November 2012 - The nights are drawing in again

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2147425-November-2012-Bring-out-the-paddling-pools?msgid=49375941#49375941

God I don't know how E would cope with me not putting her to bed. She is fine if I'm not around but if I'm here only Mummy will do at bed time. Didn't even think about not being able to put her in the cot! I'm getting ahead of myself as I'm not even sure if I'm having a c section yet but everytime I hear things like that it really makes me think it wouldn't be good. As DH would say I guess E will just have to "man up"! Poor mite.

kyz Glad you are getting support and sorry to hear you've been feeling poorly.

hello! random pop in to thread because it is I think a safer place to put an update than FB, which is where I usually chat to quiche people

It's odd to explain, but I'll try.

So after S was born my marriage to DH went up the shitter, for various tired old reasons. He is a difficult person to be in a relationship with in a couple of key ways (forgetful and unreliable, for example), and these were infinitely more difficult to cope with in the context of financial stress and the early days of mothering. But sometimes I think I just never loved him enough to get through the baby stuff.

We moved to California from London as was always planned just over a year ago, and it was hell on earth. tearful MN threads under different names. I was rock bottom. No friends, no life, no money, no way to get around, awful MIL to deal with. After a couple of months here, I came back to the UK for a brief trip and as it happened, I had issues with my visa and wasn't permitted to return to the US (a direct consequence of DH's unreliability). So S and I were homeless with a bag I'd packed for two weeks, the week after her first birthday.

Skipping over some of the more hellish details, I decided to turn circumstance into a separation from DH. After a few months of being gypsies, I got me and S settled in a flat and things improved hugely.

And then - this is the bit that's hard to explain, even to myself - I decided to come back to the US. (My visa issues were resolved after 6 months, so it became possible). A huge part of it was I couldn't bear the responsibility of parenting entirely alone (and it would have been entirely), nor taking S away from DH, who is a crap partner but a lovely person (if you're not married to him!) and wonderful father. Another big part of it was a shower of shite in my family that has left me estranged after a lifetime of being close. P

So here we are. DH and I are still married. I am here as his wife so won't go into it too much, but the future of my marriage is far from certain - I just want to build a life for myself - work, and money! - and then decide. I look after S full time still, and DH goes out to work, and we all rub along. Things are better than they were last year, because I can drive, and I have a work visa, so am looking for a job.

Who knows what the future holds.

rooty that sounds very stressful.

Will just point out to quichesters that rooty has alluded to this on fb under one of my posts this evening if you are wondering.

eliza when LO was born by elcs DD1 "manned up". (Ha!) She was 19mo. There is lots you can do.

Remember. They can get into a normal bed. From there you can lift them. They can get into the car with a push up the bum. From there you can help them. They can get on the sofa. From there you can pick them up.

And I know yw doesn't drive but you can drive as soon as you are ready. The 6w is a myth. I was driving at 2 and a half weeks and I am a crap nervous driver.

It has been stressful. I feel traumatised, actually, by the months of homelessness which coincided beautifully with the family shower of shite I alluded to.

Life can be so hard, can't it?

Yes. It really can. I moved home upwards of 20 times since I was 18 (lost count) and only once with kids. I know homelessness but not in your situation

Evening all.

Shame it's not Friday and o'clock.

Am shattered now I have got off the revision/work/chaos carousel.

Love to all xx

rooty Shit, that sounds absolute hell!

pr Thanks. As ever your wise words bring me comfort. Makes a lot of sense.

Thanks PR

Agh insomnia. Such a bad night.

I remember you had referred to your issues before rooty . I can completely empathise with all the issues in your marriage. You prob do need to concentrate on getting yourself self sufficient and then take stock and see where you are going.

I am sending big transatlantic hugs. Don't be a stranger on the quiche you know it can be extremely cathartic in times of trouble.

Have some pr.

Am sitting on my lonesome eating breakfast. F still asleep...I haven't seen her since this time yesterday so may have to wake her for selfish cuddle based reasons

OK. Girls pissed about til 11 yestreday evening, refusing to go to bed. So DH and I ate at 11. Bed at midnight. Couldn't sleep til 2. Woke up at half 4, with a fever, bunged up nose and ended up going on netflix at 5 onwards.

Girls obviously overslept, did everything they could to make the school run go slower, completely knackered.

Then I drop DD1 off and the teacher comes rushing over to me. Uh oh, WTF has she done now, or was she going to bollock me for something (she actually told another mum off for writing in the margins of the message notebook where we exchange notes between parents and teacher!).

