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Success after miscarriage- Lets give thanks

508 replies

cori · 23/05/2006 10:17

I feel a little bit bad about starting this thread just now as there have been heartbreaking stories on mumsnet over the past couple of days. Ladies our thoughts are with you.

This antenatal club is particularly special, as after a long difficult nine months for all of us we are now the lucky ones who get to hold our beautiful little babies. There are lots of challenges ahead for us, of course. but hopefully we can all continue to offer support , advice and friendship during the more happy times

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Uki · 04/02/2008 11:00

Daisy - sounds like a really nice goodbye, full of energy and love. It sounded very touching

I never understand, why funerals have to be so cold and sterile. sad yes, but not sterile.
Hope you are doing OK,and dd is a good
distraction.

Mrs Mc- where are you?????? i can't find any posts from u anywhere, hope you are just enjoying LO and everything is good.

Bouncing = Hi yes they do grow quick, you nearly have a non-newborn yourself, it's hard and good to see them grow so fast

LL is in hysterics most of the day at his older brother, and he is growing up too, fast today he said while holding out his drink 'Do you want that S...(my name)' i nearly fainted. I was wondering who was talking to me, surely not my 2.5 year old, who now knows my name.

firststar · 04/02/2008 13:08

Message withdrawn

becklespeckle · 05/02/2008 14:05

Found you! Hope you are all well and LOs thriving! Glad the funeral was lovely Daisy.

Don't know where the last few weeks have gone, Evie is 4 weeks old today! Have put some pics on my profile, she's a lovely little thing!

Now I have found you all I must try and keep up with everything!

Take care all and hugs to the babies! Beckle & Evie xxx

time4tea · 05/02/2008 14:39

Daisy, sorry too for your loss, glad that there were good things in the day. it sounds as if your mum would have been proud, the special day it was gives quite an impression of the lovely lady she was. It is so important to honour these important times of birth and death, we had a lovely baptism for Torin last weekend.

the priest (who I mentioned being so helpful around the m/c) was really welcoming to all, and even I think referred a bit to the baby I lost - he had a special prayer moment for me & DH and "all their children" given that normally with 2 children you would say "both their children" I think this is what he was getting at. it was a funny feeling, part of me will never stop being sad about the mc but especially given that with the way things were timed we wouldn't have Torin without it... and knowing that we'll stop at 2 children, it seems such a relief to know that I won't have to call on that kind of courage to do it again. so it was a real festival of gratefulness for me www.kateraworth.com/torin

it's ironic but after all that time and trouble trying to have a baby the EWM seems to be on the go for about a week every month! sorry if TMI but it really is Sod's Law.

LardyMardyDaisy · 05/02/2008 22:23

thanks guys

beckle, evie is gorgeous. and yes the time goes by so quickly; I can't believe that babyboo is 8 months old today

she has two teeth (both broken through in the last week) and has managed to bite me, her brother and herself in the last few days (none of them intentional). she is also really enjoying her food, and we went out for our first real family meal on sunday (ie with her eating as well)....buffet night at the local curry house . she demolished a huge chunk of naan bread and some korma and rice. the waiters were impressed with her as they said most english kids stick with chicken nuggets and chips

hey t4t, the baptism sounds lovely ; and IKWYM about the timings. I am still incredibly sad about my two MCs, but Emily brings us such joy. I do often wonder though what those ither babies would have been like.

C'mon MrsMcJr.......we want to hear the details and see some piccies!

BT, I hope all is well with you. how is the feeding going? I saw some posts from you, but addled brain can't remember in what context . I'm still going, but getting disheartened with recurrent thrush. I was clear for about a week there, but emily has it again and I can feel the first twangs in my right boob .

Hi Uki; the using mummy and daddy's first name is a novelty for them; when they start to realise that you are a person in your own right and not just their parent. thankfully it passes; I got some funny looks telling DS in the Supermarket "I thought I told you to call me mummy when we are out"

firsty, how old is DS now? You kow I can't remember if he was born before or after Emily . We are about to move into the boig car seat; she is a little bit under 9kg but looks like she is bursting out of the little one. Covers on the big one are washed and I'm waiting for a replacement polystyrene insert (free of charge) from Britax.

phew....long post; sorry

I hope I haven't missed anyone??

