The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #2

[Angelmiracle]

Thread 2 for all our newborns ❤🤗👣

@shiny888 please don't feel like a failure your getting help that's the best thing you can do.
Lots of women suffer like you are, my friend suffered really bad with it, her and baby are both doing great now.
Like the others have said can you speak to friends and family, I'm sure they will be happy to help

@shiny888 you've done so well to ask for help. I'm sorry you are experiencing such horrible things; it must be so distressing and scary for you. You aren't a failure, you are poorly and you are now going to work on getting well again. I am also sorry that you have to wait so long to see a mental health nurse. Did you mention the intrusive thoughts about wanting to step out into traffic to them? I wish so much that they could have sent someone to see you today so that you could start accessing support. Sheeni's suggestions about helplines are good ones. There is always the Samaritans as well. I think they do online support if you don't feel you can actually speak out loud to someone. I also second cardboard33's suggestion of getting some help from family or friends over the weekend, even just to have them with you for company - are there people you can ask?

I actually watched the Louis Theroux Mothers On the Edge programme last night which was about exactly this kind of thing. Whilst it might not be a good idea for you to watch it right now, it did illustrate how many women go through this kind of post natal trauma. What struck me in particular was how they were all doing a fantastic job of looking after their babies - even though they didn't really feel or believe they were. DH and I had to keep pausing it because we wanted to talk about things that had come up. One woman was berating herself for not feeling a 'rush of love' for her baby, which made me think of my own feelings a few weeks ago and the discussion we all had on here. It made me feel sad that so many women have quite precise expectations of what motherhood will be like and find it really really difficult when those expectations are not met - myself included. Shiny, you are not a failure - you are being brilliant and strong by getting help and by talking about it on here. What a marvellous example you are setting for your daughter in recognising when you need help. Although, you know, it might help to remind yourself that she won't actually remember this. You'll get through it and come out the other side. We are here to help in any way we can x

@shiny888 Sorry to hear you're feeling so unwell and hope you get the support you need soon. My mum had PND with my younger brother and it's no joke... so try not to be too hard on yourself. 💐💐

@shiny888 well done for reaching out for support we are all here for you anytime. I hope you get the help and support you need xxx

Thank you all for the support it means a lot!
I have a good support network around me, my mums been amazing (apart from her telling me I need to get over having a c section and the fact my epidural wore off during so I could feel everything and had to be knocked out and we've had a stream of scares with LO since birth) and so has my partner now he knows why I'm behaving so oddly. But my friends don't seem to grasp the way I'm feeling which is difficult because now I find shelf pushing them away instead of asking for support.
I can't ask for someone to take her for the day/night I'm exclusively breastfeeding and I so desperately don't want anything to interfere with it as I know that will just make me feel even more horrendous than I already am. As I feel that that is the only one thing that I can do for her and no one else can do no one can take her from me.
It's so scary, Iv suffered with anxiety for a few years but that is nothing on the way Iv been feeling. I think what frightened me most is one minute I feel semi alright and then within a flick of a button Iv turned.
She's a good sleeper but more often than not I'm just laying awake in bed unable to sleep and having intrusive thoughts.
Last night it took everything in me to not headbutt the wall because the remote had fallen down the back of the bed. I literally feel completely insane I'm normally such a happy person, I just feel stripped of my happiness and this cloud of doom is just looming over me and I can't shake it

Hi @shiny888 , I really sympathise as I am an anxiety sufferer myself. I keep it under control with ADs which I had to take during my pregnancy and felt terribly guilty about because of the risks to baby. I found some really helpful support on MN in the mental health threads - You are definitely not alone and the feelings and thoughts you describe are very common, even though it probably doesn't feel like it now.
Have you been referred for some support / therapy? x

Well done for getting support. As everyone else has said, you're not well and that's not your fault and it definitely doesn't make you a bad mum.

