The 11th Gemini bus - Trudging through the terrible twos

[AGnu]

Can I please have a big moan...

I asked my mother if I could have some space in her freezer and drop off some food. She relentantly said yes but when I suggested that I would be feeding bpear at her house she kicked up a massive fuss and said she wanted to have a bath so I didn't take any food. It's now 8pm and I'm back home with a toddler who hasn't even been fed He's been so up and down today that he slept for 3 hours in the afternoon so his body clock is all over the place and luckily he's not asking for food yet. The good news is he's perked up now so I should have a better night...phew. I may give him Calpol just in case! Anyway, back to what I was moaning about...unhelpful mothers!!!

Frus - thanks for the tips! Sadly I've opened the freezer up lots My neighbours are out. It's actually times like these when I realise how little support I've got on my doorstep. I have way too many mummy friends that I would feel awkward asking on a Friday night My fridge is warm now. I am contemplating moving things outside but then the foxes will surely attach?! Argh I just don't need this. My week has been shit enough with me falling down the stairs and fainting, the stress my sister has caused, the dentist finding two fillings and now the extra expense for a new fridge All second world problems I know

What happened was...lately my localish "mummy" friends have been organising tea invites. I go and bpear is so badly behaved. He either refuses to eat or he asks for more (when there isn't enough food) and has a complete meltdown when I tell him he can't have anymore. Now you think after doing this 3x I would learn not to accept the invites? Oh no not me!! I was so desperate to fit in and get to know people better that I accepted another invite this week and the same thing happened. There wasn't enough food so he had a major meltdown. I had to feed him when I got home and by the time he got into bed it was way passed his bedtime and he was hysterically over tired. They (my mummy friends) all say isn't this great and it works wonderfully for them as apparently they all leave from their play dates, pop them in the bath and then it's bedtime. It's an absolute pain in the bum for me and as a result this week he refused to go to sleep and kept crying for me at 9pm which he never does. I went up to check on him and then left him crying. I wasn't concentrating as I was walking down the stairs and my foot just slipped. I went shooting down the stairs in the air and somehow wacked my elbow so hard on the bannister that the pain blacked me out. DH says I was out for about a minute. I am so lucky I haven't done any major damage. My elbow is swollen and painful and I have a very large bruise across my bum but that is it.

So, about an hour a go I went to the fridge to start throwing away things and it's colder!!! Wth is going on? For two days it's been luke warm and now it's decided to go cold again? Of coarse this is after DH ordered a new one which arrives on Tuesday!!

Frus, I love your window sill idea. I was so ready to try it! You have great tips

I just said to DH " pear fell down the stairs!"... Didn't quite have the effect I was expecting, he was just a bit !

Wow, pear you're having a bit of a dramatic time! I'm glad your fridge is cold again, that's something at least! What madness is this dinner-time playdate idea?! No way would we be going to one of them. Our DC need their bedtime routine or we'll all be up half the night! I'm flabbergasted that any parent can do that. We do morning/lunch playdates very occasionally but after that most of my friends have younger DC who still nap after lunch so they all go away & leave us in peace/kick us out. Anything after about 1pm is too late for a playdate at this age AFAIC!

I went out all by myself well, with the DC to meet new people today. It's the local home ed group that I'm trying to make myself known at. I've been semi in contact with them for about 3 years now but we're considering withdrawing Calf from nursery before they really start on the pre-school prep - it's just going to be confusing for him to be there while they're talking about "big school" when he's not going there. If we're doing that then I think we need to provide him with other children to socialise with & provide him with a different "norm" to the school system.

They had a fun session today where members of a local wind band came along & played some pieces & talked about their instruments. We arrived after they'd started the intro & left as soon as it finished but I went! I was on the verge of a panic attack all morning before we went & Runt's teething so was just clinging to me the whole time with one hand in his mouth while looking rather sorry for himself. Calf was mesmerised though & spent the rest of the day reminding me who was playing which instrument. I could just about remember the name of the one person I'd met before but he remembered them all!

I hate small talk & really wasn't in the right headspace for it so used Runt's teething to run away. I figure I'll do small doses of socialising at events like that until they're all like "Oh yeah, that's AGnu, she's been around for forever" but I've never had to have the awkward "so... where did you grow up?" type conversations that I can't deal with. I always end up answering questions but not asking any for fear of looking nosy. I don't understand people.

