July 2010 - Next thread, cba to think of a title

[Chulita]

I want to witter away to you lot and none of you have come up with the goods so this will have to do...

spirael we've just upped the nappy size to 4+ (i think or was it 5 ) hang on will look up the picture on the front of the packet!

it's a 4+ here

i know she'll probably/def be fine with it mlic, i just feel a bit plb about leaving her more. i might do a month or 2 of having that half day with just her at home then up her nursery days to 2.5 day too.

i feel so sad and angry that women feel failures for doing such a great job looking after their children. despite (or maybe because of?!) my feminist views i feel like my time with the children is the most important thing i do which is why i struggle so much with my desire to also work. thankfully, dh does completely support and value the fact that i'm at home raising OUR children (and mashing my career in the process) so is fair when it comes to seeing our combined incomes as completely shared and also doesn't see my role as being the sole housekeeper/cleaner (i know we have a cleaner but there's obv lots of other shit that always needs doing and that we split between us)

what can you imagine yourself doing and being happy at mlic?

the reason i ask that is that you can be good at doing lots of things (e.g. cooking or making things) but actually doing it for money/several days a week would actually kill your passion or become unenjoyable.

i also wonder if reading up on NLP might be useful for you? it's less about dragging thru the past than counselling but i've found it v useful to change the way i've thought about myself and things. i still use the techniques a lot esp in business and often advise dh on how to use it in big presentations or staffing decisions.

in the meantime, would it make sense for you and dh to budget to pay your ni too? and would your dh's pension be enough for you both?

S has been in 4+ for a while now and he's small for his age, I just had leftovers from L and was too cheap to buy 4's. Tbh I don't think there's that much difference but it might be enough for overnight floods.

mlic fwiw I've paid NI for 2 years, back when I was earning £10,250 a year. Since then I've not paid a bean, I get letters through every now and then 'reminding' me, but honestly, how the frick am I supposed to pay it? I don't feel like a drain on society but then this is what I want to do. I do however resent the fact that what I do is not culturally acceptable and if I worked and paid someone else to do the job I love, not only would I be able to pay NI and thus ensure my future is a bit more stable, I would also be an accepted, useful member of society. I have no pension, nothing, and rely solely on DH for fundage. In the vast majority of the countries of the world this is entirely normal, it just does my swede that we're made to feel guilty for this.
I second what others have said re your self esteem though, you come across as a very intelligent and talented lady and I'm sure you have something you could do, it's just a matter of finding it.
I'd love to run a small side business and bring in a bit of cash just to do something for me so I feel like Me instead of Mum or Wife but like you, I can't think of anything and the things I enjoy, I'm not good enough at to sell! (maybe we could start something up together [wishful thinking]) I actually had an idea of something yesterday whilst in the shower but it would involve getting a lot of big businesses involved and starting up franchises around the country so I shelved it...cos I'm a wimp

cake what do you want to do? I always ask myself with these situations what I'll look back on in 5-10 years' time and regret/be pleased I did. If another half day would make your working life a bit easier, it's not a huge amount of time, but if you feel you'd be missing out on more of A's 'babyhood' then maybe it's not worth it. (sorry, completely not helpful)

I know what you mean cake, about turning a hobby into a career and killing the joy. I don't know that I'm good enough to make a career out of anything anyway tbh

pm me with what your idea was chulita!

I met up with a girl I met through that craft group at the park this morning - she sees me as a bit of a guru/supernappy - which I certainly don't profess to be btw! She has a lot of ishoos with her dd and she says when other people give her advice about how to deal with it, she doesn't listen the way she listens when I give advice. I am obviously only trying to help her and nothing more, but she sees me and the next Jo Frost I asked if she wanted to come back for a cuppa and she said she would but her dd would probably kick off so she wouldn't. I reminded her that her dd is 3 and she shouldn't be dictated to, in so far as what she is and isn't allowed to do by her daughter! They came round and she was great, played a bit/interacted lots and ate and drank (which she often refuses to do for her mam) I need to work on her getting rid of her dummy next

I have pondered counselling before but it's a lot of training and I don't know what sort of career there would be at the end of it.

