Just Mumming 8 - the one with the fire crawlers, wind machines and the Health Visitor revolt

[WilHarlot]

Add your stats Viroids (or don't bother). I feel like there's something I'm supposed to write here but don't know what it is...

Like a hamster bottle pixie?

Chocolate cake, mmmmmmm - acceptable for breakfast?

purple I often have that dilemma - DS sometimes falls asleep after 1.5hrs in the car seat and I have to decide if it's more important that he sleeps or gets out of the seat

Oh la that sounds totally shit. I completely understand. S is going through some wretched sleep regression thing and is waking at 10pm each night (having gone down around 7pm) and then not going back to sleep until at least 1am. After a horrendous night on Wednesday DH and I agreed that I would sleep as soon as S went to sleep and DH would do the 10pm feed and hand him over after 1.5hrs for me to try to settle him. I went to bed at 8pm, S woke at 10.15 and DH slept through it. So I did the feed and all the settling.

When S woke again later, DH had the cheek to say how great it is that he had slept through I could have punched him.

I felt so down yesterday,tired and weepy. Throwing my MiL into that mix would have been the straw that broke the camels back. How long is she staying for? Is she helpful with B? Would you be able to hand him over for rocking and settling? Although I understand if you wouldn't if she has been drinking.

Sorry I haven't read back all the way... Will catch up!

I still feel that way towards MrP La

Why does she drink so much when she comes to stay La!? I remember you having to get loads of booze in when she came to stay when you were pg. Does she drink like that at home?

The 2 hour car seat rule is just to stop people having them in there all day or using them as a bed. If they're in a little over 2 hours every so often its not going to do them any harm. Sleep is DEFINITELY more important! These blanket rules are made for parents less intelligent/ conscientious than us viroids

Popz are we more intelligent than the norm??!

La I remember you saying your MIL was a drinker when she stayed before too. Hope at least the adult company will help, someone to speak to in a normal voice (or is it just me who is incapable of talking to baby in anything resembling an adult voice? I wind myself up!)

I'm going to try and get a birth debrief appointment soon. Thanks for supportive words . We'll be alright I know.

Melba continues with the two hour intervals between feeds. Which means I get 1hr and maybe 15mins to sleep between each. Better than a kick in the teeth I guess and when you stack them up I probably managed just over 6 hours sleep in total so it's not too bad. Now if we could just have those 6 hours in a row... Blisss! Aiming for a sofa day of Netflix and naps today to catch up before busy weekend with friends visiting to meet Melba tomorrow when Dh is working and then PIL visiting on Sunday.

Thanks viroids, feel less guilty about car seat now. I won't make a habit of it though!

Every fucking night DH tries and fails to put B to bed and I have to take over. Last night I told him to read up on 4th tri to understand why B needs to feel secure. He just holds him out in front of him, I keep telling him to hold him close and cuddle him. What is wrong with the man! I know we all have different ways of doing things and I'm not supposed to criticise but his way doesn't fcuking work!

La, I'd be asking DH to have a word with his mum. It shouldn't be your problem. You could just hand B to her and say you're off for a bath.

I was at MILs the other day after a bad night. I sat there yawning my head off and she never offered to look after him while I had a nap. My mum sends me to bed when I walk in sometimes. DH said I should have asked her but I didn't feel comfortable

Has mrPurple bonded with baby? I know ST was like that with R when I brought him home and it killed me inside because he just took ages to bond with R whereas with P it was instant. I fell in love with R straight away but it took me 6 months to truly love P. That sounds awful but sometimes it does take a bit of time. Can you leave MrPurple in charge so he's forced to have to do stuff, that's what I did with ST and it worked wonders with his and Rs relationship.

What is it with MIL? They're like a whole different species, mine did my head in a couple of weeks ago but I have to give her her due today because I took P out this morning for a play date and left R with her as he's not well and instead of just sitting on her arse like she usually does, she
hoovered!! Wonders never cease!

Toast of course we are more intelligent good to hear you're going to have an appointment about your birth. I agree with La that it won't matter to Melba how she got here, you love her and that's all that matters.

Lol Fleur! Hamster bottle sounds fab!

Well R us still full of snot and grumpy but he did do a couple of hours in between each wakening last night. He didn't want milk he wanted his dummy but then struggles to suck on it and breathe at the same time. Poor little mole. He's currently watching "A home in the country" ideal programme for moles (we call him Mr Mole or Moley because he looked like one when he was born

Thanks Pixie I did think he had bonded with him, he talks to him and holds him.
He does do bottles and nappy changes when he gets home from work. It's just the soothing thing he doesn't seem to get at all!

Glad the poorly babies are on the mend.

