Sept 08 - Insert witty title 'here'

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Sorry about the crap title ladies, I was lacking inspiration and we were up to our limit on posts!

Hope it goes well Lolly - are you finding out the sex?

I told my parents about the separation on monday. H didn't want to tell me about it and at first he said it was because he didn't want the kids to find out, but then his true reason came out that he thought that they'd try and persuade me not to give him half the house and to stand up to him ..

Going to see another solicitor tomorrow as I have a ream of questions and he's hassling me for money so he can buy his new house. I haven't got it to give though, I can sell some of the shares that my gran left me but not too many because of capital gains tax and he won't accept another asset I have.

Our house has been valued a LOT lower than he thought too, which I haven't dared tell him yet as he won't be happy about that.

I think we'll be talking tomorrow night (he's gone to watch footy tonight) and I'm really not looking forward to that

As people keep commenting to me H always thinks he's right which makes him impossible to discuss things with.

I so want to keep it all amicable (well as possible) because of the kids but I can see him getting nasty if he doesn't get his way

Oh ninja that's so rubbish. Wish I could think of something more constructive to say but I can't. How did your parents respond, have you got some good support there?
I'm going to water the lawn and eat a chocolate orange and go to bed coz I've been in a grump all day. DS hasn't stopped talking all day, but in a 'mummy mummy mummy excuse me mummy' at top volume way and I can't take any more...I know some people are desperate for their LOs to talk but it can just get too much sometimes, and both DCs were super cranky after messing around in their bedroom last night. They went to bed beautifully, but were still up over an hour later.

I hope you don't think I'm a Macds snob Debi

I genuinely only eat MacDs about once or twice a year. I'm not that keen (despite thinking they smell FAB but the taste never lives up to things), so if we don't visit, C doesn't. I've had one this year and that was when i was on the motorway in work and needed something quick. Felt crap afterwards.

Morrisons cafe is OK - C will eat the macceroni (sp?) cheese with garlic bread and we normally have the liver & onions with mash which is really nice. i can't atm due to pg, so had the cheese omelettes.

Ninja like Carrie I don't know what to say to help :( Just keep strong and know that it will be over and sorted eventually.
My exH and I had awful trouble splitting up the house. He wanted to buy me out but couldn't get a mortgage, so we put it on the market and got a good offer and just before exchange exH got the mortgage so our poor buyer was told we weren't selling and he'd paid for a survey and everything.
The point is, it was awful at the time but we did come out the other end eventually. I hope you do too.

Thanks again for the support - parents were great sympathetic but also practical.

They didn't sound surprised (except that it was him leaving me!).

My Dad's pretty good financially and my Mum has a law degree (tho' has never practised) and volunteers at CAB so pretty useful really.

I just want to get the money settled as I hope then he'll calm down and we can concentrate on the kids,.

M is great with potty training - she sometimes even takes herself to the toilet! She's a talker too Carrie - I get a running commentary all day!

Well it's DD1's 8th birthday tomorrow so I'm off to wrap presents and bake a cake . She's having a birthday tea tomorrow with 2 friends and a swimming party at the weekend lucky girl (but no big pressy because of it)

Well day 1 of potty training was pants!
Robyn has no inclination of using a potty or toilet and had 3 accidents in the space of 3 hours. She didn't seem bothered by it so she was back in nappies by teatime. Will have to give it a miss for a while, we might just let her have a nappy off for an hour or so each day and see how that goes.
Night training is a lot harder then day, DD1 was not dry until she was 13, she did have bladder problems which didn't help. She did have a good spell at first where she would be dry more often then not then things just got worse. i wouldn't rush with night training but sometimes you are lucky and they seem to know what to do. IYSWIM.

Carrie How many choc treats has he left for you this time? I wish I could scoff that much choc
DD1 and robyn are both great at running commentaries and it drives us mad. Robyn's thing at the moment is 'what?' everytime you ask or tell her something she says what? Dp is calling her 'stone cold Robyn' now

Ninja Hope you can sort something out quickly. Does H have to buy a house? Might it be easier for him to rent for a while whilst you sort things out.

ninja Could you go to a mediation with your h? If he is as unreasonable as he sounds, then it would make it easier on you I think. So sorry you are having to deal with this

I think he may be in for a schock tbh....he isnt "entitled" to anything AFAIK and if he wont do it amicably then let him go through the courts and pay up!

debs I dread to think how much weight I've put on...up til last week I'd only put on 5lb in this pg, and I have a huge bump. I'd lost my capacity to eat cake, biscuits, chocolate etc, so think I lost weight in myself while my bump grew. Now however...the ability to trough is back, I can easily eat a chocolate orange in one sitting, and I've had two this week . This new found ability has been joined in week 26 of pg by a sweets eating habit (I normally hate them), SPD, piles, and, hardly surprisingly, indigestion. Not sure DH is going to want to come back from Mexico to the vision of womanliness I am now!! At least I've got a full leg and bikini wax booked for tomorrow :)

I'm very impressed by all the potty trained LOs, but equally encouraged by the stories of those who aren't ready, since DS is going to be in nappies for at least the next month!

Yes Bec mediation a possibility - I'm also looking into collaborative solicitors wgich is like mediation but with solicitors there which I think I'd prefer as he can be difficult.

