March 2007-Today our babies will mostly be eating.............

[KITTYmaspudding]

ok, new thread, old one full!!

Christmascrackerboldy is a fantastic christmas name! Are you all ready now? It's only a week away...eek! I'm not ready, I keep remembering more people I have to get for it's like someone keeps moving the goalposts and I think I'll never be finished christmas shopping.
My funds are gone now too (poobums-that's me swearing you wouldn't catch me saying little bastard I'm a vicars daughter )

Don't worry Mossy we know you are nice. Pity you can't do the shopping...you could keep finest labels and paste them on to the cheaply packaged stuff...
Not sure if you are allowed to sell husbands on ebay...what about the for sale threads on mumsnet though? see how much you could get for him

I cook a lot of indian food, chicken curries using bone in free range thigh meat, miles cheaper than supermarket non free range non organic breast.
Buy whole spices online and have massive stock for outlay of less than £20.00 keep me for 6 mths plus.
Lentils and chickpeas make stunning meals, cheaply.
Plus things like fried rice with nice ham or bacon/frozen prawns.

We are not struggling for dosh particularly atm and have no limits on what I can spend reasonably, so given that...

When we were tight tight we really knuckled down and lived on £40 per week from Lidls etc and went vege with baked beans and soups.

Meat every night not healthy either

Mossy does your dh like curry? Me and Piffle could tell you how to make some.

My postman is probably younger than me and just really friendly. I see him more often than dh so I'm probably transfering!

Moss- you could always halve the portions!!! that way the food would last twice as long!

Thing is, I know we could halve our shopping bills if he would just cook meals without the meat, if he would do stuff like eat chicken thigh rather than breast, if he would cut down and we would cut our cloth accordingly as the saying goes.

Tbh there is part of me that thinks I would not even nec need to do paid work at least not full time if we lived according to our means.

We even did it, while I was preggers and on mat leave. But no he didn't like it. He is really into his posh food and really fussy about it.

I think more than anything for him it is symbolic. He is a bit of a snob in some ways and sees "nice food" (you know stuff out of the Jamie Oliver cookbook which is terribly expensive per head) as a symbol that he has most definitely "done well for himself".

He is just not willing to cut back on these things. I will try to explain properly later but have to go now....

Mossy, it could be worse, at least you benefit from his eating hobby and he's not spending a fortune down the bookies/pub or on golf clubs or fishing tackle or telescopes.
I think it's not so much the food, the issue is that you are not yet ready to return to work and leave Bertie. I would be in a big strop about that too. Are there any work from home jobs going? Is it hard to earn enough as a freelance writer?...you would be great at that.

Rosy you are as usual very wise and have hit the nail on the head I think.

It's not just about the food, or even not being ready to leave Bertie (although it is that) it's also about dh's attitude to me "not working" (i.e. looking after Bertie, which is work, just of a different sort, and unpaid). He just doesn't value it really.

Certainly he doesn't value it to make a few sacrifices. He thinks that if he did, it would be something he'd be doing solely for my benefit because I don't want to return to work because I have it dead easy at home.

And it's not that at all - the thought of work doesn't scare me. Ffs, I used to work a 50+ hour a week stress-head job; 37.5 to me is more like part-time in some ways!

It's that I don't want to leave Bertie yet; I'm certainly not ready and I'm not sure he is yet either. I feel dh is being a bit unkind about the whole thing. Yesterday he said to me (he was in a bad place to be fair) "if you've not got something by January Mum [his Mum] is going to take him anyway full-time and you can make job seeking your full-time job until you have found something!" it was almost as if he was saying, "if you've not found something by then I'll punish you by removing Bertie"!!

Yes you're right I suppose if he wasn't spending out on posh grub and drink he'd be spending it on the geegees or down in the pub or something like that.

There is a part of me which thinks that at least when I'm back in work full-time dh can't say anything about the housework or baby care along the lines of "well I work so I can't possibly do X/Y/Z".

i will catch up later,i have been staying away for a bit,now all the other threads have dropped off my list i have bookmarked this thread and will be sticking to it!

mossy-i read your last post and i am by your dh's attitude.who on earth does he think he is,telling you that you have to leave your son?.
if alot of your money is going on posh food etc and he refuses to give that up then how on earth would he cope if(god forbid)he lost his job and you had to survive on benefits?he would have to make sacrifices then.
are you getting tax credits?
if you aren't ready to leave Bertie yet then do what you think is right for him,you cant get this time again.and just because it could be worse doesnt mean you have to put up with a situation you're not happy with.

i better go and see who's killing who in the front room

Mossy, I would be well pissed off if I were you and if anyone tried to take any of my kids away ( actually that's just an example as I'm always trying to get rid of them,) but if they were to try I would go mental and I mean mental.
He's your baby son and he will never be a baby again (but will always be a baby to you).

