March 2016: the one where Indomitable gives birth...

[vroc81]

I hope I haven't duplicated a new March thread in my sleep deprived state.. Went to reply and found thread was full!..

Beaut gimme his phone number...I'll give him the mother of all bollockings.

Apologies for the potty mouth picture but I saw it and it made me chuckle. I think you should pin it on your fridge alongside a pic of your "D"H.

More hugs, , and , Beaut. You're doing great. Keep going.

Thanks for the leaflet, ffaux, looks really helpful.

Missi, well done on the swimming! Sorry to hear about Z's feeding/weight issues. Hope all resolves soon.

I struck baby gold this morning! Trying to get showered & dressed etc and DS2 was getting increasingly grumpy needing to go back to sleep. I put him in the wrap and then turned the hairdryer on. I had to put it on the side for a few seconds to hold his flailing head, but literally a few seconds and he was conked right out and I could dry my hair! So, wrap + hairdryer = win!

beaut I can't believe he hasn't been in touch at all. What a bastard. As missi said, your milk supply should be fine as your body will prioritise baby but won't be great for you. Might be worth eating small high calorie snacks such as nuts if you can manage it.

Had a better nights sleep here, just two wakes at 1 and 4 which is still pretty poor but I'll take what I can get. DD1 woke frequently to feed until she was 7 or 8 months old so may have to accept that's just the way I make babies!

Sorry to hear about yukky side effects to the jabs mrse. I remember with DD1 her having horrible nappies for about a week :-/

Glad you made up with your DH me. Tiredness definitely makes things harder! Me and DP have argued much less this time round but I think that's just because we've been constantly tired the past two and a half years and have gotten used to it!

Went to town this morning and got myself measured in bravissimo and got a lovely well fitting bra. Am now a 32J! My body shape is so weird at the moment though, ugh. Basically size 10/12 in my legs, bum and under bust but huge boobs and massive belly. So none of my clothes fit and my stomach is ruined! Sigh.

Beaut I can't believe he's not been in touch. What an idiot

The jabs weren't too bad here. Ted slept all day. We kept him topped up with calpol and he was pretty settled. What a relief!

Q my pram was ds and is silly big, it's a Bebecar which is lovely for walking with but not car friendly really. It's good though because the faff of getting it in the car makes me more inclined to walk as much as possible.

To all those with body concerns, my stomach is so wobbly. It's like dough. I try not to look at it or think about it as I cram another custard cream in my mouth. Missi I've done slimming world before along with WW, 5:2, the detox diet and I find it quite easy to follow. I'll probably do it again once I find my willpower again. Well done on your loss!

Beaut I'm just on your behalf. Hope your friend gave you support last night as well as

Ffaux thanks for the sleep info I'll have a read, you described E's sleeping patten exactly which is reassuring. I won't be so concerned that she is sleeping lighter for the second stint.

Me glad you made up with dh. Marmite me and dh are the same, arguing less this time, I just don't have the energy for it. And I have to give him credit, he is much more hands on at this stage than he was with ds.

We had a nice day in the garden yesterday in the sun. E is really snuffly and didn't feed as much yesterday. I've just fed her now and she was grunting the whole way through. I have to say I don't enjoy many feeds with her it just feels like a battle. It's a rare occasion age sucks slowly and takes it easily. I don't know if I should look at changing bottle brands or what. Ds was a pita to feed at this age too so maybe I just make babies who are tricky to feed.

MrsB forgot to post, glad to hear Ted was ok with his jabs!

Morning all ... I'm fully prepared for this to be a one off fluke, but DS just slept from 8.30pm until 5am!! I woke up every half hour or so from 3.30, checking the time and hardly believing my luck! That's practically sleeping through!

As I said, probably a fluke but a very welcome one at this stage! He's guzzling his bottle down now, what a champ.

Purple which bottles are you using? Amongst my friends I seem to be one of the few who has got on fine with tommee tippee, a lot have switched to dr Browns or avent.

Oh Paper I wish I could. Stupid dignity I apparently have to retain. Well I don't look very dignified now, in bed sobbing.

