March 2016: the one where Indomitable gives birth...

[vroc81]

I hope I haven't duplicated a new March thread in my sleep deprived state.. Went to reply and found thread was full!..

time you are absolutely not a useless mum, some babies are more demanding than others and you said it yourself 'she is not dehydrated, she's alert and well' all things that point to you being a pretty amazing mum despite all the crying you have to deal with. In the moments she is asleep try to do something that makes you feel better - have a shower, tea and biscuits, straighten your hair, do the housework probably not but some people find it therapeutic!, make some lunch so that if she is screaming at lunchtime you have something that you can eat one handed, just anything that will give you a little boost for the next stint.

For us I do as tri and rhu have never actively tried to get him to sleep, have notoced though that if he doesnt sleep well through the day then he wont sleep very well that night either, more naps seem to equal a good nights sleep too. for example yesterday, R was having a meltdown so popped him in the car seat and drove to town - wandered for 3 hours, fed him and had a coffee in m&s, windowshopped and he pretty much slept or looked around at all the lights and different scenes throughout, Last night he then slept 10-3 and 3:30-6:30. I think after pretty much 6 weeks of sitting in the front room he gets as sick of the sight of the same 4 walls as we do.
You're not at all a bad mum, I'm not ashamed to admit that I've had to wake dp up in the night a few times as I just can't get R to relax at like 4am, he cries and screams which drives me to cry and then it's like a switch - hand over to dp and he is silent. They know when you're stressing and that stresses them out hence the quietness when handed to someone who isn't as flustered - it's not a reflection on your abilities at all.

Will say - we got a vibrating bouncer chair from asda and it's been an absolute godsend (ignoring the 3 times we have had to change the batteries already)

Another one here whose DS sleeps like a dream whenever we go shopping or anything! The car typically sends him off and then he usually stays asleep the entire time we're out. It's very convenient although sometimes he sleeps too long that way! I agree with all the advice Time, try and get out as much as you can. Don't fit everything round the baby, that way depression lies I'm sure. I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be with a reflux baby but take solace in the fact that it will improve as she gets older. I know some people with reflux babies are told to wean a bit earlier as that can help - obviously not just yet, but you might want to discuss it with your health visitor.

DS has been sleeping well the last few nights, having just one night feed around 2/3am and then sleeping until 6.30/7.30 which is very manageable. But after his night feed last night he was so noisy in his sleep that it kept me up! Annoying.

Evening all,

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time, Time. As others have said, a high needs baby is a very difficult thing. I can't remember if you're already treating for reflux, but if so (and I think someone already said this), go back to the GP and ask for ranatidine. And join the high needs baby threads (they didn't exist when DS1 was little, but he was most definitely a High Needs Baby!)

I think Rhu has a good point about getting out and about. My worst day so far with DS2 was the day we Stayed In so I could try to catch up on sleep. I was horrific (I posted to share the awfulness of it all!). When we've been out, things have been much better - the action (whether it's in the car or buggy or sling) has helped him to sleep - and more sleep means he's less overtired and can sleep more later too, and with a bit of planning/careful observation we've been able to factor in feed & change stops.

The most difficult thing I find is having a shower. Most other things I can do with DS2 in the sling/wrap (including a wee if necessary!). If anyone still hasn't got one, do consider it. (I'm alternating between ring-sling and wrap depending on what I'm doing).

Ah, Q, out chair used to vibrate but it stopped working sometime after DS1 grew out of it. The motor unit is riveted to the frame and we can't get it off to try to fix it though (it's very old, about 3rd hand minimum). It did work like magic though, I seem to remember!

We've had a hectic day, off to watch DS1 at an event in the next town then back for swimming lessons. DS2 slept through the event entirely, then had a massive feed which he then threw up all over himself and the car seat! Fortunately had time to fully change him before swimming lessons and even managed to feed him in the ring sling poolside (I'm hoping incredibly discreetly) as he decided he needed feeding just as DS1 was getting out of the pool. I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself (and the planning that went into the whole manoeuvre!)

me is your ds a grunter too? R has a tendency after his 3am ish feed to kick and grunt and fuss for about 3 hours, all while he's asleep so is completely oblivious to dp and I having broken nights haha.

indom I've been looking at a ring sling, would you recommend one? Ds is 11lbs and I just keep thinking that my back will be agony if I carry him about in a sling so haven't bothered with one, instead just leave him on a playmat in the front room or bring him and his chair to wherever I am.

