Mugabe Nights: sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your (sleep deprived) pain!

[mzzzf]

New thread ladies!
Buenos are still free, the bar tab is still open and you can leave your healthy living resolutions at the door!

Ladies I am sat in a coffee shop with a HOT drink and a very trashy mag reading material by myself. Best valentines present ever.

Mzzzf if we lived in the women only post birth commune we could go got a pint and have a big moan about feeling like a failure over birth as I totally hear you. I haven't watched One Born since having DS but was addicted to it when preggers.

ruby exactly. I have made a new mum friend who has twins. One wouldn't breastfeed at all and only has bottles. The other is a bottle refuser and only has breast. One sleeps well and the other doesn't. It's the baby!!!

slow and jokstar lovely to hear about you VBACs and great advice should another baby kbro happen. I think v true about accepting certain parts will be different to how I imagined - e.g monitoring etc.

Right back to my intellectual reading material.

Happy Valentine's everyone! Not really doing anything special but had some soap and glory bits from DP so going to try to have a bath rather than a 5 minute shower later!

A c section the easy option
With both of mine I dreamed of a lovely water birth in the midwife unit. But they both went 2 weeks over and I ended up with 2 forceps deliveries in the hospital. DS2 was 9lb 5oz and I managed to get his head out but the Dr had to help his shoulders out with the forceps. He had a little bruise on his right shoulder for a week. Looking back at both of the births I'm just glad they were both ok. I felt like I should've done something better mzzzf, like I shouldn't have needed forceps but our babies are here and well so we did exactly what we needed to.

frolic lol at 'knobbers'!

tindel gave DS a muslin to play with, kept his hands busy for a bit

Okay, soapbox disclaimer, I'm about to have a rant....

The birth thing frustrates me. I think here in the good old developed world we've got a bit hung up on the actual process of giving birth. It's a bit like marriage - somewhere down the line the wedding became the important bit rather than the lifetime that's supposed to follow...

All through pregnancy you are geared up by your antenatal care team, friends, family, the media, whatever to focus on the birth and then the minute your baby enters the world most of that support and focus fades away. And we wonder why women feel shit about themselves if it doesn't all go according to some magical 'plan' when really what we are talking about is one of the most random and out of our control experiences any of us will ever have! And we also wonder why women then struggle after the birth with their new baby when so little time has been devoted to helping us all understand how we will feel afterwards.

At the end of the day mini-mzzf (like all c-section and 'intervention' birth babies) is a miracle, in some ways more so than grumpy 2. Grumpy 1 is certainly more miraculous. 150 years ago she wouldn't have made it and neither probably would I and yet against some external benchmark - not of my choosing - Grumpy 1's entry into the world is somehow deemed less successful than Grumpy 2's. That's just craziness.

And now I'm going to stop before I end up straying into how it's all evidence of a patriarchal hierarchy designed to keep women supressed and suggest that we all join mzzf in her lentil eating commune

^everything slow said^
Our society it utter shit for the way it makes women feel about birth.

I'm truly sorry you feel like that mzzf. You are no failure. In fact, you are a little bit of a hero I reckon - just for surviving the whole big move / new baby / lack of sleep shit storm thrown at you in the past 7 months. Seriously, you have had it tough. But you, mr mzzf, mini mzzf and your pups are still alive, and things are slowly getting better. You should be giving yourself a big ole pat on the back. Tell those monkeys to fuck off and open some booze and bueno's to celebrate your utter fabness.

Anyway - enough of the serious stuff 🙂
I have an amazing discovery I need to share with you. If you have a poorly baby and you need to get some medicine down them, all you need to do is stick on Bryan Adams' latest video and you're good to go. But don't put anything else on, because that will result in tears.
Thank you Bryan 😬

Hell yes Slowife! The birth is such a small part of it, and we hype it like crazy.

And c sections are a medical marvel!

Thanks frolic. I bloody love Bryan. I will file that nugget away for next time I have to dose one of the grumpy's.

