March 2016: the one where Indomitable gives birth...

[vroc81]

I hope I haven't duplicated a new March thread in my sleep deprived state.. Went to reply and found thread was full!..

Beaut I'm so sorry to hear that, what the hell is he thinking? Like others have said I hope you have good rl support as well as our listening ears.

Q and Fflaux E has between 2.5oz-5oz of formula each feed. There is no rhyme or reason as far as I can see for what she takes. She just slept 5 hours for the first night stint and then only drank 3oz when I would have thought she would be starving.
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Indom* I was thinking earlier tonight when you mentioned clicking while feeding that E does that on the bottle too. Maybe that is why she is so windy? I have no idea how to try and correct that. Can you even do that with bottle fed babies?

Wow beaut that's unbelievable, what an absolute arsehole thing to do. I hope you managed to get some sleep and that you manage to sort things out (one way or the other).

Absolute nightmare night here with Es cold, she's been up/fussing all night pretty much and has been very sicky and snuffly. Feels like I sorted out the wind issues only to get stuck with something else!

Have also been in pain in neck and back all night. On Monday I was walking down the stairs with a load of washing in my hands and E in the sling, dropped some washing and when I turned to look at it, lost my footing and banged down the steps on my arse, and hit back of my head really hard on the stairs. E was fine in sling thankfully but I had to go sit down as I felt dizzy. After that passed I felt fine but then since yesterday my neck has started to gradually hurt more and now shoulders and back hurting too so think I've put some strain on them. Made what little sleep I could snatch last night a bit harder to get!

purple if E is clicking on the bottle it could be tongue tie as it can also affect bottle feeding latch. If she is clicking then that would mean she's taking more air in during a feed which could be making her windy?

Paper I feel like we're all friends on here too which is why I posted that. I can't keep writing on here pretending things are normal.

He didn't say much. His reasons were things like he doesn't know who he is anymore, he feels like he can't be the "old him" and have late nights playing PlayStation and going out getting pissed. He's angry all the time. He's unhappy. And he doesn't know why he feels like that but it's only when he's here.

I am so, so angry. He's leaving me in the lurch with four children. He didn't even want to try sort things out. Within minutes of him dropping this bombshell he was packing. He told me its not me, I've done nothing wrong etc, yet he never even apologised and his last words to me were "see ya". What the actual fuck? I know I seem strong on here but emotionally I am not and I don't know how I'm going to cope with any of this.

Oh shit Beaut, what an arsehole. If you live anywhere near me I'll come round and give him a piece of my mind, and hugs for you. What a juvenile shit. How dare he.

I remember the realisation of this when we had DS1. DHs have the option to just walk, I know theoretically I could too, but realistically I could never just walk away from my children. Why does a man feel like he can do that?

Purple, re: clicking- I have no idea!

Ooh marmite that sounds sore. Might be worth getting checked out at the docs.

DS2 slept better (thank you sleep gods!) so I've had a stretch of 3 hours and then a bit more. (He's still asleep now but I need to get up). I remembered to give him infacol at the 4am feed too. (And he eventually burped!)

Years ago there used to be a BF group on on a Wednesday. Our children's centre has allegedly been taken over by Action for Children, so I don't know if any groups are on at all. I'm tempted to stroll round the old haunts and see if I can find a group today.

I wish I did Indom. From memory I don't live near anyone on here. I'm near Lincoln...

And yep, you're right. Can you imagine if I upped and left? I'd be the talk of the town. But he can just do it so easily. Don't know if I can get through this

Marmite you should go and get yourself checked over, that sounds nasty. Thanks about the tongue tie too, she was checked a few times by the midwives because of the bf issues and apparently isn't tongue tied. I'll raise it again at clinic next week.

Beaut wow. What an immature bastard (sorry). How does he get to just walk away?! I'm sure there are lots of things you miss doing, I miss going out and having the use of two bloody arms at once but being a parent means sacrificing your needs doesn't it. Well done for not punching him in the face. I don't know I could have been so restrained. Who have you got near you today? Have you got a friend who can come over for support?

Marmite you should go and get yourself checked over, that sounds nasty. Thanks about the tongue tie too, she was checked a few times by the midwives because of the bf issues and apparently isn't tongue tied. I'll raise it again at clinic next week.