What's NLP cake?

I'm an ironer. I could take in people's ironing?

Babyboy only had 45ish mins in the buggy today and woke almost an hour ago with burning cheeks and is v v clingy :(

And whilst on the subject he's just moved up to 5s for the exact same reason chulita's L moved up! Why buy nappies when I had some in the cupboard!

Still no response from this woman re ebay

Mlisc- sorry you're feeling down about work. Fwiw you're in a better position than me. I've got one a level to my name and no idea what I'm going to do for work when the time comes. I hadn't given NI a second thought though!

D is wearing size 4 pull ups which I much prefer, they seem to fit better.

spirael a 4 to a 4+ is hardly anything but the hold more wee, im now on a 5 as L is like a camel one wee its full 2 and its on verge of bursting but he can have no nappy on for 2 hours before he wee's!
mlic local woman here irons and charges a pound a shirt! i think it is good money if you like ironing! re the woman on e bay surely now she has had it so long you dont have to take it back, can you not speak to citizens advice, I personally wouldnt entertain her after this long and if your not planning on selling again on e bay then doesnt matter if you screw over your feed back but im a nasty bitch, i wouldnt do it to a mum but someone who is selling it on for a profit, she can get new hoods for less than 70 so she would still be in profit!
Im so run down, L is sleeping and I still cant keep my eyes open, ive got a spot so big it loks like a parasitic twin! my eyes are getting worse and because of this fucking electricity bill I once again cant afford glasses! im going to do a really cheap xmas other than L and dh!

Huggies users Sainsburys has a third off at the moment.

anyone know where I can get suction bowls from? Ive only got one and cant find anymore, my net is too slow to buy one online!

memphis if you find one online you like, I'm quite happy to buy it and have it sent straight to you. I have no idea what you mean by a suction bowl so can't help in terms of shops!

mlic I'm not sure it would have much demand, it's to do with maternity clothes, I think I'd use it but not sure how easy it would be to get up and running! Besides, having the idea is one thing, sharing it and realising it's naff is another

I bought some boots with that M&S voucher and I picked them up today. They're sooooo comfy, I love 'em! (and they're pull-ons so should get them on even when maffis)

You mean the type of bowl that sticks to the high chair tray?We have two, one from Ikea but the suction bit hasn't worked since it went in the dishwasher on holiday, and one from Sainsbury's that is really good.

Hi all, glad to report d had a much better night. I went in at 10pm and changed his nappy and there were no leaks and no wake ups till 6.15, he chuntered on to himself for almost half hour till he got fed up and wanted out. So its a good story this end, he's in Size 5's which are fine but I wouldn't have thought he's anywhere near 24lbs so they are technically to big but don't seem it. I think changing him is the way forward for a while. Will reply more later as I'm at work and the boss is here so I'm taking the pee really!

Ok, sounds like I need to up M into size 4+ nappies in the near future then! I think she's got about a week or two left of size 4 in the cupboard, so she'll have to make do until they're used up. We don't seem to have any leak problems, at least! I can always bump her up to size 5's the pack after, if 4+'s seem too small.

Working isn't necessarily the solution to unfulfilment, I just feel like "Mum/Wife/Salary" sometimes! Best thing I've found to solving that is to make sure to indulge regularly in personal hobbies/projects - especially ones that have a tangible output that you can share then with other people.

I tend to do a lot of drawing and I'm working on a book too. Means every so often I can stop and look back at something I've achieved that I had fun doing. I'm probably going to be universally hated, but my DH has a hobby of giving massages. Proper ones with oils and (more recently) hot rocks, etc. He says he finds it relaxing! And, of course, I'm happy to volunteer as a body...

memphis, have you tried the Tommee Tippee Explora Magic Mat? I have a couple and they work quite well. I think we just got ours from Boots, IIRC they have quite a few of the bowls with suction too.