I know how you feel La. MrPis didn't come here last night as he had arranged a plumber to visit his place. Ok these things happen but then he said he wouldn't get here till four cos he had stuff to do. Don't we all? But ok four isn't too bad. Then it's he won't be leaving until four actually. Getting a bit annoying now. I sent a message asking him to bring a bag I'd left there and got a reply at 4.15 to say he'd just got in from running some errands and he has to wash up, shave and shower before leaving and now I'm fucking raging. I'm so touched out today and it's pissed me right off that he's just delaying being a fucking parent while he gets shit done. I need to get shit done but it's not like I can just flick her off switch is it? I've achieved nothing beyond a shower today!

Sorry for the me, me, me post. I'm just so over it

I've headed out and I'm sat in a car park eating a kitkat with no one attached to me or screaming at me. Bliss

Hugs pis x

Can I ask a really weird q?
Talking about falling in love with your kids, how do you know exactly? I have a hard time feeling love, I'm. to sure I can sometimes tbh. I think about people all the time and makes me cry when they are hurting.
Is this love?
I don't have that all consuming feeling In my heart for anybody and I feel so bad that all these mums have all those feelings and I don't seem to.
I'm not normal am I?

I know I love R and my favourite thing to do is kiss her little fuzzy head but what else am I supposed to be feeling?

Sorry.

I'm rambling.

Sorry.

Pis that sucks, I'd be pissed off and having words. Hurray for getting out though

DH was working at home today so I dumped B on him while I got a shower, washed my hair and hung the washing on the airer. Rock n roll but I've been using dry shampoo all week as I have such a small window of opportunity to get myself up, showered, dressed and coffee/breakfast made.

Tonight we've bathed, bottled and put him to bed early. Wine is open and takeaway ordered. Was going to see how long it lasted but then he beat me to it

min I get what you're saying. I am
not so sure that I feel the same as others either. Sometimes I feel I do things for S out of duty or what society expects of me rather than for love if that makes any sense.

I know if he were threatened in any way I would protect him to the end - this feeling has surprised me but I am not sure it is love either rather an animalistic reaction.

I am not sure I can love S yet as he hasn't developed his personality, I may not even like him!

The bottom line is, without even thinking about it I would sacrifice myself for him. The thought of something bad happening to him makes me feel physically sick. Sometimes if I leave him for a couple of minutes on his mat or in his bouncy chair I get a sudden feeling of dread that he has choked or managed to strangle himself. I feel paralysed as I don't want to check on him and for it to be true.

Motherhood has brought out some very odd emotions for me.

Plus, I think some people gush about their kids etc. as that is what we are supposed / expected to feel and I suspect that many people do not have that overwhelming feeling of love.

pis that is really shitty of your DP. My heart sinks if DH's train is only 10 mins late and you are on your own for such a long time. I hope you enjoyed your kit Kat I quite fancy one of those kit Kat sharer bars, to myself

Hurrah for dry shampoo purple I have been rocking that look all week too - my hair has started to turn grey from it. S has been difficult all week but this morning he was like a different baby! I got a shower, washed my hair and even managed to catch up on an episode of Dr. Foster

I hope you managed to enjoy your takeaway - the only takeaway we now get is sushi as it's not ruined if when S wakes up when it arrives. These babies have a sixth sense.

Hello!

min - I know lots of mums who've told me they feel exactly the same and are unsure whether they feel 'normal' as a mum. I know that sometimes I wish I could just put him down and walk away, but I also know that I never would. I do think love of your baby grows over time in many cases, rather than being an instantaneous BOOM(!) feeling at birth.

fleur your DH again wants me to send him a jiffy bag. Mine tries but tends to either give up too early when putting him to sleep or he doesn't follow the technique we do and I end up with a baby who's overtired because he's been up too long.

MIL went home today and I have my house to myself again, hooray! My cats are delighted - they've been so unsettled. I took B to a friends house to her twins 1st birthday. He screamed loads which I think was due to being so tired and unsettled after all the changes at home. He's normally not that screamy.

I don't know why she feels the need to drink so much. She's always sent ahead a list of things for us to buy and she'll give us the money. It's always bottles of both red and white wine and then a bottle of vodka. I think she doesn't drink much at home - her dh is quite straight and perhaps he doesn't like it? When I was pregnant she got drunk every night she stayed which was bloody irritating when I had to chaperone a drunk person out and about. I'd told her how nice it was that my mum helped with B and kept handing him to her, but she didn't seem to take the hint. And I'm ceertainly not going to hand him to her when she's had a skinful.

Will catch up more tomorrow - going to go to bed early

I've been wondering how far I could get through one of those sharer bars before feeling sick. I reckon I could do quite well.....

