October 08 - the 3 year old thread.

[CantSleepWontSleep]

New thread just for you star!

Well, hopefully not just for you, or it could get a bit boring talking to yourself .

I take my hat off to anyone who can deal with a 3 year old and a baby. Maybe it's just M but I am utterly convinced that if we had another baby she would be so jealous she would eat it.

Pistachio - I agree with Myjob, it sounds like you are doing fabulously well. You have LOTS on your plate, three small people to look after and all that work. I hope you are remembering to look after yourself too.

Ronshar - I TOTALLY agree. Consistency and an iron will are required when trying to get anything across to either of my two. DS is very very good at that pleading 'the world will end unless you let me playing the the wii/stay up late/watch telly" but he gets the message in the end most of the time. M has just started "It's SO unfair" to everything which I remember very well with DS.

Myjob - Hmmm, she's not been great today. She is however, a source of much amusement to others. :D I don't imagine that I would ever have had a quiet, obedient, calm daughter. She was always going to be a demanding stroppy madam of the highest order. She has me as a mother after all. MAKE the GP see you.

Q asks for a baby sister all the time.
Pistachio I think you're doing amazingly well! I don't know how you do it, tbh.
Myjob I hope you feel better soon. Sounds horrible :(

Csws we just have a basic laminated strips of paper with 5 boxes on each that I made myself. No words or pictures just the boxes. When he earns 5 stickers he gets to choose something from the "surprise bag" ( tiny little treats like chocolate balls in foil, a little car, buttons...etc). at first he got stickers for most everything positive and they have become progressively less frequent. It's working. And sticker charts have never worked for him before.

He still tries it on but when he doesn't get his sticker he learns.... Even though he says he doesn't want it anyway! Arghh.
He is SO stubborn. He will just refuse to do things sometimes and it is frustrating because he won't no matter what. And if I make him by physically doing it for/with him hand over hand, I feel like he likes that. I dont want him to get away with not doing it nor do I want to give in to washing his hands for him, for example! Suggestions?!

Hi 50ft! :)

Hi Ronshar :) Help. I want to be that no-nonsense parent. I do try but Q is stubborn. My cm said he's doing it there now sometimes, too not nearly like he does with me, though!

Hi Star - M is a few days younger than Q, you are welcome to take her as a 'baby' sister. :D I have no helpful advice for the stubbornness. All 4 of us in the family are stubborn, me probably the most so I think I just use my superior stubbornness to crush Ms as it doesn't take MUCH to get her to do what she needs to. :-/

Myjob - Ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, poor M. Looking like her mummy! VERY glad to hear you've seen the GP and have appropriate drugs. Hope it clears up quickly.

I forgot to add that M is BOSSY! Oh my goodness so bossy. She goes to nursery one morning a week and already has a reputation. I went to collect her last week and she had her back to me. Another small girl was banging a drum. M shouted "No! Stop that now! You need to be quiet and be careful!" Eeek! I said "Oh you are SO BOSSY" and the nursery staff member in the room did big head nodding in agreement. Oh dear.

HP. The trick is too pick your battles carefully. If Q is using the handwashing refusal as he form of mummy control then give in. It isnt that important (to most normal people ) and if he doesnt wash his hand before lunch a few times it isnt going to do any harm and he will realise that sometime you are not going to fight.
eg. I have zero tolerance for non hand holding while crossing the road but if W is kicking up about brushing his teeth I wont force him because I know that I will give them an extra brush later.
Or W favourite control method is clothes. He get one chance then I choose. He gets one chance to dress himself then I do it. I try to give hom lots of opportunities to do things for himself but if it is taking too long or I think he is taking the mickey then I do things for him. He is mostly independant now anyway, so if I have to do something for him he really hates it.

50ft. I too have bossy children. I often pick W up from nursery to witness him ordering another child out of the police car! With force if he feels it is necessary. The staff always tell me they have to watch him the whole time because he is like always up to something! sigh. Boys are a pain in my butt.

He doesn't refuse hand washing with me. He does with cm once per day and has done once now at preschool
He needs to do what he's told. If he's allowed to get away with not doing as he's asked he's happy because he doesn't want to do it and will only Learn that if he doesn't want to do something then all he has to do is refuse, surely?
I agree with pick your battles and I need to get better at that - definitely. But it won't work for these situations where he needs to do as he's told.
If he won't put his shoes on, he won't care about wearing none even if it's cold/wet. He also won't care if he's not allowed to walk...etc. he can be THAT stubborn.
He is most of the time, absolutely lovely. But about 15% of the time, so stubborn and it drives me to total confusion.

Ronshar - also, with the clothes. I do what you described. But then he kicks and squirms and screams and spreads his knees ( clever monkey!) and makes it incredibly difficult to get the clothes on. It's really horrible
I just plod on and get them on him (but when this happens, it IS a struggle!). I tried leaving him in his PJs. He isn't bothered at all. Really.

I stay calm. I speak calmly (98% of the time!) - But it doesn't stop him when he gets in a stubborn mood.

I agree with you, pistachio, however there are some things he just needs to do because he's expected to do them. When he becomes an adult he will have certain things expected of him in a work environment and with family...etc.

Hey all, I've finally decided to give up on the sertraline ADs, theyre just not working and are making me paranoid to boot. So I need to wean off them and find an alternative. GP said only 2 alternatives - one I tried with pops before sertraline and they didnt work, the others are "very addictive" and mOst people have problems getting off them She's looking into it further anyway but I'm cutting down on the sertraline in the meantime.

I'm sorry to read so many of you are/ have been feeling so low, I blame the time of year, I bloody hate it when the clocks go back and it's dark really early. Especially as Dylan wakes between 4 and 5 every day [sigh] hey ho.

Thanks :) I'm just frustrated with him. He was an angel today when we went into London, then when we got to natural history museum and were checking in the umbrella buggy (because buggy check in is free), he laid on the floor demanding "pick me up! Pick me up right now! I want to be carried to the dinosaurs!"
He was very in the way of quite a few people and would not get up. I didn't want to move him because he wanted to be picked up and we were telling him (calmly) to stand up and join us in walking to the dinosaurs. We tried walking away. He just got louder. And rolled around a bit (!!!???!!!)
DH finally told him that he was going to get the buggy again and if he didn't get up by the time he got his turn in the queue, we were leaving the museum. He then came running to me.
Fortunately.
However, sometimes NO threat works. I can remove privileges, treats, say early bed.... Everything and he will just not care! But if I go and force him to do whatever it is (say it's a battle that needs to be had), then I'm giving in because he wants me to do that (i.e. Carry him across the street, even if it's under my arm). arghhh.
I'm making him sound like a monster. These things really only happen once or twice per day (unless it's a bad day).

Oh and pistachio I don't know how you cope with the light/dark hours in Scotland. About 8 years ago when we camped in Edinburgh, I remember waking at around 3am to bright light and we were so confused!!

Hmm I have no advice from experience re: ADs, but I do know a few people in RL who have used the herbal approach successfully, so it's worth a shot :)

Better day today. Q keeps praising my behaviour. I'm such a good boy.

Hello just marking my place really and popping into say hi. Not much going on here really, just struggling along.

Myjob glad you are feeling better now- well aside from being sick into a tissue.

I hate these dark evenings as it makes me feel like there is less time in the day and ds bedtime comes round so soon once we are home.

50ft it's good to hear from you again. M sounds very funny and independent. You're fb status often make me smile and feel relieved that J is not alone in his demanding ways.

Just popping in too. Builders finisher this morning apart from a few stray tradesmen to finish off random bits. Phew. We got through it
Though we have a monstrous amount of decorating to do and ran out of money so no flooring anywhere! We're unrolling the old carpets and trying ot make them fit different shaped rooms...
Got to go. DH back t=with the weeks shopping..

Hi pepper! Glad the work is nearly over! Hooray!
We have a nearly fully functional new kitchen... Done entirely by DH. :)

Q really, really wants a doll for Christmas. He plays with a boy rag doll and baby girl doll at cm and the ones at preschool. He's already seen Santa (random Santa in shopping area when local town had lights switch on... Poor guy was visited by several children and looked like he was waiting for his ride home!) and asked him. Santa told him that his elves were working very hard on a special doll for him... I have John Lewis vouchers. I can't spend a lot of money but I want it to be special. He talks about it often and is working on being a very nice boy so santa will bring his special doll!

He already has dinosaurs, trains, peppa pig coming that I bought earlier in the year. I didn't see much at JL but I don't even know what I'm looking for! He wants a girl. And a baby... I'm thinking about a girl or boy rag doll and then a baby doll with plastic face and soft body? Or just one? Ughhhh.
I'm getting so fed up of searching dolls and all descriptions say, " for little girls"

Sorry to bore you all... But, any ideas?