November 2012 - The last few first birthdays then we're on to Christmas

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1906769-November-2012-Isnt-age-one-a-lot-of-fun

Morning all. Bad night here too...

Swollen glands vq has he had his mmr? Sometimes they get mini mumps from that.

We have another jab next week. The one you do at the same time as mmr is done a month later here.

Good luck to pikz

Busy day of cleaning and laundry here, getting the house in order after the weekend...

I have a biting issue with F too. We are not breast feeding, so its not that, but we cuddle him to sleep and he has started biting me during the cuddles. Not in an annoyed or angry way, more that he seems to enjoy it (I do think he is teething) and he also finds it funny! ive tried yelling, moving his head away, giving him his own hand, crying, ignoring it (but that's hard as it really hurts!). None of it works - I have to resort to putting him down and telling him no, but then he can just run off and play so that doesn't help with getting him to sleep! very annoying.
We have his jabs today, I am dreading them especially as his sleep is a bit shot at the moment from teething I think anyway.

Zero sleep. Feel awful.

Ok so in brief.. I got chatting to this girl in toddler group and it turns out she lives in the same village right on the Main Street. It also turned out she knew my SIL (not hugely surprising as everyone knows everyone). Anyway she said " you should pop In For a cup of tea some time" and I said " yeah yeah yeah" like you do. Then, she asked me to be her friend on fb, (as she is on fb with SIL) so I accepted beacuse I didn't,t want to look snotty.

Then she sent me a note, reiterating the invite and I said ok it would prob be a Mon or a Wed.

Then after seeing her fb posts, and sort of thinking of some of my first impressions, it seems she is a bit mad kooky. And where she doesn't offend me, in the nicest possible way I am not sure she is like me. And I don't really want to go. DH would say, don't go then. But for me is more complicated, I don't want to offend or hurt her feelings (as I have said is a small community), or again, look snotty. And, as you know I am a
Christian and I wonder if I have been put in her way for her not for me.

So do I keep putting it off and hope she forgets or
Do I go and get it over with and say " I've Come Now as I'm really busy until Christmas and won't get another chance"

WWYD

hmm sophia that's difficult. If it was me I would probably put it off for a while and then end up going. So maybe its best to go this week, make it a short visit (say you have somewhere you need to be after) and then say how busy you are until christmas so that you can keep using that excuse if she asks you again. Although you never know, it might not be so bad once you are there. I sometimes find as a mummy you make friends with people who you wouldn't necessarily have made friends with if you didn't have babies, but its something now in common.

sophia I would go, you never know she might be lovely. You could ask SIL about her though just in a oh am going to coffee with x, don't really know her, what is she like sort of thing. But I would still go, it doesn't mean you have to be best friends. If you are really too different she will feel the same and the friendship will peter out.

pidj I would love a saturday music club. I miss out on so much by working FT. The DC get loads of stuff like that at nursery bloody right given the cost of it but I would love a local Saturday class of something we could do together.

Good luck today isles and pikz.

Flouncy how is your recovery going?

I did a law degree. Chose because it took me further forward to dullsville in my career path. Not because I was interested in it. Listening to your interesting subjects, I feel dull. I am dull. Dull, dull, dull, sensible and boring. I wish I had done history or English Literature, or Classics or languages. I hate that the whole tutition fee debacle means that there will be even less learning for the joy of learning, for the improvement of the mind, for the enrichment of the soul, and instead more choosing something sensible/useful because of the cost.

Can I join the shit sleep club?

S still has his cough. How many months have I been saying this for? He's seen the GP numerous times, had a referral to trhe paeds who discharged him at the first apt because all was clear on that day - typical! Back to the GP tomorrow so check its still not chest/infection and probably get told to just keep calpol-ing. Fuck me I get through the stuff. I give S capol nearly every night.

It doesnt help with the sleep though. It's been shit for weeks. Mainly cough related. Well timed with me working like a maniac. DH is fucking useless at night. He'd sleep through a nuclear bomb. I've mentioned before how he co-sleeps with DD and I have had to wake him, from another room, because she is crying right fucking next to him? So there's no chance of him helping with S. I feel your pain VQ. It's a good job DH is more than pulling his weight the rest of the time.

So to all those struggling with sleep, flouncy, luis, YW, VQ, det - I'm here. Dull and grumpy, it would seem.

Dropped S at nursery and his keycarer asked how he was, I said he's fine, just a bit of a cough, all breezy. She remarked he hasnt been himself for a while I hate how used to this cough we are and its making me wonder whether we have been forceful enough about getting it seen?

