how nice to hear from you! I only get to have a social life because DD permits it by dint of her routine and personality, DP loves looking after her on the whole and enjoys time alone with her, well, I am hugely selfish and know I would get unhappy if I was in all the time and be no use to DD as I would have a mouth like an upside down banana. Your littlies sound all happy and lovely though, which is good to hear! As for being something out of a magazine...I wish. For starters, the flat looks like Steptoe's Yard, I am behind on every single project I am working on, and my silhouette makes the Michelin Man look Peter Crouch

Spot - that is FAB news. Hoo-diddly-doo!

Jolly, I BOUGHT the mac. It's wending its way to the countryside as we speak!

Katie, I have asked for that book for my birthday from my late DH's father as he wanted to get me a book. Perfect! I have never read Story of an African Farm by Olive Schreiner but I know it's a classic, have you?...My client is a wonderful, wonderful woman and it is incredibly unprofessional of me to say that I don't get on with her writing, but I enjoy prose stylists and she is a novelist of ideas. Her two collections of African Stories might be worth a look though. I am going to break up her name as I don't want this post to be google-able for obvious reasons...it's, er, D£o(r*i%s L(e"s[s+i=n:g!

Arti, I hope your DD's cough improves.

Kayz, surely most two year olds would have trouble telling colours apart?

Good to hear from you as well, Summer!

Well - 37 tomorrow! What an unattractive number. I am in on my own all day as DP has got a trial. And then I am not going out in the evening. I honestly couldn't face it - there's a busy weekend coming up and anyway, the thought of yet more rich food only fills me with ennui. I purchased a swimsuit today and trying on those things has concentrated my mind wonderfully about my diet. Ahem. What a shocker that was Right, off to do some reading. DP has been hard to get on with recently (or perhaps it's me - I never really know, but I suspect it's him) and I think it's just best if I lie low and shut up. Another row before my birthday I do NOT want. Cheerio all.

Cross posted with you PD. I got one from Wolford, of all places (tights people, not Eastenders market ) It's a bit mumsy but it was the only one that fitted. As for hold in panels, unless it's neck to ankle hold in, a la the Victorian stripey ones, I fear they won't assist!

Oh I think I'm getting confused Veggie. So there's a railway museum and a model railway thing and they're separate places. And the model railway one is the toddlertastic place, right? In that case it will be the model railway. Loved your rave review of it btw - I really can't wait.

DS likes the sensory bit at the Museum of Childhood, but only for as long as it takes him to remember about the trainset and his new favourite activity, which is going up and down in the lift. We went there at the weekend and he has a new thing of scrambling up one flight of steps then pressing the lift button whilst I struggle up after him with the pram and DD in a sling just in time to grab him by the hood before he disappears off to another floor. Sod swimming, I should just spend all day every day there - I would be skeletal in no time.

Haven't had the fist fight with DP yet - he's watching Ali so I don't fancy my chances much. Might just have to go to bed instead so strictly no Apprentice spoilers PLEASE!

Oh Lady you beat me. I have put it into the next virtual shopping basket twice but I actually would like to go to Next and try it on as I want to see how big the L is as JB said it needs to be bigger to go over baby in sling but just want check how big that is, might go for style over baby rain protection, and get the medium. Also I need some new spring tops so will have a look in store.

I'm sure the railway museum would be 'exciting' too PD. Oh forgot to tell you, when we were in the shop for the model railway place a guy came in who was a real trainspotter and his young son came with him and guess what his sons name was...Thomas! I tried so hard not to giggle when he called his name. Oh and PD the model museum is right at the station and the railway museum is about 2 mins walk from the station. My DS1 loved that train set we used to hang around it waiting for other people to out money in to make it go, how cheap am I. Well it was 20p a go and that made the train go around like once or something and I needed my change for my caffiene habit.

JB what is a Mystery shop?

I see my long post above is full of errors. I am rather tired. I don't think what I said to you, Verso, came out quite right so hoping you get the gist. I hope the night isn't too bad... I too am saving The Apprentice for another day! Off to feed DD then bed.

Have just spent half an hour sat in a dark bathroom with DD - when I put her to bed at 7.30 she was fine and then an hour ago she woke up with a head full of snot and struggling to breathe. Poor little girl, I think (hope) I've settled her with the steamy bathroom, but fear I may be spending more time in there tonight.

pd our Surestart centre only opened in January, so it is pretty deluxe. I live in the sticks and have 2 within a 10 mile radius, so you may get lucky in your area

veggie a mystery shopper is someone who acts like a normal customer and checks out things like how clean the place is, how helpful the staff are etc etc. It's good fun

Uh oh, more sad and snotty noises from upstairs, must go

Oh sorry ZJ it was you who mentioned the mystery shopper. Is that part of your job then? I would love that job.

I can't believe it the new name I chose is already being used...bum!

You are all so lovely. I haven't had any sleep yet. DD2 has been up and down about four times already - I'#ve lost count.

Mum and H said earlier they would do anything to show how much they loved me and I only had to ask. So i said I really need some unbroken sleep tonight. but they can't do that/ so I said can I get the night nanny back another time this week? (why am I asking , given that it's MY money that pays for it?!)