I'm glad your mum is supportive and hope that some of you friends will be too. Sometimes if you've not had or been around depression, people just don't get it. I know you're breastfeeding but could your mum take baby out for a walk for an hour after a feed so that you can rest or take a bit of time for you? She could stay close to your home so that she can come back as soon as baby needs you. I found that support a huge help with my PND. Which area are you in? Just wondering if any of us are near and could meet up for a coffee to give you some company, if that's an issue?

I also was so upset at the idea of having to give up breastfeeding my first because I had PND and that was the one thing that only I could do. I felt like everyone else could settle him and he was miserable with me unless feeding and didn't want to lose the one thing I had. In the end I had to give up and go to formula and it was the best thing for us although it did have a big impact on me. He thrived and catching up on sleep and being away from him for a time really benefited my mental health. Not saying that you should switch but just to give you an idea that it isn't as awful as you think.

@shiny888 people often say the wrong things but they ‘mean well’. In our training with MH we talk about the different between sympathy and empathy. Ignore any sentence that begins with ‘At least . . .’ Or ‘Other people . . .’ Can a friend or relative come over just as company and to bring you drinks and make food and give you littler naps. As for feeding if you want to EBF and you think it will help you feel better to carry on but if you need to combo or formula feed it feels a bit crappy at first (in my experience having WANTING to do it) but now I can see it was the the best decision for us as a family. Keep asking for help and support. You’re so strong to be dealing with this xx

My LO is 7 weeks and past couple of days no one can hold her other than me. She just screams when someone else has her. Even my partner. Soon as she comes to me she stops. Anyone else experience this? Is it a phase ,?

Not nice for me

@Jenlou1992 I'm just guessing here, but it might be the 8 week growth spurt/development leap. It can start anytime between 7 and 9 weeks apparently and babies can be more clingy and cranky then. I have a generally cranky baby, as he's got the silent reflux, but he's definitely been more of a PITA last week or so. Not as fixated on me, as DH could hold him or have him in the carrier, but he was still spending most of the time with me/on the breast anyway. I'd say give it a week before you start to worry. Good luck!

@Jenlou1992 my LO is 8 weeks Tuesday and he's getting a bit like this. Glad to read @Sheeni reply! Hopefully it'll get easier for us both. Not that the cuddles aren't lush as always!

@Jenlou1992 @CaseofEllen my LO is 9 weeks on Tuesday. When she starts crying she will only want me no one else

My LO is not a happy bunny today Twice already he cried while trying to eat. Suckling, then unlatching to cry, then looking for the nipple again, on repeat. Stupid silent reflux. I hate it so much. I actually cried with him when it happened second time, oddly enough it calmed him a bit. I don't know how long we should be trying Ranitidine before concluding it's not working. Because it isn't.

@Sheeni if you feel the ranitidine isn't working as Dr. for losec or something like it. My first two dd's had silent reflux and it was only after giving up on our GP and going to see a pediatrician who prescribed Losec that things started to improve. It takes a week or two to work as it neutralizes the acid in the tummy. The problem with reflux is that it irritates the lining of the oesophagus and that has to heal before pain goes away. Poor baby. Don't let GP fob you off. Good luck

@Countrychick26 thank you for the advice, I think I'll get in touch with the GP to discuss what's the best course of action, as he seems worse if anything.

Although it's possible he's also got a normal cold with a cough? I've been feeling a bit under the weather last two days, so maybe he got it from me. His cough sounds a bit different and his temperature is a bit higher than normal, although not a fever.
He's got vaccinations tomorrow as well. As if the poor baby isn't miserable enough. 😭

@shiny888 How did your appointment go?

@Sheeni sorry to hear your LO isn't feeling great! I hope the doctors sort it out for you! It's so horrid seeing them in pain.

Appointment went well they are going to start me on sertraline and given me some really good coping mechanisms for my triggers and for when my mood is just generally low and for me to start taking my iron tablets again as that can have an added affect on low mood aswell.
But it's definitely taking a massive toll on my relationship, my partner thinks I hate him, he opened up this morning, so today I feel Iv put on this front to seem happy as I don't want my relationship to end because of this

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support it really means a lot!!

