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Original poster

November 2012 - Lots of mummies going back to work

999 replies

StuntNun · 29/05/2013 12:05

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1761048-November-2012-Weaning-is-messy-fun-what-does-your-baby-eat

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ChasingDaisy · 01/06/2013 19:47

Thanks MM. I know that the line has been crossed and that it should be the end. I just find it very hard to make the break. I should have stuck to my guns last time it happens. When it happens again, and I know it is a when not if, then I need to make sure I take decisive action. That sounds ridiculous as obviously I need to take action before it happens again. Sigh.

ChasingDaisy · 01/06/2013 19:48

It helps to hear about people's lovely relationships. Particularly YW and Luis & MrsG. It shows me that it is possible. But also makes me feel sad.

PennieLane · 01/06/2013 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PetiteRaleuse · 01/06/2013 20:05

chasing my ex got more and more violent. The first time was a slap across the face. The second time was pushing me into his car and not letting me out. The third time was grabbing my arm so hard it was covered in bruises. Etc. The last major event put me in hospital, and my face was so badly bruised I was unrecognisable. And even though during that beating I honestly thought he was going to kill me I still didn't leave. Won't go into how and why he finally crossed the line but my point is this:

Abusers, whether emotional or physical or sexual don't change. They don't get better. They only get worse. That is a fact, a promise. And as their victim life becomes so lonely as you lie for them (my family think I was mugged) and friends can't make you see sense so back off. So in the end you think that life with them is all you have, and can't see a way out.

You need to step off that very slippery slope before you are in a position where you wonder if next time he'll kill you. If not for your sake then for O's. I hope I'm not overstepping the mark by saying this but it is from concern and a real belief that You Deserve Better. I wish you'd believe that too.

YellowWellies · 01/06/2013 20:12

MM it so reminds me of my ex.

When things were good it was amazing - think being jetted off to the Caribbean for Valentines, Michelin starred restaurants, lobster, champagne, skiing, him filling a room with rose petals and candles, proposing on the beach where Odysseus and Penelope were reunited.

But I couldn't trust him - he didn't cheat but he lied, he was in massive debt and got me in debt (he'd never commit to buying a house basically because his finances were fucked), he looked after no. 1 first always, he'd regularly fuck off to the pub and leave me with his daughter, by treating me so bad he made me feel worthless so I was more easily controlled and he made me constantly worry that I didn't deserve him and that one day he'd cheat or find someone better.

The good times were amazing but actually in hindsight quite shallow and materialistic. He made me feel that I'd have an opulent life with him, that we were somehow superior to the rest of the proles. It was all mind games. I was a young naive girl (21) and he was playing the role of the sophisticated older man who I daren't lose. Walking out on him was the hardest thing I've ever done but worth it. I wouldn't have what I have now.

The only bar you need to set is honesty, respect, kindness and thoughtfulness. It feels much better than lobster. And better still you can have all that AND lobster. Smile

ChasingDaisy · 01/06/2013 20:17

Not overstepping the mark at all PR, I appreciate you being so honest. I actually wondered last time, as he had his hands round my throat, if he would end up killing me. After each incident things get better, but then each incident is worse. It can't get much worse than last time.

Donnadoon · 01/06/2013 20:18

High fives and hugs dont care if they are not mumsnetty to PR and YW

ChasingDaisy · 01/06/2013 20:19

I don't feel like I deserve better but I certainly want better. But then I also feel that I've made my bed now by having a child with him. Leaving would be such a huge thing, with huge consequences for O and I'm just not ready to make that leap.

YellowWellies · 01/06/2013 20:24

Chasing don't compound it and have two if you feel trapped. And whilst it feels like such a big thing - remember millions of women do it every day. Just do it before he hurts O or gives him a graphic image of how Daddies treat Mummies xx

ValiumQueen · 01/06/2013 20:44

PR yes indeed, she was squishy. She is fine, and no marks.

Well done Pennie for losing the weight.

My biggest fault is that I am an all or nothing kinda person. I either eat really well or really badly. I cannot have just one piece of chocolate for example. Or at least I find it really hard. But I find it easy to moderate what I give the kids. I have a history of eating disorders and have weighed less than half what I weigh now. I do not want my kids to suffer as I have.