Can't remember who asked, but I have no idea where he's staying. He went to his parent's but apparently told them it's just for a couple of nights?! He can't stay on their sofa for long surely.

I just want my family together. I have no other family and this was everything to me.

beaut have you tried calling him? I know it shouldn't be down to you but he should at least explain to the kids himself even if they are too young to understand. You also need to speak to him for practical reasons, or to try to start a reconciliation if that is ever on the cards and what you want. Obviously I don't know much about the situation and he has behaved appallingly but if he changes his mind and you can forgive him maybe there is a chance you can have your family back, it will certainly not be easy.

I'm not calling him, he won't answer! I've spent a long time running around after men and begging for another chance, but I've worked hard to build up my confidence and self esteem so I just can't bring myself to do that.

I've written out this text to send on Monday/Tuesday :

We need to sort finances, contact with kids etc so when are you about? Your auntie said she'd watch the kids. Did you pay the rent?

I don't want to send it of course. I don't want any of this! We've never gone this long without talking, ever

Hi everyone, leaping back in after falling behind on the thread. Stupidly, it just felt like too huge a task to catch up so I just stopped reading!

Beautiful, that's so unbelievably shit of him. You have three already so surely he must have known what was coming? Have you been in touch with his family at all? That might shame him into getting in touch. It sounds like you have good friends to support you, don't be afraid to ask for help.

Sorry to everyone with unsettled babies. Reflux is awful, ds had it and the early weeks were relentless. Dummies apparently help a lot time as they swallow more saliva which calms their tummies. Keeping them upright helps, and nothing around the waist, so lots of onesies rather than trousers. It sounds as though you're doing great, it's so hard having one that won't settle. Ds was never on his back and wouldn't be put down. I felt awful about the expensive playmat, pram carrycot and bouncer that never got used, I'm very excited this time that S likes all three - and they're still pristine having not been used last time

S is also a good sleeper while we're out, both in the pram and the sling. I'm still using the Moby wrap but will move to the boba 3g when she's a little bigger. I can heartily recommend both!

Very cute pictures from everyone. We've had some smiles out of S but haven't managed to get a picture yet. She mostly smiles at this horrible painting we have on our bedroom wall near where we change her - God knows why, it's hideous.

Our sleep has been ok lately, couple of decent stretches a night. She tends to wake around 5 which is the worst, as she goes back to sleep but I don't have time to before we have to get ready for the school run. I know I'm a week late me, but I can really recommend Love to Dream swaddle pods, they have their hands up by their face but still enclosed enough to calm the startle reflex.

S is generally quite a settled little thing but we've been having a screamy patch every evening, right around dinner time. The only thing that works is feeding in my room with the white noise app playing. Hoping this is a phase! She still feeds most of the evening but I don't mind that if it means we get an ok night and daytime sleep when ds is up.

Have weighed us both this week, she's 9lb and following her centile line perfectly, I'm less impressed with myself - a stone and a half over my comfortable weight. Sigh. I'm boobing and walking plenty, so it's probably the whole packets of Oreos I've been mashing into my face.

We had a follow-up hip scan last week and while they're not better they are much improved, so we just have to keep on with the double nappy etc. I'm so relieved she doesn't need a harness! The scanners were unimpressed that she doesn't have a dummy and made me stand by the machine with a finger in her mouth. I've now bought a couple of dummies to try, I think we'll need them when we go back to have the casts put on her feet, which apparently takes a while. Quite discouraging to read of all the dummy refusers! I think I'll start trying now.

I'm still in bed with the baby, ds is sat next to me, dressed as a pirate and breastfeeding his best bunny friend .

Beaut whatever you do, don't do the "pick me" dance. Just keep your communication with him factual and to the point. Stay in control of your emotions (although it will seem impossible) and decide that you are calling the shots.

Don't ask him when he's free to discuss finances and contact, tell him that you have arranged for a sitter and so you will see him at 7.00 on Whateverday. Don't ask if he can pay the rent, tell him that he HAS to pay the rent. Give him the chance to behave like an adult but make it clear to him that you will not accept any fuck ups.