Van Halen always worked in our house too. I think it's just the sheer force of the power chords forces them to open their mouths in

slow That made me a bit emotional! You're totally right, I've never really thought about it like that before, without the forceps my lovely 2 wouldn't be here and I'm so grateful that they are.

A lovely hot drink kbro you lucky thing! I have a baileys coffee in the kitchen but DS has fallen asleep on me and I can't get it. DP is walking dog and would have to shout for DS1 and wake DS2 up

Thanks for the tip frolic! Hope your DS is better soon

mzzzf I hear you about not feeling like I gave birth. My memories are still quite fuzzy of the day, but sitting next to J in his incubator letting him hold my finger while I cried and told him how sorry I was because it was my fault he was born early and couldn't breathe will haunt me forever. I'm getting teary even typing it out.

The commune sounds amazing and I agree with all of the wise words above.

Right, am getting ready for our night out. To make it easier for SIL, J is going to bed early, we have a vat of ebm in the fridge and I'm starting to panic about going somewhere we can't get back from quickly. Wish me luck ladies!

Arrrgh it's not like o had a birth plan at all. I had no expectations. Just felt awful that I was broken and couldn't do it naturally.

Without doubt it is miraculous she is here (and that I am too!) after the labour shenanigans BUT like the BF pressure, it runs subconsciously that you 'should' pop them out your fadge and you 'should' be able to BF if you have boobs and you 'should' be over the moon, loved up and ecstatic when you have your child. None of those happened to me so even though I didn't have any plan or expectations of what was to happen I clearly had taken in more than I thought and BOOM! Sad times post birth.

However, things are much brighter now 6.5 months later. And I just had melty Camembert for dins. I win! 😁

Tindel have a fab night. Sod's law worked a treat for our night out. For the first time in 2 weeks DS slept all evening bar 1 dummy run for my friend last night. Am sure whatever happens your SIL will enjoy the time with her nephew. Go and have fun!!

Slow you are so right. My head totally gets that and I know how lucky we are as that c section probably saved both our lives and I am forever grateful to live here and not in Afghanistan for example. But is just hard as like you say so much emphasis is put on birth and what an amazing experience it is and when it's not it hard not to feel a bit crap. I don't think drs banging on about vbac straight afterwards helps as it felt a bit like 'next time you can do it properly'. There should be a rule that you have to have at least stopped bleeding from the current baby before your birth plan for the next is being discussed.

Anyway in cheerier news pleased babies like Bryan Adams. He was the first live gig I ever saw post Robin Hood song. DS is currently going through a Leona lewis silent night phase. He is also the first living being to enjoy my singing.

Oh and he has rolled. One roll equals enjoy energy burned to sleep for 4 hours right?

We are all marvellous for having babies regardless of how they actually get out - we made them for 9 months - we are absolute super stars🙆🏼⭐️. I have had 6 very different births - ventouse, episiotomy, water birth, third-degree tear, emergency section, general section, epidural and more........the main thing about them all was I had a healthy baby at the end - I am eternally grateful. No two births are ever the same like no two babies are the same either - it's not text book but real life and it's tough but we are amazing and we did it - we made another human being! Without hospital intervention I would have been lucky to have one baby, with it I have 6 and they have me too. Yes it must be lovely to pop out a baby whilst listening to soothing music then recommence your day but I don't know anyone in rl that's done this and it doesn't make anyone a lesser person if they haven't - the end result is still a beautiful baby👶💕

Sorry - a bit ranty from me - I just wish every woman could be proud of having their babies and there was more support for traumatic births and more truth told before labour. Obviously by baby number 6 I have a much more realistic view but that has come with experience - how I wish I knew what I know now when I had baby number 1!

mzzf I hear you! With dd1 it was a big mess of a pregnancy and labour and I didn't get the whoosh of love and I wasn't able to breastfeed at all for the first three weeks then another seven weeks of trying before it was sorted. I felt like a bag of shite. I hated myself for not realising she was in bother and the wrong way up. I hated myself for having a section. I didn't feel like I'd given birth. The hospital said it was my fault. I had no faith in any of the team. So, so much stuff to work through.