Pikz · 01/06/2013 20:46

YW you are so right you can have it and lobster.

My ex had me up against a wall by my throat the day I walked out. I remember driving go my mums and she said why did you leave him and I said because I had no idea who I was anymore. I never got to be me.

It was the day I learnt being in a relationship can be lonelier than being alone.

Chasing and MM you will both make your own decisions but remember who you are and decide if your relationship is not just safe and non abusive but let's you be you.

RaquelGarcia · 01/06/2013 20:52

"I actually wondered last time, as he had his hands round my throat, if he would end up killing me. After each incident things get better, but then each incident is worse. "

chasing MrsG here breaking cover to say do not even consider having a second child with this man! PR summed it up nicely in her eloquent post. He is NOT going to change and you and O definitely deserve better.

re-lurking now

Pikz · 01/06/2013 20:58

waves at the awesome MrsG!

ValiumQueen · 01/06/2013 20:58
ValiumQueen · 01/06/2013 20:58

X post Smile

Pikz · 01/06/2013 21:01

Jinks!!

ChasingDaisy · 01/06/2013 21:04

Hi MrsG! You sound lovely. Please don't feel you have to lurk Smile

PurplePidjin · 01/06/2013 21:05

Chasing the invite still stands. I can wave at your old stomping grounds from here, with all the happy memories and have a friendship group ready for you to slot into - we're actively looking for mums to invite to stuff, to counter PND etc. Very mixed group and you wouldn't be the only one going it alone.

MrsG I hope you and MrG are free for coffee soon, i know how J likes Big Boats Brew

I lost 2st between last summer and getting pg (kicked the anti d's in favour of the gym) and was down to 11st with a target of 10st7lb. I'm about 11st7lb now although haven't weighed for a good few weeks. I'm assuming at least 1/2 a stone of it is milk Wink my 14 jeans are getting very loose but i haven't braved my 12s yet for fear of disappointment Blush my boobs haven't changed size so i never get below a 12 anyway. I do a fair bit of walking carrying a 14lb baby so my fitness is good, just need to keep off the cake. I try not to snack but get really hungry so not sure if it's a good idea or not?

PetiteRaleuse · 01/06/2013 21:05

MrsG have you been lurking all this time?

PetiteRaleuse · 01/06/2013 21:09

Good weather brought the tourists out today. My walk with the dog round the village took twice as long as usual as everyone stopped us to pat him. What is it about goldies that makes even people who don't like dogs stop and say hello?

ChasingDaisy · 01/06/2013 21:27

No fear of biting PR. Very friendly looking dogs.

Passmethecrisps · 01/06/2013 21:28
BigPigLittlePig · 01/06/2013 21:29

We're going away for 3 nights to my parents. It's like mobilising a small army. I can't even imagine doing this with multiple offspring, for longer.

I feel honoured that MrsG has delurked Grin

MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 01/06/2013 21:29

Waves to MrsG

chasing you owe yourself and O more than what you have now. BPLP said it before, but sometimes it is better for a child for their parents to separate. DSD would live in a miserable home if DH and his exP had stuck together for her. Now she has two happy homes, and two siblings she adores. DH and his exP won't ever be close, but they have a civil, friendly relationship which benefits DSD.

PR because they are gorgeous, happy looking, gentle dogs. We had one growing up. DPs have another now. Both beautiful, gentle souls with plenty of personality and people are just drawn to them.

sophia how much longer is DP away for?

We had a lovely day pottering at home and then the park after DH got home from work. Picnic and the beach planned for tomorrow if the weather stays good.

Sophiathesnowfairy · 01/06/2013 21:31

Hello mrsg nice to meet.

Yep to pr chasing and a w've sad you ave O to think of too.

chasing are we allowed to know your hometown?

pikz what you say about loneliness is so true. And now me and DH are what my 8 year old DD1 calls "alone together". We are quite quiet. We are readers and although we share, we are mostly companionable, and making our journey through life side by side. (DD1likes to be alone together, she loves being on her own in her room but the rest of the house full of people and hearing them getting on with stuff.)

I ramble. Am having a lovely properly on my own evening 2 yummy glasses of rosé and lemony risotto with asparagus and watercress. Have also painted toe nails.

DH back tomorrow. Huzzah. Hence the toenails!