February 2019 babies - thread 2

[Celebelly]

New thread, ladies!

I don't think we've got there yet. But her sleep isn't pretty bad normally so not sure I'd notice!

Hi everyone, I am a Master's student studying developmental psychology. I am looking for participants to complete an online questionnaire regarding language development in 12-18 month olds. If you are a parent/carer of a child between these ages you can take part!- completely anonymous process!

All help is greatly appreciated!!

Here is the link to the study: unioflincoln.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_38amfqGAKcugeX3

TIA :D

@mummymummymummummum

I don't think we've got there yet. But her sleep isn't pretty bad normally so not sure I'd notice!

Ours was an awful sleeper but was much better, then Recently she started waking up earlier (5.50am/6/6.15) after being at 6.45/7 for ages. Now we are having loads of issues putting her down with her getting insanely upset (absolutely fine for naps!!). She was massively sick last night just because she was so upset, it was awful. I’ve cried every night she’s done it because it honestly sounds like she’s being abused or we are doing something evil when we are doing our totally normal bedtime! Absolutely heartbreaking to see her get so upset, and now she can go ‘no no no no’ and cry for both of us it’s even more upsetting :(

Hi ladies....how are you all doing? DH and I have made the decision to TTC#2. I’ve just stopped taking the pill so will starting trying once my cycles regulate and we can keep track through opks....anyone else looking at adding a new addition to the family?

Baby A is doing so well at nursery. I’m so relieved. She actually cries upon collection as doesn’t want to leave! Can’t believe she’s almost 19 months...where does the time go?

Hope all the little ones are doing well...any improvement for you @powkin?

@bubblybrit -yes and no... the horrendous screaming has stopped but we have been plagued with the bedtime poo for at least 6 weeks now. It is driving us crazy. Do the whole bedtime routine, put her to bed and then POO. The two days she's done a poo at other times of the day we've been like yessss finally, she's out of the rhythm, but she just does ANOTHER poo in bed. FFS! We really are all out of ideas.

Add to that, for the last 3 nights at least she's started waking up at 10.30 doing her super super annoying grumbling "I'm hungry" noise which has become very triggering. We try and leave her to resettle, and she might for a bit, but then she just wakes up and cries eventually (either when I've just got back to sleep or at 2.30am). Then awake again at 6am. It's really getting us both down to be honest and I'm getting snappy with everyone. Maybe it's a growth spurt, I don't know, she's been eating a lot recently.

As she's already 15kg and she still wants to be picked up a lot I think I have partially prolapsed my bladder in the last few weeks. I go to the bathroom and then a few minutes later I need to go again, so I'm not emptying it properly. I've only just managed to get a referral for endometriosis, so having to try and get a GP appointment and a referral for that is the last thing I want right now.

Congrats on TTC! Two of my friends who gave birth in Feb/March 2019 are already 5-6 months pregnant with baby number 2. One of them is in Hong Kong with a live in nanny so I discount her... she says she can't come back to the UK because she knows she couldn't cope. She sees baby number 1 for around an hour a day and doesn't put her to bed, makes me so sad... like I don't understand why you'd want another if you never see the first? Maybe I'm answering my own question. It seems very, very easy and she had an extremely easy baby number 1 (when I heard it cry I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I wouldn't even have looked up from what I was doing if that was DD... it was like a tiny kitten mewing).

I'm 100% certain I won't have another and have been selling everything or giving it away. I just can't do it. If I had a really successful secure career that I loved already and great maternity benefits maybe it would be a different situation, but I've only just been awarded my Masters and qualified in my new profession at 35 so we are a bit tired of being financially crippled and I feel it would help my confidence and self esteem a lot to get back to that. I've just left my part time job as it was a low paid role to help me through uni - I loved my colleagues so so so much so I'm really sad to go, but it felt like the right time, and today I got invited to an interview for a new job, so that's super exciting! I never imagined I'd be able to conceive one, let alone two, so it's never been my plan. I feel quite sad seeing other people move on to number 2, as I know our friendships will probably disappear/change a lot, and I will feel left out of a club, and it makes me really sad that my experience of the last 19 months has been so hugely different to other people's to the point that I only just feel like I'm properly bonded and starting to feel competent/capable/less anxious (I'm still hardly even on my own with her). I do feel like a total failure as a mum if I'm honest, but then it feels like expectations are so ridiculously high, and we have absolutely no support network around us, so I know we are in a different situation to some people too. I'm really glad you're making that decision for you, and that you feel ready and want to go for it, I'm really excited for you. Make sure you keep us updated :)

@powkin. It must be an age thing as baby A is really adverse to getting her nappy changed, getting dressed or being bathed. Complete temper tantrum which wouldn’t have been the case last month 😢 it’s so stressful but wanted to let you know that it’s not just you and you aren’t doing anything wrong! I think the little ones are testing boundaries at this stage!

