Fab Feb 2009 - pass mummy the gin, its potty time!

[dinkystinky]

New thread as the old one got filled up - hope you all find it ok!

I can't be a SAHM anymore, I'm shite at it. Kids all hate me and I can't cope with them. I knew they would be a little unsettled at first (youngest two obviously) but they are driving me mad. DD2 (4) is constantly whining and whinging and I want to murder her. H is also whining a lot, no doubt because she is. They simply won't do as they are told and am sick of all the toys all over the place. I suppose I didn't really notice it so much in KSA as we had someone in most days to tidy up/clean etc but I'm REALLY noticing it now and its making me angry. I didn't have much when I was younger and they have lovely things and don't take care of them. DD will simply drop toys on the floor and walk away, often walking on them. Am tempted to take a lot away and give them to charity shop/hospital but don't know if that is a bit harsh? Surely at aged 4, nearly 5 she should be paying a little bit of attention to what I say? I am constantly having to ask/tell her 4 or 5 times to do something

PS ooogs just out of interest, where are you in Cornwall? Seem to have travelled quite a lot over the past week and probably drove past you!

Just in Cornwall!!!!! If you drove over the bridge from Plymouth to Cornwall then I am there!!!!

Our children are 7, 4, 4 & 2. The 7 year old is a clever boy who I struggle with most our personalities are very alike and we clash

the others are fine normally but all 4 of them during the holidays would test the patience of a saint and that I am not!!!!!!!

I get cross and angry and have just stared counselling (sp?) Would like to work but childcare for 4 would be an issue.

MOS - I saw an episode of supernanny where she told the children of a family to pick 10 toys each, she then took the rest away and the kids had to prove they could look after their toys in orsder to earn more.

I'm at a stage now where I'm picking my battles. If no one is getting hurt, no one is being rude and disrespectful, then I let it slide. These things for me, are just not worth bothering with atm, I can't continue to say no all day, so the stuff that is normal toddler stuff I turn a blind eye.
As for the hoRrible whingeing, I'm now sending them to their rooms for it. Drives me bonkers

MOS - I saw an episode of supernanny where she told the children of a family to pick 10 toys each, she then took the rest away and the kids had to prove they could look after their toys in orsder to earn more.

I'm at a stage now where I'm picking my battles. If no one is getting hurt, no one is being rude and disrespectful, then I let it slide. These things for me, are just not worth bothering with atm, I can't continue to say no all day, so the stuff that is normal toddler stuff I turn a blind eye.
As for the hoRrible whingeing, I'm now sending them to their rooms for it. Drives me bonkers

ooggs didn't go Plymouth way, went over to Exeter a lot and across the border somewhere to drive down to Tintagel. I don't know how you cope with 4 so young, at least my oldest two can be left alone for a while even if the little sh/gits do fight!

oh yes, the whinging, it drives me mad, both DDs are very dood at it
The biggest two don't help, you'd think that at aged 18 and 15 they'd have grown up a bit but sadly not. At dinner time last night they started arsing around, flicking tea towels at each other, that type of thing and then it progressed to one hitting the other with a plate and she lost it and launched herself across the kitchen and punched him. Really not the sort of behaviour I would expect of someone going to Uni to read law in a few months and someone who is doing GCSEs and wants to be a teacher where did I go wrong?

Am getting more and more pissed off with DC1. He finished his exams/school over a month ago and has made no attempts to even get a part time job. He clearly expects to sit on his arse until the end of September and expects me to fund his lazy git lifestyle. He is getting an allowance of 100 pcm but gets a lot more on top and its starting to annoy me. When I was his age i'd been working for 2 years and paying my mother half my wages as board and lodging. A bit harsh perhaps but it taught me a valuable lesson. If I try to get him to do chores around the house (gardening, painting etc) in return for money (around 7.50 per hour I offered him) I'm met with 'none of my friends have to do anything for their pocket money'. I'm starting to regret sending him to 'the best' sixth form college, he has turned into a spoiled git. He seems to be ignoring the fact that DH is working his notice and as yet, has not managed to find a new job and will be home at the end of next month with no income! Sorry, whinge over. Happy sunday everyone, lets hope its a sunny one!

mos Please don't torture yourself, as undesirable as it is, it does sound like normal teenage behaviour.
Me and my brother used to fight if we were in the house at the same time.
Like you say, there are things you all need to get used to. Moving back here is a big life-style change and I think you need to give yourselves time to adjust.
In regards to ds1, where does he get his £100 allowance from? You? If so, I would make it clear that he is not owed anything other than a roof over his head, food and clean clothes and if he wants anything extra than that, he will have to earn it from showing his respect and care for the family.
I would also be telling dc1&2 to start acting their age and that the little ones are at an impressionable age and that you are sure they want their little bro and sis to grow up to be kind and helpful and you need dc1&2's help to set them an example of appropriate behaviour.
Maybe tell ds1 that doing chores has nothing to do with earning money, but shows a respect to his mother and that you are disappointed he doesn't want to help you without being told. He has been raised better than that.
Disappointment, IMO is alot more effective than anger.
Maybe as it's a whole new way of life, you should all sit together and come up with some 'house rules', who's to do what, what is expected of everyone (yourself included), and remember to give G and H 'chores' too. G can make her bed and lay the dinner table, H can wipe the table after dinner, he can help load the washing machine.
That way, if the small ones are doing things to help around the house, you can always tell the older ones what a joke they are, if a 4 year old can pull her weight and they can't...........

