August 2021 Babies - Running on Caffeine and Baby Smiles

[PurplePansy05]

Welcome to the chattiest post-natal club on MN!

We have welcomed 31 gorgeous new babies together 💖💙 ...

We have filled up several more like a hundred threads in the antenatal birth clubs chat...

...and now we have finally graduated and officially moved to the postnatal birth clubs chat! 🥳

Graduates of the August 2021 (and thereabouts) thread:

@Smurf123 & baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler & her baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles & baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain & her baby boy 💙
@PurplePansy05 & baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 & baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum & baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 & baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 & baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 & baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 & baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx & baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x & baby Ella💖
@biscuitcat & baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername & baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns & baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 & baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque & baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 & baby Ethan 💙
@WolfMother326 & baby Alasdair 💙
@BertieBotts & baby Alex 💙
@RandomCatGenerator & baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp & baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB & baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 & baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 & her baby boy 💙
@Fran919 & her baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 & baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x & her baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries & baby Frankie 💖
@ame88 & baby Lily 💖

Tagging @Dia12, @livingwithbees, @Sheisfee, @Alittlexmasmagic and @LottSE20 in the opening post so you know we're here as and when you wish to rejoin/share your updates 💐

Here we go!

So currently my OH is sitting in the chair in the nursery with DD awake in the bassinet. Not crying but not asleep. OH is convinced DD will just fall asleep herself...I beg to differ. She's only 8 weeks old for Christ sake. She is very bad for being transferred anywhere once asleep in your arms in the afternoon. Only the afternoon. No idea why! She just prefers to stay on you. I've explained this to OH but he just can't be arsed holding her.

@Daffodil21 how much cat litter do you put in your tray?😂

@lucyrp it's a big tray..! 😂

@Daffodil21 tbf ours is a hooded one but I only put a handful in there because she's so fussy so we have to change it very regularly 🥴

@lucyrp we have two indoor cats who insist on sharing, even though we've given them separate trays before 😂

@Daffodil21 wow where are you going? That’s a hell of a journey. How are you feeling about it? I hope it goes well and is as stress free as possible.

I’d say pumping is basically white noise so you should be absolutely fine. Plus it’s a necessary bodily function to feed your child and prevent you being in pain, so I can’t imagine anyone will mind (or won’t get over themselves quickly if they do mind).

Thanks for all your kind words, guys. I’m feeling quite fragile with the lack of my lovely favourite cat (still on ‘holiday’ at a friend’s house as a break from the nutty younger cat) and with DS’s digestive issues continuing to be an enormous pain for all of us (literally a pain for poor DS). Not a great weekend! BUT the smiles have begun so that does help. He feels more like an actual little person now.

@Ready2020 I am a bit in awe of no phones when the baby is awake. I’m terrible for this - because a lot of the time frankly it is so boring…

And @lucyrp - your sex post is very reassuring, I have been worried! We haven’t attempted yet… In the words of lonely island, Congrats on the sex.

This comic perfectly describes the dh problem….
www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear

The mental load is so real. I about almost exploded at dh today. I’m rushing round the kitchen getting dinner for the toddler so ask him to take ds. He promptly plonks him in the bouncy chair and ignores him for half an hour while he watches the football and is on the iPad. He then gets cross when I don’t give Input into what type of chairs we need for the renovation work. I’m sorry I’m a little busy right now trying to cook, find time to give ds his next feed while he also needs a nap!

Quite frankly he never pulls his weight with household stuff but as he takes on so much of the toddler entertainment most of the time I let it slide. Not sure I can mentally do that any more. We’re living with my parents at the moment and he’s hating it, which I get but also don’t complain to me that you’re tired and how you need a solid 12 hour sleep to “recover” when in the same sentence you admit the baby doesn’t wake you up at night!!! Men are so dense sometimes!!

