October 2011: Gaining teeth but still losing sleep.

[sassy34264]

hope this works! the pressure is on at 3.30am!!!!

bilb was this weeks the last one?
I haven't been on for a couple of days and took me ages to catch up, so don't remember who said what sorry.

I haven't really done the neurotic thing with mhairi but when Christopher was a baby I used to panic every time I drove past teenagers that they would throw a stone and smash the back window and I would imagine C with big shards of glass sticking into his face in my defence though these worries only started after a little shit did hit my car with a brick and only missed C's window by inches

Wedding was good, but pretty much the rest of the weekend was shit 'D'H decided he fancied a smoke on Friday and Saturday night and depression is worse than ever

Oh Edward . Is he on anything for his depression?

Glad I'm not the only one who's a bit bonkers worries so much

did you give him an ultimatum about it edward the last time? cant quite remember.
i think its really awful when he knows how much you dont want him to do it and he does it anyway. id be furious. big hugs to you. xxx

eva has had separation anxiety from about 3 months. she cries at everyone except everyone in this house, and my mum. she really really gets upset at mil!

my dp has been in a moody since sun night. wont tell me why and now im past caring. put kids to bed last night and didnt bother going back downstairs, so the upshot is, i got 11 hours sleep.

Yeah I did sassy he said its a one off but TBH I'm past caring I've told him I'm past ultimatums and he can do whatever he likes but when he wakes up a lonely old man and een his kids can't be arsed talking to him he'll only have himself to blame! He has now said that he won't do it again and will cut down on his drinking if I see in increase in either drinking or smoking now I'm not even giving him an ultimatum he'll just come back from work to packed bags!

Sorry to hear that ed

I was just saying to my colleague yesterday that I feel like I'm looking after 2 babies sometimes yesterday with DH, then I got home to find him cooking us a lovely dinner (which used to be the norm, but not so much the last few months). I think his meds are finally starting to have a positive effect (and the sunny weather helps). Hang in there ed.

Sorry ed that doesn't sound good. At least you have told him what you think and what you will do if he doesn't listen

englel fx the meds are working and you get lots of lovely dinners made!

J sometimes cries at strangers who coo at him. I always feel bad as it is often lovely old ladies! No mummy only yet, hope we don't get that as dont want dh not looking after him when he is home

sassy hope you sort out your row. At least you had a long sleep

J has started to wake earlier and earlier. I used to wake him at 7, this morn he woke at 6. He doesn't cry, just makes little noises which get louder and louder until I get him up. I wondered if it was because it is quite light in the room because I like to have the door open. I tried it closed this morn but no luck. Hoping it is a stage, but lasted over a month so think not. I know I shouldn't complain because he doesn't wake up for a feed in the night, but I am rubbish in the morning!

ed :( hope thing get better for you

fuzzzy glad S is feeling better

scheh good to hear from you, sounds like things are going well

We are home :) Op want well and W was allowed home yesterday. He still has a drain attached we have to go back in on Monday to hopefully have it removed. He's a little out of it still but is eating better at home and grinned away for a good 10 minutes when we first got him home so I think he's pleased to be back too!

sp so happy everything went well!! What has to happen next? Did you get positive feedback from the doctors about it all? Sorry, forgot that it was yesterday . To be honest, I don't even know what day/date it is half the time anymore! Can I still blame baby brain..?

ed glad you had lovely time at the wedding. Photos are beautiful . I know how you feel about the smoking. S dad is a smoker and it used to bug me big time. When he stayed with me, he would go outside to have one (no way he was smoking in the house) but I always found that there was still the smell of it in the house which I hate! Or if we were out for dinner etc. lovely meal then he would disappear for a bit to have one and I was just left. It's a very unsociable thing unless you both smoke. When I was pregnant and with him, I wouldn't be anywhere near him, during or just after! Good on you though for sticking to your guns

I think we have major teething here. She doesn't feel particularly warm but cheeks are scarlet!!! Can't imagine little teeth in that gummy smile now ha!

i think fuzzy that it isnt just normal cigs though for ed's dh- or am i wrong? obviously i dont want to get too involved, ie, giving you advice or anything, particularly as you havent asked for it! but chloe's dad did it when we were together and his problem wasnt depression, it was paranoia. it eventually turned into a full blown mental illness cslled delusions of persecution and to say it was horrendous would be the understatement of the year. he believed people were taping the phone, bugging the house, sending coded messages through billboards, advertisements on tv, newspapers, radio. etc. i ended up ringing up MIND and sobbing my heart out. and they helped me to get psychriatric help for him- which he really resented and use to tell me i was too thick to see what was going on. unfortunately this is when the violence started too. in my last year of university to top it all off. how i passed i'll never know!
so if you do want some advice, feel free to ask me sweet. x

strawberry glad the op went well. i would ask questions but i think fuzzy has covered it.

emmazed yes definately. invest in some blackout blinds they are fab! ours are only cheapish ones from ikea, but they work a treat.

