June 07 - The one where we welcome Tallulahbelle's twin girls into the world :0)

[LackaDAISYcal]

hello

although I'm probably talking to myself.

no i missed it and still cant find it butterfly... know what you mean about the anxiety thing being a normal part of your day.

daisy i had another moment when the kids where int he bathroom tom was standing at top of stairs and i could almost see him falling and it made my heart stop for a bit, is that the sort of thing you mean?
oops about typo.. tricky lol!

chest is hurting today and have a cough, so i think it prob was a bug making me feel so rough last few days.

That sort of thing natty, but I've been getting them all the time, even when the kids aren't in any sort of dangerous situation and some of them are very dark thoughts indeed, which is what makes it more worrying

I suppose it's knowing what is and isn't normal.

ah i see what you mean daisy.
ive been having nightmares about something happening to ellen alot recently. like finding her dead
must be pregnancy tho, i always suffer with crazy pregnany dreams lol..

then again, i am a nutter so who knows?

will have a look butterfly, im fussy over my pots and pans lol
i cant stand non stick, has to be stainless steal.

but then again maybe i just like to stare at shiny things....

That was what was happening to me Daisy, so I still say it can't be that abnormal. I think if you worry about it and analyse it too much and conclude there's something wrong with you then that's far worse tha the initial thoughts themselves. Does that make any sense at all?

i forgot to post yesterday, i cut all ellens hair off!!
she is going thru a terrible stage where she wont leave it tied up, wont let me wash or brush it. and i said to her if you slap the brush away one more time im going to get daddy and we will cut it all off!

er.. so thats what it did.

she has a short bob and fringe now, and its staying that way till she gets old enough to be responsible!

evil mummy

Daisy I had a few really bad dreams and thoughts about things happening to jamlet when she was younger. And one particularly bad dream still makes me go cold thinking about it.

DH had a bad dream about throwing her across the room the other night, but we put that down to the excessive amount of gorganzola cheese he had before bed (Sorry, not trying to make light of anyone's situation)

Arse, jamlet having a good afternoon nap for first time in ages, so thought I would do some work. But flipping remote access connection isn't working. Have rung IT (posted last message while I was on hold to them ) but who knows when it'll get fixed? Still, means I can MN and generally relax guilt free!

lol jammy!
always good when you have an excuse to mn!

Daisy, I really think those flashes are normal. Or I'm another 'abnormal' one here.

Its kind of like imagining the worst thing possible, you're holding a knife, what's the worst thing that can happen? Is it the responsibility we feel? What would we do if something truely dreadful happens?

I have dark thoughts.

I like to lie in bed at night and break into a cold sweat about my death, and the moment I die.

But I only do it when I'm over-tired.

God. I'm mad too, aren't I?

Nutty as fruitcakes, the lot of us

Sputnik

me too. all the fecking time. drowning, knives, heights, suffocation, the lot. we walked the other week along the bay in town where 2 kids and their mother were swept out to sea by the waves (they we're wave-dodging, but it's that kind of place) and our walk was spoilt by me lecturing the boys on the dangers of the sea

I have been told in no uncertain terms by DH that I need to go back to the GP. but I feel it's like oh, it's January/been 6 months and Ria's depressed again. I HATED the counselling, it did not help me because I didn't want to talk. Because actually there's nothing to talk about. I don't want to go back unless they can give me something that works and will take it away for ever.

This new stuff with DS1 isn't helping, actually I feel worse.

I am going for a lie down (but I feel bad about doing that now too). Dh is in so he can watch the boys for a bit.

we're should be weren't, they went on to a slipway to watch the waves

Sounds like anxiety to me....funnily enough I suffer as well.....not so much flashes as you describe but DH has only got to be a few minutes late home and I'm imagining all sorts....my counsellor has often said to me "well, have any of these incidents actually happened"...which of course they haven't but it is SO hard to stop....and then of course all the horrible things that have happened, I haven't seen coming

I'm a bloody expert on anxiety and panic attacks ....my poor baby has got to be closely monitored for 48 hours cos of my anxiety drugs

Go with it Daisy....increase the dose and see if it helps....hopefully now you're getting more into the groove with 3 DCs and getting a bit more sleep, that will help as well....

meant to say....good to see you back Butterfly

Ria, get yourself to the GP....they can help...

i know how you feel ria, i feel like the pills didnt work, and my counselling starts on friday (after making me wait a year)
i am reluctant to admit to a problem now, because i dont feel like anything they give me can help. but i am going to try the counselling as been feel gradually more down and anxious since got pregnant.

we are all a nutty lot arnt we

while we are dicussing our pychees(sp?!), does anyone know if a tramatic event with a past partner over three years ago should still be giving me nightmares? or should i get counsilling for that too?

yup. mad as a hatter.

Speaking of psychees and stuff, I did this test as part of a trining course yesterday, had to answer 61 questions (peculiar number I though) with I agree/disagree, then from that you worked out what your personality was. Apparently I am emotional, but resiliant, I am fairly logical and good at decision making but can be a little on the hasty side, and have a good balance between being strict and nurturing. I actually think I agree with that.

oh jammy that sounds like a good test

It was. Shame there's so much stuff that it's a bit much to type up to send to you guys.

Natty, yes, you could still be suffering - its been labelled Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder I think.

It's great that you are getting counselling at last, and in good time for your next baby. You are absolutely doing the right thing going, just make sure you can string it out if necessary until this bub is 6 months old and you can get a handle on how you feel. Would be shit if you got PND and the counselling had finished.

I don't mind being barking mad in good company

The counselling I get is 8 sessions at a time and must be gaps of 3 months between "episodes"....or go private. That or nothing around here.

Meant to say earlier Natty, thanks for offer of vests.....but I've been to Asda and picked up their last pack and will get the rest on-line....along with a few other things no doubt....those shops you linked to Daisy and Sputnik are lovely! This size doesn't appear be particularly easy to get hold of...thanks anyway.

i did wonder foxy, as its scares me how jumpy the dreams make me the next day, and i keep thinking i see him in crowds if i then go out that day.

lol so now i sound super crazy!

i will be dragging it out until after baby born, because i cant wait that long again. if i had known when i was first diagnosed it would have made me feel so hopeless.

only problem now is that its miles away! yay for a 2 hour bus ride

Same here Norty, only I think the GP said 6 sessions. She recommended a provate clinic to me, where they charge according to your ability to pay. I have yet to get the courage to ring them however.

Well, I can only speak from personal experience, and tbh, it hasn't taken away the need for ADs, but I have found it hugely useful....just to speak to someone about things who isn't judgemental in any way (and is totally confidential of course).

I feel that MN is also a bit of an outlet for me and you all know things about me that I would never discuss with some of my RL friends, or that DH would understand, and my counselling is an extension of that. Perhaps try the free sessions Jammy....does your GP refer you? Mine did.

Bloody hell, my dog has just let out the most disgusting fart....sorry!