We spoke briefly this morning and he's not happy, we'll speak again tonight. What a way to spend DD1's birthday

oh ninja

Happy b day to your lovely dd1

From what you have said re your h in your posts I would not speak to him re; the divorce and settlement at all alone...I would make sure all discussion about the subject was either;
a) in front of - preferably legal professionals - witnesses or
b) in writing

I know that sounds really odd/anal, but it will protect you from the "she said" and "she promised" arguments and it will also protect you from possible nastiness - I doubt he would be nasty to you in front of other people
He is a bully...he is trying to bully you into doing things you dont have to do and dont want to do.
IME bullies lose courage when faced with more than one person.

xx

Oh dear, I am such a mean mummy. The dc's have never been to Mcdonalds and when we walked past a few weeks ago DS asked me what it was and I said "A place people go" and swiftly walked past . I might take him when he starts school so he doesn't feel left out if his friends go there. I fear that once he knows what they do in McDonalds he will pester me every time we go to town.

carrie enjoy your pampering tomorrow.

Hope your DD has a fun birthday ninja.

DD had a great birthday - a couple of her presents were secondhand (one from a charity shop, and some playmobil from ebay) but she didn't care

She had friends round for tea and I decorated a pretty cake. It was fun!

H now making me feel guilty by being saying I'm being selfish and not thinking of the kids . He doesn't like the valuation of the house but isn't asking for more (which he may be entitled to with the lower valuation, but may not). He's saying he's going to get legal advice which is sensible but I don't want it to get into some big legal argument. I mentioned mediation but today he didn't want to hear that

Why does your H think you are being selfish and not thinking about the kids ? I thought he was the one who wanted to split?

Last night he said if I couln't afford the mortgage (which would have to be raised to give him the cash) then I'd just have to 'work harder' - I work 3 days a week plus at least another day a month to earn more, look after the kids... I NEVER watch TV 'cos I don't have time yet he thinks I don't work hard enough.

How will being at work more help the kids

He sounds lovely ninja

Just dont speak to him about it anymore without witnesses present. I guarantee he wont be such an arse in front of other people

I've just had the most intimate bikini wax I've ever had...rather odd experience. But I'm smooth! DH is home and currently asleep on the floor of the dining room, he's missed an entire night's sleep coz he can't sleep on planes, poor thing!

Do you not have beds in your house Carrie?

I think Bec is right ninja. I hope it can be sorted soon and sensibly.

carrie Glad hes back safe and sound but - floor of the dining room????

erm...why??

God, I need sorting out before my hols...I am more hair than skin atm

Ninja obviously it's your personal circumstances and they are unique to you but I'm not sure why H thinks you have to buy him out immediately.

The priority is a roof over the kids' heads. H is entitled to his share of the equity of the house of course but not if that means making the kids homeless (eg if you were to default on a bigger mortgage cos you couldn't afford it).
Even if you wanted to, would the school give you extra hours anyway, at this time of recession.

My best friend had a similar circumstance in that she and the kids stayed in the house. She could just about afford the mortgage but had no capital to pay off exP, so he paid reduced maintenance on the understanding that when the house was sold, he would get a share calculated on the value at time of sale, not at the time he stopped paying the mortgage IYSWIM. ie his share appreciated over time cos he didn't get his share when he moved out.
It was all agreed with a solicitor and in writing.

I don't know your circumstances but if the kids will mainly live with you, get some legal advice (I'm sure you are) about what you actually have and don't have to do.

It's a horrible thing to say/think but if this really is it and the marriage is over, then you have to become quite selfish to make sure you get a fair deal. If handled right, his relationship with the kids is another matter (ie it shouldn't get tainted by you looking after your future).

This may be teaching grandma to suck eggs and do what is best for you but I wanted to say it as I can remember how f**d up my head was when I left exH, and that was without children!

(Carrie get DH up to bed dear! :) )

DH can literally sleep anywhere...except aeroplanes! So having been on 3 flights in 24 hours our oak floor obviously seemed like luxury. DS was asleep, DD was colouring and DH just sort of ducked down for a snooze...I left him there for an hour then went to bed for 2 hours myself!
The decorator came round today (he's a friend and came for a beer but I collared him, ha ha) so he knows what he's got to do to get the kids bedrooms up to scratch while we're away later this month. Am I being too dull getting both rooms magnolia?! Is there another 'off white' that I should consider?! I figure in two years time when this baby shares a room with whichever of DS and DD it shares a gender with, then they can start expressing opinions on decor.

ninja sounds like you're getting some excellent advice. Just so so :( you're going through this. I'm glad you managed to have a great time for your DD's birthday too :)

Just come back from a school fundraiser 'fashion show' - (cheaper named clothes modelled by young girls with ornage faces). I'm £27 lighter but have a pair of sparkly court shoes, new jeans (much needed), a tunic and a T-shirt!

DD1's birthday party this weekend - I'm looking forward to it.

Talkinf od chocolate, I've just found out that a friend of mine has got a job at Cadburys - she used to get loads of make-up freebies but I reckon chocolate might be even better!

MrsA I appreciate what you're saying having gone through it and looking back I've realised that maybe my last post was a bit selfish as I appreciate I'm lucky to be able to just work 3 days a week (and tbh honest I will try and get some exam marking/private tuition as long as it doen't affect the kids).

Well I don't know what it is - maybe because I've stuck up to him, but H just had a perfectly reasonable and calm conversation with some compromise. It does help having spoke to people both here and in RL as he has this way of making you doubt yourself.

I am going to insist on it all in writing officially as I just now am not sure if I can trust him.

ninja while I think about it, have you changed your council tax to single person and checked to see if you are entitled to more in tax credits?

Thanks Meglet - on my list of things to do when he moves out. I found a really good CAB page which has a list of all the people to tell.

Better go and do some more work, revision days to plan and coursework to mark

fanny if you still check on here...I love your grapes thread, and the thread on a thread it has sparked, you're my hero!

carrie

Yay, you are here! How are you doing? :) Have a large on us!