Brilliant news that you have a job interview lined up....you’ll need to let me know how you get on 😀 I’m hating my job at the moment. Feel a bit stuck as don’t see the point in leaving when DH and I are just about to TTC#2. Maternity package is good so I’ll just need to suck it up for a while 😬

You are NOT a failure in any way. You have been through some real challenges and came through all of them. You should be really proud of yourself and your beautiful baby. It is so tough at times (DH and I did question whether number 2 was right for us) so please don’t be too hard on yourself! We all struggle and make mistakes but the love you have for your little one has always shone through which is the most important thing xx

@bubblybrit aw thanks. Just feel like most mums can do whole days by themselves and find it manageable, if not easy, we are exhausted and there’s two of us half the time!

I guess with work maybe put feelers out? If you think about it, it’s at least 10 months until a baby comes along but could be 2 years, so that’s a long time to hate your job! No harm in looking and applying? I told myself I’d take a break but saw this job come up and it looked perfect so wanted to give it a go. I have to do a presentation with an “about me” section and I have NO idea what to write! It’s like I have disappeared. And I’m worried having a child might put them off so then I really have nothing to say! They’ve asked for about me, qualifications and experience as three sections so very hard to know what to put in the about me section that isn’t just jobs...

DD woke up a few times but resettled last night and then the bloody cat woke us up at 5.30! I could cry!

@powkin. You are not alone. I’m exhausted all the time. Toddlers are tough!

You are probably right regarding work. I think the problem is that I want out the industry I’m in. However I’d need to take a rather large pay cut to make that happen. Just doesn’t seem sensible if baby number 2 is on the agenda...something to consider though. I think the about me section is why they should employ you...what you would bring to the company....id also add in a short personal section so they can build a picture as to who/what you are like as a person. Good luck!

That’s typical. DD is also an early riser. Been up since 5am and she is now napping. So wish that I was able to nap 😂!

@bubblybrit industry changes are tough, I’ve been on a ridiculously low part time salary AND doing unpaid work for my training since 2017! I’m technically qualified now but I’m continuing with my advanced training so more unpaid work and more bloody fees, but I’m hoping by the time DD is at school I’ll be in a good place. My DH didn’t go to university until we were together and did undergrad and masters so I supported him for 5 years and now he’s been doing it for me, we honestly wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves if we had two decent salaries! My parents have a LOT of downsides, and caused me a lot of pain, but they were successful and were able to buy a flat for me 12 years ago when they retired (they said I’d get nothing more from them), so it has made following our own dreams and investing in the future a little more possible... day to day cash is still a big issue though. We got SO lucky at the beginning of lockdown as my DH found out he’d inherited money out of the blue from a relative that died in 1989! Was a bit miracularous when we were on a bit of a financial precipice and claiming UC.

Toddlers are SO exhausting. it’s the mood swings that really get to me. When I sleep well I’m a different person but now we’ve had a good 6 weeks of really unsettled sleep we are both shattered and downhearted, it’s hard to wind down when she’s taking so long to settle and then we don’t know when she’s going to wake up in the night and in the morning! On the whole she is 1000000% better than the first year though, so I still count my blessings, but I feel we both almost have PTSD from how horrendous her sleep is was in the first 9 months. I don’t say that lightly as I have experienced PTSD). Sleep is still a big trigger and something that stresses us both out. I still hardly ever do night feeds or settling her at night.

I think she knows our family is a bit it unusual as she calls me daddy mummy and DH mummy daddy 😂

I’m already a bit stressed about the prospect of school and how you figure it all out when it ends at 3.30, especially with commuting! How many days is yours in nursery now? Mine is with the childminder 3 days a week. I wanted us to do 4 days and her 3, but told myself if the right job came along I’d consider 4 days. I’m wondering about it for the winter, because it’ll be so much harder to entertain her, especially if groups aren’t going to start up again. I feel really happy with our childminder, my only concern is maybe DD would enjoy being with more children her age, but she’s so loving towards my DD and it’s a lovely homely environment. She even gives us food to take home! I think I’ll put her into nursery when she’s 2.5 perhaps, I’m hoping DD will be able to tell me what she wants by then. I think because I’m an introvert and not a big fan of lots of people I don’t like the idea of long days at nursery, but maybe she’d love it as she’s very outgoing!