The vibrating musical chair we got was on half price in asda at £25, there's nothing special about it but it really does work to soothe him!

The ring sling is good for quick pick-ups but I wouldn't use it for any length of time. It does get uncomfortable, but it's much easier than holding any sized child on got hip with one arm.

If you haven't got a carrier at all I'd recommend a buckle carrier or a woven wrap. I've got an ergo which can be used without the infant insert from 12lb. There are others that might be suitable from birth... Also a mei tai or similar might be a good one.

Hang on, let me 'window shop'...!

Q I'm still using the Caboo at the moment (just bought this m.ebay.co.uk/itm/291682776498 coat too as my other one doesn't have a hood) but I also have a Babyhawk mei tai like Indom mentioned. I'll probably move on to that one soon as Ted is now over 13lb .

This website has lots of different types of carrier, but the buckle ones all seem to need infant inserts too.

There are many others around and many cheaper versions if you have a bit of a Google.

DS2 won't settle for long in his chair or on a mat, and will screech when he's tired until he's walked/bounced around. It's taken me a while to cotton on but chucking him in a carrier and carrying on with my day is the most effective solution.

I agree with indom the ring sling is useful for short bursts onky really - El is 11lb 2 and I'm now starting to get back ache if I have her in it for too long.

Would really recommend a more structured carrier - I've got the manduca which is v similar to the ergo I think. This week I walked over 3 miles in one burst with E in it, so well over an hours walking and felt fine.

Fridays are my day with E and DD1 so now knackered. DD1 was pretty well behaved today but fell asleep on our way back from a local farm and had to wake her up when we got back. DP got back from work then and she immediately started playing up I think due to tiredness and has been screeching and demanding all evening.

Am still full of cold, ugh. Expecting another poor nights sleep.

I'm also feeling pretty down about my fat belly. Am only weighing myself once a week and Friday is weigh in day. Have lost no weight in three weeks, despite the last two weeks walking every day and being hungry all the time and only eating "healthy" snacks and breastfeeding round the clock. Think next week I will start on my exercise bike again - though have no idea where I find the time...

Evening all, baby sensory was lovely so we are booked for the rest of the term. I think it went way over E's head but I met a mum with a 7 weeks old so it was nice to meet someone in rl at the same stage.

Time I hope your day got better? You are not a useless mum. It is the hardest job in the world and one we all always feel crap at but we aren't!

MrsE how is Cassidy now?

E hasn't developed into a full cold yet thankfully but when she woke up earlier she was gagging on mucus and was sick with it. She's also slept a lot but I don't know if that's the cold, crappy night last night or the excitement of baby sensory. I've also started giving her gripe water because the infacol didn't seem to have much effect and it seems to be working so fingers crossed. Does anyone else use it? Is it a fluke?

I'm still not massively confident with my caboo sling but I'm pleased I have it. It's really handy for when I pop out in the car and don't want the hassle of loading the pram in and out of the boot.

Dh and I have just had a big argument 😥 I was getting annoyed with him because he kept shouting away while playing online on his Xbox and it's becoming increasingly difficult to settle DS in the evenings in the lounge with us. We have very boomy speakers for the TV and DS will only sleep now if it's reasonably quiet. I was also bored because I wanted to watch TV or a film or something and he kept saying he was nearly finished when he clearly wasn't! When he finally did quit I said I thought we needed to come up with a new solution for DS in the evenings - perhaps settling him upstairs and using the monitor because it's too loud for him and DH just flipped and said he's sick of my nagging all the time. I admit I was a bit naggy this evening but I honestly don't think I'm that bad - compared to a lot of my friends I am so laid back! He stormed upstairs with DS so I left him to calm down for half an hour and then tried to talk to him but he said he didn't want to talk and that I'd ruined his evening! Grr ... so now I'm in the spare room (which was planned anyway, as he was going to do the night feed and let me get a bit more sleep tonight) but I really hate going to bed on an argument, he just wouldn't talk to me though even though I apologised for nagging.

Purple we do baby sensory too. DS is 8 weeks old now and even just in two weeks since we started I can see he is so much more alert,p and engaging more, whereas the first week I think it totally went over his head too!

