The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #2

[Angelmiracle]

Thread 2 for all our newborns ❤🤗👣

@shiny888 we took our 1st daughter to a wedding night do when she was 10 weeks old she was fine loved being cooed over it’s the best age as it doesn’t affect their bedtime routine.

@whatALearningCurve thank you I will try the massage . She doesn't seem uncomfortable and had lots of wind so think there might be something brewing lol

@cardboard33 my partner was living with me at my mum's when baby was born but moved to the mum's when baby was 3weeks old ( long story) it is so hard. Rose is doing well. I did start giving her some formula but just when I take baby to my partners so they I can have a break and get a shower etc. Im full of a cold and worried she will catch it . She's been sleeping more this past couple of days. I say more but it's probably normal but because she has been a poor sleeper in the first few weeks it seems strange lol

@sheeni hopefully house done in 3-6 weeks.

Im going to a wedding soon and I'm taking rose she will be 8 weeks exactly . Didn't even cross my mind that people might have an opinion on it

@Jenlou1992 hope your back in your house very soon that must be really difficult living apart.

@squirtlesmumagain I’m thinking of you for tomorrow all my love xxxx

We had tea early today as dd1 was starving apparently, well now I’m starving

Anyone else still awake with their little one. just want a decent stretch of sleep .

@jenfur completely get what you're saying regarding buses. We've been getting them most days since week 1 and I still get worries about if there will be other buggies on the bus etc. How regular are the buses? I comfort myself with the fact that I'd just get off the bus and wait for the next one rather than take the pram apart to stay on the bus, but we are fortunate that in London they're very frequent so we wouldn't be waiting longer than 10 mins for the next one. If you live near the start of the route could you walk to there to ensure you get a space on the bus? I've also done that even if it's a bit further out of my way. Good luck!

@jenlou1992 ah ok, makes more sense. Sorry you've had relationship struggles in addition to a new baby, must be tough for you bit hopefully the new arrangement helps you in the longer term. I think around 6 weeks was a turning point for us sleep wise as that's when my husband rejoined us over night as I could be relatively sure we weren't going to be up all night, although it does/did depend on the night!! Currently doing the night feed which fingers crossed should see him through until 6.30-7am. Are you managing to get a little more sleep than a few weeks ago?

I think we're going to have to star putting the side of the Snüzpod up as little man has for a new habit of turning sideways in his sleep

@Gronk27 aww so glad it was fine taking LO! Yeah I think your right about them thinking back to when their baby was small!

@Jenlou1992 not had the same experience but Iv heard that it completely normal as long As they aren't in any discomfort. Gosh that sounds stressful not having your DP with you and having a house re done whilst having a newborn on top. I hope things will be sorted soon and you can all move back into the house together.
Yes still awake with my LO! Had this last night too we were awake for 3hours 
I think people had an opinion on anything another mother does, well this is what I'm soon discovering anyway. Which is very irritating 😅

@Jenfur I know. It's so silly. Makes me slightly annoyed as it's hard enough being a FTM let alone others putting their opinions across on your decisions aswell!
Try not to be anxious about the bus and dentist, I know easier said than done but it will be ok! I had to use the bus the other day and felt the exact same way as you are feeling and it wasn't actually all that bad. And regarding the dentist I'm sure they are use to people going in with babies and them having to stop the check up or what they are doing for the mums to attend to the baby.
But maybe you could give LO a feed before going in and make sure LO is content and asleep in the pram?
A worry is a worry no matter how small and the worry is completely real to you at the time. Just really try not to get to worked up, it'll all be ok.

@Wineandchoccy aww amazing hopefully my LO will love it and enjoy all the attention

@WhatALearningCurve Oh little monkey! He looks so cozy and sound asleep bless him!