H won't "let" me do that as he says it unsettles DD2 too much - given that it was me who said I thought she was unsettled the day/night after - it's being used against me/

was it veggie who said this is sinisetr? you are so very very very right. I do know. I really do. It was just like this after DD1 - worse in many ways because I was a physical wreck

I am a s hit mother.

I know that. I know that a good mother would give up all her time for her children but I have the mortgage to pay so I can't and he wants me to enable him to go part time so I've done my best with the maths to make the figures work but now he's saying he wants three days of childcare even if he's only working two days a week.

I am so very very very stupid and can't believe I went on and had another child with him. I just love my DD1 so very very much and now I love my DD2 too - but it's not enough is it? Love isn't enough?

His father died years ago. I never met him. He left his mother for another woman. His mother then also had a string of boyfriends. They divorced...

Have given DD2 a dummy as she wouldn'tstop cryig. will pay for it for rest of night/morning probably.

sorry everyone

DD2 crying again

PS thank you all so much. More than I can say. You are all so very kind and help me not to feel so alone.

I hope when I go back to work I can regain some of my bonhomie and maybe even wit (?!) and not be so solipsistic all the time...

Verso dummies are all good I love them and I'm the worlds best mum, see I made a joke there. Verso can you get any help from the MS society. Do they have contacts for other sufferers spouses and partners in your area. It might help to have some support like that. If you could get a regular nanny the unsettling wouldn't be an issue because DD would get used to them. Verso finally don't punish yourself you have given life to 2 lovely little people and they are lucky to have you as a mum, lesser mums would have fallen apart by now but somehow you keep going, must be cos you love them so much. Your DH doesn't deserve you but they do.

And there is no such thing as bad mothers just different ways of doing things. If it works it's good.

Oh we have a proper thunder storm here with lightening.

Oh happy birthday LadyT have just noticed it's after midnight so I should go to bed but wanted to be the first to wish you all the best for a lovely day.

Night night verso I have to turn the Internet off now but will put the White light over you. I'm thinking of you even when I'm half asleep feeding J however many times I do tonight.

More white light for you Verso. Am just feeding M (first of many this evening I'll wager) then off to sleep for a bit but I'll keep checking in.

Being a good mother does not automatically mean being at home all day every day. You know yourself and your children, and you have to achieve a balance of all the competing demands. Working suits you and makes you the person you are - whihc is the best mother to your girls. The work thing is a stick with which to beat yourself but should not be part of the equation now - we just need to find a way to get you some decent support and decent sleep.

I'll be checking in from time to time, so you have some company from a different part of S London. Try to lie down even if you cannot get to sleep because of DD2 and be kind to yourself.

AM thinkking of you much.

And happy birthday to you too, LadyT, you gorgeous woman. Our basket is much enriched by your wise and witty posts, and by your friendship. I hope you have a glorious day.

verso some more good vibes/prayers/white light or whatever you want to call it coming from over here. really hope you're asleep and having some rest and support from your family. Just to echo what everyone else has said, you're not a bad mother, you're a woman in a very tough situation trying to do a huge number of things at once to keep your family together and do the best you can for them. That can hardly be seen as a bad thing.

DD has decided after yesterday's up at 3am for a feed then awake and playing til 7am, half hour nap, awake until 10am, that 4am is for wimps and she'd much rather wake up at midnight and play today. And will not be fed back to sleep or anything else, so am downstairs with her so dh can sleep. Though she has just yawned so with any luck she might remember this and stay sleepy on the way back upstairs - has wriggled for a good half hour so blimming well ought to be tired by now.

Happy birthday LadyT [balloons]

Thank you, everyone.

DD2 finally asleep. DD1 then just woke up sobbing . Well at least I was able to comfort and soothe her and get her back to sleep very quickly, though I think the tears are because of the tension and upset in the house.

JJ I hope your DD goes back to sleep soon.

Veggie thanks for your suggestion - but I tried the MS society a couple of years ago when things weren't great and they told me point blank that they can only help the sufferers themselves and can't do anything for the carers.

They do have online boards, but they're nowhere as active as MN, and I found it took days/weeks to get a reply. Also H dislikes the MS society himself and couldn't understand why I wanted to make contact with others in the same situation (an element of denial there...?)

Happy birthday LadyT. I would quite like to be 37 again! Thank you for all your support. You are a very strong and wise woman! I do hope you don't have any tension in your house on your birthday

DD2 awake...

Hey Verso. I hope DD2 back asleep by now and you are finally having some rest/sleep.
I think the night nanny would be ideal for you at the moment (as your H and mum can't give you the support at night) so try and discuss again in morning if you can. If it's your money... go for it.

Happy birthday LadyT!

I couldn't sleep until about 4am and then DD2 woke again at 4:30. I've just got her back to sleep again - but I'm not sure for how long.

I agree about the night nanny, modernlove, but H was really unhappy with the suggestion last night. He doesn't see how it will help. I will try to suggest it again this morning.

Morning verso I hope you are finally asleep now.

Agree with ladyt you need to try and use re help available to you and try and persuade dh and mum to help you get some sleep however you can. Things will seem better when you get more sleep and that will happen eventually. Sorry things are so shit at the moment.

Don't worry about the working thing I willnbe going back too so we and lots of others can be shit mums together!