@wimbler it’s sooo true! I literally keep on top of everything in our house. Had the dog at the vet this week and I have to organise that, deal with getting the baby watched while I take him, book him another appointment for next week, get my husbands suit dry cleaned for him going to the races next week, do all the washing, look after the baby, keep on top of when the electric bill/ home insurance/mortgage/tv license/ tv is due paid. If I died I swear he wouldn’t have a clue how to access any of that stuff 😂

We’ve fell out because I walked in as Freddie was screaming the place down and he was completely delaying giving him his bottle. I told him to hurry and he said I was to do it, lay him down and went upstairs 🙄 So I’ve bathed him, fed him and put him to bed by myself. He has such a short temper and that combined with a baby is just not a good combination at all 🤦🏼‍♀️ He can’t cope with even the most minor of inconvenience in his day. It was raining as we went to go a walk earlier. Not the end of the world, you would think, we could just wait a while. Oh no, he’s storming about like it’s me that’s put the rain on making a big song and dance about it 🤔 I’m a really patient person I think, literally no matter what happens I’m still chilled about it but he’s the complete opposite! It’s like I can’t say anything about anything without him flying off the handle and it causing a huge argument. I asked him to repeat what he said out a walk yesterday, he said it again while facing the other way and I said what? again. He acted like I was kidding on I couldn’t hear him, made some comment then didn’t speak the whole walk 🤦🏼‍♀️ If I even say ‘slow down please’ in the car as we’re going at 80 in a 60 I’ll get a rant about that. He doesn’t see it at all though but I seriously need him to stop going on like that about everything!

Usually I’ll be the one to sort the situation, not apologise (because it really isn’t my fault almost ever 😂) but just save the awkward atmosphere but this time I’m not, he can admit that he can’t go on like that anymore about every minor thing, even if it means not speaking to him until tomorrow 🙄 Men are seriously hard work!

@RandomCatGenerator travelling from north Scotland to Suffolk. I'm all packed now. I've used the pram as a trolley and I'll put him in the carrier. I've checked the seating plans for the trains and platform layout for the stations so just got to hope for the best now!

I also had to take my cat to the vets the other day. Managed to get him and baby to the vets on time (just!) I was quite proud of myself 😂

@sarah13xx I think we have similar dh’s 🙄. My dh is fully transparent with the fact that he doesn’t enjoy the first year of having a child. He feels he doesn’t get much back which I totally get. He is the most incredible father to our ds though. I get so jealous of their bond and how much fun they have together, especially at the moment when so much of my time is taken up with ds.

Even when I ask him to do something he doesn’t always see it as urgent so I have to ask again and then I feel like a nag. I think someone posted a few threads ago about how men always ask for help way of ahead of time but women tend to ask when it’s more time critical so they just don’t understand the urgency as much.

Hi all,
Not been on in a while so just catching up and marking my place

@wimbler yes it’s the lack of urgency that’s the issue a lot of the time! Then if I repeat myself or state then obvious like ‘he’s screaming his head off, can you do something about it?’ it’s then me that’s in the wrong and I can do it myself (which I was going to have to do anyway since he was doing nothing) 🤷🏼‍♀️ Any time I say anything about him not helping much I get ‘well you can go to my work if you want and I’ll happily stay at home’ which really boils my blood, like I’m sat here with my feet up all day 😅 Even before he was born, you have to do so much research into what to buy, buy it then learn how to work it and it’s like I’m the adult that’s in charge of all that and he just wants the heads up on what to do when I’ve got everything sorted 🙄

@sarah13xx comments like that would have me livid!!!!

@wimbler I sent it to DH. This is an exact illustration of my life and now with DS it's so much harder.

to all of you doing more than you should xxx

@sarah13xx In our marriage I'm the more hot headed one and also the organiser of everything - this is why this part of life gives me the rage when DH is not doing his share. It makes me so upset that this load is affecting my precious time with DS and that I am getting stressed more easily around him at times, I sometimes leave the room after I put him down and cry for 5 mins or just try to breathe. It's not fair that I can't just relax.

But I have to say, you really shouldn't be tip toeing around your DH now. He needs to address his temper now the baby is here. I suspect he sometimes needs to take himself out of the situation a bit and like I said, I do the same when it gets too much sometimes, it's just a coping mechanism. I totally get that a baby screaming for no reason is a lot to deal with, although I think it's far harder on us as main carers right now, still bursting with hormones and therefore rather vulnerable. Really, the only option is to find a calming way out of the situation that stresses him out, be it baby or anything else. He can't be doing silly things or expect you to be the calming force all the time. I put my hands up, I was like that about a decade ago, but in time I've realised this wasn't fair on the other partner and it wasn't helping me either. It's part of growing up. I don't know how you feel about this, but personally I would be picking up on these things and holding him to account, he should learn to pause and think as a result, in time. He either doesn't realise what he's doing, or he doesn't know how to change this or he's pushing his boundaries, but pulling him up when that happens should shock him and he will eventually have to channel his feelings differently. xx

@wimbler I think I'd be quite upset about this selective approach - it's like he's keen to enjoy the cool bits, but not for the bumpy ride of having a newborn? But you've both wanted your DCs I assume and if course you've both contributed (with you doing the lion share, of course)? How do you feel about this?