Beaut wow. What an immature bastard (sorry). How does he get to just walk away?! I'm sure there are lots of things you miss doing, I miss going out and having the use of two bloody arms at once but being a parent means sacrificing your needs doesn't it. Well done for not punching him in the face. I don't know I could have been so restrained. Who have you got near you today? Have you got a friend who can come over for support?

You will get through this, Beaut. It'll be horrible at times, but you will. Take it moment to moment for the time being.

Beaut no he can't do the things he used to do!! Neither can you! He needs to grow the fuck up (sorry for the potty mouth, but actually not sorry)

I have no advice on how to get through this, other than to say I promise you will get through this - with or without DH.

In the past I was in a dreadful relationship (domestic violence, emotional abuse). I left. It was a case of getting through the day one minute at a time. I won't lie - it is exhausting living like that but it was the only way I could manage. Focus on your beautiful babies and gather your strength from them. Twunt face will probably put in an appearance in a day or so full of remorse...so in the meantime think about what you want.

Do you want to try again? If so what does he need to do? You will need to spell it out to him as IME men are a bit thick when it comes to stuff like this.

DP you want to split for good? Again he needs to know exactly what will be happening?

Expect all sorts of bollocks from him. My ex couldn't fathom that he was a twat at fault, there needed to be a reason, something for him to blame.

I think I can safely say that we can all offer you practical advice, emotional support and if we could give you a RL hug we would.

Beaut, my friend; I'm Rachael, I'm married to Andy, it's been a privelidge getting to know you.

Xx

Oh Beaut, what a shitty thing for him to say and do. He really needs to grow some balls and act like a proper man now he is a dad. He's not a teenager anymore with no commitments. (Sorry if that's not my place to say). I can't imagine how hard it is with 4 children on your own but you have been doing it already so you can do it now. Sending lots of and to get you through this. I'm hoping he will see what a knob (sorry again) he's being and will come home with his tail between his legs and a massive apology for you.

Ouch marmite that sounds sore. Take it easy today and let your bones recover.

Q I think 5oz is about right. Like Me we have just started offering 6oz (which he still drains!). Ffaux don't panic, every baby is different and if yours is content with less that's fine too. My friends baby has never taken more than 4oz at a time and that's on a good day. But she does feed more often. Some babies just like to graze.

Can't believe he just dropped a bombshell like that and left beaut. What an absolute bastard. I agree with paper if he comes back wanting to try again and if you're willing you'll need to spell out what you need from him.

DD1 is being an absolute nightmare this morning. DP normally leaves with her around half 8, but she's not even dressed yet and is screaming whenever he goes near her. I'm hiding out in our bedroom feeding E I suppose there are some advantages to the constant boobing. I was hoping to make it to my first baby group with E at the local children's centre but it starts at 10 and I've not yet been able to leave the house before half 10 ...

What an absolute arse, Beaut. I cannot comprehend his actions. I am so sorry.

Beaut. What awful behaviour from your husband. I miss my old life, I miss late nights watching tv on a Friday and Saturday and lie ins however I would never dream of walking out on my daughter because I knew the sacrifice I was making to have her.I second all the advice from everyone else on here. Hope your ok this morning.

C slept good last night. Had a 4oz bottle at 12:15am and went back down for 1:30am. She then woke at 3:00am so I tried another bottle but she only took 1oz and then went back to sleep until 4:30- all she needed was her dummy put in and she slept until 6. I feel surprisingly human this morning.
On the bus now to my nans house which is taking forever

I'm absolutely gob smacked he chooses play station and booze over his kids actually. Grr I feel angry on your behalf beaut

Oh beaut how dreadful. I won't repeat what others have said but wanted to add that I'm thinking of you.

Thank you everyone. Trying so hard not to cry reading your comments because I've got to set off in a minute to go and see a consultant about my fucked up bits. You know the bits that were fucked up when I delivered the baby he wanted so badly. I asked him why he wanted another one if he felt this way, and he said "I'd hoped these feelings would go away." Absolute bastard. I'm knackered and rushed off my feet with four DC but I was so happy with my lot and always pleasant to him.

Feel free to call him what you like on here! It's good to say all the things I can't say to him, because I need to remain dignified. purple I smiled at the face punch thing. I was in far too much shock to register anything. Think I still am.