Bouncingturtle · 06/02/2008 07:42

I'm glad this thread has revived! I passed the anniversary of my m/c. Felt sad but Daniel is so worth it. I look at him and think about how precious he is.
feeding is going well I think! Have had a few ups and downs, think I may have a blocked milk duct as I've had some pain in my right boob, so been massaging it, expressing to empty and using a hot water bottle, I think it is getting better as it doesn't hurt as much as last week.

time4tea · 06/02/2008 10:31

Bouncingturtle, I feel for you with blocked ducts. there's no pain like it, I found you are doing all the right things. if the boob gets red hot (literally - my boob looked like a smacked backside!)or you feel flu-type symptoms then take yourself to the Dr, might be mastitis and need anti-biotics. poor old you - take care

Bouncingturtle · 06/02/2008 12:18

Cheers for that, think I am lucky as read up on it on here so was forewarned!

firststar · 06/02/2008 12:46

Message withdrawn

time4tea · 06/02/2008 13:47

hey firststar! great to 'see you'

the photographer is a professional but also a friend, she is Lorcan's godfather's partner. she does a lovely job and is able to hire ...
www.kateraworth.com

I'm so aware of our long journeys and the little ones that we lost - and how much energy and bravery it cost us all. isn't it so worth it now - that's why I love this thread, we are giving thanks. and it is so lovely to remain in contact. Do you remember that lovely thread "Pray that this little one hangs on" and Melbournemum's niece who was born after such a long wait - I wonder how that little poppet is doing...

firststar · 07/02/2008 12:44

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becklespeckle · 07/02/2008 13:45

Daisy, can't believe babyboo is 8 months old! Doesn't seem 5 minutes ago!

BT, what does a blocked duct feel like? Had a really sore right nipple, especially while feeding, but then it cracked open and didn't hurt anymore. It is really sore again now though and am worried it will crack again.

Firsty, am not using sleeping bags, it is a cute dress someone bought for her! She is good with covers at the moment but I do love those sleeping bags so might get her some once she starts kicking them off!

*Time4Tea, sounds (and looks) like a lovely baptism, lovely of the preist to mention all your children too. I don't think you ever forget the children you lose but I am so incredibly grateful for the ones that stuck. Waiting for Evie felt like climbing the hardest and highest mountain in the world but now I've reached the top the view is incredible.

LardyMardyDaisy · 07/02/2008 13:58

beckle, have you got some lansinoh for your nipples. It's good stuff. And lots of air time will help too. some people swear by those silverette pads, but I never tried them.

Blocked ducts though feel like little pea sized hard lumps and can be anywhere on your boob. I get a frequent blockage in my left boob towards my cleavage iyswim. Lots of hot flannels, and massaging towards your nipple, especially when feeding. If it doesn't clear it can lead to mastitis, which is sooooooo sore.

becklespeckle · 07/02/2008 16:32

I have got some lanisoh, its fab and when my nipples do split it repairs them within a day or 2. Doesn't seem to do much to stop them splitting in the first place though! Was a really tiny one last time but must have been deep as Evie was taking in loads of blood - poor thing. Doesn't sound like a blocked duct, reckon it is just where nipple hasn't completely healed from initial cracking (which was really bad), DD has a very strong suck!

LardyMardyDaisy · 07/02/2008 16:58

just watch out for thrush beckle; you really don't want to get that in your ducts (speaking as a martyr to the bloody thing). Is your positioning OK? I was getting vasospasm early on and my MW corrected my positioning just the tiniest bit (her head was too far round towards my side) and within two feeds all my problems had corrected themselves.

Bouncingturtle · 07/02/2008 21:00

Daisy beat me too it!
If you're nipples keep cracking I would have thought that meant that there is a problemm with your latch.

becklespeckle · 08/02/2008 16:28

Thanks guys! Doesn't seem to make a difference when I use different positions with her so I am guessing she is latched on correctly. Have noticed also that she feeds much longer off of the bad side so perhaps it is sore because of that? I think the flow is faster from the good side as she finishes very quickly when it is that one's turn!

