Sept 10 - Now they're all one, where has the year gone!!!!!

[lumpylumps]

Sorry, I've jumped in with the new thread! Its been running through my head for the last week!

[lumpylumps]

Beady Not sure my dad would suit the Rosie-soul merchandise!

Sassy glad the parcel arrived ok. Hope everythings ok.

[Debs75]

My birthday is 5 days before christmas and I hated it growing up. We would all go to my grans on boxing day and I would get my joint birthday and christmas presents. They were often the same value as the other cousins christmas presents which didn't bother me but the wrapped in xmas paper did.
I have always wanted a summer party so am aving a 40th and a half. i will be having a huge strawberry cake as well. Dsis always had ine in July but mum couldn't freeze strawberries.

Sassy you are most welcome

[saoirse86]

Aw sassy I hope you like everything we got/made!

My SIL has a djembe drum that orlaith loves so my mum saw a mini one the other day (I'm sure they have a name too but I don't know what it is) and got it for orlaith and she loves it. It's so cute her banging away on it, she has a lot more rhythm than I do!

lumpy I always wanted a play kitchen when I was a child so I will definitely be getting orlaith one at some point for me to play with!

[newmum001]

Grace has just got a play kitchen this week and she adores it! It's the only thing that can keep her attention for more than 2 mins! I can't wait for her to get a till/shop! Me and my sister have already picked the one out that we're getting her (us)!

[newmum001]

Grace has just got a play kitchen this week and she adores it! It's the only thing that can keep her attention for more than 2 mins! I can't wait for her to get a till/shop! Me and my sister have already picked the one out that we're getting her (us)!

[cinnamongreyhound]

Hope you liked everything sassy34264 and thank you to lumpylumps for all the organising!

Glad you're all well JodeyBogeyPicker, sorry you feel you need to keep a diary and hope the hv isn't rude to you!

Sounds like a great idea Debs75, I've always been happy to have a winter birthday but it is nearly a month before Christmas.

I had an a la carte kitchen when I was little saoirse86,very spoilt child.

I have had a very sad morning and wanted to ask you all for your opinions. My best friend who lives next door asked me if I could have her kids yesterday so she could talk to her dh so I did and this morning I heard all about it. She looked at her dh's email yesterday looking for something that was sent to both of them and found several emails from him to her newly found physiotherapist.
She's only had 3 sessions but I have (and dh who has had a lot of physiotherapy) thought it was a bit strange as he wanted her to be totally naked and has massaged everything but her genitals. I said it was not normal but she basically trusted that her dh was doing the right thing for her.
The emails include sexual photos that her dh had taken of her saying how beautiful his wife is, that he can do anything he wants to her but do not insert anything and the one I think is worst is her dh saying that she was uncomfortable with her dh being at her leg end (which apparently had to be open) was going to ask him to turn the table around so could he make some excuse as to why he couldn't turn the table around. So he has basically arrange for some bloke to come and massage his wife so they can both get off on it and made it seem like he is trying to help her bad back. Since this has started he has been working less so is at home more (not sure if the two are connected) and they have been getting on better. He is saying that the massages have relaxed her and that's why they're getting on better and that he's sorry he did it but was doing it with her best interests at heart.
I am so angry and sad for her and she doesn't know what to do. I personally don't think it's something I would leave dh for but I also don't see how you can ever trust a person after they have done something entirely for their own gratification with no thought for your welfare (she was very uncomfortable with what he was doing and told her dh several times). She is saying that if he leaves her life with be awful as she'll be on her own with 3 kids but that she doesn't know how their relationship can ever be right again. She has also asked me not to let him know that I know but I don't know how I can be normal in front of him again.

[Debs75]

WOW! that is a huge abuse of trust by the dh. It all sounds very dodgy. Who is this physio? is he even qualified/registered. He sounds more like a sensual masseur!
When I had aromatherapy massage I was still decently covered and it was just me and the therapist, my cousin.
I'm not sure it is enough to leave her dh for but it would definitely drive a wedge for a while.

[newmum001]

I don't know how she can consider staying with him after something like that! What it sounds like to me is that she is being used as some sort of play thing not only by her husband but by someone else he has chosen to be a part of it! It is basically sexual abuse by default! Not only would I leave him I would also call the police! He might not have actually abused her but like debs said is this other guy even qualified? If he is then he has surely broken the law and if he isn't then he has definately broken the law by posing as a proffesional! I really am quite horrified that she is considering keeping all this to herself, it could be happening to other women!