But no, teacher was smiling at me. Which was pretty terrifying because normally she kind of half smiles smirks but this was a full on grin, which kind of freaked me out.

And she has asked me to go into school next week for a morning to help with the class activity. Making fruit salad. Do I look like someone who can cope with 22 noisy 3-6 year olds? I was kind of nodding inanely at her all the while thinking omg say no, say no, say no. But I didn't say no.

I not only agreed to help out, but then volunteered to bring plastic knives, a salad bowl, plastic bowls to eat from, and the fruit.

My voice just started making words on its own. I ended the conversation with "my pleasure, it'll be fun, anytime!" while I had to resist the urge to slap myself. I am not a joiner inner. So why do I keep volunteering for library duty, and PTA, and now chopping fruit with tiny children?

I was wide awake for a couple of hours in the night too. The baby was having a disco in my belly! DH did the school run today though so me and E are still slobbing in our pjs.

pr I have volunteered to help set up the cake stall for the school autumn school fair which I thought was bloody brave of me. You are taking it to extremes but good on you.

I viewed a car yesterday. Loved it. It was a manual though. if it was auto I'd have snapped it up there and then. Going to view an auto one this afternoon but doesn't have quite as high a spec and isn't such a nice colour. But by the weekend or early next week I hope to have made my mind up. Can't be doing with driving round the country looking at cars.

rooty i remember your troubles and offen wondered what was happening. Sounds an awful situation and agree with wanda about prioritising yourself. Huge hugs

pr hahaha. Sorry. But hahaha.

eliza why don't you want a manual?

Eliza I understand the auto want, hope you find one

Pig enjoy cuddles

PR I just laughed properly out loud. Hahahahah

Rooty massive massive hugs xx

My next car will be an automatic. I don't mind manuals but anything for an easier life. Plus I tend to panic on icy roads and can never remember if you are supposed to go up or down a gear in wintry conditions.

At least with an automatic I would no longer have to have that conversation with myself.

I wanted an automatic but sadly it was way out of budget. What are you supposed to do over winter? I never drove in snow :)

Down down down.

I can never remember what is meant by steering I to a skid. So I crash instead.

You see that is what I thought, but my DB is convinced that you have to drive in the highest possible gear for the speed you are going at, which doesn't make sense does it? I switched off for the technical explanation.

Oh I don't get steering into a skid either. Last time I skidded I let go of the steering wheel, pressed on the brake pedal and closed my eyes. I was going very slowly, fortunately.

Mum had J last. He was up every hour.

Poor J Izzy he must be permanently exhausted. Poor all of you.

I have my first PTA meeting a week tomorrow. At 8.30 at night. I hope there is

Just walked into the lounge to find a nearly two year old lounging in the baby Bjorn bouncy chair. He was vair louche but distinctly squished looking! I cracked up laughing.

Evening all :)

gosh rootypig that sounds really stressful! Please remember we are here xx

sorry you had a bad night pr after sleeping for england last night I was awake for a good two hours, couldn't go back to sleep today when I tried and feel wide awake now. Not sure if I should worry that all of my pg symptoms have vanished or be grateful for a rest from them! You make me laugh with the helping thing, you really got yourself stuck in to that one now didn't you! ;)

I didn't realise automatic cars were so sought after, I didn't like it the one time i've driven one! Not sure why, I think it's because at least when I drive a manual I have something to do with the whole gear changing business but you'd think with how I am with driving an automatic would suit me more - maybe it's because I was a very nervous driver when I tried out an automatic anyway.

I was taught to drive in as high a gear as possible for the speed you are doing in icy conditions, and to pull off in second. I've no idea why it works but it has always worked for me doing that. It doesn't make sense to me. My brother is at college doing mechanics so I might well ask him and see if he can shed some light on it because tbh I just did as I was told! I'm no good at driving at the best of times

gosh izzy :( I really feel for you all :(

am I being dense, what is a PTA meeting pr?

lol bless him yw

E has been a ball of fun for this afternoon. I didn't get any sleep when MIL had him but did feel well enough to clean the house and that made me feel much better :) He's asleep now which is good and i'm lounging around in my pjs catching up on Holby

I had always had manual cars before. When buying my last car I was against buying an automatic. Then test drove one and loved it and ended up buying it. So having driven an auto for 3 years I have gotten used to it. It is so so easy. Almost like driving a dodgem car. However I think I'm going to end up buying the manual I test drove today. I love driving so it really makes no odds to me really. I thought I might get annoyed with having to do gear changes again but actually it was quite nice and I almost do it on auto pilot.