Page 34 | Sept 10 - Now they're all one, where has the year gone!!!!!

lumpylumps · 2011-10-30T21:06:52+00:00

Sorry, I've jumped in with the new thread! Its been running through my head for the last week!

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Original poster

lumpylumps · 10/03/2012 18:36

JParkson sorry to hear you feel so bad. Its really hard being pregnant and having a toddler like Debs said. You have the added experience of the mc. your emotions and hormones are all over the place. Please do speak to people, your midwife/GP. You may be able to cope with it all now but if you've had pnd in the past they will be able to help to make sure it won't happen again. Does that make sense?!

OP posts:

cinnamongreyhound · 10/03/2012 21:39

I think you should talk to your dh some more about it JParkson, I understand that he is excited and you don't want to put a downer on it for him but he is likely to be the closest person to you and I'm sure he'd hate for you to be bottling things up. Mentioning a couple of things to him is not the same as what you have written here to us, tell him how you feel and he may be able to help. You should talk to your midwife about it too as she may be able to put some of your fears to rest but she needs to be aware that you may be struggling now or after the baby arrives.

Had a really :( moment today at a birthday party. It was the ds of a friend I went to uni with, we've known each other for 11 years now and were pregnant at the same time and the boys get on great. It's a bit more tricky to catch up since they started school in sept and she started working 5 days a week but we still see each other every month or so. Ds1 is always so excited to see him and they play so well together (last saw them in Feb half term). Anyway he wanted the birthday boy to sit next to him but he had a designated seat with a balloon so I told ds1 to go to him but he held the seat and wouldn't let ds1 sit there as he wanted his best friend from school to sit there and then said nice one when the other little boy sat down. Not really anything nasty but ds1 was heart broken and cried his eyes out, he sat opposite in the end and kept giving the other boy evil stares. Just another thing I can't protect my baby from, hate seeing him hurt like that. They played together afterwards and had a hug when we went but was still horrible.

Dss came with me on my run today on his bike, it's the first thing we've done together in ages. I used to do loads with him but as a self preservation thing I have focussed on my two and although I'd do anything for him have tried to let him and his Dad have time. It is a long story but basically his mum won't let me have anything to do with him at school/anything she has control over and when I talk to dh about things I think he should be at/try to change/have more contact over it results in arguements. How can you do everything for a child some of the time, care about everything that happens to them and then be shut out the rest of the time? Resulted in a lot of tears which is why I decided to be a bit more detached (hope that doesn't sound too cold) but it was great having him want to do something with me and think I'm a little bit cool for running :)

JParkson · 12/03/2012 10:58

Thanks ladies, that makes a lot of sense. I'm glad I've got you to talk to - I mentioned how I'm feeling on my 'due in august' thread, and no-one responded except one person, who misread my post completely and helpfully posted 'glad you're feeling better'

I will mention it to my mw - I tell her everything regardless of whether it's appropriate or not! And I'll have another chat with DH.

We had a really good weekend, lots of clearing out and rearranging things on Saturday to make the house flow a little easier when Pickle is here. Thing is, DH is really good at being so focussed, and I legged it out of the house as soon as I could, to go and arrange flowers at our church. (I hate tidying!) Sunday was a better day for me as we had family friends and my grandparents visiting my parents, so it was a big family/friend get-together. Felt really relaxed, and able to forget about how I feel when I'm on my own.

When I'm busy, and/or got everybody round me, I'm able to not think about it - I'm pregnant, people congratulate me, DH makes 'yummy mummy noises', and generally I feel good about myself.

I suppose part of me thinks I'm so settled and feel so complete with Mary being here, that I don't want to upset the balance when Pickle is born. I felt rushed into conceiving (I wanted to wait another month or two, plus I was terrified of another EP happening). I know I could have said no, but I was hoping I wouldn't get pg straight away... damn my fertile body!!

The funny thing is, DH was saying last night about how Mary has filled a gap we didn't know we had, and I wanted to blurt out, then why are we having another one?! But I didn't .

JParkson · 12/03/2012 11:08

cinnamon, I had a similar situation when DS had a birthday party and everyone wanted to sit next to him! We didn't arrange seating, it was a free-for-all, and there were a couple of kids in tears, as they didn't really know anyone else there. I felt terrible!

I can only imagine the distress you feel about DSS too; I don't really know what to say, but hope you find a way to resolve it all/get DH more involved.

Anyway. So, what's all this weight loss business about then?!

cinnamongreyhound · 12/03/2012 12:28

Maybe pickle will fill a gap you didn't know you had too JParkson?

cinnamongreyhound · 12/03/2012 12:39

I was mainly started by me as I decided in November that I had to lose weight (none of which I can blame on pregnancy as I lost with both and only put it back as I stopped bf), newmum001 started with me and others have also been joining in. I have been cutting portion sizes, reducing ridiculous binging eating crap in evenings and started running in January. Have now lost 3 stone which I'm really chuffed at but need to lose another 18lb to get into normal bmi range which is what I was aiming for.

JParkson · 12/03/2012 13:39

Sounds like a good plan! Well done for losing 3 stone so far - it took me over a year to lose mine, and that was while bfing!

