Oi Oi Ladies, Well, it is done.
We had our conversation last night.
We were very calm and have decided to split up. We have the absolute aim to do whatever is best for BOi, and to become better friends than we are now. We accept that we have drifted apart and there is no blame on either side. There will be no financial claims on either side. (I'm not interested in child support, he's not interested in trying to take half the house, etc. - It's usually money that makes things acrimonious, and I'd rather see DH set up in a comfortable place that I'm happy for BOi to visit!)
I think that I can afford to stay where I am (might have to cut out the visits to Selfridges and waitrose, might have to wander into Aldi, and ah the horror primark! Never! never!! arghhhh! :)
Anyway, we were calm at the beginning. then we had a good cry. then I realised that that was my hopes of ever having another baby gone. - I'm trying not to think about that. One trauma at a time.
then we watched Mock the Week to try and lighten the atmosphere and relax.
then we went to bed. hugged and kissed.
Kissed!
I can't remember the last time I kissed him without recoiling!
We both laughed at how nice and natural it was.
And went to sleep.
We are splitting up.
I know many couples who have split up, who then learnt to appreciate what they had, and fell back in love with each other.
There's hope for us yet.
I woke up feeling the weight of everything, feeling it in the pit of my stomach. But I also am looking forward to it all being better soon.
I'm looking forward to relaxing, not gritting my teeth (subconsciously) all the time, always hunching my shoulders. Even when I feel relaxed - I'll find myself displaying all these symptoms of stress.
I'm looking forward to it all being better soon.
DH is confident that we can be friends, and therefore there's no need for him to leave work. Thank goodness! Hopefully, that'll be another thing that will keep us acting like grown ups and friends.
So, I think tonight we'll be making plans. Finding him somewhere to rent, in the short term. - He started to wonder where he could stay - I said, no. No sleeping on people's floors. we are friends. We get him set up comfortably.
I know there are books you can buy to help kids understand what's happening. I'll have a look if there's anything for toddlers.
Thankfully, as he's 2, it'll be easier now than later. But it's still going to be upsetting and confusing. We need to find the best way to explain it to him. Poor BOi.
(Sorry for long post - I know you don't mind - but I can't talk to anyone else in real life yet. We need to manage how this is communicated. - And those who know me in RL, obv. this is between us gels for the time being!)
My parents will be so upset. gah! it doesn't bear thinking about everyone else's disappointment.
What matters is that we are doing the best for the three of us. There'll be some tough times ahead. But this is for the best.