Your right sassy it's not just smoking, my mum has smoked cannabis all her life so I have grown to despise it!
So far he has only had depression, and a touch of paranoia but he recognises when he's getting paranoid at least. He has said he won't do it anymore, we'll see if he means it or not.

im no depression expert, so this is purely a lay person's perspective, but i do think that people who NEED drink and drugs to get through life need to find out why. i sometimes really really really want a drink, or some chocolate etc but i dont NEED it to get through life. i always view it it as the difference between helping you cope a bit better (normal, healthy ) to being unable to function and using it like a crutch ( unhealthy and not normal) imho. my dp had to have it everyday. and he would drink too. i wouldnt let him smoke anymore and i limited his drinking as the violence got worse, but imo they just find something else. my exdp turned to porn! i can laugh now and see him for the sad get that he was, but at the time i found it very self esteem crushing (for want of a better word) he would spend hours on the comp and he even had them under categories! to my knowledge he lives alone, hasnt had another girlfriend, has no friends and has probably increased his collection somewhat! sad f*@!

'my exdp had to have it everyday'. not my now dp who has never tried it. he's too sporty to try smoking -thank god.

I'm so naive

But yeah, what sassy said. The first step though is realizing yourself that you want to stop and for good. Your dh Obv isn't at that point yet ed

Oops, finding it hard to catch up!

ed I'm sorry you have to cope with that from DP, it's just not on. I grew up around it and my mom smoked for years - it wasn't until she got emphysema that she quit about 10 years ago. Thankfully she was never paranoid with it but it's destroyed my uncle's life who is now basically a hermit.

I really hope things work out for you x

Thanks everyone, sassy if I'm honest I can see H going back to it and becoming exH he would never dare get violent with me as he knows that not only would I not stand for it but I'd tell his entire family who would all be on my side. SIL already knows he was smoking before Xmas when he said he'd stop, I haven't told her that he had one the other night but she has said that if he starts smoking again she'll disown him.

When he does it he doesn't do it every day Friday night was the last time hopefully, although he was texting my mum asking for it after the wedding on Saturday. He was drinking 4 out of 7 nights last week though and got through a bottle of vodka in that time. And he has turned to porn/poker/gambling in the past so I think your right sassy in that he'll always find something else.

to my cynical old self ed it sounds like he may be dancing a slightly different dance, but its to the same tune. sorry. x

and the ending is always the same- the only difference is the length of time/years it takes to get there.

ed hasn't he just started cbt? If so its common for mood to take a nosedive as therapy dredges up bad feelings, but the person hasn't yet developed the tools to cope with them- that's what the ling term goal of cbt is.

All well here. One lady on leave, the other self discharged so I'm the only one here! C had banana for brekkie (yum) and will have the usual apple, carrot puree

And broccoli finger food for tea! Tried a bit of Apple puree for lunch but not afan.

DS is asleep in his basket and not in the bed next to me. In addition DD is also napping :). Two whole hands to MN do what I want.

Penguin you can come up here and help me

Bloody hell Ed in my very lay-person-ways it sounds terrible (sorry don't want to drag you down). It definitely sounds like he has an addictive personality. Whatever the outcome tbh I do think you have to stick to your guns because otherwise where do you draw the line? He has had chances/opportunities in the past from you, wasn't the last time just around Christmas so it's not that long ago?

You seem such a lovely sunny person from your photo's it would be awful to think you would be dragged down too. I appreciate it's not cut and dry with babies and being married. I hope you sort it one way or another anyway.

Jnice it's probably quite amazing that your Mum managed to quit "normal" smoking then. It seems that even with such an illness as that people cannot stop once they are addicted to stuff - look at George Best.

I remember a friend's Dad when we were at school had depression, they had no mirrors in the house (because he had some issue with seeing his nose) and in the end he killed himself in the garage with a hosepipe connected to the car. It's good that your DH's are getting help Ed and Engel depression seems such a complex illness, it really does.

Strawberry he will probably feel better being at home than in the hospital anyway, hope he is feeling perkier for some lovely yummy dinner tonight :) (or maybe a pudding) ;)

Ed sorry I must have missed that it was cannabis. Hopefully the CBT will help, but I think Sassy gives good advice, it would be a dealbreaker for me if he's promised before.

Strawberry so pleased W's operation went well, you must be so relieved.
Is that it for him now or does he have to have another procedure?

PA yay for two hands

Sassy are you and DP talking again?

What does CBT stand for...? Or am I being dim again...?!

Cognitive behavioural therapy. Teaches you how to understand how and why you react how you do, so that you can make changes as need be.

i assumed it stood for cognitive behavioural therapy, but not 100% and i must have missed the bit when ed said he was having it, cos ive never seen it mentioned.
i personally havent got the patience or the energy to put up with any kind of shit any more. (i told dp to pack his bags and move in with his mum yesterday, over his moodiness-so point proven!) so i would have give him an ultimatum and then followed through.
but, if i hadnt spent years having the sympathy/empathy knocked out of me, i would probably give him time to get help. but that doesnt mean i wouldnt necessarily chuck him out in the meantime. i think it does them good sometimes to see what they risk losing. it can work the other way though and have them spiral downwards. but to be truthful, i think you and your dc's wellbeing is more important and thats what should be paramount, not him.

yeah pebble we are talking. i just said to him today 'have we finished with the moodiness then' and apparently we have.

i dont think he's very well actually. he had just watched twins while i went for dd1 from band practice and he says he feels cold, achey and sick. hes not ill often and not a typical moaney bloke when hes ill, so he must be pretty bad. im thinking- damn- i probably wont be able to go the gym now.