Evening - sorry I posted and dissapeared but have been at my brothers most of the day and as they live in new build house still waiting for phone line so no internet access.
Basically its a long long story - as some of you know DH at times has a problem with alcohol (he doesnt drink in the week but 'binges' at weekends) he had his boys night out friday, he came home around 4am (I knew it would be late but thought 2-3am but normally I text/ring to see where he is and it pisses him off so I didnt do it) girls up at 6am so I took them downstairs, did breakfast, got them ready etc etc. They were in a 'screechy' mood so I took them out so DH got a decent sleep (knew I was going out last night so wanted him to be 'awake' enough in the evening)
He got up around 10.30am and was in a foul, snappy mood I'D already arranged to see my parents in the afternoon and took the girls out (he was going to come but told him not to bother as he was so snappy) I got home mid afternoon and nodded of on sofa for half an hour he had looked after them but let them go back in paddling pool with no sunlotion on (ellie very fair so got burnt shoulders ) but he'd also let them walk in and out so floors were soaking and he hadnt started their dinners.
I cooked their dinners, washed up, bathed them, put Hattie to bed spent 20mins getting ready and went out with future SIL. I had a feeling before I went that something wasnt right and ideally wanted Ellie in bed but she stayed up with 'd'h. I couldnt rest and said to SIL that I had a feeling he'd have a drink (he is incapable of having '1' so one glass of wine always turns into a bottle) and that because he was tired from friday night it would affect him (he crashes out). I rang at 8.30 and Ellie had gone to bed but I wasnt happy but went to see film but couldnt relax.
Got home at 11.15pm to find Hattie sobbing upstairs on the landing (she'd obviously been crying for a while as her ehyes were red and she was doing the 'sob' breathing) DH was crashed on sofa he didnt even hear me come in let alone her crying. I sorted Hattie out and came downstairs and admittley didnt deal with it very well I kicked him, he woke up and started shouting and being really nasty. I phoned my brother and was on verge of getting girls up to go there but decided ti move them both in bed with me. I was so so so angry that he could get himself into that state when he had sole charge of the girls, they could have been sick, there could have been a fire and he wouldnt have been able to sort any of it because he'd drunk to much and couldnt even hear Hattie crying.
I hardly slept and Ellie woke me at 5.30 saying 'Mummy I called you last night and noone came' when I said 'you knew Mummy was out' she said she wanted a wee and a drink and she called daddy but he didnt come so she came downstairs (climbing over stait gate at top of stairs so could have easily fallen) and she said she couldnt wake daddy up and that she was scared because the back doors were open so she went upstairs and got herself a drink from bathroom tap. Ellie really picked up on teh Madeleine McCann thing the other week when it was on the TV (the anniversary news story) and had asked why the little girl was on TV alot and her mummy looked sad, at the time I decided to tell her that the little girl had got lost, but she was ok and safe but the people looking after her didnt have a telephone therefore couldnt ring her Mummy. Ellie said she was scared that Daddy wouldnt wake up and i wasnt there.
So all in all I am sure you can understand why I am so so so so angry, what he did was child neglect and the thing that at some point both of them were awake and he didnt hear/deal with them was the final thing. He knows that Hattie is tething and waking and he also knows Ellie worries if I go out.
He turned up at party we wnet to (mainly his friends) I didnt speak to him and reminded him that he was not to come home, he said he wanted to see the girls thenwas going to his parents. MIL has phoned and DH has told them everything (normally he'd deny it or make it less than it was) she and FIL have gone ballistic at him and MIL has printed lots of info about binge drinking off net and FIL has spent ages talking to him and it seems to be sinking in.
He has rang loads but I havent answered. I have said he needs to sort the binge weekend drinking out as I never get a break from kids as he doesnt wake up in morning to sort them if he has been drinking. I want a few days to think what I want, if he'll get help then maybe I can start letting him back in our lives but for the time being the answer is no. The girls are now in bed and I am physically and mentally exhausted so wont be going to bed late.
Sorry its so long, muddly and confusing (was typing as I was thinking) and thankyou for yout thoughts today xx