just some ideas

SM you are so wise for one so young
You are right though. It is a huge adjustment being back here, I think we all (me particularly) got used to having so much help around the house. DD1 got so lazy she used to drop her clothes on the floor in her bathroom and of course they would miraculously wash and clean themselves and hang themselves back up in her wardrobe. She expects the same service here.

I am shattered, the last week has been exhausting and DC1 and 2 acting like toddlers doesn't help.
Yes, I pay his 100 pcm allowance and more! G & H are driving me mad (mainly G who I think is old enough to know better, H just copies her) A lot of toys will be going today. We have 22 boxes being shipped back from KSA in the next few weeks and no where to put anything so a lot of clearing and tidying will have to be done. I would like to sort a lot of toys out for the local refuge and several times a week I'm taking stuff to a clothes re-cycling bin near our local shops so hopefully I'll be able to see the floor soon

Thanks for listening

Anytime mos
I know it's not easy with 2 little ones, I can't imagine what it's like with another 2 big-little ones
I would def sit them all down and tell them things are going to change.
Tell ds1 that he is a grown man now, and actually doesn't need mummy to do everything.
As the older two are old enough, maybe you could just be honest and tell them that all of you took the house-boy for granted, that you forgot how exhausting running a household can be, that you are shattered, worried about dh's lack of new job, and so on.
It'll all work out one way or another.
I find rota's for cleaning very helpful, stops me doing too much and becoming overwhelmed and means that I limit how much I do or else I'd spend the whole day cleaning, and that's no fun!

Hello all - MoS - like the new incarnation of your name. So sorry to hear you are finding it hard with the 4DC MoS and Oooggs - I think SM speaks alot of sense. DS1 and DD1 need to man up and do stuff around the house - DS1 is going to uni in September so helping around the house can only stand him in good stead. In fact he and DD1 are old enough to help with making meals once a week to give you a break!

Oooggs - I found that when I was home on mat leave with Danny DS1 was alot more clingy than he was when I was working full time. May have been something to do with a small screaming bundle turning up. But he's still like that now when I have the occasional day off, so may well be something to it.

Both DS1 and Danny appear to have seasonal flu at the moment so v out of sorts with raging temperature - so am spending first nice sunny day in what feels like weeks stuck indoors. Ho hum.

Hello.
Not much happening here.
Trying hard to really enjoy the boys before we are all at full-time school in september!
Have to wait in for a delivery today. Ds1 will be 4 next week and we have ordered him the DSi.
Luke has a chest infection so the asthma is back. he has a follow-up appointment at the docs today to check his chest.
Ds1 has docs as well today for his legs.
He's been telling me for months that his legs hurt and he can't walk (I'm back to using a double pushchair), but I put it all down to growing pains, but he has recently started limping quite badly, so just want to get him looked at.

How's everyone else doing?

Wow, your lucky DS1 getting a DSi. DS1 here is desperate for one but we keep telling him he has to be older (he doesnt take great care of the toys he does have yet). Poor Luke - hope he's gong to be ok, and hope the doctors figure out what is going on with DS1's legs.

All ok here - boys still suffering with flu and I have it too (but too busy to take time off to recuperate). Still off on holiday to Wales come Saturday so at least something to look forward to!

dinky I always said I'd wait as long as possible to give computers/consoles to the kids as I really don't think they need it, especially at this age, BUT, all Jacob's friends have one and he really likes playing them.
Re docs, Luke is fine, his chest is clear.
Jacob is being sent for an x-ray tomorrow. The doc wasn't happy with the limp and wants to have a look at what's happening.
Sorry to hear you and the boys are a bit poorly, hope you all feel better soon xxx

Ds1 is hoping for a dsi for his next birthday (he will be 8)

1st week of hols nearly over 5 to go

hello all
oooggs week 1, we've had nearly 4 weeks already (DC3 and 4) and DC2 has had 3 weeks! Roll on September

dinkyhope yours better by now

SM lucky Jacob, hope he looks after it. DD2 has been pestering for a 'laptop' (Disney princess one) she has been such a cow so I said she'd only get one when she started to behave. I then noticed that a couple of branches of ELC stopped selling them so bought one a few weeks ago so have had in cupboard for when she behaved. I kept saying when she tidied up toys (from all over floor) in conservatory she might get one. No progress. So, today, I said I'd bought it and she could have it when she tidied. She then immediately started tidying . She had it for about 45 mins tonight after bath but have taken it away now as she is arsing around and I've sent her to bed but little rat is shouting/crying and making lots of noise. She is driving me insane as she is constantly picking on H. I keep seeing her pinching him or squeezing his face or just kicking him when they are lying next to each other