@powkin. Ah it’s lovely to hear how you and DH have supported each others careers. It must have been tough but I’m
sure all the hard work will be worth it in the end. A little boost for you both regarding the inheritance (I am assuming that DH wasn’t close to his relative - if so then please ignore and accept my apologies!)

The mood swings are horrific. Baby A is so well behaved but if you stop her from doing something that she wants to do then all hell breaks loose. I just want her to understand that I’m stopping her so she doesn’t hurt herself and not because I want to spoil her fun 😂

I’m blessed as DD is a great sleeper so have no real advice in how to improve things but I appreciate how difficult it must be when you are surviving on little or no sleep! That’s why I think that you are doing brilliantly. It’s hard at the best of times but even more so when you are both exhausted!

DD is in nursery 5 days per week. DH and I work full time so have no other option. My parents would love to look after her but then MIL would want involved which I don’t really want...I know that seems harsh but DH and I both have a really strained relationship with her.

Luckily DD loves nursery and interacting with all the children so I don’t feel too bad!

I went to a childminder when I was younger so all long as she is getting the social aspect of other children (albeit a smaller number than at nursery) then I don’t see the problem. Especially if you and her are both happy with the childminder.

@bubblybrit oh yes, DD is VERY determined when she wants to do something and extremely unhappy when you stop her. She is absolutely obsessed with my phone and trying to get that off her (or hide it 24/7) is horrendous. If I have to take a phone call she just screams until I hang up and then has a fit if I don’t give it to her. She’s NEVER been allowed to watch anything on it but I let her hold it for listening to songs when I’m desperate and she likes to press the button, so it’s a bit insane how crazy she goes!

Not harsh at all re:parents. I have a very difficult relationship with mine and I have no desire to leave Erin with them for more than a few minutes, let alone a day. They are 250 miles away so not an option for us anyway. My mum can’t pick DD up (and is barely ready to help with anything until 10.30/11am). My dad is a bit better and helps us with practical stuff but he does things that make me really uncomfortable (like pretends to punch her in the face??? Like he puts his fist in front of it, it’s fucking upsetting) and just constantly undermines me like “she’s not tired/hungry” etc. When we went to stay in August, the day before we went back I asked if he’d miss having her around and he didn’t say anything at all. When I asked a second time he said “she’s better company than your mother I guess”. So definitely no desire to trust them with her. My MIL was down with us at my parents too and she does NOTHING unless expressly asked, and then might get huffy about it. Otherwise she’ll sit and read the paper and ignore everything around her completely, it’s unbelievable. She’s always been obsessed with “respecting privacy” or not overstepping but it just seems like a brilliant excuse to do nothing at all! Like when she helped after DD was born she wouldn’t go in our room to take our laundry, or even ask if she could, she just left it all. Like surely just ask if it would be helpful?! She hates all housework and lives surrounded by dusty books so has no concept of keeping a family home clean... and she had a nanny when DH was little and apparently she did everything like weaning so she has zero clue (she said she was feeding DH at night until he was 3!!). My “FIL” wasn’t around at all when DH was little and they were never married, and he lives even further away with his wife. She’s amazing and probably the only one I’d trust (not sure why she’s married to him).

I have a difficult relationship with DSis too, she can be extremely controlling and I find her very weird with DD, quote possessive, and she says really weird things that make it sound like she wants me to die so she can have DD when she’s never even offered to change a nappy (I’m honestly not making this up!). I’m trying to let go a little bit and let her take DD to the park for an hour the other week but I felt absolutely sick doing it. A friend happened to be there with her daughter so that helped.

I swing between feeling I’m controlling and can’t let go to thinking I have every right not to trust my family with her, my parents didn’t keep me safe whatsoever or help me when I was being abused as a child and an adult, so feel the best thing to do is keep them at arms length. I feel awful being so cold, but just because other grandparents are amazing doesn’t mean they are and should get the privileges others do.

Yet another bedtime poo, she’s definitely holding them in and waiting to be put to sleep.... what do we do?!?!?!

@powkin. DD loves my phone as well. I’ve had to remove it from her once or twice as she likes throwing it on our wooden flooring 😬 she is not happy with me then and usually goes to DH to vent her anger!

My parents are brilliant but my MIL is a nightmare. If I invite them for a coffee one day then I need to invite MIL for a coffee another day or else she completely throws a fit about being excluded. It’s bloody exhausting. I kinda put up with it whilst on maternity leave but can’t be bothered with it now I’m back at work. My MIL is happy to play with DD but has never offered any practical help which is what I really needed - especially in the early days!