We tend to use proper crockery plates with M, after finding they stick much better than the plastic ones. However I hasten to add we do use old, mismatched plates that we're not too concerned about, as she has managed to yank one off the mat and frisbee it across the room once before.

The plate broke on the tiled floor and spilt her dinner, much to her shock and distress. She's always been really careful with her plate since then!

(Disclaimer: I found her something else to eat - she didn't go hungry that night!)

Oh I just want to cry. My only job is that of mother, and I'm fucking shit at it.

Just home from the minor injuries unit. Babyboy fell at the library and has the biggest, blackest egg on his head.

Don't feel bad, MLISC! It was just an accident, these things happen to everyone.

M climbed onto the desk right in front of me over the weekend. She then nosedived off onto the fireplace, clipping her leg on the way down and narrowly missing smacking her head on the side. She has a huge dark bruise on the inside of her thigh at the moment from that.

So if you're a contender for worst Mum, I'm right there with you! [hug] And I expect we won't be the only ones...

Poor M :(

Oh no, poor babyboy... but it's not your fault, promise!

Oh dear mlisc it would happen on the day you weren't feeling so great as well! Hope he's ok, dh cut D under his chin trying to get him out the bath, it looks horrible but accidents happen.

Have been to the park with a friend for 2 hours so hoping it's tired D out.

Memphis I got a suction bowl from tesco which works well.

Oh mlic :( poor W and poor you :(. You know that accidents happen and as much as we think we should be able to prevent them all we cant and thats why they're called accidents. Big hugs for you and put your feet up with a big glass of wine woman before you make yourself ill worrying over everything x
BTW i've screwed up my pinterest. I couldnt put the pin it to the toolbar so i'll have dp look at it later.

mlisc I should've taken a photo of S's black eye to prove you're not a shit mum (at least not the only one ) but it looked so horrendous I didn't want to have any reminder of it. Worst is, I don't know how it happened cos I wasn't watching him, if that's not crap, I don't know what is! You're.not.rubbish. It's their age, and while they're learning to walk/climb/scale the highest peak they're going to fall, not your fault!

memphis ah, those suction bowls, most supermarkets sell them. I just plonk S's on his tray and offer him the bowl when there's not much left.

Oh don't worry kk that's nothing important - I'm sure he'll be able to do it no probs

Thanks for your kinds words everyone. My lovely neighbour came round tonight and made me feel better. And then took ds1 round hers to play for 40 minutes too so I felt even more, even more better :)

I think like you say dh, it's just happened on an already bad day, where I already feel pretty rubbish about myself and it just made me really upset. Weirdly his head looks better now than when it first happened. God knows what state he'll be in in the morning. I'm supposed to rouse him every 15 mins until I go to bed to check he's responsive, and if he's not, 999!

Every 15 mins? That's quite tough going. I'm sure he'll be fine, prob just wonder why you keep waking him up!

I'm def liking this routine I've got D into, bed at 7:30/7:40 every night, few wake ups around the same time each night so at least my body can get into the rhythm then he has 1 hour nap at about half 11 and that seems to suit him just fine.
I think ive given him strong bedtime cues now whereas it was a bit wishy washy before so its def helping.

That sounds like things have really moved on dh, excellent :)

And yeah, I think that boy is going to get mightily pissed off with me waking him all the time! DH says he thinks that was a bit excessive (as do I) so am checking him roughly every 30 mins

He's ok thanks tsc. Hardly eaten but did drink most of his bottle. Although it did take him half an hour. And he was definitely suffering with his teeth before it happened so who's to say he wouldn't have refused his tea anyway, you jsut never know do you.

Sounds like a good day. Whereabouts in Yorkshire was it?