Q yes that's DS exactly, loads of grunting and fussing but whilst completely asleep, it's bizarre. He isn't like that every night but has the odd night like it.

Oh me hopefully a good night's sleep will make everything better in the morning, dp and I have been very snippy with each other lately too so I feel your pain.

purple my pram chassis lIves in the boot of my car as there's no room in the house for it, i definitely could do with something to carry him so I can just nip into a shop or.something though -find myself avoiding little runs for milk etc if it seems like it'll be too much of a chew on with the car seat and pram for the sake of a cup of tea.

Thanks for the song and carrier recommendations, will spend tomorrow looking into them.

At a 50s themed party tomorrow night, need to find something to do with my hair! First time ill have got properly dressed up since a wedding in august, also had my 1st glass of wine in 10 months tonight

Hi all, what is baby sensory exactly?

Oh no me, I think it sounds like he was being a bit unreasonable but hopefully after a good nights sleep it will all be forgotten. I am finding looking after a newborn has definitely tested our relationship more than anything before, it's so tough and such a big transition that arguments are totally inevitable

time bless you, look at everything you are trying to do for Calais to make her happy- that does not make you a useless mum, it means she is super lucky to have you! Seren is similar and I just have to tell myself this to get through each day. Just remember that everything is a phase and it will pass. She has enough wet nappies and you are doing an amazing job.

Ooh enjoy your party Q, look on YouTube for hair tutorials!

marmite I'm with you re. body issues, nothing fits me at the moment and it's crappy with summer coming and can't just hide under big jumpers. I expected to have a tummy for a while but hadn't appreciated how much my hips, thighs and bum had expanded!

Oh also on the grunting sleepers - I go to a new mama class and everyone is experiencing the same thing! The teacher said that the first stretch of sleep at night is their deep/quiet sleep, and that will be followed by a shorter stretch where they appear restless/wriggly and will make noises, but it's 'active' sleep which is important for their development. Just like as adults we apparently have a much lighter sleep the second half of the night

Also she told us that babies go through a few sleep cycles in one sleep, and when they transition to a new sleep cycle they may appear to wake (whimper, open eyes briefly etc) but if you wait and watch they will actually stay asleep, so don't pick them up at the first whimper, but wait for the 'come and get me' cry

I have a really good handout on sleep that gave me so if anyone is interested PM me and I can email it, or copy and paste here lol

ff I'd be really interested to read the sleep hand out, thank you! Baby sensory is a class of sensory activities to help the babies develop/have fun! Here's R in the 2 mins he was engaged in this week's class.

Gotta go, R isn't settling, Rgh! Bloody wind!

Ok so these jabs are pretty yukky, Cassidy had a massive bout of diarrhoea yesterday, was sick twice and slept most of the day. Other than being annoyed at having two full outfit changes and a bath it didn't seem to bother her that much. But then we had the joy of an unexpected side effect, she fed at 8.30, fell asleep an 9.15 and woke for her feed at 5.40, I have had 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep and it feels amazing!

MrsElls you wait... the toxic farts are a-comin

We've been up every 1.5-2hrs -_-

I thought all the sleep yesterday would mean more sleep overnight. But I think he might be growing. He did a good impression of cluster feeding last night.

Ohh, I'm so tired!

Nancy slept a little better last night. On occasion she can fall asleep on her own and not just on the breast so hopefully we're heading in the right direction. Although I'm suddenly in no rush to start her an early bedtime routine as she stops me being lonely in the evenings - how sad is that :(

Me I hope you two are ok this morning. Why the fuck to men think it's their god given right to have their me time, then if we comment/ask for help we become boring nagging wives?

Not much to update here, except that he left on Tuesday evening and I've heard nothing from him. I actually cannot believe it.

Thanks paper I'll look forward to that!

beaut I can't believe he hasn't even called to ask about the kids, what an arsehole. What have you told the kids? Do whatever you need to at the moment and if that means slighter later bedtimes for Nancy then so be it. and might also help.

Thanks mrs. I am shocked at it all too. I haven't said anything to the children. I think they assume he's working, but two of them cried for him yesterday. I could kill him. I don't know what to say to them.