The lack of urgency, yes. I ask for something and it's like he puts his own lense on and assesses this is low priority so he doesn't do it. Thing is, 9 out of 10 it is urgent. It's so infuriating and I keep telling him it's disrespectful, but he doesn't get it.

The bond thing would be very hard for me too. I'm already jealous DH comes back home for the good bits and gets all the smile, bath and warm bottle, lovely time with his mini me. I need to get myself out of this frame of mind though, I think they'll be very close and I should see it as a good thing for everyone, particularly DS, we're not in competition. Atm I'm just finding it a bit shit that he gets the cream after I put all the hard work in, I guess. xx

Well I'm almost done on my first train. Managed to successfully go to the loo (carrier is everything!). Have arranged help with staff for next train change over. We're 2 mins delayed and I only had 13 minutes for the change as it is. The next train is 5.5 hours so hoping for a good seat!!!!

Everyone cross your fingers he doesn't wake for a feed in the next 20 minutes 😂

Hugs to everyone finding things difficult. I’m lucky that whilst I often have to ask my DH for help he does assign those requests to ‘urgent’ and deals with them straight away. My biggest issue is that I’m not very good at asking for help when I need it so I try not to get frustrated when he doesn’t read my mind about what I need.
@Daffodil21 I’m really impressed with you doing your long train journey, and even more so a trip to the loo! Fingers crossed the rest of your journey goes well x

@Daffodil21 hope he didn’t wake and you made the train 👏🏼

@PurplePansy05 yes that’s exactly what he needs to do but I literally can’t get him to acknowledge there’s any issue with how big of a deal he makes over the most minor things! We still haven’t spoke and he’s away to work. Meaning I’ve fed, bathed, changed Freddie, put him to bed, got up for the 11pm feed (when his alarm went off to do it but he went back to sleep), got up again during the night and now have him all day. I can’t imagine if I just left him for nearly 24 hours because we weren’t speaking 🙄 Luckily he is good during the night and I’d rather have done it myself than speak to him 😂 Most of the time DH does do a lot with him when he’s off and we get on well but whenever the hint of an argument arises that’s it and we won’t speak 🙄 I found I used to either apologise or make him apologise years ago but I’m just not doing it. Until he acknowledges he can’t keep being such hard work I just won’t be speaking to him 😊

Good luck @Daffodil21

Had a terrible night. Not DDs fault though as I just couldn't sleep and woke her with my moving about. It ended up with her feeding on me at 5am which she never does. Think I'll be moving the snuz pod to the other end of the bedroom today though I like seeing her when I open my eyes.

Ha well my 10.5 hour train journey has just turned into a 13.5 hour train journey! The train to Aberdeen was delayed by 7 minutes in the end, and I missed the connection by 2 minutes after running through the station like a mad woman and then crying pathetically when I missed it 😂 they then tried to send me via kings cross and get the underground with a baby and pram. Now going a sensible route as thankfully my husband text one through to me that they hadn't thought of, and will be delayed by 3 hours!

He did the most monumental shit mid nappy change too! Thankfully I was prepared - puppy pads in the pram are super handy!!!

@Millymay13 I was only able to go to the loo because he was in his carrier. I had a little practice at home 😂

Jesus, 13.5 hrs on my own on trains and missing trains with a baby sounds like my worst nightmare, I really don't know how you're still so cheery @Daffodil21! That's a huge effort xx

@PurplePansy05 Elliot has been really good so far. He did start to stir as I was waiting to get off the other train but I couldn't really feed him because he was in the carrier (I did try at a weird angle 😂) and I had the pram loaded up in front of me - I'm using his pram as a trolley and taking him in the carrier. Thankfully the motion of the train in the carrier sent him back to sleep again and he's currently zonked after his massive shit and a feed. I've got an hour in between the next two changes and half an hour at the last one so it shouldn't be such a rush from now. I just really hope the next train isn't too busy as I'm already having to skip one because the conductor said it was.

Such a chubby face 😂😂