You're right btw. Even ds1 starting pre-school in Jan will help the financial burden if I was to miraculously find a dream job tomorrow, as he'd only need afternoon childcare. What's this voluntary job? If you think it'd be interesting it seems a shame to lose the opportunity

mylife its poo how you felt earlier on today, i know that without my job i may have not enoyed the last 6 months quite so much however its been a huge struggle, possible because i was pregnant already, possibly because i went back a bit too early, i dont know, but i dont cook, i dont do craftes, i dont really do anything apart from work, what u do is much more healthy and wholesome. Regarding NI i was out of work for a few weeks some years ago and didnt qualify for job seekers but could sign on to claim for my NI contributions, might be worth a phone call.
Why did W have to do that today TUT, it really is just one of those things though isnt it, im sure he will be fine.
dh sounds like u have things under controle, good for u! Its easier when u sort of know what to expect isnt it.
D had a major full on tantrum after his bath tonight, he had been lovely since i picked him up from the cm but when i went to put his nappy on, OMG, he went nuts, for a prolonged period of time too, he WOULD NOT have his nappy on and flipped and fought, i had no choice but to leave him curled up scraming on the floor, even typing this is upsetting me, i dont know what happened or why but maaaaaaaaaannnnn it really unnerved me and scared me a bit to be honest. He calmed down and had his milk and settled ok but since then hes sat up twice in his sleep and just sat there(i have a video monitor) then kind of just slumped back down, really wierd. im gona change his nappy in a in but have a bad feeling its gona go wrong tonight!
Something i havent said cos its embarasing and possible tmi but its really bothering me is that im all a bit swollen.........you know, under the bridge, so to speak, the MW said its totally normal and that some people get swollen ankles and some people get swollen...........front bums it really botheres me at work, i cant exactly tell them why i need to go sit down for a few mins can i!
And the restless legs are driving me mad tonight, i really hope its not going to be like this for the next 9 weeks! Im sorry its all about me again isnt it!!!!!!

mlisc I don't have any answers but I know exactly how you feel - I don't know what I want to do workwise, don't see what I'll do that will fit in with school hours and holidays without sticking them in holiday clubs all the time, I have a BA and I feel to some extent I have wasted it never having found a "proper" career.

I know several mums who have their own businesses from home, one is a beautician, one makes jewellrey, one is a masseuse, I am so not good at anything crafty or beautician-y. I know looking after my kids is v important but it doesn't feel like "society" values it. Anyway. Like I say, I don't have any answers but I'm in the same boat! And you are so not a shit mum.

viks I'm exactly the same, didn't have it with L but had it horrendously bad with S and this one looks to be going the same. I find it really painful sometimes, lucky us...

tscsounds like you had a lovely day and that you're all ticking along, long may it continue!

I should look into what happens with NI if you're at home with children.

As long as S has a morning sleep we're going to drag our heavily pregnant neighbour to Aqua tots, L is desperate to go swimming and I can't take both on my own so she can hold S or bob around pretending to watch L.

D slept amazingly last night. His first wake up was 10:30 then he went back to sleep til 5:30! I managed to get him back to sleep in his room, no milk. He woke at 6:45 then he's woken up for the day 5 mins ago!

Bliss!

Have i killed the thread with TMI????
Not a bad night here, 1 dummy run but several wake ups where he self settled. The nappy change went ok too, still i feel very tired this morning!
mylife is ur icandy a sweetpea? Hows W this morning, what sort of night did you have?
tsc lovely news about ur best friend and great that u and dp are in a good place, you can only really appreciate that after you have trawled through the shit phase though cant you.
dh how was ur night?
woods any more leaks?
on the topic of earning money i think ironing is something that could work, especially if you picked it up and dropped it off! Id go for that with DH's work shirts and trousers! But a £1 a shirt is a but much i recon, i wonder if that woman gets much trade memph? How long does it take u to iron a shirt? How many could u get through in an hour? Interesting thought, i think anything thats labour saving is worth looking at as we all have such busy lives.
spireal i dont know how u do f/t u must be done in!
cake i work 24hrs over three days, tues/wed/thurs, it is working really well time split wise, means i can set up the house/chores/shopping/cooking(ha) etc on monday, work mid week and chores again friday so the weekend can be mostly free for family time/outings etc.