I’m sorry that you are having such a horrible experience with both sides of the family. Can’t be easy to look after DD with very little support. I’d be so angry with my dad if he pretended to punch DD - who does that?!? I agree that arms length is best. Sounds as if you have a difficult relationship with them and I can see why the trust just isn’t there. I’m sorry that they have let you down so badly. No adult or child deserves to feel like that.

My DD has now started to refuse a bath. She literally won’t sit down so I’m helping her stand with one hand and trying to wash her with another 😬 the only time she sits down is when she decides to poo in the bath! Lovely eh?

@bubblybrit I would kill for a poo in the bath right now! She won’t stop doing it in bed 😔 it’s driving us crazy. We think she holds it and now thinks it’s part of her routine.

Have you thought about potty training at all? We bought one and a book and she knows poo and wee sort of and we talk about what we are doing and take her etc but she can’t really pull down leggings or nappy yet and she isn’t dry after naps which I read was a sign. Not sure whether it might help to put her on the potty after her bath! I’m really not looking forward to potty training, especially in London with limited public toilets and most things being a 15-25 minute pram/bus journey from our house! Might park the whole thing until spring unless she changes dramatically between now and then.

@powkin. We had a bed time poo this evening. I can imagine it’s pretty annoying when it becomes every night!

I’ve ordered a potty but I’m not sure if she’s ready for it. She does like to help me when I’m undressing her and often hides in a corner when trying to poo. These are positive signs. However she’s definitely not dry after her naps so we will see. I’m already fearful of potty training as I can just imagine having to change bedding in the middle of the night 😢

Luckily I live in a much smaller city than London so don’t have that concern!

@bubblybrit - dealing with toddler life does make me want to move somewhere smaller. In my hometown if I could be in the middle of town and rush home in 15 minutes if needs be. Everything is such a way here. But then there's USUALLY so much to do here... at the moment there's n-o-t-h-i-n-g. I hear Hartbeeps is starting up again, although not at my local centre, and we have this great children's place called Discover Children's Story Centre, but you have to book and it is quite expensive AND it's super busy now of course. We went once and they read a story outside in the playground and DD loved it, it was so so so sweet. I miss all those groups, she'd get so much more out of it now. I especially want the crafts and messy play to restart as I'm rubbish at doing that stuff, and I don't want to buy loads when she doesn't seem very interested in colouring in, so getting paints etc seems like a lot of effort and mess for maybe 2 minutes of play!

I read in a toddler book that true potty training is when they know they need to go, can pull down their own trousers, pants, sit on the toilet and get dressed again (excluding wiping) and that until they seem ready to do all those steps it can be a lot of effort for very little reward/lots of accidents, so it is better to wait longer and achieve it faster and not burn yourself out trying and failing! I don't think night time dryness comes for a good while after day time potty training though.

@powkin. That’s what’s good about DD being in nursery - they test out various arts and crafts and then I buy the things she likes for home! I’m missing taking her swimming....our pool has yet to reopen which is a shame.

I think I’ll hang fire on potty training at the moment as could do with less stress rather than more 😂! Might wait until she shows more signs before attempting it.

@bubblybrit Erin brought up a crown with a felt tip design and feathers attached yesterday, it is so cute! I think she’s like some thick paints to smush around but ohhhh the cleanup!

I’ve never taken her swimming at a public pool, the idea completely overwhelms me. It’s a 20 min walk to ours - I think it has just reopened. My parents have a very small pool but my dad wouldn’t heat it to 28-30 that baby pools usually are so it was quite cold for her and she did want to keep getting out/didn’t seem very keen. I think a class would maybe be more helpful as there’s more for her to focus on and we don’t know what we are doing!

@powkin. I initially took Anna to a swim class but after the course finished I just took her myself. It was a bit stressful getting her dressed but still miss taking her as she loved it!

How is everyone doing (small name change)???

@drpowk. Hello 👋 we are good thanks. Currently TTC#2...I must be insane lol 😂 how are you doing? X

Hiii, not been on this chain for ages but toddler is doing great, wow terrible twos can be intense but overall it’s just lush , such a funny cute age! We have also just started trying for no.2 . I was so relaxed about trying last time and this time I’m symptom spotting constantly, took about 50 million tests and googling every little twinge (we’re only on month one! 😅) how’s everyone else?

@1stTimeTina. Yes the toddler tantrums are epic but DD is awesome...so very funny and loving. I don’t feel relaxed at all this time round. Think it’s cos I’ve just turned 37 so feeling like I don’t have much time left 😬! I had a MMC in Dec at 12 weeks which didn’t help with my anxiety around TTC#2. Fingers crossed for some new babies soon!