@SquirtlesMumAgain thinking of you and your family today. Hope it's a beautiful send off for your mum. Bigs hugs xxx

@Jenfur I was a dental nurse for 10 years don’t worry about crying plus there is usually a spare member of staff who will be more than happy to rock the pram or even have a cuddle if you were ok for them to do so. I have had many a baby/child on my knee sat next to Mum whilst the dentist worked.

Thanks everyone for assuring me that I'm not totally crazy in being worried. The buses were really busy but luckily managed to get a space each time without any problems. What did surprise me (or didn't surprise me, in a bad way) was that when we got off, it was the last stop on the route and every single person on the bus got off before me. I was standing a bit in the aisle as nowhere to sit by the pram and yet not one person offered to let me manoeuvre pram off first, they all preferred to have to push past me.

DH met us in his lunch hour at the dentist and took baby for a walk then we managed to have lunch together while baby slept, which was a bit of a treat. Feel really out of shape though because I'm exhausted now.

Sling library was good, tried out a close caboo that I liked (and baby went straight to sleep in!) So looking to buy one I think.

@SquirtlesMumAgain I hope today has gone as well as it can for you

@Jenfur glad today went ok. People are rude aren’t they. I love my close caboo if you are on Facebook there are lots of sling selling pages and you will probably get one for about £10-20 I paid £10 for mine

Hope you've all had the weather we've had here today! Got carried away and walked into the nearest town and back. Done 10km and regretting wearing jeans in this heat ha. Hoping a day outside will lead to little man having a good nights sleep though'

@WhatALearningCurve it’s been really warm here Lois has fed loads but she loved lying on the grass in the shade just wearing a vest kicking her legs

She has her 2nd lot of vaccinations tomorrow fingers crossed she is ok

@jenfur glad you were able to get the bus! And also go to the dentist! If we are getting off at a terminus stop the same thing usually happens with me and I see it with other pushchairs, I've just assumed it's "protocol" for everyone else to get off first as then the pushchair people have more space if they need to turn. But it is a bit odd if they were pushing past you in order to get off the bus first!! Should have said I always reverse off trains and buses then spin the pram sideways once the back wheels are on the curb, it seems to be what the more experienced people do when I watched them in the v early days! Maybe next time you should just ask someone if you need help? I've not had it so much on buses but on trains everyone is quick to offer help even when I don't need it, but if you are struggling (like when the gap is too big for you to pull it off easily) then people are more than happy to help if you ask directly when no one offers, in my experience.

That brings me onto a question.... As above, I've had lots of instances on trains in particular where I've been offered help to get off. In general I don't need it unless the gap is really big (aka Waterloo or Clapham Junction), but I never know whether to accept the help as otherwise people won't bother asking and it could be that someone has a heavier pushchair and does need help, or whether to decline it in a polite manner because I know that it's fine to do it alone. Thoughts?

@cardboard33 I'd accept the help. Honestly there's so much shit going on in the world on a day to day basis that it's nice to see a bit of simple humanity IMO. Maybe that's a bit deep but it is 3.21am 😂 seriously though, if people offer then bonus!

@cardboard33 it's so tough being without him . I'm really beginning to struggle because at night i feel so so lonely and I miss him . I have my mum but it's not the same . She does her own thing and she goes bed about 8pm.

Terms of sleep . At one point about a week or so ago she was falling asleep no earlier than 1am. But once asleep she would just wake for feeds every 2-4 hours then get up for the day between 8-10am . The last night She was up the whole night . Till 6.45am not unsettled she just wouldn't fall into a deep sleep . However tonight she fell asleep at 12.15. Woke at 4am for a feed and has just gone back to sleep now ..hopefully till about half 6 /7am

Sleep is way better than before ..It's just so hard as my partner isn't here so I feel so lonely. I cried tonight after leaving him at his mum's. I told him I'm so lovely and I feel like a single mum which is so hard work . Some days we only see him for an hour or not at all ..As he goes to the house after work to do some painting .