Agnu ha ha! ! I've done that before where I've meantioned virtual friends and DH looks at me like I've gone mad - luckily I meet enough strangers on a weekly basis to pull it off otherwise it would be awkward Well done for going to the meet-up! I totally get how hard it is. It does get easier the more you attend but I fear you may not benefit if you're leaving it that long between visits Is it a weekly thing? On my way to playgroups I make a mental list of questions to ask people because otherwise I just completely forget! My networking skills went out the window when bpear arrived into the world but now that I've been practising more lately I feel a bit more confident in that area. Anyway, thanks for the concern over my fall. It was a horrible shock

Ouch pear!! So scary and I'm so glad that your DH was there when it happened. It doesn't really matter what kind of problems they are to others, it just sounds like you're having to deal with a lot right now- and that's hard! Exciting news on getting a new fridge, but also extremely frustrating that you've had one conked out on you. It's like your appliances are going on a strike or something!

The mum parties sound tough. I totally agree with agnu isn't there a different time of the day they could organize something like this? Like, before naptime? Evening parties are hard no matter how old kids are and we avoid them like the plague! If something is in anyway going to mess with the bedtime routine we just scrap the invite. It does sound like these friends are full of shite TBH and are putting on a bit of a "my life is perfect" song and dance like Frus mentioned. So you've got the three of us on your side telling you that you're not imagining the hardness of the situation! The 3 veteran mums have got your back!

Meeting new people is somehow slightly more easy with kids just because you suddenly have something in common (i.e. you've both grown another human) so at least it's something to start off on. I do hate small talk as well as it's just superficial and I feel really silly about it. I think a lot of people feel this way but are just better at getting on with it than others. Lately I feel like I've been stepping it up a little with talking to new people so small pats on the back. I've met two gals at the gym that both happen to be ex-pats so it's fun talking about traveling and living abroad and then there's a mum down the street that I've realized I really get on with and we chat at the bus stop every morning. So things are starting to get a little more social. Here's to hoping for a more eventful winter with new friends.

We are currently dealing with sugar-rush hangovers over here. The kids were allowed to eat Halloween candy while we were trick or treating and apparently they managed to get quite a lot into their bellies! It was fun over all. I dressed up as Professor McGonagall and the cape was surprisingly nice and warm. It's also daylight saving time today so our whole sense of time is messed up and today has been agonizingly slow. I just wanna go to bed! And it's nearly dark at 5:15- SOB!

Ha ha frus! I dare you
Poor pear that sounds horrible I slipped a few weeks back only one it two steps and it scares the shit of you( apologies for language) but it does and you always really hit yourself hard yours sounds auful and the dentist too.
Be got to say I'm not someone who struggles with play dates at any time really but maybe that's because tiger is manic at bedtime whatever we do, she could be ill and still be hyper running round naked! I'm pretty flexible with things though and if it's too late just give them a quick flannel wash If you want to keep going can you take extra food for him in the way of a snack or give him one before hand!? I've never been anywhere with not enough food how weird plus if I knew a child liked a lot and asked for more I'd for sure find something else ( in the sence of me as host!) sounds like a wrotten few weeks for you

Awww thanks ladies! I really appreciate your support!

Kitty - I know... me too! If a child was showing signs of wanting more I would definitely offer more pasta or a second yoghurt! I guess they (the other mum) wouldn't which is why they just stand waiting to watch what I do. Awkward!!

All your suggestions to take snacks a long to tea invites are very worthy and I will do that in the future. It's always on the day your own snack cupboard is empty though isn't it!! For now I shall stop tea dates and I already kind of have! I'm very proud to say that I had another awkward situation at the weekend that I actually said NO to! Very proud of myself over this one! Weeks a go we planned to visit friends for the weekend (2 hr drive). As I don't celebrate Halloween I had already checked whether my said friends had Halloween plans. They said no and were very happy for us to go and stay with them over the weekend (they have similar age children). 2 days before the event I receive a text asking whether we wanted to go to their neighbours Halloween party. I asked whether they would have tea at their own house after. They said yes so I reluctantly agreed to just arrive at tea time avoiding the sweet loaded party. I turn up with bpear and DH for tea. Shock horror (not) both their kids are having sugar over loaded excitement full on screaming fits. Bpear didn't eat anything (not a surprise and I was prepared for this so gave him a big lunch). Their kids went to bed at 7 on the dot and bpear didn't go to bed until 10:30 as he was effected by how their bedtime routine had gone crazy and lack of food in his tummy etc.

Now, you can imagine how relieved I was that I had said no to the party and not to mention how offended I was that they had altered the plans when they knew we were coming to stay but as a "changed women" I took it all on the chin and was in full control...for a change! This is the kind of stress that my friends seem to keep dropping me in but at least I have now come to a decision to just say no and avoid it all from the start and just take the control back! I know deep down that it's not ideal for bpear to have tea dates just because it suits them. It's not worth it and I see that now. Perhaps they will soon find themselves in the same situation! Anyway, thanks for the back up!