Anyway. At work for a rest . This week is going to be shit.

Sorry for the me, me me.

all round.

zamboni

Law is not dull at all

I'm thinking of starting a degree next academic year. Here a lot of French unis do degrees by distance learning at about €300 a year, as opposed to OU which from Europe is v expensive.

If I were in the UK I'd do law or literature, but. I don't fancy studying those in french, particularly as French law really is dull. Am thinking going back to psychology. I could study that in French I think.

OR doing that bloody professional diploma I keep mentioning but I don't want that career anymore it no longer sits right.

Oh and the French distance learning degrees are full time, so takes three years. I think psychology would be the logical one to do with my interest in it and coaching etc.

sophia I too would still go. Don't concentrate on the fb aspects too much. I have a dear friend who is slighty odd on fb but is actually lovely. luckily I knew her really well before so I can just ignore her fb ramblings. Give it a go and if it doesn't work you can make excuses for the future but you might be pleasantly surprised.

Sorry to hear of continued shit times for flouncing and zamboni and vq and....... gosh there's so many. Just all round.

pr your day sounds like mine. washing and tidying and washing and repeat to fade.

Good luck at work today Pikz and Isles!

Nursery drop off with no tears (we distracted him with a toy pull along alligator and I snuck out with a jolly "bye") and only one night waking so a better start to the week than I'd dared hope. I went to bed at 10 so got nine hours sleep . Still shattered though.... Am still going to book the docs as I'm sick of him suffering with his reflux since the fookin MMR.

Sophia I'm weird and ranty on FB and a smidge less weird and ranty in real life (but muuuuuuuuuch more weird and ranty in my head!!!) I'd go early this week to show willing and then use Christmas as an excuse. As others say her FB persona might not be a reflection of who she is as a pal.

I'm really chuffed to discover one of my playgroup Mums is another avid traveller. We're meeting up for coffee and a natter about travels rather than just babies!

Zamboni i would give my eye teeth for an accountancy qualification right now. You are not dull, you made the right choice

all round

VQ that does sound like L's reaction to MMR.

Zamboni I totally agree about joy of learning and of course will be happy for L to choose his own direction. But tis hard to be approaching our 40s with no real sense of financial independence or security. So it would be great if he wanted to do something that at least had a balance between being interesting/fulfilling and also allowed him to build a life for himself in the future. At the moment though I'm just happy for him to potter about hitting bricks together.

Thanks everyone for the kind words. Recovery is going ok although coughing and sneezing are painful and cause me to bleed. Im sure I need further surgery but won't give details as probably way way TMI!!

WRT to Js sleep, we have been told that the only thing they can suggest is we get tough and do CC or something but I really don't feel that will help at all. He won't go to sleep on his own and wakes a million and one times all night. He cries on waking and mostly settles within a few minutes of being cuddled but it means we co sleep which neither me or DH want. His cot is beside ours with a side off so sometimes we can get him in there for a few hours a night but more often than not he's just in beside us. Not ideal post op and since I can't lift him or move him etc DH is doing it all. He has managed to give us an hour of our evenings back as he's been putting J upstairs after his bottle and he falls asleep beside him and DH can transfer him into the cot. He then comes down for an hour before we go up to bed. Again this isn't ideal, we have a baby monitor on and DH runs up when he hears J wake but technically j could crawl out of the cot, onto our bed, across the bed and fall on the floor if DH didn't get up soon enough. I don't know what to do anymore as no one seems able or willing to help us. HV just said do CC as did consultant . If he was falli asleep with us and sleeping all night then I'd consider something to help him learn to fall asleep himself but he's not. Nowhere near it. Last night he woke 5 times before we went to bed and at least 5 during the night. So 10 times minimum between 10.30pm and 8am. Not good is it. I just don't know what we're going to do. His reflux is supposedly controlled so I don't think it's that, it's not a painful cry anymore. As you can see that's all a rambly garbled mess. This is why I don't post about sleep issues as I go on and on and on and on and on and on..... You get the idea!! I would love to be on here complaining about one or two wake ups but nope I don't think he will ever ever sleep through!!!

flounce if I were you (obviously I am not and you can tell me to pxx off if you so wish but I am just coming from a point of wanting to come and make it all go away with my snow fairy wand) I would move him out of your room, go for a stricter than strict routine In the day, no more than 2 1/2 hours sleep and no sleep after 3 pm, and an element of cc at night and stick at it for 5 days. Strictly. And see what happens. (Also obviosuly you may have a stricter than strict routine during the day but I don't know) I have done this with 4 children successfully and though, as much as the next person I know how, they are all different, it has worked. some people don't really agree with how I do things and that is fine we all have our ways, but going with a routine that creates structure and security and stacks of love seems to be working ok at the mo

I am going to take everyones advice and go to tea this week some time with an open mind. I could have gone today but O is streaming with snot and has v heavy eyes so I think we will stay put. Maybe try later in the week.