The birth planning process for dd2 really helped me work through my issues. I can't be doing with folk who give that wee superior laugh and tell you there is no point in a birth plan. Given that it's one of the most important things you'll ever do I reckon it's worth giving it a bit of space in your head. I don't know anyone naive enough to think the plan is a shopping list. It's a good opportunity to consider all the eventualities. When you go for it again your experience this time will help you think about what is important to you and hopefully you'll lay some demons to rest. The baby being here and being well is the most important thing (obvs!) but you're important too.

Yy to everything slow said too.

In the commune with the lentils can we drink this gin www.thebotanist.com/ Dh is a legend and bought me this for V day. Delicious!

Hope everyone had a good v day! DH got me some lovely chocs and a nice card :) had a lovely day pottering around town and went for a great riverside walk in the sun. Good stuff. DH is making a curry now.

I think we are all amazing to have gone through our own birth stories and all our babies are miracles in their way. I luckily had a great water birth with mood lighting and my favourite song playing as DS crowned and arrived. However I tore really badly and my stitches took months to settle. And I never really got much milk coming in and BFing was a total and utter nightmare failure. We are all great mums however we gave birth. Women who get into mummy wars are just causing more anxiety etc that no one needs! I think a lot of the time it probably originates in insecurity. That's why you lovely Augmums are so great!!

Wow, I feel so lucky with my birth. Labour was short. After a false alarm the previous Monday (regular braxton hicks, more regular than the real thing) I had a Thai meal with DH and my parents then being too full we watched Pacific Rim! Approx 2 am, show, 9 am decide it hurts, toddle off to the hospital to be told 2 cm go home and have a bath. Still hurts, get in bath, can't get comfortable, discover bleeding, back to hospital more or less mooing - fortunately no tickets, arrive, get ignored for 30 minutes writhing on floor in waiting room then on bed in pokey deliver room. On examination am 7cm and gas and air arrives making life rather better.

Then feel waters go and there's meconium so up we go to the Consultant led area, DH was convinced I was going to give birth in the lift! Get there and I'm 10cm - it's now about noon.

Lots of pushing later and I'm getting tired, gas and air not allowed for pushing, try loads of positions, none of which help, DH and student midwife playing good cop bad cop and telling me I'm nearly there for hours, couple of HR drops and we have a ventouse, little tear (wow stitching under local feels weird - no pain but boy are you aware of the thread). Born at 2.31pm with cord round her foot but fine so off we go to the ward, shower was most luxurious thing ever, DH eventually dispatched to acquire a burger - Sunday night, choice limited, hospital dinner finished before I got transferred down and stuck for the night due to meconium. Typically as the checks every 2 hours ends she decides to start feeding for the rest of the night. Equally typically absolutely ravenous from 6, breakfast arrives at end of window quoted!

So a bit worried about next time because my first stage labour was officially only about 2 hours, pushing took longer than the getting dilated bit so might be a bit quick next time. Hope they believe me because I don't want to give birth in the car!

random I had meconium in my waters with DD and DS2, DS1 my waters went 38 hours before I gave birth, so with every one of mine I've had to stay in hospital. The mw laughed at me when I turned up in labour with 2 suitcases full of stuff. They weren't laughing when they realised I needed it!

DS1 was a horrible horrible birth. I wasn't dilating, despite contractions every 3 minutes from my waters breaking. MWs didn't believe me and sent me home with paracetamol eventually they agreed to monitor me, and realised I wasn't just a silly little girl (which is what they thought as I was 17, they thought I was being a drama queen and it couldn't possibly be that painful at only 3 cms) I hemorrhaged, I tore, and had an episiotomy and needed a million stitches (that's what it felt like!) He came out back to back and face first, his shoulders got stuck, so the midwife shoved her hands inside of me to tuck his shoulders in and pull him out. My mum thought I was going to die.

