Hi, am okay, just really stressed at the moment.
Would love a holiday, but am so busy at work, I can't really take time away. (Though even bunking in a playhouse is beginning to look highly attractive )
Dd has started to be upset about me being at work all the time and it is just getting to me.
She does only go to nursery from around 9.30 until 4.30, which is quite a short day- and certainly less than she used to. The time around that she spends at home with DH, as he is working from home. She is just such a mummy's girl though, and she obviously misses me a lot. She is really dragging out the mornings, getting ready, trying to keep me home as long as possible (she will only let me dress her/ do nappy/ hair etc...unless it's DH who has to go off early, in which case Papa has to do everything ).
Having been pg the 2nd time we have realised that we do REALLY want another Dc- even though I always swore I'd just have one (I hated having siblings ), so I'm stressed about that, and how we'll cope in our teeny tiny house, plus cope with me not working (sanity-wise, rather than income-wise I think! )
I'm worried that dd is being held back at nursery- she has been kept in a lower age group due to lack of places, and I feel it is beginning to bother her now (she is in with 14mo upwards- she is the oldest). She has managed to spend a couple of afternoons with the next group up- which she loved- but I was upset when the staff in that room gushed to me at how far ahead in her development she was... as I know she is not really having her needs met. I can see she is starting to be less enthusiastic about nursery, and at weekends, she keeps asking when we are going to visit schools again .
Of course, DC2 means we are probably not going to be able to afford independent education- we would manage a comfortable lifestyle were it just DD, but with 2, it would be a stretch, and I do not want them to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed amongst their peers.
Coupled with that, there is a restructure going on at work, and I was lined up to have quite a nice, interesting job, which would use my skills properly (as opposed to the role I have now, which is just getting me down soooo much, as I hate it even though the hours are pretty flexible even if they're long, and the pay is good- I don't want much, do I?).
I told my manager about my m/c, as I had to leave work, and also took a couple of days off, and she has suddenly gone cold on the idea of my new role, as she has realised I am hoping to not be around for a couple of years .
So I spent quite a while this morning, moaning, ranting, crying, and being consoled by my 'work mummy'- colleague who is my surrogate mum, but who is so overworked too, that we never get chance to just talk anymore.