Frus - As I was at the doctors this morning I did pluck up the courage to ask about my elbow and he said it was fine but badly bruised and will take time to fully heal. Phew!

So, the doctors. Wow this is going to be a long post :-) Yep, went back to the doctors this morning. I've had this appointment booked for a few weeks to discuss my progesterone results but then couldn't wait and went to see a localm 2 weeks a go. In the back of my mind I wasn't entirely happy with everything he said so went in today to see the original sensible Gp. He really is a much better doctor! To my surprise he also discussed DH's results. They're not great. His levels are below the norm. The norm being 4% and his results came out at 3%. Also concerns about the liquid that helps the swimmers along. So bring...you were right! I'm sure you didn't want to be right though ;-) They want to test him again which is sensible. Results can change on a daily basis so it will certainly be interesting. What is important now is that DH needs to improve his lifestyle and wear baggier underwear. He doesn't drink caffeine or alcohol but he eats a lot of sugar crap. He's really slim but has a crazy big cake tummy. I've been nagging him for ages to do something about it so if this isn't an eye opener then I don't know what is!! So, with DH's problem and me ovulating perhaps every two months this is just going to take longer to conceive :-( The doctor agreed with me that right now on paper the likelihood of me having PCOS is present but without a scan we can't be sure. He then admitted that I could be waiting 18 weeks for a appointment. I said I couldn't wait 18 weeks so somehow we will have to go private and then he changed his mind and said the best news ever that he will scan me at the GP in a few weeks. I'm so happy to hear this. Such a relief. Going private right now means I would have to borrow the money from my mum so anything to avoid that would be fantastic! So that is my news. Lots of stuff swirling around in my head. I lost 1lb last week and I'll keep going. I aim to loose 5 more pounds by Christmas.

On another note I've entered full on terrible two's hell :-) I'm really working on my parenting skills and just trying to be far more direct and telling bpear this is what is happening well in advance to avoid meltdowns. I'm learning a lot but wow its tough isn't it! Distraction mixed with directness and continuity!!

Bring - how lovely that you've developed new friendships in the gym and out and about! Like you say...big pat on the back as wow that is tough too :-)

Happy November everyone! Oh and my fridge is still working....double phew!!

Phew. so much to catch up on. Sorry I've been quiet.

Just quickly wanted to say pear ouch on falling down the stairs but glad you're okay and good news on test results and scan etc. Sounds like you're really getting somewhere.

Good thanks. Cuddled up on sofa with C who was baking with me in the kitchen and fell off the chair he was standing on, falling and cracking his head off the floor. He seems OK. Bit of a bump but seems fine.

Other than that I'm good. He's sleeping better again so I'm getting more rest and sickness has finally faded. Started pregnancy yoga on Saturday which made me happy. My mum's coming to visit this weekend too which will be fun.

That sound like real progress pear!! Itl be good that dh was involved with results, not that it's good his results are below normal but that there are lifestyle choices he can make to help and that also it's not just all you taking the weight for why it's not happening quickly. Fantastic news about the scan
Lor hope c is ok poor little guy, glad to hear you've turned a corner sickness wise

Oh wow, lots to catch up on!

How was the sports match, Frus?

Exciting news about your mum and yoga, Lor!

And wow, that's a lot to take in pear. How is your DH taking the news? In true male style of being indignant and offended...or is he up for the health tuneup? That's really awesome that your GP has gotten you in right away instead of just brushing it off as a policy thing. That's when you know you've got a good one who is actually doing this because they care for their patients.

So, I took a self-defense class last night. It was SO MUCH FUN! And... I learned that I REALLY LIKE PUNCHING somebody! I'm absolutely thinking of enrolling in a boxing course somewhere because it's such an awesome stress-release. So watch out bad guys, you'll get a shock when you mess with moi!

Thanks ladies Yeah Kitty you're right...I feel oddly relieved that it's not just me and that DH has to change too. I am actually secretly probably not so secret to DH buzzed up that I get to finally see DH be healthy. I am naturally a conscious healthy person. Like for years I've been telling him to buy wholemeal bread and for the first week ever he brought it this week. That makes me really happy. Finally just by making small changes I feel like we're on the way to being a healthier family. I've worked out our bmi's and we're both below the yellow line. My BMI is only 21.7 but when I've checked our diabetes figure we both have increased risk. This is mainly because our parents have it and our waist size.