[newmum001]

I don't know how she can consider staying with him after something like that! What it sounds like to me is that she is being used as some sort of play thing not only by her husband but by someone else he has chosen to be a part of it! It is basically sexual abuse by default! Not only would I leave him I would also call the police! He might not have actually abused her but like debs said is this other guy even qualified? If he is then he has surely broken the law and if he isn't then he has definately broken the law by posing as a proffesional! I really am quite horrified that she is considering keeping all this to herself, it could be happening to other women!

[sassy34264]

im with newmum he has basically acted out his own personal fantasy, without letting his wife know and totally has no respect for her at all. he can wrap it up all he likes.....it helped you relax etc, but they have both abused her. im actually quite shocked and feel a little sick at the thought of it.
he is pimping her out like she is nothing to him. id be asking if he charged the physio? yuk

id also be putting his stuff in bin bags and changing the locks. 3 kids or not.

[sassy34264]

yes, everything is lovely. the all in one is gorgeous. and chloe was very touched with her necklace and has not yet took it off!

thanks jodey yes we are all well.

[cinnamongreyhound]

Thanks for your thoughts, I have been feeling sick about it all day but I feel more angry than she seems. Perhaps she doesn't want to let it out in front of me in case she looses control but I thought perhaps I've overreacted. I think it's a big deal to me because I'm a control freak and to loose control like that to find that it wasn't for what I thought at all would be a huge deal for me! She's also found he was emailling her from one address and her dh from another so think he may have two sides to his business depending on who's asking. I just want to hit him .

Glad you're all well sassy34264 and you liked everything, it's always lovely to get pressies!

[sassy34264]

after reading your last post about the 2 email accounts, i read your original post again cinnamon. im now very very sceptical that he is a real physio and if he is, he must be a close friend of her dh, cos i cant see that you would say to a real physio- i want you to massage my wife whilst she is naked and her legs are open. you can do whatever you like, just dont massage her genitals or insert anything- cos im pretty sure they would call the police.
perhaps she should ask to see his qualifications and tell her dh that she is thinking of calling the police about the physio and really put the fear in her dh, if she cant face leaving him.

you'll find cinnamon that people play down what's happened to them because they either cant face the full realisation of what happened or they have to play it down in order for it to sit with them in some sort of equilibrium in their mind- that they allowed it to happen, ie, they didnt stop it, even though they knew it was wrong. (if that makes sense.)

[beaditAli]

Sounds crazy to me cinnamon and I can't believe it's her DH what kind of man is he? Maybe I've lived a sheltered life but that story sounds pretty unthinkable to me. I'd definitely try to investigate the credentials of the so called physio.
Makes me appreciate DH so, so much reading things like that. Hope that your friend manages to find a happy ending to an awful saga!

sassy we need more pics of Eva!

Jack had 2 spectacular falls today and made his top lip bleed He is so non stop all day that by mid afternoon he gets so wobbly cos he's worn out but not sleepy. I keep trying to get him to sit in a comfy zone and chill for a while but he just charges around like a loon. Do any of you have similar problems? My Mum has a travel cot up in their lounge so she lets him play calmly in their and watch the tv for a while so he can rest....... I just don't think I want a travel cot as a permanent piece of furniture in the living room or the hassle of dismantling it every evening....... what do I do??? Rains too much up here to always be able to go out with the pram and I car share with DH so an afternoon road trip is out most days too

[newmum001]

Grace is EXACTLY the same beadit! I can usually tempt her to sit down for 10 minutes with a snack but not always! She also has an activity chair that plays games and reads stories that she will sometimes sit on for 5 minutes. But more often than not she just won't sit down for 2 seconds and gets exhausted, falling over etc! Today however she was utterly worn out by 3pm so I sat her on the worktop while I made spag bol and she sat so nicely up there watching me cook then I held her for 10 minutes and we stirred tea and tidied up so that was 40 minutes rest then she had loads of energy for the rest of the day! When do they learn that it's actually really lovely to sit down and chill for a bit!

[newmum001]

Grace is EXACTLY the same beadit! I can usually tempt her to sit down for 10 minutes with a snack but not always! She also has an activity chair that plays games and reads stories that she will sometimes sit on for 5 minutes. But more often than not she just won't sit down for 2 seconds and gets exhausted, falling over etc! Today however she was utterly worn out by 3pm so I sat her on the worktop while I made spag bol and she sat so nicely up there watching me cook then I held her for 10 minutes and we stirred tea and tidied up so that was 40 minutes rest then she had loads of energy for the rest of the day! When do they learn that it's actually really lovely to sit down and chill for a bit!

[saoirse86]

Oh my god cinnamon I'm absolutely shocked and horrified by that and i don't really know what to say! Surely that's grooming of sorts. I'm amazed that she would consider staying with him after this. I'd be reporting him to the police personally. The way she seems to have reacted makes me wonder if he is a controlling man usually.
And has she asked how he came to meet this man and how this all came about? As sassy said, it's not something you would openly ask a genuine physio. It could be that how they have met is sinister too. I'd be amazed if this was the first thing her DH and this 'physio' have done, things like this don't usually come from nothing, surely!
I really feel for her.