I don't think there's a particular way you're 'supposed' to feel. I do get gushy, bursty heart feelings about both my children but it's not what I'm feeling all the time. That sense that you'd do anything for them and enjoying the closeness of nuzzling fuzzy heads is love. As is continuing to be nice to them and keeping then alive when they're horrid.....

One of the things I used to enjoy about my trips to London was getting sushi delivered. You don't get anything fancy like that here!

Takeaway was an hour late. I ended up taking over from DH again and lost my rag. He's now refusing to eat his food. I'm quite tempted to throw it at him.
I just want to walk. I don't know where I'd go. I want cigarettes. I can't take much more of this. I'm never going to be able to leave B with him am I? This is my fucking life for the foreseeable. I love my baby more than anything but the only way I can get a break from him is to leave him with my mum

Pis I'd be bloody raging too. Hope you enjoyed your kit kat!!

Min do you love MrMin? I think Fleur's got it pretty spot on about how I felt in the early days!! Plus a sort of vague notion of being a bit scared of him. I definitely didn't get that immediate rush of love.

Glad you've got the house to yourself again La x

Purple have you tried literally leaving him to it? BabyPis won't settle properly if she knows I'm around (and she has an uncanny knack of knowing when I'm around even if it's not obvious) but on the two occasions that MrPis has been left alone to do bedtime she's settled really well.

Wow twice in seven months.... I need to get out more!

MrP has never put mini to bed. Mini needs boobing to sleep 99% of the time. I've never been out past 7pm since he was born!

Ahhh pants Popz we need to go out and leave them to it. Can you leave them with some expressed milk?

I've had it out with him. Said I can't be the only person who can put him to bed. Told him I wanted to walk tonight. He's upset with me criticising him and says he doesn't understand what I mean about comforting him. So tomorrow when B is awake he's going to get a fucking demo!

Fucking men!

I'm about to cry. Been rocking and winding this baby for an hour and a half. He still has wind and it wakes him up every time I put him down, at this rate it'll be next feed time.

I hate my dh sometimes - he was taught by my mum how to put b to sleep and put him down but the minute she left he was sitting down again with him and just holding him which does fuck all to get him to sleep. Same here that I'm the only one who can do it so I never get a break. I'm sure they do it on purpose.

God I am so fed up. I just want to sleep

And yes if I say anything I'm criticising. And unreasonable. I fucking hate men

You could literally set your watch by my baby, her ability to time exactly 2 hours from one wake up to the next is uncanny. She's used to have at least one bigger interval (even close to 5 hours every now and again!) but not any more. God I want proper nights sleep. Or just more than an hour and a bit at a time would be good.

I do love Mr min yes, but we've been together for Sooooooo long it's a deeper love now. And now more so since r was born.
Bit that took me nearly 4 years to know it was love.
I hope it doesn't take that long with R.

Thanks girls. I think, no I know, I'm just tired. In fact tired isn't even close.
Even though she is sleeping through (occasionally wakes still) I just can't get back off.
I've been trying to sleepsince 2am this morning! When I finally quiet my mind I wake cause I think I hear her and then it starts again.
I've just looked at Dr goofle, it's postpartum insomnia.
I didn't even know it was a thing, quite common too.
This too shall pass. Or if it doesn't I ought to get a hobby to fill those quiet hours.

Morning!

Urgh lai am having the same problem. I feed S to sleep at night, so I always do the putting to bed. But S sometimes has a bottle, supposedly to give me a break

Thursday DH slept through the wake up so I did it anyway
Last night DH got up, made the bottle and started feeding but then S got wind and was unsettled. DH got frustrated and handed him over to me. He doesn't get that I am pissed off at feeding S a bottle myself?!? Anyway, he had bad wind, took two hours to settle and then he started rooting for boob so I then fed him a little and he went back to sleep.

I then did the next wake up too but held my ground when S woke at 7 - I was determined DH would do the nappy, in the end I had to ask him. This also annoys me, it's as though he is doing me a favour by changing his own child's nappy

These men need a talking to.

I'm currently sitting next to a resentful dh who I've woken up to hold B while I have breakfast and get ready. I had him a day yesterday and did the whole night. At 9:30 I'm taking him to baby massage then I'll have him all day and night again. Dh literally has to hold him for 20 mins.

You have no idea of the drama - sighing, plumping pillows to indicate he's not comfy, trying to put him down in crib (he won't sleep in crib during day hence I asked him to hold him) then getting annoyed because he won't sleep in crib (told you).

I'm blatantly ignoring him and drinking my cup of coffee because this is the only me time I'm going to get all day. My precious 10 minutes.

Why are men incapable of caring for their own children without making it into a Big. Fucking. Deal.

Min
Not sleeping is the worst especially when you know you might be on borrowed time with a baby!!!