With DD I got to hospital at 5 cm dilated, straight on gas and air (I love the stuff) 3 hours later out comes DD, back to back, face first, small tear but she was much smaller than DS1, but only weighed a couple of ounces less! (DS1 was 7lb 12, 57 cm long, 36 cm head, DD was 7lb 10.5, 50cm long and a 33 cm head) no stitches.

DS2, I went overdue. Woke up thinking I needed a big poo but was constipated (so I thought) an hour or so passes, my mum turns up. As she walked through the door, I had to tell her to phone a taxi. Got to hospital, 7cm. Straight on gas and air, couple of hours later my waters go, I push, his head comes out, push again and he dropped out of me, completely tangled in his cord, grey. He didn't cry, he wasn't breathing. I shit myself. Then I was told to blow in his face, so I did and the relief I felt when he gasped! Then we discovered he was an actual beast of a baby at 10lb 10.5oz, 58 cm long and a 38cm head. Again I didn't need stitching. I had midwives coming onto the ward and gawping at him though! One came round and said "you're famous, everyone is talking about the mum who had a 10 pounder!"
They were probably wondering how the fuck I managed it. I'm still not sure! I think gravity helped a lot.

Good morning all!

Does anyone know when teething pain stops-DS has his second tooth just broken through so I thought that would be the pain over but he's been screaming at night as if in pain so wondered if it was teeth hurting?! ...or maybe it's just him being a sleep thief not wanting to sleep!!

Tindel how was your night out?! I hope you had some great baby-free time

Kbro DS is also the only person who enjoys my singing!! Low expectations these babies have lol. Did the roll result in a 4hr sleep?! I sure hope so!

Fatty wow at your DS2 story-how funny to be the famous mum birthing a 10 pounder with no stitches!

Cold, cold morning so we are having some quiet time snuggled up in bed (...probably for another few mins until DS demands for us to get up anyway!)

Morning everyone! Had a lovely night out, came back to find J fast asleep on SIL downstairs as he wouldn't settle back in his cot, but it went fairly well other than that, especially as we put him down very early! He then woke at 1:30, 5am and 7:30 for feeds. I took advantage of him napping after his last feed to get some more sleep. I can manage these night feeds when he goes down easily afterwards.

fatty lol at you being an infamous mum! They told me J would probably have been 10lbs if he'd gone full term. This meant MIL told me it was better for me he was premature - put her straight on that sharpish ...

Lack of mummy wars is one of the reason us Augmums rock! It's not too bad for me irl, but I do occasionally hear a mum saying that their baby slept through from 8 weeks, so I do try to restrain myself from growling at them!

Hope everyone has a good Monday!

Morning all! Ds has now lost most of his voice and sounds so pityful. He didn't cough as much in the night, wich contributed to a bit more sleep then I was expecting. Dh is taking a half day so I can have a break this afternoon.

I'm going to try some van Halen later slow 🎸

I'm glad your night out was a success tindel. Night feeds are much better when they go off easily after.

I hope the rolling bought you some good sleep kbro.

A big fat YES to gin in the commune jockstar.

No idea about the teething pain ruby. Ds has had teething symptoms for ages, but still no actual teeth.

Happy Monday augmums. It's a belter of a sunny, cold and crisp day here. I hope you're all warm and cosy 🙂

Heehee crafty penguin i did wonder if u were who I thought you were from your username 😉😉😉

I also felt I cheated child birth and I don't like talking about mine because I didn't ask for any pain relief, just said I was open to options if I'm not coping and next thing I know an epidural was being whipped in and I felt nothing. Think I had about 3 contractions while they were trying to put the epidural in. So I feel upset that I never got to feel what child birth felt like. Made up for it all afterwards though when I had forceps and 3rd degree tear so the pain down there was pretty bad. Used to have to count to 3 before I forced myself to stand up because otherwise I'd never have stood up. But over all I had a positive birth experience, just feel like a wuss because I never went through the pain of it. But it wasn't by choice.