I seem to be naturally lazy low-energy, and I don't go out of my way to exercise, but I do try and walk the dog to school and take a detour on the way home, and occasionally I have been known to dig my bike out when DH has the car and I need to go to the docs, or to baby group. I even take the dog out with the bike once in a blue moon. It's quite funny, he tows me for the first 1/2 to 1 mile, and then I tow him the rest of the way :o

Debs75 · 12/03/2012 16:26

JP I felt like that before having DD2. I thought our family was one with but she filled this enormous need we all had. When I got pregnant so quick with Lucy it was a complete shock and I was scared how she may mess things up and disrupt what I thought was our 'perfect family' Thankfully she didn't, she just came along and it was quickly like she was never there. Yes dd2 did suffer a bit of jealousy but apart from that things have been great, didn't stop me worrying if I had done the right thing though.

I'm doing Weightwatchers online for the next 3 months. I need to lose 5 stone all in all to get to 'perfect' weight but I want to get down to 11 which is 4 stone, it will be the lightest I have been since having dd1 16 years ago.

Original poster

lumpylumps · 12/03/2012 19:43

Evening all! What a busy couple of weeks! Lots of exciting things to report tho! We've been given a very generous gift from my Gran-in-law so we're in the process of getting quotes for a garage conversion. Its going to be a nice new play room for the boys (and dh) sofa, tv, computer eventually. I can't wait although mil & fil have had a lot to do with it & once again are sticking their noses in & treating us like idiots! There's far too much to go into to waffle on here but they assumed we would get a conservatory and "wouldn't convert the garage" Its our house and our choice!

I've also finally decided that my precious mini is too small to use for work & to take the boys to nursery etc. I'm trading it in for a fiesta flame! Still small but bigger than a mini and it has air con!

Last exciting thing, I've decided to get a cleaner. Just for an hour a week at first to do the bathrooms, floors & kitchen (the things I hate) then when Ds1 starts school in sept it'll be increased to 2 hours to do the rest of the house because I'll be changing my work pattern and working tues-fri 9.30-2.30 to fit in with the school run! Only flaw with that one is that I have to get dh to agree!

JParkson glad this thread can help. Your feeling are totally normal. I know loads of people (me included) who felt the same. Its how you deal with it that counts.

Where is everyone these days????

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sassy34264 · 12/03/2012 20:11

jpark so sorry for the way you are feeling. i hope it resolves itself soon. x

cinnamon i have a friend with a dss, and she has been through much the same thing but not cos of his mum but cos of her mil. she spent hours and hours with him as a child, his mum didnt want him and he flitted between her and his dads house and his grandmas, but had to walk away from the situation by the time he was a teenager. she has no dealings with her mil now either. it is too long and horrifying to go into but surfice to say that it ended that bad, i havent even told dp, as it is that private. its such a shame for her as she has no kids of her own and really tried to give him some stability and discipline.

lumpy not at all about a playroom! prob wont have enough toys to fill it now anyway, as jacob has climbed into the toybox tonight and poo has leaked out his nappy and gone fecking everywhere. i have had to divide a lot of the top two layers into salvageable, ie,washing machine and bin pile.

anti bacterial wiping everything else. who'd be a mum!

finally got some wardrobes from ikea on sunday. proper wall to ceiling, end to end motherf*&@ers! sooooo excited cos i can prob have this house 85% better once i can put things away.

but nooooooooooooo.

dp assembles the 1st one, goes to lift it upright, his knee give way and he bloody dropped it. all the holes are now splintered and wont hold. F F S ! ! ! !
told him to google for a solution as he cant be the only idiot to have dropped a wardrobe

low and behold there are others fuckwits

hopefully it is fixable!

JParkson · 13/03/2012 10:46

My Dad managed to step through the floor of my Ikea wardrobe...!

It caused no end of problems, as we bought the wrong carcasses too - the one he broke literally goes from floor to ceiling too, and it wasn't the one we thought we bought... We planned for (and bought a couple of) the shorter carcasses!

It worked out ok in the end though, as we returned the shorter carcasses and the mirrored doors that I demanded longed for, and we swapped them all out for the taller carcasses and some semi-clear perspex doors. After some jiggery pokery on the doors, we got it all installed and saved over £100 as well! (the doors I wanted were £70+ each, plus extra for the slider rail, and the doors we ended up with were on sale at £24.95 which included the slider rail! Bargain!) Cue me going nutty in the accessories dept for said wardrobe and then buying Mary a hooj stuffed crocodile because I could!

Ok, me update, I talked to DH again last night, and told him pretty much everything I've told you, and he was really lovely about it (apart from when I told him I'd told you, and he was upset/annoyed I could tell you and not him! Oops!)

Anyway, I feel loads better for it, and thinking about it, a lot of my fears stem from Pickle fitting in (ala Deb's analogy), me bonding with it (I didn't with DS) and also my fear of PND - I had the same latter worries with Mary, but because I was so excited about her it kind-of overwrote those fears. For some reason, I'm overthinking this one a lot and I need to switch off!

We're going away for a few days over the Easter hols, and DH is planning all sorts of nice trips... 3 weeks and counting...

Original poster

lumpylumps · 13/03/2012 20:56

JParkson glad you spoke to your dh. Its the whole stranger on the train phenomenon. Its sometimes easier to speak to invisable friends strangers.

Sassy I'm really sorry but that made me lol! poo in the toy box!!!!!!!
Olly has started saying poo when he's doing one! Clever little man. Still fights us when we change him tho!

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newmum001 · 13/03/2012 21:08

Ooops lost the thread, I've looked for it about 10 times today and got hugely annoyed that I couldn't find it then realised I was looking in anti natal not post natal!