We have never had our own property together . We bought this is January but it needed everything doing to it . It's getting there now and soon carpets will be going in

Anyone else struggling to eat in the day? I find it hard . I haven't cooked barely since baby was born.

@Jenlou1992 I'm sorry you're struggling! If I'm honest i find the days easier then the nights because I'm the day it's just me. I know I can get myself and little man ready by like 8am. I usually wait till his 10am feed then I go out for the day. He sleeps when he's in the pram so I make sure I'm home by 4pm so he stays away then till half 6/7 when we put him to bed.

Had a fall out with DP last night because he got home from work at around 6pm so I handed baby over whilst I did some tidying and sorted out more bottles. Told him that he was tired but I was trying to keep him up till at least half 6. Went upstairs for 10 mins - came down at 6:15 and baby was asleep. Couldn't understand why I was then annoyed - "well what was I supposed to do?!" Well for starters you could have said "he's starting to fall asleep - do you want to get his bottle ready and I'll take him upstairs".

So I then took him upstairs which disrupted him - I knew last night was going to be a tough one anyway because we'd put the sides up on the crib so I thought that would wake him up more - it made the routine even more important. We usually take him to bed around 7 - he's asleep at 8 and has full wake up at around half 6/7 (with night feeds). He's now wide awake next to me whilst DP is asleep. Of course he's not bothered about sticking to routines because it doesn't affect him.

I feel like I make all the decisions, when we need to buy more formula, when we should start a routine, when he needs a bath etc. DP "helps me" by having him on the sofa whilst he's watching football. Helping me would actually be doing all the household shit that I try and cram into an hour between DP getting home and me taking little one to bed. What he's doing is essentially babysitting. I can get my 11 year old niece to sit on the sofa with him if I need that.

Sorry - I'm just ranting but sometimes It feels like it would just be easier on my own. I'm not saying I want to be a single parent but at least that way I have all the decisions and if I'm struggling to do two things at once it's because I have no other option rather than struggling whilst there being another full grown adult in the house

@Jenlou1992 that sounds really hard. Do you have any idea of how much longer your house will take to be ready for you to move in? Maybe you could make a bucket list of nice things you want to do as a family over the summer, to keep you going through this tricky bit.

Regarding eating during the day, I am doing okay with this, mostly because I put baby J in a sling when things get bad! I made hummus yesterday with him screaming in the sling - his nappy had been fine when I put him in but it turned out he had done a massive poo straight away! What I tend to do is to make up a lunch that will do for two or three days. That batch of hummus will last me half the week and I can have it with toast in an emergency - obviously you could just buy hummus! I've also been making large rice salads - wild rice with chopped toms, cucumber, peppers, roasted squash, crumbled feta and a nice dressing- which I keep in the fridge. Also overcooking at night so I can have leftovers for lunch - I had veg curry yesterday. If your mum cooks the evening meals could you request that she makes a bit more so you can have it for lunch the next day?

My DH is sleeping in the spare room at the moment and I barely see him! With our first son he took himself off to the spare room and didn't come back till DS was 13 weeks old. At the time I was a bit miffed he stayed away so long, but this time round I am loving it! We both sleep better, he deals with any problems with our toddler overnight, and I just crack on with the baby. To be honest I am surprised at how well I am coping with baby J now. I can pretty much do it all single handedly; I was entirely unaffected by DH and DS1 going off camping for three days last week. I am lucky though in that DS2 is sleeping like a champion for 4-6 hrs at the start of each night. I tend to get about 5 hrs to begin with and then after a feed 3am I get about another hour. That's usually it then for the day, but I'm certainly not complaining!

@Whatalearningcurve the rant sounds justified. I'd be steaming too. Do you need to explicitly ask your DH to do certain tasks perhaps? My DH does things when they are pointed out to him (nicely) but won't usually notice what is urgent. For example he might put a load of laundry on without reminding, but I would need to point out to him that the cheeky wipes box is full and that those need doing first! Perhaps you just need to open a discussion with him that isn't accusatory (will only start an argument!) but which makes it clear that you would really appreciate his help on certain things. Maybe even if he just takes responsibility for say doing one laundry load per day - washing and drying - then that is something you won't need to think about it cram into the time when you aren't attached to your baby.

