The 11th Gemini bus - Trudging through the terrible twos

[AGnu]

We're seeing a community paed. Not entirely sure what we're expecting tomorrow tbh. I understood that the process would involve us seeing several different professionals before having a group meeting to make a decision but I've looked at their website & it says that the CP will make an assessment & after a diagnosis they'll refer on to other relevant professionals. It seems a little odd that they'd do that at one appointment. The HV didn't even really seem to know the process beyond her referring us on!

Oooh, I was having another nose around their site & looked at the info for professionals I'm his teacher, that means I'm allowed to look at these things, right? & it looks like we'll see the CP & another suitably trained person separately & they'll make a decision between them. If it's obvious to them then they'll diagnose, if they're sure there's not an issue then I'll cry they'll discharge but if they're undecided then we'll see everyone under the sun & they'll all observe him & all weigh in on the decision.

We've not told him anything about it yet. Sometimes it helps him to prepare for new experiences but sometimes it becomes an obsession & he gets really worried about it. A tiny part of me is hoping that springing it on him in the morning & leaving Runt with friends will be enough to unsettle him into not being able to mask it. I feel like the worst mother for hoping my child will be uncomfortable!

Kitty - I know what you mean. It's a horrible feeling when you get stuck in a rut and have that "unhealthy" feeling. We're finding that our mutual weigh in day is quite motivating. The more DH opens up about his day to day diet the more interesting it gets Maybe try making small changes this week. I lost a 2lb the first week just by banning all after dinner and daytime snacks. You could start with that? Christmas is a good goal Although I no longer need to fit into a LBD

Bring - wow... Your household is on fire A grown up boxing zone, grown up snug room and Christmas shopping done?!!! What energy zen tablet are you guys on? We need some over here!! How on earth have you done all your xmas shopping!! Not fair I've only done bpear's because I've hardly brought anything for him. I really can't think what to get DH. He wants a running machine but I can't get that.

Frus - sounds like you had a similar bonfire experience as us! Bpear was soooo excited to go and we showed him fireworks on YouTube to get him mentally prepared but when we got there it was too much for him even with the ear defenders so he just cuddled DH and asked to leave early. He didn't cry though. I think the one we go to is too big and noisy with the fun fair. Next year we need to find a smaller quiet neighbouring village. He did wake up at 5am asking to see fireworks

Lor - hope you had a nice yoga class? I always thought you couldn't start a new exercise regime in your pregnancy so it's good to know that is possible!

Agnu - best of luck today! I have my fx that you see some lovely and sympathetic people to give you answers and help!!

Sorry Frus, I couldn't help giggling at that! It's one of those funny-when-it's-not-you moments! Poor you & poor DS! How's he doing now? This is part of the reason we've put sellotape around Calf's door-gate... No way am I being woken up in the middle of the night with a person-shape looming over me! I'd probably punch him!

Appt was good, I think. She agreed that there's definitely something "unusual" about his interactions & will refer us to the SALT & possibly the play therapist too who will probably want to see him at nursery so we might keep him in until they've done that. She seemed really supportive of the idea of home-ed for him. She talked about them having a special nursery there that he could go to so they could observe him more easily but she said there were quite a few more energetic children there & she wasn't sure he'd cope well with it so they'll come to him in his normal environment. She did say several times that they're very keen to make the right diagnosis so it may be that they'll decide they can't see enough traits to diagnose at the moment but they'll reassess him in a few years to check his progress. DH seemed really positive about it but I've not had enough time to process it properly yet. I suddenly feel a bit weird about it... I haven't quite figured out what my problem is yet but it's something to do with it just being the way he is & feeling like he's not like some other DC with ASD because he's high-functioning so I feel a bit of a fraud. I don't know, my brain's just turned to mush now - too much to take in! The boys are playing quietly so I might have a quick nap, that sometimes helps sort my head out!