Flounce I think I'd try what Sophia suggests given that cosleeping isn't getting you the sleeping through you all need. But I say that as someone who has only tried CC once and couldn't hack it so totally understand if it's not feasible for you. Maybe whilst DH is helping you should try it again for five nights?

I have to agree. At least if you try it and it doesn't work you will be able to get past people advising it iyswim. But you do need to give it five to seven days and be really firm with yourself.

sophia I can see your argument I really can. However j doesn't nap during the day much, if at all really, except in bastarding ikea or when faced with a haggis meet. If he does nap it's a twenty to thirty minute nap on someone's lap. The CC thing we tried, albeit for two nights, and he just screamed and ramped up louder and more angrily until he was choking almost. I mean he cried literally for 1hr 40 mins until I went in and cuddled him and I cried too. Nowhere on the web does it say you can have them crying that long, every website I found said 'some babies may cry for up to an hour' but most fall asleep well before then. It's difficult too as DH is doing it all so we can't even take turns and take the pressure off. The cot being in our room means DH gets more sleep than if he was up and down to Js room all night. the other small problem is that as we have no kitchen Js room has become the dumping ground for all kitchen implements , pots, pans, glasses etc and about a million bin bags of crap!!

Secret Santa complete.

My rules

Up between 6 and 7
Beaker of milk together with breakfast
Snack at 9 (fruit and cheese or similar)
Lunch at 11:30
Bed anywhere between 11:45- 12:15
Sleep till around 2 (sometimes wakes up at 1:30ish)
Snack (bit of wheaten bread or cake if he's lucky)
Tea anywhere between 4 and 5 depending on what we are doing
Bath about 5:30 on 3 days
6:20ish milk
6:45ish toast or crumpet or weatabix
7:10ish bed
Sleep
4 am ish cough cough cough
Sleep.
6ish cough cough cough sometimes wakens sometimes goes back to sleep.

Sometimes stuff is happening and sometimes stuff goes wrong. So..on
Thursdays we have a family group 12:30-2:30 he won't sleep in his buggy while I do stuff with DS1 so he sleeps in the morning about 9:30 - 10:30/45 and then I let him have a cat nap in the car on the way home for about 20 mins.

If he doesn't sleep at lunchtime (which is rare but not unheard of) I give him 20 mins whinge time then I would get him up and try again about 2 ish but keep it to an hour.

I have to say it is based on the GF stuff which I did quite strictly with DD1 and then just tweaked and adjusted every time another body joined the family. I suppose the routine theory is the same.

I always thought that when you have subsequent children is not that you know what you are doing as they always throw new stuff at you and I don't believe anyone knows it all, but you get more confidence in trying different stuff and if it goes wrong trying something else.

Gosh. Am at the lectern today. Sorry. Is only recently that I am thinking ...yes! I have been ok at this parenting malarky and felt quite good about myself. (Someone made a comment to my dad when he was over, was only a small one, but made me feel much better about myself in the mother capacity)

Sorry, don't mean to be blowing my own trumpet. My ex h used to tell me everything that went wrong was my fault or snatch the bumped child off me to comfort them when they fell over which made me feel like I actually was really rubbish at everything. It has taken me 5 years to start building my confidence in myself up and stop believing everything I do is wrong or is the root of the problem and apologising for everything I do.

Soph impressed with your routine. H eating habits are all over the place. Some days he won't anything other then cake or biscuits! Which then mess up our routines.

A slept in his cot for an hour. And OMG that hour alone in my bed was bliss. Such a good sleep. Then the crying started. Lol

sorry your having such bad sleeps () I know I'm having no sleep either. But I have a NB so I can't complain.

Flounce, H reacted very well to CC, (implemented by fh when i had spd and couldn't go to H) and I found it very hard. So can't imagin the heart break of over an hour of crying.
However if the consultant is suggesting it maybe do it just to tick the box and say ok we did it, what nxt...

Hugs to everyone. Again just because I'm just in a needy/huggy mood I think.

NEW THREAD: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1927883-November-2012-Oh-Christmas-tree-oh-Christmas-tree-your-ornaments-are-history