@BadBadBeans oh if I told him specifically what needs doing then he'd do it - but to me that's not a partnership. If I have to instruct him in every tiny thing then I may as well do it myself. I know full well that's cutting my nose off to spite my face but I struggle to let go of those thoughts. I think it's worse at times like this - we're both awake and getting ready - he's creeping around me so he knows he's in the bad books but won't ever say anything about it. Just waits for me to get over it. Sometimes I'd just like a bit of "oooomph" behind him if that makes sense!

@WhatALearningCurve no need to apologise - I'm sure lots of us have similar feelings sometimes too. My DH is generally very helpful but he also drives me mad some evenings when after about 10 mins of me handing him DS he asks me to take him back as he 'needs to do something'. What about what I was doing?! He also doesn't have that sense of desperation I do when we are out and about. I will frantically rock the buggy to try and keep LO calm and asleep, so that I don't have to get my boob out in public. DH is less bothered (presumably as it's not his breasts !!) and gets offended when I remind him to keep rocking when we stop at a red light!! And yes, the so called 'emotional labour' of keeping LO on his 'routine' (if there was one) is definitely mine!

@KarBB In terms of the "I need to do something" it's when he says he can't do XYZ and have the baby at the same time. How the balls do you think I do anything everyday when you're at work / uni?!

@WhatALearningCurve exactly! Or 'can you pass me...'

@Wineandchoccy I managed to get one yesterday for £20 from a lady on Facebook. We had a practice putting it on this morning in front of the mirror and baby screamed so not a great success!!

@cardboard33 I took baby off the bus forwards the first time and didn't realise how far down it was! We went backwards the next time which was much better, I guess its something you learn but I'll probably have forgotten by the time I do it next.
If anyone offers help with anything, my default reaction is to say no - I don't really know why, I guess I automatically don't want to be any bother? But you're right that I don't want to discourage anyone from helping others in future.

@Jenlou1992 I usually make myself something like a sandwich the night before when DH is home to eat for my lunch the next day and between us we manage to cook the evening meal. Some days it's something like a frozen pie chucked in the oven so minimal work but at weekends or the days when toddler is at nursery, I'm just about managing to cook from scratch, as long as it doesn't involve much time on my part.

@BadBadBeans I'm glad you're feeling better with coping with baby, I know you had a hard time in the beginning so it's great that things are picking up.

@WhatALearningCurve I could have written your rant. My DH can be very helpful when he almost has a schedule of how to be. Basically, we've had so many rows since our first DS was born that he now knows more things that he needs to help with. He is in charge of getting clothes washed and dried and he sorts his own lunch but after that, he probably wouldn't think of doing anything. I definitely have to give him a list of jobs and then suddenly he will work through them without (much) issue. Before DS2 was born, I had SPD and was generally exhausted so housework fell by the wayside. I had to moan at him almost every day with a list of things that needed his help - somehow he doesn't look at the hob with food caked on it and think "I'll just run a cloth over that"?? It might be a man thing.
My biggest complaint with him is getting out of the house. If we want to go to the shops at the Weeknd, somehow I've noticed that I will get myself and toddler sorted with shoes, coats etc, take toddler to the toilet, pack the changing bag, put baby's coat on, feed baby, put him in the car seat, get my keys, checked doors are locked, let dog out for a quick wee, put the pram in the car - and in the meantime, DH has put his shoes on. How!?!

@Jenfur the leaving the house thing! So it's 10:20 and I'm currently sat in the car park of a huge park near me. I would have been here earlier except someone was dropping something off at the house at half 9.

If DP was with us there's not a chance we'd be out of the house yet