November 2008 - Cooing babies, tired ladies

[LackaDAISYcal]

now I'm off to catch up.

pinky god, I read that link, poor you. Am quite godsmacked that your mum has treated you like this. My dad grew up with a real BasTard of a step dad (he was a war baby) and it made him an absolutely AMAZING dad as he knew what it was like to grow up feeling unloved by a parent. Therefore, you must be an AMAZING mum!!!

In my opinion, if your mum is STILL making you feel like this, then you should cut ties and give her a taste of how it feels to be hurt. What do your siblings say on this matter? are they aware??? How does your mum treat your kids (and compared to siblings). Because my worry, if it were me, would be that she would treat the kids or even try and play them of against you when they are older.

have probably X posted, was feeding Tiger

Me and DH had huge row

Over something silly, DD1 saw and heard everything

He's gone out but I am not making friends, nothing is ever his fault.

I'm a bit paranod of talking about it here in case she finds it- the 'all seeing eye' bit, methinks. DB is the 'golden boy' of the piece, and I am the 'scapegoat', I think. I firmly believe that Dsis is damamged by it, too. But M has made a an excellent job of playing us off against each other it is very hard and I can't trust them.
I had a breakdown as a young teen and my m has always described how I made her life 'hell'- note she doesn't recognise that things were not exactly peachy for me.
Anyhoo. Don't want to hijack our lovely PN thread with this. I may post a thread about it this evening if I get chance, as I really need some advice.

Sorry to hear that, coolkat. Men usually are perfect- hadn'rt you noticed??

DM the thing that drew me to thre other thread initially was because she often 'accidentally' refers to herself as mummy to them. There is other stuff too but I can't gointo it now.

Pinky, just be careful posting on here as you often get unwanted comments or made to feel like it was your fault. Some people either like to play devil's advocate I think.

I was having a really hard time with DH when I was pregnant with DD, and we got into a physical fight in which he dragged me up three staris and into the bedroom and threw me on the bed. I was and posted on here about it and got comments to the effect that I had obviously wound him up and made him do it and it was my own fault. I was really ill with AND at the time and it felt horrible to be so accused. Thankfully those comments were in the minority, but it has made me wary about posting vulnerable stuff on here.

There is a thread called "we took you stately homes" or something like that; it might be safer posting on there. And you could do a namechange to keep yourself annonymous and not searchable if you are worried about anyone reading your posts.

DM He has about 4-5oz of formula a day but on Friday and Sat night he guzzled down 6oz at the 10pm feed so I wonder if that has affected him. He was also up every hour in the night on Friday and Sat so I think he gave himself a tummy ache or something by guzzling so much. We are using Aptimil.

Daisy I read diluted prune juice not straight stuff. Maybe I will try some normal water first then.

Thanks ladies!

M just had his jabs and he screamed a whole new cry - I even had a tear in my eye as I could tell he was in actual pain.

Sorry for not catching up with everyone else - gotta go feed my angel.

Hey I just realised if I go give M some diluted prune juice now I will be conforming to GF's routine perfectly!!

choco, maybe some calpol is needed?

I'll be dosing Fin up before he has his jabs as a pre-emptive measure.

He has suddenly become a happy smiley boy over the last few days and spends his time gurgling at DS1 and DD.

It has happened along with sleeping better and having less wind. co-incidence? I don't think so.

Thanks again, daisy I will have a look tonight when I have some free time.

choc Calpol a good idea after jAbs, is legs will be sore as much as anything. I'm not sold on the juice idea, personally.

And I can't believe someone could post something so awful to you- that's shameful.

wrote a massive long post and pressed something. all got deleted.

thanks for advice re. boobs. may try and feed them both off one boob and see how that works and just swap who goes first each time...may do the trick, though am not looking forward to what state the other boob will be in. Engorged, hot, blocked ducts! We'll see. I will try for a few days and see if my boobs really are as wonderful as you say they are daisy

pinky, read the link you posted. most of my previous post was to you. am so shocked and sad. angry on your behalf and WANT her to find a thread about herself! i mean, how do people get like this. would be worried about your kids, but am sure you have a very close eye on them after what you have been through. don't worry at all to hijack this thread. for me the thread is about more than babies, but about seeking/ giving support in all areas. i always look at your blankets and think how lovely they are. looking at them makes me happy you know! the babies look so cute in them. and i am very careful not to get them dirty so they don't need a lot of washing. i am going to keep them and not give them away to anyone, they will have them in their 'memory boxes'.

coolkat, had a similar argument with dh with the added benefit of my parents being there. nice! i am sure your dd won't be scarred for life. as long as it doesn't happen all the time. this is how i make myself feel better anyway !

well, gotta give comp back to dh.