Does your dh think he is going to forcefully remove him from your arms and hand him to your mil?
That's not going to happen is it?

mossy, your dh does seem to give the impression that it's his way or nothing quite a lot of the time.....

on a lighter note... Dr Who is returning on Christmas Day isn't it?! Mossy will be getting her DT fix

I'm really behind again. I just read all the posts and can't remember any of them

DD is dashing round the furniture and up to no good all the time. She seems to have a little routine of destruction. IF I could find the time to tidy up, perhaps I could get everything out of her reach

Every time DH is here he has an agenda of things to do so I still can't get my stuff done... I bought all the Xmas presents in October but just can't get them wrapped.

Every time I pick up the phone DD falls over, bangs her head and screams. Every time. Then she pops over to press all the buttons on my keyboard. Esp the caps lock. I should be more tolerant but the sheer routine of it is driving me mad, plus I'm totally deaf in one ear and can't get it syringed until Friday. Bah humbug.

£70 a week, I think I could do with £70 over 2 weeks at the moment. We did spend a fortune a while back, but we had to cut down, for health and fiscal reasons! Hope he sees the sense soon Mossy!

I'm so not ready for christmas this year, can we delay it a week please?

Have to admit also Mossy your DH has some tactics and verbal which define him firmly as a bully.
My way or the highway

Not making sacrifices for you to spend more time mothering Bertie (esp given the breastfeeding frequency and sleepless nights) is very selfish.

You both have differing priorities

You could joke about leaving him, and calculate what the CSA would take
That always stops DP if he jokes about me not earning my keep (that said he only ever said it once)

Mossy - I assume you have seen the threads where people have ishoos re MIL provided childcare...

Mossy - Have to say, there would probably be A&E involved if DP said anything like that to me...

LOL I concur!

Piffle... useful comment about CSA!! I feel for your situation Mossy - it is plain to see that you would prefer your 'work' to be a full-time Mama and it is a shame that this is, in a way, being refused.

£70 does seem like a lot for shopping. We don't eat organic and we do have meat most nights (staple Kiwi diet of meat and three veg ). When I used to shop weekly and to a budget, I spent £50 for us and dd. I can't remember the last time I properly shopped... it used to be a Sunday morning job and now it's the last thing on my mind.

I'm really happy with the wheelybug thingamajig (well, I hope that I will be). I was shopping online for a walker when I saw it... and read lots of reviews and recommendations. It will be Kate's only present! I would say that she doesn't know what is going on except that she has torn the gift tags off the presents that have arrived!! I'll be looking for something for dd on Saturday. Hubs big dd is arriving from NZ on Thursday too. I will send pressies back with her for our families... which I will buy in the sales .

Kate went down about 5 tonight, she had a bottle and a breast feed at 8 and went back to bed. I'm sure it will be an early start for us tomorrow!!

Hope all the babies are over their bugs and everyone is feeling better x x

erm...sorry to shatter your dreams everyone but the CSA don't really exist

i think i spend about £100-120 a week on shopping,thats including disposable nappies for 2 children.
(and obviously food for 7 people and 2 cats)

we all have colds,Elsie is teething and isnt sleeping well.the 2 lo's are both coughing and waking up every 5 minutes.that'll teach me to tell the new neighbours my kids are all in bed by 8pm and sleep all night

The CSA are crap but perhaps Mossys DH might not know that or want to leave it to fate.
FWIW I'd not want to be on the wrong side of Mossy, she's one fearsome wench

Family spread far and wide Bella! We are having all the kiwis this year. Well and a australian, we have to have her as she is my youngest brothers FIANCE. My other brothers girlfriend is Bulgarian (and so thin, glamorous and beautiful and clever and sophisticated
And then my brothers best mate and his wife and 10 mth old dd (practically our family too I've know them forever)
So no in laws, just a whole load of Londoners who desire home cooked food... YAY! No pressure!

Piff - - you deserve a sainthood for doing all that and having three kids to worry about. {feels faint at even the thought of catering for that many...}

I'm supposed to be preparing for an interview tomorrow and I have been doing some stuff, but to be honest I'm so out of the work type loop that I fear I'm going to go in and babble uselessly, or worse, my brain will go post-child dead on me and I won't even be able to remember my own name.... The trouble is I've missed a year's whole events which is not good news when you're trying to convince a panel of people you know what you're talking about! I'm hoping they will take maternity leave into account. The one good thing is I did work for one of the people on the panel for a short period about 18 months ago and she did seem to like me in that she wanted me to stay on in the department but it couldn't be arranged in the end. Oh well, I suppose nothing ventured etc. I just hope I don't go too incredibly red in the face as I am wont to do.

Snoo, I did wonder if the period was real, and was fooled into thinking it might not have been for a while at the weekend as I seemed not to have one, but come yesterday the floodgates opened so to speak - SORRY that's way tmi, I know. Ho hum. I've spoken to two friends in the past two days who have both told me they are pg too! It was like this when I was trying to get pg the last time, although as that was over three years, hardly surprising, but it seemed like everybody I knew just about who was in that place in their lives had a baby. Four of my friends are expecting between next week and next June.