He may have left the relationship, but he doesn't get to leave his responsibities.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I wish I could pop round and give you a hug ((((xxx))))

I read about the pick me dance on here and realised I've spent a lot of my life doing that. I'm not doing it now though. How do you stop yourself being emotional when you're a cryer?!

Oh trust me, I really don't want to ask him when he's free. It makes me sick giving him all that choice and control. But he cannot stand being told what to do (which is why he left, in a fashion) so he just won't accept it if I say a time/place. He'll say he's at work, which tbf he may well be. There's no way he'd miss work to do something as unimportant as sort out the huge mess he's left us all in.

And again I'm scared to get his back up about the rent because it needs paying after all...

suz can definately empathise with the dinnertime screaming. No matter how good a day E is having she screams arounf 7-10. DH and I manage dinner todether about once a week, otherwise we eat in shifts. She makes up for it by being good at night though - sleeping 10.30 -4 last night then a few more hours after a feed. She had only seemed to sleep in 10 min bursts during the day yesterday so I was definately prepared for the worst.

beaut big hugs, can't believe he hasn't been in touch at all, how can he do that to you and the kids. I liked the brevity of your text though agree with paper on editing. He cannot shirk his responsibilities and feel like he is doing you favour by engaging and sorting out practicalities, it is the bare minimum he has to do.

indom good discovery on the hairdrier, a friend swears by hers for baby calming. E likes the washing machine and with the odd poonami, lots of milky dribbles/sick, dog towels and DH's work clothes it is on a lot nowadays.

Indom DD loved the sound of the hairdryer too, so we downloaded the sound of one from a white noise CD (called Baby Calmsound). We even played it in the car if she was unsettled!

Lovely day today. The weather was dreadful so we went to Seven Stories (centre for children's books) and DD and DS1 read loads of stories/did crafts/played/dressed up and I got to eat cake (Bruce Bogtrotter chocolate cake) and drink coffee and buy lots of books

It's been so grey here after glorious sunshine yesterday. We spent the day out almost on the beach wandering along the seafront, shopping and playing with dd in the beach side park in the twin towns I grew up in. Eddy spent the day in my ring sling almost 8 hours of wearing him and we were both very comfortable. He gets hot really quickly in the caboo now, so I can't keep him in it for long unless it is actually cold outside. So untill dd learns to wait the 30 seconds or so it takes to wrap him in my summer wrap the ring sling is my go to sling. It's a linen blend and super supportive but did take lots of practice to know how to wear it comfortably.

mrs sounds like a fantastic day.

We get the evening screaming here too. Dh is normally at work but has been off and actually here the past couple of days and keeps asking me if his ill or hurt. Only thing that settles him is a ride in the pram, but he usually just has to put up with being walked around inside as dd has to be fed and won't manage a walk before bedtime. He usually peeks with screaming just as we finish bedtime stories but is settled just after dh walks through the door.

beaut just sending you and your dcs massive hugs.

Hello, like suz I've lapsed with posting recently.

Beaut I'll echo what most have said, so completely gutted for you facing this, what an absolutely shitty thing for your not so 'd'h to do. And to not even make contact to ask about his children for you!!!!

I'm sorry I'm terrible at keeping tabs on who's posted what and replying individually!! I will promise to keep up better.

Albert is now 8 weeks old....and still impossible to suss out!! Gaining weight nicely, 11lb 10 as of last week, smiling at times...but pretty damn grumpy most of the time if I'm honest!!! he still sleeps a lot in the days, which is good as when awake I panic lots as he seems so upset with himself! I remember Dd hitting 8 weeks and feeling happy that I finally knew what I was doing....I feel less confident with DS than ever.

Still trying to master the bottle again (not very successfully), won't take a dummy, seems to feed well from me, plenty of wet/dirty nappies, burps and trumps...but still not particularly 'happy'?!

I just keep reminding myself...they aren't this small for long...just sad that I'm wishing my baby times away when all I expected after having Dd was to saviour every second with my new squishy boy?!