Oh wow agnu. I'm so glad that she was able to actually witness what you've been noticing and confirm that with you. It also sounds like she's being great at being accommodating to his needs to continue to assess everything. It must be a really validating feeling! You are not a fraud in any way. You noticed something and you're having his behaviours assessed so that you can think of ways to help him as a young, learning individual become a functioning adult down the road. That's so important! Just think of how many children over the decades who were just marginalized because they did things slightly differently and were made to have to just deal with going along with what was considered "normal". You are doing an extraordinary thing for your child, there should be absolutely no shame in that.

Oh ew frus. It's one thing to clean it up in the kid's bed and just kinda give them the extra blankets to sleep on, quite another to have it happen to your own bed and have to clean that up too! Poor thing having a rough day. Hopefully he'll be able to keep fluids down soon. Have you tried making your own electrolyte drink for him? There are some great recipes out there that are super easy to make. Hope everyone else stays heathy!

Seriously, it was a fluke that we were able to do a power shop. My sister offered to babysit for us and we went to a gigantic mall near our house and just started going down the checklist for everyone. DH found something for his dad right away (and he's like the hardest to pick out something for) and then we were just on a roll. Luckily my family agreed to just draw a name out of a hat to get a gift for so that eliminated like 7 extra presents to have to get (TG!) so it was just my DH's family and we still have to send everything over- so we really had to be early just so that we're not scrambling to the post office with all the stuff to rush ship.

Trust me, it's not zen over here. So speaking of totally not zen; M has decided to start picking off the grout in between the tiles of the bathtub surround during bath-time leaving a lovely space in the tile wall. DS2 decided to start pouring water down the said tile walls and we've got water leaking behind the tiles down into our kitchen walls, which is resulting in some majorly visible water damage. I've hated the mustard-yellow tiles in that bathroom since we moved in and I keep bugging DH that we need to save up and update the bathroom if we want to move out of this place, his response is always "oh, I don't mind them" (ps, I DO MIND THEM, HINT, HINT) so now this is finally his clue. Funny how if we come up with it, it's nagging... if they come up with it, it's genius and something finally gets done about it. Eeessh, men!

eyeroll

Another gripe while I'm at it.

DH has decided to treat himself to a day of golfing since the weather is freakishly nice for this time of year... meaning that he's not helping out pick up M from daycare which takes a huge load off my plate to have not pack the very rambunctious boys in the car after a long day of school drive across the city to pick her up and then get all 3 very rambunctious kids back home and face the wailing of 3 hungry children. It's all very "zen" as Pear would put it when DH picks up M on his way home from work. Manageable. So while I'm feeling very bristly about the whole disruption from our routine he sends me a text picture of a sunset on the golf course. WTF. . Unless that picture means you're leaving the golf course soon, I don't give a flying F about how nice the scenery is.

My DH has been saying for years that he's going to build me a shoe rack. He spends most of his at-home time designing us a house that we're probably never going to be able to afford to build!

I'm being nice to him at the moment though. I'm going out 2, possibly 3 nights this week & I'm going away for a girly weekend! I've never done that before & I'm seriously stressing about it but I'm sure some elements of it will be fun! He's encouraged me to go... so he can have the laptop to himself for house designing!

Ahhh that sunset comment did make me lol Bring

Agnu - woop woop for all the time off you will have this week It is mega hard planning for it though to make sure things don't fall apart whilst you've left the house for a couple of hours. Totally sympathise with that
Enjoy the break! Just think of the silent toilet visits and freedom!! It will be totally worth the energy it takes to pack a bag and leave!