On the plus, DS1 was an angel yesterday. Our house can only be described as a tip, mainly due to the little amount of time that has been spent here over recent years and stuff has simply been dumped in various rooms and boxes from mum's house ended up being stored in dining room/porch etc. Set myself target of porch yesterday and after I'd been doing it for about an hour DS came along and helped. Moved all furniture (large table and small shoe cupboard) outside and got down on his hands and knees, swept floor and scrubbed tiles then put everything back. It looks lovely now. He got rid of lots of clutter/crap that we didn't need and I can't believe the difference. Didn't get much time to do much today as all had dentists appts and he had ortho but he is going to help do another room tomorrow. I don't get the change in him, its almost as if he has been reading my MN posts

Any update on meet up? 9th or 11th August good for me at Coram fields. Any other takers? If those days no good I can do most Tues, Thurs or Fri. Also, what about an evening meet up/curry/drinks etc?

Glad ds1 is pulling his weight MoS! Sounds like it makes a huge difference. Sorry DD2 is being a brat - hopefully she'll settle down when DH is back around and she's in school etc.

Definitely up for evening meet up - maybe last week of August if any good for anyone?

hi dinky and long may it continue (DS pulling his weight!)
Yes to meet up, I say we just pick a date and bully/ask people if they can come. I can fit in with whatever suits you, you are the one that actually works and doesn't sit on arse all day (well ok, you probably do but at least you are doing something positive whilst sitting as opposed to watching Jeremy bloody Kyle!) Having (accidentally!) watched it twice this week I have realised I really need to get a job!

MOS - glad ds1 helped out. Good for him.
My 2 pick on each other. Luke will just hit and shout at Jacob, Jacob is a bit more sly and tries to knock into him or kick him and claim it was an accident. Little monster.

Oooggs - ikd have prefered to wait til he was older for a ds, but was really stuck on what to get him.
We thought about a bike but as we don't have a garden, he'd not have much time to ride it, plus there's the storage issue, so the ds won.
I sat down tonight and installed all parental control so he can't go on-line, he can't talk to anyone through it and he can't share pics.
I know the minute he opens it all hell will break lose here between him and Luke.

RE meet-up - I'd say the 11th. (Only coz someone needs to make the decision!)

SM oh god, DC3 and 4 have started fighting the past few days. Started off with a little pushing and shoving by DD2 at first (who I think at times gets jealous of the attention H gets) and now H has started pushing back and its all out war at times!

11th sounds good. In diary

Danny is the aggressor in our house... so much so that he went through a phase of headbutting other kids (and us!) recently! Never had that with DS1 so we just time outed him everytime and it stopped quickly thank god. Wierdly its a good thing Danny is such a little fighter as DS1 is quite a gentle child and he's finally getting that he is bigger than Danny and can simply use his strength to stop Danny doing whatever he is doing (but we're careful to tell him not to hurt Danny) so its teaching him to stand up for himself. And teaching Danny he cant get everything he wants, which is a good thing.

Enjoy your meet up on the 11th guys. Will be with you in spirit but in nottinghamshire on holiday in person! Will see what work situation is looking like when I get back from holiday and post suggested dates for evening meeting up at end of August when am back.

These 2 have always enjoyed fighting.
Luke has been back and forth to the bedroom for the past hour because he is refusing to get dressed.
I've told him if he doesn't get dressed/let me do it (which he hates) then he can go back to bed.
He is a stubborn git though.
Yesterday it took 2 hours

11th is in the diary - what time are you all meeting? I could probably get there for 1 ish and give dc lunch there.

SM - I have a similar battle with getting Lilian dressed every morning. Whatever I choose is a big no - but she refuses to choose anything herself and has stayed half dressed on a many a day! DS doesn't care what he wears

Oh yes, a time. For me, I'd prefer about 11 ish or else the traveling isn't really worth it iykwim.

Calico I don't let them choose what they are going to wear, I lay their clothes out on the living room table before I go to bed and they normally get themselves dressed after breakfast whilst I'm pottering about.
Luke (ds2) is much better at getting dressed than Jacob, it's just been the past few days he's been a nightmare. I think he's testing bounderies as I've been laying the law down with them both recently.
This is a phase, it too shall pass!

Jacob had the x-ray on his knee today, he was so good, was very proud of him.

SM I can be there around 11am, like you I'd prefer earlier. I like to get out early before things get busy and would like to get the train back home before rush hour!

Glad J behaved for the x-ray, did they say all ok or do you need to go back and see a consultant?

We need to go back tothe gp for the results next week.

I swear to God I'm gonna be put on a murder charge in a minute.
This fucking kid is really pushing his fucking luck.
No more mister nice mummy, I really have had it with the pair of them. They are going to learn who's in charge coz it certainly ain't them anymore.

aaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh