April 2011 - silence might be golden but the April ladies are diamond so chat on

[GlaikitFizzog]

Ta Dah!

Good luck mrAli

We have fixed stair gates- a few holes in the wall is nothing and you still have the whole width of the doorway to get through - not to be sniffed at when you are lugging things about.

We have a gate into the kitchen ( our kitchen is badly planned out and the oven is floor level) and one at the bottom of the stairs. With ds2 I let him tackle the stairs when I was confidant that he was steady enough to deal with them. I started putting him on a step about 3 treads up from the bottom and always taught him to come down backwards, on his tummy and feet first. He then progressed to shuffling down them on his bottom, then finally he walked down them.

Sorry I never made that clear in my 1st post, SILs parents are seperated and live apart so she is only leaving DN with her mum (or her SIL). Don't think her dad has seen her yet. A few of my friends I've spoken to have also mentioned PND but there is something telling me it's not that?! Not sure why and I guess you can suffer in different ways.

I had thought about speaking to HV as we likely have the same one although she won't tell me who hers is But I thought it might seem as though I was interfering. My mum has other issues with her too re: the way she is caring for DN. Up until this week she hadn't been using the bottle brush to clean bottles and DN had only been bathed 3 times in 4 weeks. She was also making up formula feeds incorrectly and when my mum pointed these things out (sympathetically) she didn't seem unduly concerned about it all. If I didn't know her I would be inclined to think she was just incredibly relaxed about everything but I know that she's not like that normally.

This will probably make me sound really terrible but I'm not her greatest fan anyway and she is just really a funny kind of girl. She can be quite manipulative where DB is concerned and I think she see's DN as competition for his attention. He doted on her while he was here and did everything for her, feeding, changing etc etc. Think that might have put SILs nose out a bit. It's just a really tricky situation. None of us wants to speak to DB as he will almost certainly tell her what has been said and it's difficult to speak to her as she's very unapproachable. My mum is really upset about the whole situation and is worried that if there is any kind of confrontation she will stop us from seeing DN altogether :(

Ooops and good luck MrAli :)

It all sounds awful mrsw. you are In a no win situation by the sounds of it. Could it possibly be because your db bonded with baby that your sil didn't and maybe detached herself? It could also be what you said. It's usually the husband that feels left out but if she is of that personality it could be the same thing? [hugs]

Sounds a tough situation MrsW. I personally would be of the opinion that the baby's health and wellbeing comes first. So if that means pissing SIL off, so be it. That baby relies on others to care for her and not making up feeds correctly or safely has the potential to be very dangerous.

If you think the way she is behaving is out of character then it sounds like it could well be PND - although it is unusual ( but not unheard of) for the baby to be neglected (whether that be in the loosest or most serious sense).

Maybe approach her and talk about you being worried about HER, don't mention her dd and your concern for her care. Make it all about HER. Maybe this approach will be more useful?

I have got a cold. Grrrrr.

Off to the soft play place this morning, then M is off to his Granny's for the arvo.

I feel a name change coming on. I have a friend on here who i dont trust to keep an eye on me for news. She outed me at 6 weeks last time and despite me making it obvious since then that i was not amused she still looks for signs and i cant say anything without a raised eyebrow or even being asked! So any suggestions for my new name?

Detatched is definitely the word I'd use to describe her relationship with her DD Kitty

ILTMI My mum was of the same opinion - that she had to say something about the bottles etc as it was dangerous and she was at risk of making DN ill. She also used the term negligence which at first I thought was a bit heavy handed but now am not so sure. The person that needs to speak to her primarily is my mum as she is the one who's seen what's going on but she struggles to get her point across sometimes without getting too upset about things. DBro is home this weekend so we'll see what's said then, my mum might just speak to him instead. I would like to speak to him about it but I once intervened between him and a girlfriend in the past and it resulted in us not speaking for 6 months so I'm kinda loathe to get involved this time. Anyway as it turns out SIL and DN have both been staying at her mums for the last 3 days so my mum now thinks she's avoiding her!!

Might need to go for a name change myself Kitty as I know SIL sometimes cruises MN, although isn't a member but I can't be 100% sure that she wouldn't know where to look for me and my name would give me away to her!!

Thanks for all the good wishes for DH - I will report back! :)

MrsW - I would have a chat with your brother. In a lot of cases with PND, mums actually care meticulously for their babies even though they struggle to bond emotionally, but it sounds like your SIL is really in a bad way if being so lax about bottles etc isn't what you would expect from her. How sad and stressful for you all, I really hope you can sort it out.
Perhaps if your DB knows what is happening he can push to get a quarter sooner? SIL would perhaps be better if she had her own place and her own routine - sounds as if she is perhaps scared of being a parent and hasn't really taken on the responsibility yet because she is moving about from one house to another?

kitty why are some people so bloody rude and nosey? Do they not have their own lives to worry about? I have no idea for a namechange, it took me long enough to come up with this name for myself!!

Kitty, what about OutMeAndDie?? gets your point across I think

I'd go the HV route *MrsW. There's no need for your SIL to know it was you but bit mum and baby clearly need some support.

I too get at indiscreet friends. At a recent lunch with longstanding friends I noticed some telltale signs in Friend A, but said nothing as I guessed she was waiting for the 12-week scan. Friend B, however, decided to pounce on her not drinking and loudly asked A, 'Are you pregnant then?!'.

She was six weeks and, now past the 12 weeks, it's fine, but I couldn't help saying 'Well I did wonder, but I assumed it was early days and didn't want to pressure you to tell us...' with a cats' bum face at Friend B.

Good luck MrAli :)

Yes I got asked by a colleague-of-DH's when pg with ds2 about 8 wks if I was pg. I lied then I did apologise to her later on when we went public, but really she shouldn't have asked.

MrsW - seems such a sad situation. Definitely think the 2 houses situation isn't helping.

I got rumbled early on when I was pg too and got really upset that basically a whole group of people knew before I'd had a chance to announce it! I even went to the extremes of drinking a bottle of water "vodka" on a girly night in and still the person in question guessed! I lied to her too but she wasn't fooled, don't even know her that well either! I'm hopeless at spotting it in other people usually but weirdly guessed that a friend of DPs was pregnant before Christmas and it was announced last week, of course I did the respectable thing and didn't write "I knew it!!!" all over facebook!! Next time I won't be breathing a word to a single soul! Well except maybe you guys

Fizz Think that name is fab, can u invent me one?!

Have asked my mum to come up this avo to discuss SIL might suggest speaking to HV and maybe DBro too when he's back. Thanks for all the advice :)

Better go, R is trashing the TV unit for the billionth time today!

How about IamNotWhoYouThinkIam MrsW?

Bloody Brilliant fizz [applause]

Really! I was only joking, I thought it might be a bit passive aggressive if you are recognised!! Still if you are happy wiht it I'll take all the credit!!

lol. There lies many an appraisal ;). Nothing therapy didnt help.....
She doesnt take hints. She was giving unwelcome advice to one of MY friends on FB and i kept saying she doesnt want advice, just to vent, and she said yes she does or she wouldnt vent and repeated herself. Said friend DIDN'T want advice. She did this to another friend of MINE when her DS was in intensive care after birth, more unwelcome advice! I had to text her to back off. She means well but reads people wrong and sounds patronising. (She knows my friends through me and the odd gathering they have all been at)

So should we call you OutMe or Die or OMAD??

Can I ask a question please? B has single lines over both his palms like this. The paed noticed in hospital and went a bit cock-a-hoop calling the consultant down to examine him, and generally scaring the shit out of me. They then came to speak to DH and I about their concerns re the single lines when DH showed them his left hand as he has the same thing only on one hand. Well since then I've kept coming back to it and worrying it might be something and last night DH said the same. We are being paranoid aren't we, but I just can't forget the fuss the paed caused when she noticed it and then the "oh that ok then in DH has it, see you then, bye" we got after she scared us half to death.

OutMe or Omad are fine.

Hmm has it ever caused dh any prob's? If not I wouldnt worry? But if u are no harm getting another opinion!

Ta Dah!! No-one will recognise me now!! Except my mum, who is now stalking the thread I miss my old name tho :(

Ehhh Fizz you've just blown my cover!! lol

wait, I'm confused already...

this is why people have spreadsheets, isn't it!

Oh, yep, thank's Fizz! (and the prize for least observant goes to...)

Can I join namechange-gang? I've been feeling like a springtime change for a while.

Not that I share anything exciting on here, just ranting much like RL

As you were!

that wasn't very secret now was it You see, this is what chronic sleep deprivation does to a person.

(and now I'm talking to myself)

I'm not happy, I'm trying another less bleedin obvious one...