So, I don't think any of you will have an answer for me because all your Dc are in nursery but I'm going through a different stage with bpear. He goes to 3 toddler classes a week with me and he used to really enjoy them and participate very well (with the odd tantrum here and there). This Autumn it's like a switch has turned on and he's really playing up. He won't sit down on the mat (ever) and just wants to run around and around being quite loud. It's quite disappointing as obviously I paid upfront for these classes but most of all because from an outsider he just looks like a disruptive naughty boy but he really isn't. When I talk to the teachers about it they say it's fine and normal that he is active. My opinion is maybe he's bored? They're not going to tell me that though are they 2 of the 3 classes we've been doing for 1.5 years. Yes a few things change in the class but not that much. Recently he doesn't even want to sit near me if he does decide to sit on a mat. He's just so independent. Is this my sign that he should be starting nursery instead of the classes? Anyway, I'm definitely not signing him up to any classes next term (which will hurt because it is winter). I've done the figures and we would still have to pay a lot more to stop the classes and put him in nursery instead. Its affordable but financially it makes sense for him to start nursery in the spring and put some money into savings until then. Unless of coarse I'm pulling my hair out in January!! I need to go and look at the term dates. My DH is so negative towards putting him into nursery it puts me off but this new independence is starting to make me wonder whether he might actually enjoy a few hours to himself playing?! It will only be 9-12 2/3 times a week. Not exactly the end of the world.

It is ever so hard to persuade bpear to nap nowadays. He's so tired but he's fighting it like mad.

Ahh not all of you then Frus Thanks for that. I'm so new tolol Yes we're very much all about "PLEASE" and "bpear do it" here too! I think even if I do one new class it will be more beneficial to him but it's great to hear that this is just another stage whether he is in nursery or not...I've still got to go through it And there I was thinking nursery was a get out of jail card

Runt's not at nursery either. He's obsessively independent. He'll sit there getting really cross that he can't do something but the second I go anywhere near him he gives me a death stare, bellows "I do it, I DO IIIIIT!" & starts trying again frantically. He also wallops Calf when he tries to help because I've told him to so I don't get shouted at! I'm regularly seen bundling a screaming child into the car because it's pouring down with rain & I'm not going to stand around for 5 minutes while he tries to climb in himself.

Oh yes, Runt does that all the time, usually while screaming "I dooooo iiiiiit!" We have a system for getting them in the car: tell them to wait in the porch, open front door, remind them to wait in the porch, open Calf's door, scoop Calf up & put him in footwell while reminding Runt to stay put, shut Calf's door so he can't fall out, catch Runt a split second before he gets to the road, bundle him into his footwell, remind Calf he should be climbing up, shut Runt's door, open Calf's door, strap him in, shut his door, open Runt's door, catch his leg as he climbs through between the front seats, drag him backwards & manhandle him into his seat while pressing gently but firmly on his hips so he bends a little, loosen his straps so I can get them round him when he's planking, do up straps, tighten them to force him into the right position, shut his door, stand behind the car where the DC can't see me & place head in hands.

Oh my goodness agnu that's probably the best description I've seen with putting kids in the car. It's like a freaking comedy skit!

M is in nursery 2 days a week (I can't tell you how much I wish it were more sometimes!). She is still completely set on being independent and like agnu said, will absolutely scream her head off if for safety/time/weather reasons that I have to muscle her into the car/gym/house/daycare because she wants to do it on her own. And, not only that, she absolutely will not stop screaming until she's allowed to do it herself. Even if that means that she screams a good 15 minutes all the way home, I take her out of the car, then let her put herself back into the car and buckle her own straps. Then she stops crying and I'm allowed to move on with life. YES TO THE PLANK. Probably one of the most infuriating situations in a parent's life.

He might be bored Pear, or he might just find the time a good way to be active and explore too. If it helps, my eldest was at his most naughty self when we went to kid's classes and groups. It was a nightmare. Independence is the name of the game at this age! Get those bootstraps tightened because it's a whole lotta independent fun from here on out.

Did you tell him they're out of season so won't be as good?

agnu that made me cry laughing.

frus that sounds like my kind of conversation with C too. He's on a total 'srawberry' buzz. We buy him those baked ones .

Haha oh my goodness the mindset of a two year old. One track minds! I bet he's a happy chappy with his strawberries!

M has been in a throw-thyself-onto-thy-floor stage about everything. Really not helpful when she's doing it in front of the doors of the supermarket.

In other news, tried out a boxing class today. 30 minutes of wailing on a punching bag and I've never had such a great workout! Buhbye mama stress, hello sexy shoulders.