take care

Daisy calpol for the jabs or constipation?? I did buy some today just in case he was upset after his jabs but he seems ok (except for the constipation groaning )

thanks guys, sometimes you just need the light of dy to get things into perspective.
No, did not mean to just let him cry and cry, but to let him cry for a few minutes intstead of going to him immediately. But think shuushing would be a better option.
J has, of course, been a dream today
Think things with DH will improve with time. He was rotten, to begin with, with DD too. This to will pass

hey all, getting my evening fix before I have to get dinner on, all kids asleep and DH will not be impressed if I am MN-ing when he gets home!

pinky perhaps use this thread as a vent - I know I do. Along with lots of other's. I think we are in relative safety here with nobody bitching about anything. Problem if you start another thread (unless anonymous as a name change) as Daisy says, you can get some really horrible comments. My first ever thread I was utterly dissedd for my spellin' . Merry is right in saying that nobody on here is going to judge you....it's a love fest

Have you spoken to your Dsis about her? Does she feel the same??? I am utterly appalled that she calls herself "mummy" to them. Sounds as if she needs help. Sure she is doing it to get a readction and to make you feel like shite no??

Question for you all - who posted our first ever post??!!!

hugs to those that need them - twinkling deffo go for the "SHUSH, SHUSH" method. I have just spent 10mins doing it with Tiger, who for some reason is unsettled tonight, which as you know, is VERYunlike her.......

Dozy Heartmum2jamie I believe started us on Feb 25th!!

Still not talking to DH.

Both girls settled upstairs - for how long I don't know. Its going to be a very cold night so I may leave the heating on low all night - What do you all do?

Anyway just a flyng visit as going to chill out, got to start the school run tomorrow. x

Just popping in - didn't get chance to catch up yesterday and it took ages to read through all the posts!
Sounds like several of us are having a really rough time at the moment - Obs, Twinkling and Pinky in particular Hope things get better soon with the LOs and Obs that your GP can help. Hope the school run went OK. Pinky, I really feel for you and your situation with your Mum - as the others have said, do please keep talking to us, that's what we're here for.
Daisy Glad J seems to be improving and that you're having an easier time.
Coolkat Men are a pain at times! Hope you get things sorted out and he apologises. I leave the heating on low all night, we never turn it off in the winter. All our radiators have thermostatic valves so we just adjust those and the thermostat as required.
Choc Hope M is still OK after his jabs and that his constipation clears up soon - it's not going to be pretty when he does eventually go!
Thanks to all those who responded to my exploding poo question - we had another huge one yesterday and E ended up with another impromptu bath, but today has been better, she's done 3 already and the nappies can cope with smaller ones! Pinky I am using disposables atm, although I do want to use cloth nappies. I just wanted to get myself sorted before tackling that one. I'll have to go back over some of our old threads for the nappy recommendations.
We've had a couple of unsettled evenings which have ended up with E screaming her head off for a good half an hour which has been distressing for all of us. I'm wondering if she's teething because one cheek has been red since this afternoon and she's been sucking on her hands and dribbling a bit more than normal. I think somebody else mentioned that their LO had a tooth coming through but can't remember who it was. I suppose I can just run my finger round her gum to see if it is that? Touch wood she's more settled tonight and is asleep in the sling as I type after a really unsettled afternoon.

Stupid question from a first-timer - if it is a tooth coming through, which teeth appear first?

Dozy Coolkat is correct - it would have been HM2J who started it but I don't know the date. We were on the same TTC board together and I remember when she got her BFP and said she was due 1 Nov - so I suggested she started the AN thread for Nov and she did - little did I know I would be on it

Pinky how awful that you are having to deal with such cr*p but at least you recognise it for what it is and are accepting of it. As the others have said, don't worry about using this thread as a sounding board - we are here for more than just baby talk!

To whoever is having trouble settling their lo's during the day (I know Ladybuzz was one) - Sam is exactly the same!! At night, he goes into his crib without any problem, sends himself off to sleep, goes back down with no fuss after a feed etc - but during the day, he cannot settle himself at all - it is like I have 2 different babies tbh!! I will try the Sssh method tomorrow but it is difficult when DS1 is around as I don't have the time to sit next to Sam doing it!

Twinkling leaving them to cry for a little is fine IMO - when you have another child to consider, there is no other option is there??

Obs so sorry you and your DH are going through this - good you can admit your feelings to each other and I think going to the doctors might be a good idea! I am not sure if this would happen now but a friend of mine went to the doctors when her DS was a newborn (he is now 13) and not sleeping at all saying she couldn't cope and he prescribed some sort of sleeping tablets for her DS - basically to get his body clock reset.

Sam seems to be moving to just one feed a night (touch wood) - he tends to wake around 2ish for a feed and then again around 6ish - however I know GF would still consider this as a night feed but it seems to me the start of the day!!