Well not 4 hours but did result in 3! I'll take that as a win. In bed with us not in his cot but 3 hours is 3 hours!! And DH is off work today so got a lie in. Woohoo.

tindel hurray for a good night out!!

Ah posted before finished.

ruby so far I've found with DS that he is much more grumpy and seeming in pain for the few days after the skin has broken - I'd assumed he'd feel better once the top was through but was much worse. Only lasted a few days though. Weirdly he looks a bit like Dracula as his 2 eye teeth are coming through.

Yup dozy it is me! My username is a bit of a giveaway 😉 Hope it's still okay to join in?

to everyone who has had a difficult birth. I agree with what others have said that it really doesn't matter how your babies got here. I know I'm lucky as in another life time we might have both died. I've just found it hard to get over that neither me or dh saw her being born.

We've had such a busy day. I'm just sat at my mums waiting for dinner so we can hurry up and go home. DD has been waking up at 7 am everyday, and we needed to leave by 8.30 this morning. So of course, today was the one day she slept through till 8!! So it was a frantic rush to get out of the house. Hope you've all had a good day.

Gosh! Some tough birth stories to all! I agree with we're all very lucky, how ever they appeared in the world! Mine was painful (as is everyone's) but I was lucky with just getting away with a second degree tear and a haemorrhage. Missed the boat for an epidural as I eventually dilated too quickly after a ridiculously long early labour - I did try pethadine though, which when I was pregnant I said I didn't want - in the moment I would have taken anything they'd give me!

Molly is 6 months today! I cannot believe I've kept her alive, and happy and healthy (most of the time ). 6 months of pregnancy sure didn't go this quick!!

It's been a bright, cold sunny day here so we've been off for a long walk, after swimming, so hoping all that fresh air and exercise means lots of zzzs tonight aye right

Smashed avocado on toast went down well at lunch too, though steamed broccoli got some curious faces at tea.

I'm finding it quite tricky to fit in meal times around naps and breast feeds. It seems DS has always just eaten, or is getting tired, or it's too hungry to mess about with real food. He's also changing his pattern (won't say routine as it's not that predictable) from having a 40 min nap about every hour and a half, to being awake for 2 hours before he wants to sleep. Which screws our day up because he's then ready for his last nap about an hour before bedtime. So he either goes for a very late nap, or refuses his last nap and is dead on his feet by bedtime. Bath at 6.45 followed by bed, and usually asleep by 7.30 is the only thing we keep consistent so I'm loathe to play about with that now.

Mzzzf your DH def wins all of the points for giving you the two nights of sleep! Although ds will take a bottle we've never tried dh doing night feeds, largely because I suspect I'd have to wake up anyway to tell him to get up and do it.

My heart goes out to anyone who feels that birth - and actually motherhood too - wasn't how it 'should' be. Those 'shoulds' can f off too the same place I've chucked the rod for your own back. A lot of it seems to me like a bit of an industry - where there's anxiety there's money to be made selling 'solutions', including a lot of birth prep classes, when actually we'd be better off thinking more about what happens post birth.

ruby teething grumpiness did seem to reach a new height just after the tooth came through the skin. Next tooth is already in its way .

Good nights all

Cold but bright here today, always feel a bit more cheerful when the sun is shining and so glad the nights are getting lighter. Can't wait to get back out on the garden swing. Had some lovely days back in September sitting and swinging tiny DS to sleep... where did that tiny newborn go?!

I know what you mean about fitting in the meals Effin . Today has roughly been bf, porridge, bf, nap, pitta and cucumber (sucked not eaten), few spoons banana puree, bf, nap, sweet potato, bf, bed! Only started weaning last week and today was the first day we've tried 3 meals...good job we didn't have to go anywhere!

crafty I've found the best way to get DS to lie in is to make plans for the morning! No plans = 6am wake up, baby group at 9.15 = DS still asleep at 8.30

Yay for the 3 hour sleep and the lie in kbro!

Lovely photos fanby

Fingers crossed for good sleeps tonight