I've lost track of everything going on here agaim.. trying to catch up but in the meantime... we've been offered an appointment for G to have his 8 week immunisations when he will be 11 weeks as our doctors don't have a clinic on until then (!?!). They've said it doesn't matter if it's a little bit late but it's 3 weeks later than it should be! Has anyone else's LOs had their injections as late as this or is our doctors being crap!?

@shiny888 that's good you found if helpful, when are they next checking in on you? Did they offer more practical support as well for if you're alone with baby and it gets really tough? Sorry to hear your partner thinks you hate him, although is this your take away from what he said or did he specifically say this? Please don't feel that you've got to be "fake" as it were because you can't help that you're ill... It's not as if he'd want to end the relationship because you had a broken leg and needed a bit more support so hopefully your relationship won't end because of this, and if it does, then he perhaps wasn't the right guy for you anyway. Has he mentioned anything about wanting to break up with you, or is that your interpretation of how things went? Please take care and continue to post here.

I'm so deeply unhappy this morning. Woke up during the night wanting to hurt myself so I tried the tactics given - they helped. But this morning whilst changing her a rage came over me and I couldn't use the tactics so Iv bitten myself really hard and punched myself in the head several times.
Now I feel like such an idiot and I hate that she's seen me do that it's so awful.
I just want it all to go away and return to my normal happy self and really enjoy her instead of being plagued by this stupidity that's going on in my head.

@cardboard33 no he actually said he thinks I hate him. He's told me he isn't going anywhere but i just can't see why he wouldn't leave because I'm such a horror at the moment and I'm spoiling what should be the most happiest time for him

@shiny888 well done for using the coping tactics, are they the sort of things that will get easier the more times you do them and it becomes more ingrained? Your daughter won't remember what you're doing to yourself so don't worry about that side of things, she will just know she has a mum who is poorly and is trying to get better because she loves her. How long will it take for the meds to kick in? And did they offer any talking therapies in addition to just drugs?

You say he's told you that he isn't going anywhere. Everything else about him leaving you etc is what your head is thinking, not what he is actually saying to you. He is staying because he loves you and your daughter and will hate to see you suffering and being ill. People don't just leave a relationship when it gets tough if they love eachother - if it were the other way around what would you be thinking? Would you be thinking about leaving because he was ill? I doubt it. Also, my husband also thinks that I hate him at times so even if you didn't have the added pressure it's highly likely he would still think that sometimes as having a new baby does that to everyone.

@shiny888 big hugs first of all. I know it's hard but try not to worry about your partner right now - you are the priority. You're not well and need to get better, he needs to support you. Let him know that you don't hate him and that you're just not you right now and you need all the help he can give.

I'm glad your appointment went well and that the techniques worked last night. It's early days, I'm sure you will have set backs like this morning. What are they doing to help you in future? Do you have follow up appointments or counselling?

@shiny888 I'm really glad your appointment went well and that they've provided the support you needed. I think you shouldn't get discouraged by one small set back, you're just starting out! And I'm 100% sure your DD won't remember it at all. And soon enough you'll be feeling much better and all that positive interaction you'll have then will surely overshadow this morning.
I think your husband just needed to reassure himself. Because he loves you it must be really difficult for him to see you suffer and not being able to help. And he might think you hold it against him. You should however focus your energy on getting better, not on worrying about your relationship, right now. Maybe ask yourself: is my husband an inconsiderate dick? If the answer is no, then he won't leave you because you're temporarily unwell and working on it. If the answer is yes, then I'm sorry to hear that and also you might be better off without him. I'm sure you knew what you were doing when you married him!

What does everyone LO weigh . My girl got weighed today she is 9lb 9oz. Was born 7lb 1oz and will be 8 weeks old on Friday

@Jenlou1992 My LO was 9lb 9oz on Thursday when he was last weighed. He was 8w on Friday. I think he was 6lb 12oz when he was born. He's a slim baby, but he's always had a steady, healthy gain of approximately 1oz/day. Not sure how he'll do this week, as with the vaccinations and the cold before that he's not been the best feeder this week. We get weighed a lot atm because of his reflux.