Wine and chocolate and a friend coming over will definitely feature tonight! I can't really eat anymore. Will it affect my milk?

Took Nancy to be seen at the out of hours yesterday evening as she has some type of (fungal?) infection behind one ear. Looked so sore and stunk!! I'm not telling him about it though, some might say that's wrong but he can piss off (he actually already knew her ear was sore but he'll have forgotten).

thanks crispy - I realised I can probably share it on google drive, let me know if this works:

sleep handout

beaut Hope Nancy's ear is better soon. I know a major stress has the potential to affect your milk but as long as you're able to keep nursing every 2-3 hours then hopefully it will be fine

Hi all, god in struggling to keep up with you all with two DC in tow. You other ladies with more than one I have no idea how you're managing it!

Me, sorry to hear about your argument with DH. I hate going to bed on one too (well, I just full stop hate arguing). I hope you've made up today. I agree with your advice to Time re the early weaning. DS1 was very pukey, gaviscon helped a bit but in the end the paed suggested early weaning which we started at 21 weeks and it sorted the issue literally overnight.

Time, thinking of you. You are doing a fab job, try not to beat yourself up. Some babies just do cry more than others and it's not anything you are doing/not doing. I second trying to get out daily as from your previous posts it seems that really helps. You are a great mum and don't let you convince yourself otherwise.

Beaut, so sorry to read about your idiot DH. I am fuming along with all the other ladies with you and can't believe you've heard nothing from him. I hope that you're coping ok and the kids are alright. It must be heartbreaking to have then crying for him. I literally can't believe how immature he is being. I met another lady on the neonatal unit who's husband of 6 years has basically done the same thing to her a month after they brought their baby home saying he's not really ready for a baby (despite the fact they'd been trying for 6 years) and wanted his old life back. It's kind if slightly too late once your DC are already here!

I hope you manage to sort all the financial stuff and he realises what a dick he's been (even if you decide not to have him back anyway). Please try and eat even if it's a struggle. Your body will still make milk (think starving ladies in Africa, they still manage to feed their babies) but it's not going to be great for you. Huge virtual hugs n kisses to you.

Marmite and Ffuax, I'm with you on the body confidence issues and I'm 5 months post partum and didn't even get a big bump this time. I feel so frumpy and am heavier than I've ever been in my life so a week and a half ago joined slimming world. Lost 4lbs in my first week! I did it 4 years ago before my wedding/first pregnancy and lost 2.5 stone but I'm back now 5lbs heavier than my starting weight then (admittedly have had two kids since tho). I think now as I'm not in that newborn part with Zach I have more motivation to so something and actually am eating way better now on the plan...more fruit/veggies less cake!

I've been feeling a bit deflated the last couple of weeks as Zach's weight gain is not great. He still only weighs 7lb 6oz and has dropped way down off his line on the 0.4 centile. We have the neonatal dietician involved and have started mixing in some Nutriprem 2 (specialist prescription prem baby formula) with his expressed bottle at night but it's too early to see if it's going to do much. We may need to introduce more formula bottles (I'm waiting for a plan from the dietician but I know she's keen to keep him on breast milk as much as poss) so I'm feeling a bit sad that my milk doesn't seem to be doing enough for him

He's also not smiling yet which I'm so impatient for, he's 8 weeks corrected on Monday (five months old the other day). On a more positive note last week I felt like supermum managing to take DS1 to his swimming class which he's been missing loads recently with Zach in tow too. He sat (slept) in his car seat on the side of the pool while I swam with DS..felt fab!

And another positive note last night he slept 11-4.40am! But then I feel bad that maybe I should be waking him with his poor weight gain at the mo!

Thanks everyone, DH and I have made up this morning and cuddled up in bed with DS after his first morning bottle which was nice. Being tired definitely makes us a lot more snappy with each other.

Beaut I can't believe your DH hadn't been in contact at all. Do you know where he's staying? You are doing a great job - stay strong and as others have said, do whatever it takes to get through.

Missi it must be hard worrying about weight gain. Bless Zach, still so tiny, he is now at DS's birth weight almost -7lb7. I hope you get a plan with the dietician that works soon. A girl in my NCT group had her little one 7 weeks early and he still isn't smiling either at 15 weeks (8 weeks corrected). It's very normal isn't it for prem babies to hit their milestones a bit later?