I've decided I want a newborn again. Not another you understand, I've not completely lost it, I just think I should trade this one in for a younger model. 9 month olds are super cute, the waving and babbling and random wet slobbery kisses, all very cute but:
This one still doesn't bloody sleep, she's obviously broken so I need a new one.
I think longingly of lovely little breast fed baby nappies, the nappies she's producing now are beyond vile. I need a hazmat suit to change her. Small babies also lie still while you change them instead of writhing and crawling away smearing shit as they go.
Little babies sleep in the day, you can go for a leisurely lunch and they don't even stir. Now I have to try to restrain an angry octopus that's mashing half chewed breadsticks in my hair. Trying to hold a conversation whilst you're being headbutted or having a spoon inserted up your nose with force isn't easy.
I miss having boobs, one minute they were there and then they just deflated!
Newborns stay where you put them, you can pop them down and walk away without turning around and they're chewing a dog toy/trying to paddle in the dog bowl/pulling everything out of a kitchen cupboard.
When a newborn is sick it's a little inoffensive splosh of milk. Not any more! the other night we had exorcist style puking, three entire changes of clothes for me and her in about 15 minutes. Proper nasty offensive vomit, I smelt like of been lying on a nightclub toilet floor by the time she'd finished.
So anyone fancy a swap? Even just for a few days? She's very cute when she's not overtired and screaming, teething and screaming, hungry and screaming, ill and screaming or generally trying to kill herself so not very often then