fab feb 2011 ladies getting back in shape and sleeping till ten-yeah right!

[eggkr]

Hi all as im up first most mornings i thought id start a new thread before i bury pil under the patio

ponyo good to hear from you, sounds like you're walking through it all pretty well. Big hug to you :)

Re funeral my instinct would be for you to have someone look after A for you, you need to fully 'be' there if you know what I mean, and you wouldn't be able to if she was with you. She'd have no idea what was going on, so that's not a worry I think.

Thanks for DH comments, have just replied to original thread. You are all so right - I was a bit they are being so anti DH and making it into more of a problem than I realised. In a way I think that's good so I know this isn't right, but at the same time I'm

ponyo re: funeral. I took Alice to my Grandads funeral although that was a few months ago. I sat with DH on the aisle and gave Dh strict instructions if she started moaning he was to take her out. My Granny is very very near the end of her cancer battle so I will soon have to decide again whether to take Alice to her funeral. I think I will do the same. Having someone there who can take Anya out if you want her there will take the stress out of you worrying about her. Or have someone waiting outside wherever it is with her for the actual service. I know at my Grandads funeral I spent the whole time worrying Alice would start screeching and babbling or screaming or blowing raspberries and distract everyone and I kept worrying I would do an inappropriate laugh in reaction to her doing that. I spent the whole service panicking I would get the giggles from a noise Alice made and so I couldn't concentrate on the service. I think whatever you decide there's no right or wrong and people willl respect your decision.

Ponyo, I think I remember you being a bit about the picture . You posted about it, iirc? But now, how lovely that he did :) No, don't show her now but it will be lovely when she is older to show her.

I remember at university, I had the BEST photo of my dad on my desk. He was always tinkering about in the garage or doing bits of DIY and whatnot. This picture was of him, in his work gear, cap on his head (he always wore one) looking up at the garage roof, which he was mending at the time with a fag in his mouth. I loved that picture because it captured every single essence of him.

At the moment you will look at pictures and cry but after a while you'll be able to look at them and smile.

Tough one about the funeral - do whatever you feel the most comfortable with. No one will judge whether you take Anya or not. She won't understand the occasion. Is she likely to be noisy during the service? Maybe someone could stand at the back with her (not you obviously) if so? It might be a comfort to you to have her there, particularly afterwards.

Thanks deb and reast, reastie I thought you had taken A to your g'dads funeral not so long ago. I was thinking about having dp hold her near the side of the aisle and take her out if she got screechy but then it would prob be dp and he might not want to spend the whole time outside with whinge pants. Gah I don't know. Plus she is talking non stop now so what if she chatted through the whole thing, 'ba ba ba' etc etc

reastie some good points on that thread. This is prob unhelpful but what everyone has said makes sense, are you happy though and do you want to be with him for the next however many years? Good for you asking the questions, its a lot to face up to. Have a xx

Oh, good post from Reastie about taking A. I imagine that it would brighten people's spirits to see her there but if she wasn't then people would understand why not :)

Sorry to hear about your grandma Reastie.

Ah robin x posts, thanks :) I prob did post about ridiculous picture at xmas! I like the idea of the photo of your dad with a fag in his mouth pondering, my dad was a 20+ a day smoker and I've always liked the smell of his cigs (rothmans). Maybe you're right, it'll be nice having A at funeral for me, though that is selfish really? Its been lovely just hanging out with her today and laughing at her being funny :)

Ponyo - I feel exactly the same, I anot religious at all but I like to believe that Zoe is still with us in spirit. It is a comfort. I agree with Debka about taking Anya to the funeral.

It does sound like a panic attack you had, I suffer from them time to time. I think it's part of grief. sending you more hugs. X

ponyo fwiw I think if it is in a church they seem to have a very calming atmosphere. ALice was silent throughout my grandads funeral, just staring around the place and listening to the hymns. A few of my rellies commented they didn't even realise she was in the church . Having said that, she now walks and talks, very loudly so I'm not sure if it would now work the same. Funerals generally arn't that long. I wouldn't worry about your DH having to be out in the cold with Anya. Will you have a car nearby he could go to? Could he sneakily feed anya chocolate or some such similar to keep her quiet through the service? Food works a treat to keep alice quiet and contented

Shite sorry about your grandma too reastie, meant to put that too

Spot on blizy, like the thought of our loved ones being with us in spirit. Stupid panic attacks, it was when I was thinking about him more.

reastie hmm yes chocolate, now that could be the way to go if A does come to the funeral, good plan!

Ponyo, no it's not at all selfish! We do whatever we need to do when we are grieving. I'm sure that A would be very proud to know that she was such a comfort to her mum at her Granddad's funeral.

Yes, you could take a stash of chocolate buttons.