Those who think he'll be back... I know he won't. I've never known him like this before. And even if he wanted to he's far too stubborn. Or should I say immature? We're a married couple with four kids, I don't think stubbornness should fucking come into it!

Sorry this is all me me me. I'm just about fuctioning so I'm rubbish at knowing what else is happening on the thread.

Thank you Paper

You have every right to be 'me,me,me' at the moment beaut you're not supposed to know what to do or how to be, there is no right way to act in a situation like that. What a prick!

Thanks for the feed confirmation all, ff it's not every feed he takes 5oz, usually after a super long nap or just before bed. I don't think he takes that much normally considering his 3am feed this morning he was on the boob for 4 minutes before falling back to sleep for 2 more hours - pretty certain I don't get 5oz off my boob in 4 minutes haha.
39 days old and weighs 11lb 2oz, definitely doing something right with his feeding!

beaut my thoughts are with you too. I am glad you felt able to post it and so angry on your behalf. Hope you are okay.

I left DH to feed with expressed milk last night and E was still hungry after a 5oz bottle and took a further 2-3oz, greedy little tyke. Kept her going from 12-5 so can't complain. She has been very snuffly and grouchy so probably caught her when she was able to breathe okay.

I feel a bit worried about Calais today.
She has only had 60ml just now and last ate at 6am.
She only had 120ml at 12:15am, 30ml at 3am and 60ml at 6am today to. It's a sudden decrease in appetite and I'm baffled as to why.
Theirs no vomiting,diarrhoea, no temp etc

Beaut- thinking of you and I hope the app goes okay for you

beaut what an immature arse! You are doing an amazing job. A parent I used to work with had her partner walk out when their only child was 3. She seemed to hold it together flawlessly and once told me the only way she made it through was by faking it until she made it. And by screaming her head off on the local cliff path when things got too much. Everyone hear will listen what ever you need to say. Hope you and the older dcs are doing okay today big hugs to you all.

time I think babies appetites can vary from day to day just like ours. Can you look at her intake over a week or a few days? I know she was a tiny little thing so your bound to worry about potential weight loss but as long as she is her normal self and not showing signs of dehydration try not to worry too much. One day of reduced feeding isn't the end of the world. I find the cap refill test really reassuring if eddy is having an off day with feeding. Gp told me as long as their skin returns to normal colour within 2 seconds when you press a finger against it it's fine.

I hope you are ok Beaut.

Has anyone take their little one for their jabs yet? Had HV visit today and she said the meningitis one can make them quite unwell, so to give calpol immediately after and then four hours later. Neither of the big two had the meningitis jab, so it's an unknown element to me . Ted has his on Friday.

The HV weighed Ted and he's now 13lb 4oz - that's a gain of almost 5lb from birth weight at 8 weeks exactly today (was 8lb 8oz at birth). Obviously all the chocolate I'm eating is having an effect!!

Wow Mrs Ben that's a good weight! DS is 8 weeks tomorrow. He was 7lb7oz at birth and he was 10lb2oz this time last week. He has his jabs booked in for a couple of weeks time - my doctors surgery is apparently really busy and couldn't fit us in any sooner a few of the babies in my NCT group have had theirs already, most seem to have not reacted too badly but they do say you must give the calpol, don't wait and see how they are, just give it regardless.

Time, like dobby says my DS has days where he has more and days where he has less. The other day he skipped one feed entirely which was unprecedented but he seemed happy enough! It seems like your DD is more of a grazer, as long as she's putting on weight and tracking her percentile line or near enough then try not to worry about it.

MrsB I've heard the same about the meningitis jab. One friend had a baby who had hardly ever cried and be cried all night. I can't remember who it was on here either whose baby was very upset after? Me good to hear you have heard some positive stories though!

Time E did really funny feeding yesterday but by night had roughly had the same amount as other days. How has C been the rest of the day?

Beaut glad to have helped with a tiny smile. You sound really strong but it must be so hard. How have you got on through the rest of the day?

That's what I'm worried about, Purple. He's so happy and chilled out and he rarely cries. I'm really worried that he will be unhappy and in pain.

I would never not vaccinate, but it's not pleasant when it's happening