Has anyone any ideas to help me? We are going to DH's uncles party on Saturday and I have absolutely nothing to wear!! I am living in my maternity jeans and combat pants at the moment - I have given all my work (aka smart) maternity clothes away to charity as I didn't think I would need them again. None of my old clothes fit and when I went shopping before Christmas, all the pants that fit on my bum/legs wouldn't do up....help!! I really don't want to spend money on a pair of maternity pants (as they will probably be the only things that sit on my stomach without bulging!!) - a dress would be ok I suppose but expensive for one occasion!!

ceebee I have same dilemma - I bought a pair of smart jeans from monsoon - size 16, bootcut style NOT HIPSTER which was ace...you can then dress up for dinner/parties with killer heels and a pretty top, or dress down with a hoody and MBT's as I am wearing today!!!!

hi ceebee. i'm not exactly the fashion queen but 2 thoughts:

• leggings (elasticated!) or tights, knee boots and a loose mini dress/ long top. Wore this the other day and got called 'sexy mamma' by 3 friends!
• I find skinny jeans ok as they do up very low, basically under 'bump' and are made of stretchy stuff. I wear them with knee boots and loose top as legs are the only vaguely shapely part of my body anymore!

Paranoid pinky here
ceebee I find something like a tea dress quite flatterring as it drapes over rather than creating bulges, but has a 'fitted' shape, IYKWIM. It won't be a waste as they make quite comfy everyday summer dresses, too?

cricri teeth. usually the front teeth, top or bottom, but DD1 got the two at each side first- which was very uncomfy as my nipple would get sucked into the gap between them- ouch! You may not see a tooth as such, but a 'bud' which is a lumpy tooth shaped bump in the gum. It can take months form fist signs of teething to an acual tooth.

And I wasn't trying to pressure you into using cloth, I hope you didn't think that.

choc Calpol for sore legs!

RE the other thingYou are all so kind.

DM/ merry no point in her reading a thread about herself- she would deny all wrong-doing. I don't think she has ever apologised to me for anything. It has been quite a revelation seeing that it's a recognised pattern of behaviour.

DH and I have been finding her increasingly hard to work out. She was awful before and during the birth of DD2 actually rang DH to have a go because we had the audacity to say no to her about something very trivial, then the weepy nonsense about wanting to see the children (who she is not 'putting her life on hold for') and then coming over with a friend and food for the freezer etc. and wanting to help.

We thought she had had a change of heart, but then all the crap started up again- it's been like this all my life. I realise now that the being nice bit is just a way of wrong-footing me- especially as it will look to my friends and family as though I have nothing to complain about.

Dsis lives on the other side of the world and has so much on her plate. I cannot trust that she wouldn't jst tell M everything. We are all kept in our own little bubble through years of 'disinformation'. My SIL spouts the 'your always were over sensitive' line to me verbatim- she's got all her info from M - I find that a bit of a tasteless joke.

Honestly- it's all there- even down to the crap gifts. SHe gave my daughter some of my old toys for her birthday- didn't even tidy them up a bit- I didn't realise they were hers to 're-give', but there you go.

I have awful clothes that don't fit etc. that I have accpeted graciously whilst she shows me what she has bought for herself to replace them. DH says I should have a ceremonial burning of those.

I have been concerned as she likes to compare my children to me and my siblings- and does appear to greatly favour my son. TBH I don't think she'll be seeing very much of them at all from now on. I just have to do it carefully so she doesn't suspect I am deliberately withdrawing from her. V.complicated.

I do feel a bit liberated. The line about always feeling deep down that I had done something very wrong but never knew what is so true, and I think finding this info has helped lift that slightly. Though I keep having waves of 'it's all in yuor head'.

One of the things that is a bit sickening is realising that all those times I was miserable from being bullied, she would have enjoyed watching me suffer. She loves it when I'm upset, as she feels very in control.

do we call you furry, stripey or tiger?

We must do that meet up sooner rather than later so we can all give you a big hug .

I hope you're getting some advice from the lovely MNers out there.

I am lolling, in a slightly moronic way, at ceebee with her unsettled in the day, not a problem at night issue. We are the exact opposite here . Nearly 2 by the time bumble settled last night and then he slept all day, and there is no waking him, we have tried. Still one bad night out of about five isn't bad; we are seeing progress.

Choco, calpol was for jabs, but I think you've figured that by this time.

Daisy lol at you lolling at me I realise that I have the better deal

Furry (as I think I will call you) - really big sympathies to you and thank god DH is on your side aswell to support you through it!

Thanks for the suggestions about an outift - I will go shopping on Wednesday and see what I can find - although I might struggle with Dozys suggestion as my backward town does not have a Monsoon