[saoirse86]

I was going to say, orlaith's the same with being a whirling dirvish but she's having 2 naps a day at the moment. Well apart from today, she's really ill and has slept most of the day, poor little thing!

[newmum001]

Cinnamon I know your friend has asked you to keep quiet but judging by all our reactions (from an outside point of you) can you not have a quiet word with her and perhaps advise her that what her husband is upto it not normal and actually quite dangerous! As you have said they've got 3 children to think about and personally I wouldn't want him around them knowing how he treats his wife! I really think she needs to contact the police if not about her husband then at least about the physio! I really do feel horrified that this is happening and I don't even know the poor woman!

[newmum001]

Cinnamon I know your friend has asked you to keep quiet but judging by all our reactions (from an outside point of you) can you not have a quiet word with her and perhaps advise her that what her husband is upto it not normal and actually quite dangerous! As you have said they've got 3 children to think about and personally I wouldn't want him around them knowing how he treats his wife! I really think she needs to contact the police if not about her husband then at least about the physio! I really do feel horrified that this is happening and I don't even know the poor woman!

[beaditAli]

i meant calmly in there not their I need to read more!! My spelling is getting sloppy.... DM would not approve
cinnamon could she ring the Samaritans for some advice??

[cinnamongreyhound]

He is not a physio but a massage technician ?!?!?!? I will talk to her more tomorrow, good to know its not just me who's appalled by it. I agree with you sassy34264 she probably needs time to let it all sink in and accept that he's done this to her an also that she let it happen and just how naive she has been. It's so frustrating as from the beginning I said it wasnt right but didn't expect in any way that her dh was in on it. I hadn't thought of it as abuse but I guess in some way it is. She did threaten to sue him as he wasnt doig what she had asked but a third party but if he's not legit then I guess that won't really realistic anyway. There are loads of questions really about where he found him, I think she believes that he found him for the right reasons and then it developed into something else. Also how much the masseur knew about her lack of knowledge. She has printed the emails before he had have to delete them so she has the evidence if she wants to go any further, not sure the police would be interested though. Thank you all so much, it's really difficult to give advice when you feel so emotional about it all. I want to help her as much as I can but I also can't be impartial as I want to kill him! I also think he's saying the right things knowing that she won't go anywhere as she won't want to be on her own.

Luke is similar beaditAli but I just put him to bed. He has a nap every day but then he has always been good at self settling and sleeps better in his cot.

[cinnamongreyhound]

Just re read that first bit and I dont mean in anyway that it's her fault by saying she let it happen. That sounded awful when I read it!!

[MammyG]

Cinnamon Bloddy nora! I would have him.....and take my children as far away as possible!! There must be some deeper underlying lack of respect/control issues going on between them. The fact that she is afraid to leave etc. Most women would leave if they were pimped out like that even if it was just to make a point. This is something he has orchestrated and done a lot of work on - He has totally objectified her! A man that can do that to the mother of his children is capable of anything.
Lumpy DS1 was an 8-9 foods only eater til last year. He is still not easy. We would eat quite well and be health conscious so it was a right blow to me to be the mum sending in spaghetti hoops and jam sandwiches on a regular basis. (all my brothers were terrible as children and great eaters now!) the doc just told me to give him what he will eat and he will come round - and he is ...albeit slowly! I started to put ham in with the jam! (He now loves salami and a little jam sandwiches!) Then swapped the jam for some philly so brought him round to different tastes slowly.

Christmas babies - should meet my sister!!! She cribs every year that as the post xmas baby she gets crap presents! Last year I just had to rip her cause if anything she gets the most presents and better ones because she moans so much about it and everyone makes a special effort to not forget her! Im in june and these days would be lucky to get 2 pressies. Last year she got oodles from everyone who left her extra as they had to leave before her birthday!

Shit week for me - back in hospital with stomach again. Was the most excruciating attack. They gave me enough painkillers to knock a bear! I dont know what I will do when my local (45 mins away) A&E closes and I have to travel two hours. I must be allergic to work! To top it off im still wreaking of DS2 vomit after a fabulous travel incident today that involved me having to buy him a new outfit. Then spent an hour in the busiest playcenter as it is bucketing rain here and actually enjoyed it as the boys left me for 30 mins!! I would rahter have stuck needles in my eyes than hang out in those place before I had kids! Motherhood - its a wonder the race doesnt stop dead some days!!!

[MammyG]

Sorry for the thesis folks!