(Sorry for the very me me me post...just feels better to get it off my chest as don't feel like I can tell 'real' people how uncomfortable I am with DS!!)

Hi all- we had a lovely day out in the sun at Kew Gardens today. Think London got the good weather. E slept pretty much the whole time, hoping it doesn't mean she is awake all night.

Poppins I know what you mean about wishing away and feeling bad. E is pretty good really but I've realised I prefer older babies and toddlers, when I don't have to worry about every feed, how much they have had, if they've pooed/burped etc. I felt like I knew E a few weeks ago but now I'm a bit stumped again.

I just saw this on FB
It's a YouTube clip of an advert for motherhood made by a formula company but I thought it was quite funny and my hormones made me feel a big Awww at the end.

Poppins I'm with you on feeling so utterly conflicted - DS2 has had another inexplicably screamy day (except when we went out). I thought this time would be easier (and it has been, in a way) but I don't know what to do to make him happy. And I'm trying not to wish this time away, I want to make the most of this. But...

He feeds, we change him, then he screams. He won't go to sleep, and me holding him, trying to feed him just makes him more angry. Not just a little cry, but he goes nuclear. As did DS1.

He's just fallen asleep after being mainly awake for the last 5 hours. Need to try to move us upstairs and transfer to bed without waking him. (Though I expect he'll start the whole cycle again in an hour).

Beaut - hugs and support for you.

Thank you purple and indom, it is a MASSIVE relief to know it's not just me!! I just feel like such a terrible mum, with Dd if coo over how delicious she was, pass her around proudly...but poor DS is introduced as grumps or the screamer to try and make light of his temperament but actually it's exhausting!! People ask about the nights and how I'm coping...funnily enough although hit and miss I can cope with them, it's daytime so struggle with when he just won't settle?!

Anyway....tomorrow is another day!! (With DP at home to muck in...yay!!)

DS has just done another really good stretch of sleep - 8pm-4.15. Unfortunately he was so bloody noisy for most of it that I hardly got any!! Some nights he's worse than others with his noise and arm flailing and last night was definitely very bad

He should go back to sleep after this feed so hopefully I'll catch up a bit. I resent DH for managing to sleep through it all!

Indom and Poppins I'm sorry you have screamy grumpy babies. I get frustrated with DS sometimes when he has grizzly days but thankfully not every day is like that - it must be really hard if it is. You both sound like you're doing a great job and it will get better as they get older.

We had a good night too. J slept from 8:30-3. Not as good as Me but I'll definitely take that!

Also sorry to hear of the grumpy, screaming babies Indom, Suz, Dobby Poppins** and anyone else I've missed. When I read you're posts I realise how lucky we are. J gets very restless in the evenings, like he just can't get comfortable, but he doesn't cry. You are all doing so amazingly well coping with it.

Beaut how are you doing today lovely? Been thinking about you a lot.

So jealous of all these stretches
C is still waking every 2.5-3 hours and is 11 weeks old :(
Last night was 10pm. 12am. 3am. 5am and 7am.
Each taking about an hour to and its been like this most nights to.
How come all your babies sleep for so long? Any tips this way please am getting increasingly impatient for her to do at least a four hour stretch. We don't even get there hours sleep between her going down and waking up again as each wake up averages an hour to an hour and a half.
After 11 weeks I am impatient for it to start getting slightly better now

Sounds more normal, Time! DS2 rarely conks out before midnight, and most days is then up every 1.5-2 hours (then we're up at 6am for school run during the week). We have had the occasional stretch of 4 hours thrown in every 5 or so days so far though, which is keeping me sort of sane. When he finally gave up the screaming last night he did 12:30-4:30 (YAY!) and then another couple of hours. I'm still trying to convince him to go back for some more, but I think I'm going to have to give up and get up.

This is still leagues better than DS1 who was still up every couple of hours when I went back to work. (Must remember this).

I do think the swaddle pods (we're using Woombies, but I might get some of the Love to Dream ones) & bedside crib are having a positive influence here. If you're not swaddling, Time, get a couple of the Love to Dream arms up swaddle pods. They might revolutionise sleep for you (they might not, but better to try...)