Thats a nice thought robin, I'll be telling her about him lots anyway so she'll know about him. Glad you don't think its selfish

ponyo u sound like you're coping ok at the mo. When my best friends father died, she took her dd to the funeral (18 months)...her SIL was there keeping an eye on the little one & meant that my best mates hubby could be there for support without worrying too much about their dd. I think my best mate found it a source of comfort that day & meant that the gathering afterwards was pretty much dominated by lots of cooing over dd....do u have a friend or similar who would be going to funeral anyway who could do same for you? I know what you mean re:photos & everything else at this horrid time... but it will get easier. You've reminded me that I need to get photos out for N of my folks & FIL for when he starts to ask questions.

reastie not sure what to say re your other thread...he shouldn't have raised his voice to dd imho & needs to recognise that the behaviour is a big issue...for both of you...you get really upset by it & he gets frustrated at the effect it then has on you both, by the sounds of things. He needs to be aware how inappropriate his behaviour/venting his anger can be but also needs to both recognise it & then want to address it. Agree with ledkr I think that maybe a chat with SIL might be worth a shout. FWIW-my parents were both very verbally abusive towards each other (& sometimes physically) & my mum would vent her frustrations in a similar way to your dh. I too was the same, & now i think thats because i saw how she behaved...even up to 1year into living with now dh.... Dh & I would just ignore each other for an hour after the 'incident', then talk about it (hard as it was). Through that I learned to control my frustrations & am now really calm (& perhaps maturity had something to do with it too)...most of my 'new' friends down south think I am one of the most patient & calm people they've ever met...much to amusement of my dsis & best mate . Dh & I never row or fight either now & haven't done since the early days...now together 18yrs....(god, half my life!..that's bloody scary!).

I have that Sunday night school night feeling as back to work tomorrow so night all!

Ponyo,you are doing do well, please tell us all about your dad. It's lovely to hear about his relationship with Anya. Re the funeral, could someone look after her during the service and you take her to the 'celebration' after. I know that I couldn't have grieved properly during my granddad funeral if the boys had been there and I felt it was my time to say goodbye to him.

Reastie, will read your thread on a minute but whatever dh does he needs to be able to talk it out with you. After years of therapy and counselling I have learnt to do that and it helps so much.

Right off to read Reasties thread, morning to all

Morning, quick post as I've got lots of things I should be doing....like feeding my children

reastie I haven't read your thread, will later. But hope you are ok this morning and big hug. X

ponyo glad you are doing ok. Have been thinking of you. I looked after my friends dd's for her at her home when it was her dad's funeral. But they were 5 and 3 so different. I then took them to the 'party' and hung around to help her with them so she could talk to people. I know A is a different age and won't understand what it happening. I think you do what you need to do and maybe have a friend on standby in case at the last min you change your mind. Take care today. Xxxxx

All I'm going to say of this morning is '2 year old, 2 raisons, 2 nostrils!!' and it is only Monday arrrrr

44me har har!!

My Monday morning comment- DH, vomit :(

44me- Dh and I are peeing ourselves laughing at Imogen. do you think you can get the out or will bar a trip to a&e?

Debka- uh oh, has he caught the bug S had?

Oh poor mrdeb hope he is better soon.

I managed to extract the raisins at home with no a&e visit blizy . Little monkey was very proud of herself and trotted up to me to show me. One was still visible so I could pincher it out with my nails, the other I managed to push back out by pressing from just under her eye and working it down iykwim. I did have to hold back the smile and told her in my best stern and serious voice that if she stuck anything up her nose again the doctor would probably have to chop her nose off to get it out! Probably not great parenting but I don't think she'll be doing it again soon!!! So funny! Thomas stuck a sunflower seed up his nose once, so I'm becoming a seasoned pro!!

44me - well done on your home surgery.

debka - I hope Mr deb is feeling better soon. If it's anything like what DH and I had, it's pretty grim.

reastie - I read part of your thread. You seem to blame yourself for so much of his behaviour and difficulties in your relationship. I think he does have some emotionally abusive behaviours based on your description, but like deb said, we don't know what really goes on in your marriage. Shouting at a little baby for crying though is really not on.

Why is MN so hateful about P&C parking spaces?

Good evening lovely Feb ladies. Not been on for aaaaages cos of nasty work computer non-privacy, and insanely busy weekends (not really busy doing impressive things, just busy trying to entertain C in shoite weather) but finally here...

Ponyo so so sorry to hear about your Dad, what a terrible shock for you all. Big hugs to you and glad that A is letting you have nice fun days with her. Re funeral I don't know what to suggest as haven't been in that situ, but above all, do what you think feels right for you, not so much worrying about what people might think etc. FWIW a friend took her 14mo to a funeral a couple of weeks ago, and she did babble through some of it, and everybody commented how lovely she was and how it reminded them that although it was so sad that the lady whose funeral it was...had died, that it is part of life, and there was the next part of life right in front of them....well that's paraphrased a bit, but that was the general gist. Having said that, if you think you need the time alone to focus on grieving etc. then let yourself do that.

reastie I read your thread in relationships. From that and from what you've posted in the past, I don't think you're in an abusive relationship, but he does sound like a bit of an emotional retard sometimes. Yelling at A is not OK in anybody's book, and I would not be letting that go until I felt he truly realised how unacceptable it was. Having said that, is it possible that he is trying to brush it off because he is mortified and knows how terrible it was, but can't fix it and can't undo it now? I just know some people don't like to go over things they regret but can't change. Having said that, he needs to assure you it will never happen again, and I do think you need to be open about how his anger in general makes you feel, and together come up with some strategies for dealing with it. You shouldn't be crying as much as you are honey, and he shouldn't be yelling as much as he is.

Everyone else helllooooooo hope you're OK and poorly babies are on the mend and poorly Mummies are being at least a little bit looked after, and the healthy ones know how lucky they are! Sorry....feeling a bit sorry for myself as we're all full of snot AGAIN, but on the whole things are good. We joined a local leisure club with a pool and have been taking C swimming which she loves, but the best bit, the cutest thing, is when I get her dressed in her pink spotty swimsuit with a little 'frill' thing around it, then when I'm getting changed, she stands in front of the mirror at the pool, pulling at it and looking at herself (vain).

She's running all over the place now, holding hands is for wimps!

Still not saying anything tho, just babble babble babble all the time but nothing of any sense (peers around slightly worriedly but not yet ready to discuss the possibility of there being A Problem).

Miss you all...
Dx

american My theory is that its all the older ones who have had their kids and are a bit bitter about new Mums. Just saying. I get really pissed off about p and c abuse haha.I would rather not have them cos they dont benefit us only cheeky fuckers who use them with no kids.

reastie It must have been horrible for you reading that thread,it did get a bit extreme. I dont think hes an abuser but he shouldnt shout at you or A and you should (if you can) be more assertive about telling him. The next time he does it why dont you take A and leave the house for a bit,dont argue or discuss it just leave. Its like a toddler. Let him take responsibilty for his behaviour without having you around to blame.

Dills was with dh today and he didnt notice that she had poohed and is now sore I must admit ive given him a bit of a guilt trip cos i hate seeing her so sore,she was really uncomfortable when i hold her and it hurt in the bath.
DEB My diet guru. I feel so much better today. I had some porridge and fruit then prawns and a small piece of granary bread and tonight a chilli with salad and avocado. I cant believe i ever got talked into low carb,no fruit alone cant be good for you.

Off to bed soon as Dills is ina 5.30 waking cycle it seems.It normally goes on for a week or two so i have sky plussed lots of stuff for us to watch tomorrow.

How you feeling Ponyo?

delia fabbo to hear from you, was thinking of you just today, working in your hellhole of an office with no MN . Glad C is doing well, she sounds adorable in her cossie :)

44me scary stuff, I'm well impressed!

ledkr you're taking the early waking in your stride now by the sounds of things, lets hope she gives you a nice surprise tomorrow. Your food sounds much more normal, I don't think low carb is sustainable or normal in the long term, bloody expensive too! At least with SW you can fill up on pasta and veg and fruit.

reastie big hug to you first of all, you were so brave posting in relationships and taking on board all the responses. My last 2pennyworth- I think DH needs to know when he upsets you. As you've said he just doesn't get when you're hurt, etc, so he needs you to tell him/show him. Show him your tears and let him know how he ought to respond- not necessarily at the time, but later when things are calmer. Best of luck xxx

Went to a ifferent sw group for weigh in tonight and I lost 3lb and got my 5.5st award! Go me!! lets not mention the galloping gutrot that cleared me out at the weekend

I think DH finally got what we've all had but of course it was so much worse for him he's actually woke me up with his groaning this morning . Lets hope it's done it's rounds now and we'll all be healthy for the summer yeah right

Hi all, hope you're all ok!

Deb, hope your DH is feeling better.

Congratulations on the successful raisin extraction, four4! :o they do get things stuck in awkward places sometimes don't they. I remember getting a bit of tissue stuck up my nose when I was little .

Lottie slipped in the bath before and chipped her front tooth. I feel so guilty that I wasn't able to catch her in time! A brand new tooth and it's already chipped :( it's straight across so I think as it grinds down you won't be able to tell. She kept standing in the bath, thinking that she was clever, I kept telling her off and sitting her back down but she slipped and she really cried, bless her.

Had quite a rubbish night last night as all of her back teeth seen to be coming through all at once. Hopefully we'll get a better night tonight.

I'm not at work this week as I don't officially start until the 8th may but I've been covering another lady who was on a school trip. I quite like it. The kids seem lovely (at the moment). The infants are so cute and chatty but I'm in the juniors and they're a bit lippier!