Can you get thrush on only one side Daisy? How would you know it was that?

LardyMardyDaisyBoo · 20/02/2008 21:10

oh, beckle, I didn't see your question, sorry.

i had a really badly cracked nipple early on which has healed, but looks odd (like an enlarged pore iyswim), and I think the thrush gets in that way. It's always only on one side, and I get pain and itchy tingling deep in my boob, towards my armpit. It atarts towards the end of a feed and is sore for anything up to a couple f hours afterwards.

I've had nipple symptoms on the left, but the deep tissue pain is only ever on the right. I looked on kellymom for the symptoms etc, and had it checked out at the baby cafe. My latch and positioning were fine, and the doctor agreed that it was most likely thrush. I got the meds and it cleared, so now I'm especially vigilant for the first signs. If I catch it quickly, cream on my nipples sorts it out, otherwise it's more oral anti fungal tablets.

thankfully, it seems to have sorted itself out over the last few weeks!

hope everyone else is OK, it's gne very quiet around here

Bouncingturtle · 28/02/2008 20:54

Over hear Daisy & MrsMcJr if you are about!

Daisy - if you Watch a thread, it will always appear in the list of Threads You are Watching.

fettleandbabyfettle · 29/02/2008 09:49

Hi girls

I too had forgotten about this thread - must try harder!!

How you all doing?

Can't believe that Toby is 5 months now - seems a life time ago all that worry!

Daisymoo - can't believe you are going to go through it all again - we'll be here with you! Hope it all goes smoothly for you.

We're pretty decided on sticking with our 2 beautiful children - I don't do pregnancy very well with SPD and OC and I can't face that worry of those first few weeks again. Just so pleased to have met my beautiful Toby, which I would never had done if I hadn't had 2 mcs. Makes it all a little bit better, I think.

Anyway, we are doing ok here. Toby is on 3 small meals a day of rice with veg or apple. and still breastfeeding every 3-4 hours as well!!! I've lost over a stone since christmas though, so I'm not complaining too much!!
Made the very hard decision to probably not go back to work. It was all going a bit pear-shaped, so decided why put myself through it. We'll cope somehow without my salary. I'm telling myself it is only a short career break and I've not told work officially yet, just getting used to it myself before I do that. So I still can change my mind if I want. But I feel so relaxed and happy at the moment!

Anyway, sorry that was all me me me - tell me how you are all doing? Sorry haven't time to read back down the read to catch up =- supposed to be cleaning the house, but having a little rest!!
xxx

Bouncingturtle · 29/02/2008 10:47

Great to hear from you fettle!
Asw to you not working, where there's a will there's a way - I'm sure you'll manage fine!
Can't believe Toby is weaning, time goes so quickly!
Daniel is doing really well, 99% of the time is a happy, placid baby.
I'm not doing quite as well, been having meltdowns and feeling anxious. HV knows and is monitoring. She doesn't think I have PND but she thinks I need extra support - because all our friends and family are so far away I feel very isolated and I find it hard to cope when DS has one of hysterical crying bouts when DH is not around. IN act I've threaten to divorce DH at least 3 times .
I keep telling myself that it will get better and I'm am so grateful or my little boy - he is the most precious thing in the world to me.
And he's now wanting Mummy again so must go!

lackaDAISYcal · 06/03/2008 21:30

This keeps falling off my "threads I'm on" so I always forget about it

Never mind, at the moment I can be found back on the Knicker Checkers thread

Actually I feel pretty about it now I've gotten used to the idea, but sheesh, DD is only 9mo so there'll be 17mo age gap.....and I'm 40 next year!

BT sorry your not feeling too great , but it's good that your HV is keeping aclose eye. I remeber those anxious feelings all too well, and looking back I can't believe how ill i let myself get before getting help. I'm off my ADs now (I stopped when I suspected I was PG), and doing OK so far, but I have lots of things to worry about (work, money, mortgages, how the hell I'm going to cope etc etc), but I'm trying not to let them overwhelm me all at once. e-mail me on daisybump at yahoo dot co dot uk if you fancy a chat off board

fettle, good to hear from you as well; I'm doing th same ith work. I'm due back at the beginning of may after taking 5 weeks hols, and then it will only be about 14 weeks before my next ML can start. I'm thinking I might see the doc about getting signed off until then, as arranging childcare etc for such a short time is pointless. not sure how happy work will be about that though!

becklespeckle · 08/03/2008 23:50

Hi all, hope you and your little ones are all well!