Bring - DH is not happy lol I think he went into shock. I gave him a very harsh talking to and asked him how much he wants a second child because basically if this isn't a big enough carrot I don't know what is. On day 1 he was acting like a clueless dumb dumb but by day 2 when I weighed and measured him I could see his brain had caught up. He's realised by making small changes that it will help. Yesterday he went out and brought a pack of raisins to put in his porridge instead of sugar and he took a photo of his wholemeal chicken sandwich that he had for lunch

He will get tested again on Friday and I'll be tested for diabetes on Wednesday. All really positive.

Ahh I love kick boxing! The buzz that it gives you! That's the next thing to do on my list...find a kick boxing class! Bring, after reading that you go to the gym I've realised that I should do that when bpear starts nursery!!! I've been feeling guilty for weeks and weeks that my plan hasn't worked and that I won't have another baby to look after when he starts but now I'm just feel to hell with it. Maybe this is just my time to get myself back so I don't end up like my sisters who have kids, pile on the pounds and live for their kids! I hope you find a really motivated class. It's the best! I like my kickboxing dvd. Going to dig it out today.

Awwww and can I just say that because I've been eating salads for lunch bpear is now requesting to eat salad leaves and actually enjoys it!! He rubs his tummy whilst eating a leaf and goes yum yum. How crazy loopy is that

Ahh that's fab pear and kudos to your hubbie for taking it on, that's fab!
I'm at my most unhealthy for years at the mo, just can't seem to motivate myself

Aww pear that's awesome! Starting out good eating habits early. Love it!

Speaking of gyms, are there any around you that offer childcare so that you can work out? It's so nice just dropping M off at the childcare section and heading upstairs to work out. DH and I also decided we are going to get a punching bag and some gloves so that we can work on cutting out the shouting when we're peeved off at the kids and instead just go do 5 minutes of taking it out on the bag and deal with it. Very excited for this new development!

Kind of a lazy weekend so far. We are transforming the "play room" into a more adult-friendly much-less-toys-spead-everywhere area... so painting a small bit of floorboards and a couple of walls. Then it's shopping time! Yay! New rug, sofa, and coffee table. This will be our first piece of furniture purchased together in all the 8 years we've been married. All of our other pieces are hand-me-downs! So looking forward to picking things to our own tastes (which thankfully are extremely similar so no fights!). But in the meantime house is a bit turned upside down while moving things around to paint, cleaning out old toys, moving some furniture into different rooms... everything feels really messy! Yuck. Also have a ton of leaves to rake up outside and neither DH nor I are in any mood to have to do it. It'd be one thing if M was a bit older and stayed in the yard while we got outside work done but that girl is determined to become either a runaway or a road pancake because she will not stop trying to run into the busy road. It's nerve-wracking and heart attack-inducing.

Oh yeah! DH and I got all of our Christmas shopping done on Thurs. GO TEAM!

We've started... I bought a chocolate orange for my dad! Also got the boys presents figured out - we've ordered a couple of educational things & I'm crocheting them a toy each.

We've got Calf's appt tomorrow. He's been going through a good phase recently & his behaviour hasn't been much more difficult than one might expect from a 4yo. I've started to think that it was just a phase & he's growing out of it... It's more likely due to the fact that our entire lives are tailored around things he feels comfortable with & we're avoiding a lot of things that might make him anxious. I've started working on introducing him to more stressful situations & a busier schedule over the last week or so... DH is currently trying to control a manic meltdown - clearly it's not disappeared! Really nervous that we're going to get accused of wasting their time. DH has made it clear that if they're not willing to give him an official diagnosis at the end of this process then he doesn't think we should appeal/get a second opinion. That worries me. He agrees that there's something there but he doesn't want to "obsess" about it. I'm worried that we might not see someone who listens to us & we might fail him in not pressing for a diagnosis that could help others understand him.

Yes, we've had a list since we sent him to pre-school with a view to getting a referral. We've waved it at everyone who might be able to help us so they should already have a copy. Now that he's in bed where did the last hour go?! I'm just sitting down to review it & add any new behaviours we've noticed.
I did suggest to DH that we could deliberately put him to bed late this w/e so he was tired on Monday... DH didn't approve of the suggestion but I've not exactly been chivvying things along the last couple of days so he just so happens to have gone to bed sometime between 9 & 10 every night since Wednesday! Kinda regretting doing that tonight though! We've not had a meltdown like that for about 2 months! Still, I suppose it serves as a reminder for us that there is a problem. I'm a little worried that he'll do his blank, eerily-compliant act when we're there tomorrow & all they'll see is a very well behaved, inquisitive NT child. I had the same concern when we saw an developmental psychologist who's a friend of my mums... she saw straight through it though. I must remember that the professionals are trained to notice things that most other people wouldn't!