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August 2021 Babies - Running on Caffeine and Baby Smiles

984 replies

PurplePansy05 · 30/09/2021 14:55

Welcome to the chattiest post-natal club on MN!

We have welcomed 31 gorgeous new babies together 💖💙 ...

We have filled up several more like a hundred threads in the antenatal birth clubs chat...

...and now we have finally graduated and officially moved to the postnatal birth clubs chat! 🥳

Graduates of the August 2021 (and thereabouts) thread:

@Smurf123 & baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler & her baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles & baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain & her baby boy 💙
@PurplePansy05 & baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 & baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum & baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 & baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 & baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 & baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 & baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx & baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x & baby Ella💖
@biscuitcat & baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername & baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns & baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 & baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque & baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 & baby Ethan 💙
@WolfMother326 & baby Alasdair 💙
@BertieBotts & baby Alex 💙
@RandomCatGenerator & baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp & baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB & baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 & baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 & her baby boy 💙
@Fran919 & her baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 & baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x & her baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries & baby Frankie 💖
@ame88 & baby Lily 💖

Tagging @Dia12, @livingwithbees, @Sheisfee, @Alittlexmasmagic and @LottSE20 in the opening post so you know we're here as and when you wish to rejoin/share your updates 💐

Here we go!

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Ready2020 · 02/10/2021 11:18

My DD goes down earlier than we'd like but I'm not sure how to change that. I think it all depends on when she naps during the day.

She was down yesterday at 5pm (missed her after nap so down early) ish then up at 8pm, then up at 1.30am and fed again at 6am but only because I woke her to change her bum. She spends most of that asleep in the pram downstairs but I wonder if she'd sleep better upstairs from 8pm.

She feeds to sleep on all of those wake times.

Ready2020 · 02/10/2021 11:19

When I say upstairs I mean in the snuz pod with me. I go up then for a nap baby free but if it helps her sleep longer I'd have hey in the room with me.

lucyrp · 02/10/2021 11:28

@biscuitcat DD normally goes down for her what I call night sleep around 8 o clock but can be anywhere between ghen and half 9 so we normally do bath time on bath days at half 7 and then she chills on the bed for half hour before we do pjs and then she feeds and goes to sleep until about 12 then wakes again at 4 although the last 2 nights I've had some really good stretches of 5-6 hours!

Ready2020 · 02/10/2021 12:14

@biscuitcat I'm guessing that it needs to be baby led on how much time you get between feeds. Are you sure your DC wants a feed when they wake those times? Not sure how old yours is though as my DD is 8 weeks today and a sturdy child so can hold more feed.

She doesn't have many feeds in the morning I find. Since her 6am feed she's only had about 90ml of breast milk from a bottle as she's out with OH.

biscuitcat · 02/10/2021 12:38

@Ready2020 that's a good point actually - last night was a particularly bad night, usually he's only up twice but he has done nights with much fewer wake ups so he definitely can go longer. He's nearly 8 weeks, and a chunky thing, so maybe trying to extend those times would be worth a go, thanks lovely xx

PurplePansy05 · 02/10/2021 13:03

Oh that's hard @biscuitcat. I think I'd be waiting for him to self-soothe first and failing that, try to get involved with some soothing. But if he's anything like my DS, he won't have it, if he's hungry, he wants the boob and that's it. My DS also prefers to be cuddled up but I am slowly starting to put him down during the day now and do exactly that, self-soothing then soothing. Today has been a small success - managed to put him in his bassinet after walking around carrying him cuddled up in hope for a little nap. No nap at all 🙄 But he isn't crying! He was chilling out quietly for 45 mins and now started chatting and crying a little bit and wants to be picked up. At least I had 45 mins to rest! xx

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PurplePansy05 · 02/10/2021 13:53

Thank you #?@Inmypjsagain for the H&M link. Lots of lovely clothes, I will definitely order from there. Could anyone say if they're generous size wise? xx

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RandomCatGenerator · 02/10/2021 18:52

I’m sorry, my last post was really unhelpful I now realise. I didn’t mean to stress anyone out about vaccinations. DS has grizzled for a full 36 hours but has interspersed it with a few 3 hour, deep naps. I was just unpleasantly surprised after my BIL’s child simply slept for two days afterwards!

Im very sorry, absolutely did not mean to be insensitive and unhelpful.

BertieBotts · 02/10/2021 18:57

OK I have chance to catch up now :o

Fair warning - not wishing to be a doom monger but it is fairly common for sleep to be decent at this age and then suddenly all go to pot at 4 months old. Just to say that it's nothing you've done if this happens!