Fettle, you sound very content! I can't believe Toby is 5 months already! Time drags when you are pg but then really seems to fly by once they arrive doesn't it?! I too feel very glad to have met Evie, she would not be here if I had not lost the 2 I lost before her (and my eldest would not be here had I not lost my first either). It doesn't make the losses easier it just makes the pain less sharp I think.

The work thing is a big deal but if you are happy and relaxed being at home and you can do without your salary then great! I could never bear the thought of leaving mine for long periods which is why I ended up doing a couple of evenings in a supermarket. Not my dream job but it tops up the household income.

Bouncing, I'm so glad the HV does not think you have PND, good that she is monitoring you though. I think that having someone to talk to helps keep you together at times. I didn't want to say too much on the other thread but I think that sometimes when you have been through a lot to get your little one, you expect that you will be happy all the time. The reality is far from it. I find myself incredibly anxious about my baby a lot of the time and a lot of that comes from the losses I suffered before her. Also isolation does not help. I was in a similar situation to you when I had my first DS, I went from a good career with lots of friends to being a SAHM, none of my friends had DCs of a similar age and my family were a long way away. I used to go to the Health Clinic every week just to have someone to talk to and although I don't believe I had PND I was certainly depressed. Are there any toddler groups you could go to? I started going when DS1 was 1 but I wish I had gone earlier as I found it really helped me. They can be quite cliquey but if you are a bit shy (like me) then joining the committee is a good way to make friends who you may meet up with outside the group too. I have gone back to the one I went to with the DSs and although DD is too young to play it is great for me to get out and talk to other adults! Sorry to ramble on so much, just wanted to send you a hug really and tell you that it does get better x

Daisy, wow! Can't believe you are doing it all again! Congrats! I am sure that you will cope fine, just deal with one thing at a time (and keep talking on MN). A friend of mine has a 14 month age gap between her girls and she found it fairly easy and now they are older they are great friends as they are so close in age. If you put this thread on your 'watch' list it will always be about, that's what I do. In a way I still feel more comfortable with you guys than with my PN thread, you all gave me such great support when I needed it most!

Well Evie is 8 weeks old now and I can't believe how fast it has gone! Her little personality is really starting to shine through now and she is a happy little thing. The problems we had early on with her screaming all evening seem to have sorted themselves out (I am putting it down to the pro-biotic drinks I have been taking coming through in my milk as on the days when I forget and drink it later in the day she is a mare!). She still seems to sleep an awful lot but then my boys did too. She does get cross when she is hungry though and requires feeding immediately or we all know about it, she has an incredibly piercing cry! She is quite a lazy feeder though and always falls asleep which makes feeding take up to an hour at times, she does like her milk though and will drink even when full up (and then throw it back up...). She is also incredibly nosy and when awake is very alert and looking all around her, I have just bought her a mobile for her cot and she sings to it! I am doing well too and much (although not all) of the compulsive behaviour I had while pg is under control - I suspect that is mainly because I am too tired to line everything up before I go to sleep though!

Bouncingturtle · 10/03/2008 09:23

Daisy - thanks for the pep talk - you are so right about expectations of happiness.
I'm feeling better, but still low at times.
I've been attending groups with the NCT and SureStart which helps, plus meeting up with the mums I did AN classes with.
Ds is now sleeping longer at night - 4-5 hour spells now, so feeling less sleep deprived which helps!
I also find talking on here and advising people really helps - makes me feel quite positive!

Bouncingturtle · 10/03/2008 09:26

DH and I have had a talk about my return to work - I'm seriously considering going back part time in July then going full time in September, but need to talk to my work to see what they say. I'm going in on Thursday for a meeting, so hopefully will have a quick chat with my boss then. I'll probably need to set up another meeting with him and HR to discuss it further.
Just need to work out the finances.