Who wanted to know about bedtime routine? DS generally has tea between 5-6, then some form of play/distraction/etc, then either a bath or wash and change, maybe reading then bottle between 7-7.30 and bed. He does generally go to sleep, maybe might cry a little bit, or wake up again shortly after, but not that often. Varies on waking at night, sometimes goes through till 6-6.30, sometimes wakes between 2-4 and depending how he is may need milk to get him back off - this doesn't happen too often, but did last night. He has been waking in the middle of the night more often recently, but be does have a cough which is waking him up.

Hello all. I still have only two presents bought for Christmas.... help! Once the interview is over, it's full steam ahead for Yule. Will get tree tomorrow, get rest of decs up and get the effing presents!!!! Six shopping days left .

hi again!

mossy sorry you are so fed up at the moment!
we spend about £100 a week plus £30 in the butchers (although I'm going to stop going to the butchers for a bit as there is a stckpile in my freezer!) there are 7 of us.
I feel that I am lucky to be able to be a sahm, but we definitely have to make sacrifices - i would love a cleaner!it's that you are prepared to do that but he isn't - as kitty said they are only babies once.

Rosy loving your name actually!
all ready for xmas except for a bit of wrapping and food shopping.
it was dd2's 8th birthday yesterday and that always seems to spur me on!

oh and i'm only up now as my nose is so stuffed up that i can't sleep!, so thought i might as well get up and do something useful!

Hi everyone

Crackerboldy I feel like that after ds2 birthday way back on 6th dec, I've been getting ready for christmas since then and I'm still not organised!

Piffle you sound like my sister who loves to cook and feed loads of people! She's catering for 17 on christmas though we will try to help. My nerves would be wrecked.

Good luck for the interview Callie!

Mossy, earlier on you were assuring us that you are nice really but sometimes it's okay to be not nice. people take advantage without even realising it. I have this problem a bit too, probably worse (I'm a total walk over )
Our set up is the opposite though. My dh is a caveman bit old fashioned and doesn't think I should go to work (not that I could afford the childcare) but then he goes on a bit of a power trip over 'his' money. He hands it out to me like sweeties and I have no idea where the limits are. We have lots of debt but he doesn't worry my fluffy little head about that ) And I fantisise about eventually being in control of my own finances!

Evenhoping, I know how you feel, my house is a massive tip. And I do have a cleaner two hours a week, her tidying lasts for one day . But she was sick this week . I actually do loads in between sitting on the computer but I am constantly overwhelmed. The beasties continuously generate one ton of washing and mess.

Everyone thanks for your support.

Dh apologised to me yesterday evening (after some prompting though) about his comment about Bertie going to mil's whether or not I was working.

TheBlonde I too am not 100% sure about mil as carer, but have said that I am happy to try it for six months and see what happens then.

The irony is, if she wasn't there to provide childcare then we would have to pay, and I think that at that point dh might actually see the benefit of me stopping at home and agree to cut our cloth accordingly.

The £70 a week is a heck of a lot I think and I'm glad others agree with me because I was starting to think I was going a bit mad! Two adults, two dogs and a cat. Disposable nappies (thanks to me pushing to use cloth - another thing he wasn't happy about at first) and no formula (thanks to me sticking with breastfeeding despite him initially being an arse about it) are two expenses we don't have of course. Bertie costs nothing really!

See the awful thing is, I do think my dh is a bit like yours Rosy in that he doesn't want me to worry my pretty little head with finances. Trouble is he is only half caveman and the other half of him is a kn*bhead.

See the ADs have helped him a bit; he's not as much as an arse as he was back when I was on here complaining about him every day.

But it's almost like he is saying he needs all his nice things (expensive food & wine) in order not to be depressed. Like his life would not be worth living without organic pork escallops in breadcrumbs with a bottle of cabernet sauvignon.

You know Piffle the funny thing is he used to "joke" about the CSA back when I was talking seriously about leaving him. He'd say, "well you'd never survive without me it'd take you long enough to get the CSA payments" etc. Seriously! Then again that was back before he had the ADs.

Sorry I'm banging on but I am quite . I had about six months before he got that squash ball in his eye (and going on ADs) which made him finally bond with Bertie, of him being a total arse. And now he is a million times better with Bertie.

But no apology for how he was. I asked him the other night did he regret the six months he spent seeing Bertie as a nuisance and he said "no, because there was nothing else I could have done until I got that time off sick".

Yes he did apologise over trying to push formula on me, and apologised for being an arse while I was pregnant.

But I'm starting to wonder if any amount of apologising is ever going to be enough for how he has been towards me. He has been controlling and bullying at times and can't see that. Everything is always my fault.

I'm going to stop now as I've taken up the entire thread. Sorry.