Yes defo buy Christmas/birthday presents early and squirrel them away. Having all the birthdays in the second half of the year makes that a bit tricky here. But what is good about that is that if there's anything I missed for birthdays, or they get sets for their birthdays, we can do add ons to that for Christmases. I do a lot of second hand as well. And TK Maxx can be really good for toys and books if you have one. Christmas for a 4 month old is just a normal day for them really. For DS1's first Christmas we got most of his presents in the sales. DS2 got a set of dribble bibs (these are the kind you need for this age BTW) and some clothes in the next size up and some books for when he was older. For both of them I got them a jumperoo type thing as their "main" present. DS2 also got a flashing lights and sounds toy arch, which turned out to be brilliant as he liked lying under it at that age, later batting at the toys, when he could sit up pressing the buttons and then it came in handy as a nappy changing distraction until he was about 1 and lost interest!

I think Alex is refluxy as well but it's not really causing a problem for us so I'm not keen to give medication etc.

I think UK vaccinations are at 8 / 12 / 16 weeks. Here in Germany they get Rotavirus vaccine as well which is oral. That is supposed to be given at 6 weeks but we haven't had it yet. His next appointment is at 4 months and so if it is like it was for DS2 then they will do them at 4/5/6 months with the Rotavirus being done with the first one. My take from this is that it's not necessarily as urgent as it seems. Yes chicken pox is standard but it's given with the MMR at 1 year old.

I am not a fan of dungarees or trousers for this age though I do think dungs look cute and have a few. Sleepsuits are just easy and cute. But really hard to find in Germany... here the favoured newborn outfit is a long sleeved vest and "strampler" which is a kind of dungarees but maddeningly with no poppers at the bum! I mean WTF is that all about? I hate them.

We have accumulated a lot of blankets over 3 babies... I tend to just use the same one to cover him at the moment in the car seat/pram/etc - he can't be in both at the same time so I just move him and the blanket. Then I chuck it in the wash if he's sick on it. Agree those car seat blankets tend to affect the fit of the straps no matter how safe they supposedly are. I don't like them. We have inherited a Phil & Ted's buggy from a friend so I've put a fleecy footmuff in the bottom lie flat bit to make it cosy and contained. I find a footmuff works well in any buggy seat with straps, however early they go into one. The footmuffs that are sold for car seats tend to work well in a carrycot because they're small and good for babies up to 6 months or so, as an alternative to a pram suit.

The one copper popper! It's something that's new to me but all my new ones this time have it. Next and Primark. Apparently it's to match up to prevent you getting confused. Probably a good idea but I have got used to how to do it now without that. Baby Gap quality is gorgeous but the sizing is odd. We have a 6-12 month sleepsuit that is really more like 3-6 months particularly in the width, but a knitted cardy in 0-3 which lasted him until he was nearly 1! Their vests are true to size. I think the reason John Lewis is inconsistent is they have several brands.

Agree there is no sense in rigidly following any set "parenting style". I think it can be really helpful to look at what you want to achieve and/or what you want to avoid and start there, rather than starting with solutions and working backwards. So for example you said you want to enjoy this time and you want to establish a routine. To me, establishing a routine is not a problem or goal, it's a solution or a route to a goal. That goal might be predictability, or more sleep, or easier sharing, or it might be something else. So it may help to step backwards and think about what you're hoping the routine will achieve, and then you can look at that aim in conjunction with "enjoying the baby stage" (whatever that looks like for you) and your DH's "not being too attached" (I don't believe there is any such thing personally! But it's helpful to try and quantify what this means and how this might look for you two) once you have all the goals in view then it becomes easier to work out an approach which hits all of them.

Of course that in itself is all very complicated and you might just be too tired - in which case I would focus on survival right now rather than worrying about any time in the future, and when you have a bit more brain space, go back to the convo about what our parenting should look like.

Daffodil21 · 02/10/2021 19:02

@RandomCatGenerator unless I've missed something (pretty sure I haven't as scrolled back!) nothing insensitive or unhelpful at all about saying how your DS has responded to the vaccines. My DS hasn't had his yet but I know it could go either way - hoping for the sleepy baby response! Hope your DS feels better soon Thanks

PurplePansy05 · 02/10/2021 19:09

@RandomCatGenerator Blimey nothing insensitive or unhelpful lovely! I had my own done abroad where I grew up and they were different to the UK schedule. Was just curious what the system is where you are xx

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PurplePansy05 · 02/10/2021 19:31

@BertieBotts Leo had the oral rotavirus solution together with the 8 week vaccinations now so it's now given in the UK too.

No poppers! What! I have some Italian outfits and there are poppers at the back, the whole bottom comes off to gain access to the nappy and wipe the bum 🤣 they're so funny!

Really interesting points about the goals. It's made me realise I don't have a goal yet apart from him being happy! I suppose everything else you've mentioned, so DH sharing more equally, predictability etc will become more important when we start prepping for my return to work. My instinct is that we'll start a routine as it were when weaning starts because it seems natural and good timing to me. At the moment we go with the flow and I'm enjoying it. But I may eat my own words later 🤣 I am working really hard on myself to let go of all the life worries and just focus on him, he's growing up so fast. But since the mental load has always been on me, it's difficult 😔 xx

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Ready2020 · 02/10/2021 19:49

OH has been a real trooper today trying to get DD down since 3pm. Started off as trying to get her down for a nap and now it's for bed. DD droops her eyes and nods off but then just fights it.

It was meant to be my day to do my own thing between feeding but when she's unsettled I need to help out. She was proper crying as we tried to settle her and not even relaxing on the boob. So we bathed her and dressed her for bed and OH is walking her again in the hall. All is quiet so I'm guessing it's going OK.

@RandomCatGenerator nothing to apologise for at all!

I'm currently in the lounge watching Strictly and want to bring my dinner plate to kitchen and get pudding but I risk unleashing Milo the cat and his yowling for food as soon as I go near the kitchen so I'll wait just now Grin

Re goals etc, I guess I've been very obsessed with focused on every day things like naps and feeding and generally getting used to having a baby that I'm only now starting to think that I can enjoy her. But I don't want to fall into that trap of not having a routine or plan then once she's old enough she will not sleep well etc. I already feel that I missed her super cute tiny newborn stage as I was recovering from birth.

Its so hard to experience it all when you're sleep deprived and missing things like going out. Then you feel guilty for not focusing on the baby right now. I find I have to tell my OH off for saying things like he wishes he were out at the cinema on a Saturday night (film is his thing). It makes me both wish the same thing then feel so bad for wee DD who just wants us with her.

sarah13xx · 02/10/2021 23:29

Just on other threads about random topics realising what a lovely supportive group of people there is on here. Some people would argue black was white on the most minor of issues on mumsnet, why can’t people just be nice?! 🤔

Freddie has been quite unsettled this week, usually he’ll only cry ‘for’ something and will stop as soon as he gets it but a few nights this week he’s been crying non-stop about nothing. Tonight he can’t even have possibly been overtired as he’s slept sooo much today but was breaking his heart while staring at the starry projector lights on the ceiling I had on to calm him down 😂 It was short-lived luckily and he’s slept since 8 but I have no idea how people manage to cope with that during the night or all day long! I happened to see a post saying crying peaks at week 7 after that, so I thought ‘oh that will be why’ 😂

I feel like my ‘routine’ isn’t set by exact timescales but just the length of naps he needs not to be grumpy by bedtime. An hour in the morning (usually out a walk in the pram around 9:30ish), a lunchtime nap for 2-2.5 hours and another hour about 5ish. It does seem to be every time he doesn’t get the lunchtime nap in his snuzpod in the dark he’s completely unsettled later on. If he’s not in the dark now he’ll have 45 minutes at lunch then get back up for more milk or a nappy change then have another half hour or something but he doesn’t get one solid sleep. He goes down at 8ish and never wakes for a feed before we go to bed by 11:30 but I’m still waking him for a feed just so I can get a few hours longer during the night. Don’t know whether to drop this one when he’s 8 weeks next week if he’s really not bothered about it. He does tend to take a decent amount of milk though, he just doesn’t wake himself for it

sarah13xx · 02/10/2021 23:42

Finally got round to getting the pill again yesterday, got home, started bleeding, thought excellent if I’ve got my period I can start it today then. Took my first pill last night only to wake up today to absolutely no blood, I don’t think it is my period after all 🤔 I’ve now started taking the pill so have to keep taking it until the end of the first packet but don’t think it’s of any use until after your first period so I still can’t have sex til November or something 🤣🤣

lucyrp · 03/10/2021 05:55

Well we had sex last night for the first time and was expecting it to be truly awful but it felt pretty much the same as before ?😂 it was kind of like the first time but only because of the aspect of omg what if I get pregnant again 🤣 but feeling wise was pretty good, could kind of feel where my grazes were though

Smurf123 · 03/10/2021 06:01

@sarah13xx I was told pull would be effective 48 hours after i started. I always thought it was 7 days after starting. (I haven't a actually bothered to t read the leaflet this time just what gp said)
I started mini a week ago and my period seemes to arrive on Friday there. Raging as when I was on it previously I didn't have any period ever for 3 years! Hoping it is just a one off. But I don't have the cramps I normally would which is strange..

Dd just slept from 10pm to 545 how did that happen? I've been awake since 3 waiting on her to wake 🙈 although she did get some formula before bed lady night about 8pm she only took about 70 ml though before deciding she wouldn't take the bottle and wanted bf instead. I just tried it to make giving the gaviscon easier. It definitely seems to have helped for her after only a day of it

Magik01 · 03/10/2021 06:35

@PurplePansy05 we don’t tend to buy things throughout the year for DS1 mainly because he has that many toys it’s ridiculous and I know grandparents will buy toys. Also his interests change all the time so it’s hard to gauge what he will actually be into at Christmas 😂

PurplePansy05 · 03/10/2021 06:38

So after 3 great nights in a row I woke up to feed him at 3.30am, he was stirring. Fed well off one breast then kept unlatching from the other. I got so frustrated eventually that I put him down in his crib and told him off that I'm quitting bf.

Then I told DH off that he's not listening to me because things around the house aren't done, there are some snagging issues after the renovation which I asked him to sort out and ge hasn't, and stuff still isn't fully finished anyway. And yesterday he did FA. I have to repeat myself sooo much as well and these things still aren't done. I have no time, patience or energy for it. I feel like he can sod off to work and then rejoin for the nice bits, bath, evening meal, bottle and cuddles, whereas I have a clingy DS all the time, all day every day, rest of the evening feeds, night feed. I still do finances and worry about them. I buy and organise everything DS related. I do all the washing and still a lot of tidy up plus pick up things that he doesn't do/ignores. I come up with shopping lisrs and meal plans. I am literally the engine, brain and driving force behind three people plus pets. He does one thing out of the entire chain, for example food shopping or ironing. Well, without me buying and washing stuff first there'd be nothing to iron. He'd go in a shop and buy a frozen pizza and then moan he's hungry. So I do 90% of the work, the hard work, but it's largely invisible. He's just comfortable because everything is there and relatively tidy most of the time, but he wouldn't think or appreciate how this happens. It's not a fucking fairy doing it, it's me.

I actually think DS loves him more, he gives him all the smiles all the time because of course daddy gives him a lovely bath and pulls funny faces. Whereas mummy is just there to be a cow full of milk and she's constantly stressed about stuff around not getting done and the future.

I wish I could just do what I would like to do, ie look after DS without worrying about anything else, but apparently I'm not allowed because DH just cannot juggle things. I feel like I never have a break a lot of the time because mentally I'm overloaded. DH has to step up. I can't be looking after DS 24/7 pretty much, feel like this and he still doesn't tick off the jobs off the list. I'm fuming. Today is going to be a very bad day.

Sorry, I had to get all this off my chest. I'm tired and really frustrated.

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Daffodil21 · 03/10/2021 07:06

@PurplePansy05 of course he doesn't love your husband more! It may seem like that because as you say, your husband gets home from work and has the energy to do all the funny faces etc as he's spent the day at work which is no different to pre-baby. He really does need to step up though. Have you said all this to him? Do you think it's laziness or just genuinely not realising?

Smurf123 · 03/10/2021 08:39

Sorry you're having a hard time @PurplePansy05 I feel I could have written your post about dh also. My dh have a flipping childcare/ education related degree and he just doesn't get it.
He thinks bringing ds into his computer room with a few toys and an iPad counts as him spending quality time with him. If he was playing with the toys with him yea it would but not leaving ds to play with the toys on his own while dh plays computer. He's given dd exactly 1 bath in 10 weeks. But yet he also gets all the smiles!

lucyrp · 03/10/2021 09:15

@PurplePansy05 last night OH and I fell out as I had asked him to empty and re fill the dishwasher whilst I was cooking tea as DD was entertaining herself. I was sat on the sofa at about half 10 later on and said to him you still haven't done the dishwasher have you and he said yeah I put it on earlier and I said no I asked you to empty and re fill it and he said oh for god sake why are you thinking about that now and I said well I'll have to do thag first thing in the morning now before I can even do anything else. Anyway he went up to bed with DD and I was supposed to go up but while I was sterilising my shields and some dummies I did the dishwasher then when j went up he was angry for me for doing it then instead of sleeping while I could 🙄🙄🙄 well if you'd done it when I asked I wouldn't have had to

PurplePansy05 · 03/10/2021 10:07

Oh god I was a right strop last night wasn't I Grin Sorry. I probably would have been more polite this morning, but everything I said is true.

I did tell him all this, pretty much word for word, but I think he doesn't get it. He has stepped up after he heard it first, I will give him that and he is generally doing well looking after DS. I know it could be worse, so maybe I should count myself lucky?

But then, bathroom not cleaned for a week now and I can actually see the dust accumulating everywhere. Bedroom surfaces where DS sleeps with us the same. I asked him twice too. I asked to adjust my wardrobe door with a drill, not done. Lots of boxes in the garage still unpacked, I have some of my cosmetics and winter stuff there and he still hasn't brought them in. He was going to call our broadband guy to have a look at some issues we've had, not done. There's still probably 2-3 days full worth of work on the DIY front. He promised he'd finish before my CS. We're in October. He fucked up my car insurance (didn't renew it for me when I was in hospital after the birth) and it auto-renewed. I only remembered in late September when I started driving again and surprise, I'm overpaying by £15 a month. I could really go on, and on.

So he does things like cooking, he'd now cook in batches or make me lunch before he goes to work so it's quicker for me later whenever I have time. He'd hoover when I ask. Ironing, when there are piles of it, but won't put it away Hmm so I'm left now with no bf friendly tops as they're all in the basket. And no vests for DS, not put away. He looks after the pets mostly, does the weekly shop and brings me stuff when I'm stuck bf and forgot something. He also had to give some of his time last week to family members, they were in and out of hospital which probably made me more exhausted.

So I think he does 70% of what needs doing here and now, the rest never unless I get wound up. I shouldn't be surprised, it was the same before, but I had time to compensate for him, whereas now I'm exhausted and want a break and it makes me angry to look at all these undone things every day for weeks or months! I really don't know if this is ignorance or choice (ie laziness). Surely if I told him before and argued too, he must know it upsets me and yet he's still making the same choices? His argument is that "my standards are high", higher than his. I really don't think so. If he said "I can't do X today but will do it this or next weekend", I'd accept that. The thing is he doesn't communicate or do it at all and this I'm finding disrespectful and actively ignoring my needs that he knows about. I knew baby would exacerbate the existing problems and so I suppose only have got myself to blame. 😔 xx

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Daffodil21 · 03/10/2021 10:32

@PurplePansy05 sounds very frustrating and exhausting to keep having to ask. I'm going to have to ask DH to change the cat litter AGAIN when he gets up (too heavy for me to lift!). I feel like a nag but it reeeeally needs to be done. Generally he's good though. I do most of the chores, but I'm not EBF and obviously I'm home all day and managing to get a reasonable amount of sleep at night, so when he gets home from work he takes DS for a bit while I catch up on all the stuff I didn't manage to get done that day. It's not like I have to stop to feed him because DH can do that which helps. He also lets me eat first if DS needs attention while we eat which is nice because obv my breakfast and lunch is often interrupted - I'm getting better at timing it though!

He is currently still asleep, which is unusual so I'll let him off. He also did the middle of the night feed and the early morning one while I pumped (I did offer though). I felt bad that he did both and then I realised that I do both almost all the time! He used to do the first early morning one before work but now it's starting to be 5:30 instead of after 6 it's a little tooo early for him to be starting his working day. DS has also dropped his 12:30pm feed so DH suddenly gets a full nights sleep most of the time 😂 I need him to be rested for tomorrow morning though, as it's the day of my 10.5 hour train journey. We have to leave the house at 6:30am so I've asked DH to sort DS out so I can just sort myself out. I found myself feeling a little resentful that he's still in bed because I wouldn't have minded a little longer myself, and he can have all the sleep he wants for the next week when we're not here, but then I also want him to lay the kitchen floor tiles next weekend before we're back so I can't have everything I suppose 😂

Had a little bit of a breakthrough with pumping - I noticed that nothing much comes after out after a couple of minutes. I was keeping the pump on for longer hoping this would increase the time, but it hasn't seemed to. Yesterday I tried quickly pumping on each side and changing after a minute/minute and a half and there is definite increase now.

Hoping the train is quiet as I really feel like I need to keep the pumping up tomorrow... I'll be wearing my over the bump leggings so no flesh will be visible - do you think it's acceptable to pump on a train if it's quiet?!

Ready2020 · 03/10/2021 15:08

@Daffodil21 my sister pumped milk on a ferry crossing to Larne so I'm sure a train is OK Smile

My OH is good in lots of ways, he does most of the cooking and bins and cat litter but his standards for cleaning are not that high so he just doesn't see what needs to be done. He is bad for having his phone out a lot though and I need to remind him we agreed to not have the phone out when she was awake.

We're putting DD down for a nap today in her nursery! That is if she stays asleep. I'll be in the next room and looking in on her every 5 minutes plus we've got the monitor. We put the pram bassinet in the cot so she's in a familiar bed. It'll be nice to see her in her own room.