June '05 Mummies 5 - the one with lots of smiles, and lots of cuddles.

[katzguk]

one brand new shiney thread, title thanks to eym.

It took so long to type that I've cross-posted with you all.

Katz, any chance you could claim some kind of illness or bug so you can't go next week? Just CAT me if you fancy meeting up sometime for a chat, I'm not far away (your DD1 and my DS1 could keep each other entertained for a couple of hours I'm sure).

Charleypops, how is your DS doing? Do the doctors feel you do have anything to worry about? After everything you went through in the early days when he was born, it's really completely understandable why you're so stressed.

MrsW - i would love to not go but i want to see my mum! a meet up would be good. i'll CAT you when i get back from our travels

MrsW - it's entirely down to the first few day that I'm having the stress now. There's nothing anyone can say to make me feel better, even if he reaches all his milestones, (obviously I'm praying for this as with each one he achieves the chances of problems become less) we're not going to know if there's anything wrong until he's about 5 and at school.

Oh Charleypops, being a parent is worrying enough without this hanging over you, no wonder things are so tough for you.

Katz, I'll be back in a week too, so definitely CAT me when you're back.

Have a big long post saved in Notepad, but just for now, charley my cousin Anna had a lot of problems with her youngest for similar reasons, and I know it's been terribly hard, but also that the little one (who is now seven I think!) is doing really well. At the mo Arlo is leaps and bounds aheaad of Toby, am most jealous of the rolling! Of course it's an awful worry but do bear in mind he's doing splendidly - and that's great.

Oh and Katz I do hope it didn't sound like "how can you be having a significant life event without us?" - I just hope we can be there for each other and want to be supportive. xx

Charley and Katz - it's a tough, tough time and so few people tell it like it really is, I had a really hard time after dd, lots of it to do with her fitting and going to neo natal and also to do with the sheer shock to me life of having a baby. It made me incredibly stressed and then very down indeed. I am thinking of you both alot - please CAT me if you want to chat as I could go on and on for hours on here.

Lynny - sorry to hear about your step-dad. You're a wonderful woman - don't beat yourself up anymore - it doesn't serve any purpose at all and will only make you feel more dreadful x

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh night from hell last night, DD2 went down fine at 7 and was successfully transferred to her crib at 8, then woke at midnight for a feed, fine so far i hear you say then at 2.30 she woke up and started singing! lovely happy squeely noises at 3.30 i took her down stairs and she finally went back to sleep at 4.30am and me at 5am. DD1 woke up at 6am!

We're off for a few days tonight so if i don't post until thrusday don't panic

aw Katz. Funnily enough I was thinking of you and Charley last night during the 12 am feed.

And the 2 am, the 3.50 am, the 5 am and the 5.45 am (insofar as I was capable of thinking at all by that point).

Haven't any advice or wise words (obviously) but you do both sounds like you are doing incredibly well fighting off the bad stuff. It is really impressive.

Lynny - no wise words for you, either. I know it's not the same thing, but I was brought up by a step-dad who was absolutely fantastic and I found that when he died there were some people who didn't really understand how much a non-biological parent can mean to you. I hope you find some space to remind yourself of the good bits. And to remember that all the good he did lives on in you and your children.

EYM - thinking of your sister and niece as well.

Trib - why hard to sell your house? Although I was thinking the other day that I was glad we sold before the baby (J made an early appearance and we completed 4 days before I went into labour). Would be altogether harder to waft around smells of freshly brewed coffee now. Sadly, I haven't been blessed with one of those cinammon-toast-smelling-poo babies, so I think an industrial amount of Febreze would be necessary if we were selling up.

Mrs W - good luck with your family-a-thon.

Welshie, lua, coop, sfxmum (and anyone else as sleep obsessed as me) - how is it going? I thought we'd cracked it yesterday. ds in his own room and only two night wake ups. But last night all totally pear-shaped again. I've shortened his feeds and he always goes into his cot awake. He settles fine without me (sometimes has a little grizzle or sing to himself, but I never have to go back in). Then two hours later he is awake and nothing other than a feed will calm him down.

Am wondering in a crazed, middle of the night sort of way whether it can be that he is having some incredibly extended growth spurt. He is still putting on 8-10oz a week which seems an awful lot to me, but I don't know what would be normal. ANy thoughts?

morning all
been following conversations but too unable to form coherent thoughts to post.

last night up every 3hrs or so not terrible since dd went straight back to sleep everytime. today she is getting carrot puree with her baby rice. really hope it will soon make a difference.
thought i might try giving her a cup with cooled boiled water sometime soon.

about PND i hear what you say about no matter what anyone says its something that you have to go through and eventually emerge at the other end.
to be honest becoming a parent scared the hell out of me. this in spite of trying and failing to become pregnant for some time.
i think childhood and other life experiences weigh heavy on ones mind.
i had an experience of clinical depression some years back, it took medication and talking therapy to get things on an even keel. i consider myself a happy person yet at times own demons rear their heads and things go dark.

dont mean to be a depressing post sorry if sounds that way, intention was to be hopeful. just mean that when we think and feel that all is hopeless that is when we need people around who will understand and be there even if we think they are no help at all. promise it makes sense.

hugs all

My goodness. Everyone whose baby is still getting up at night certainly has my sympathies. I think I've been taking my good sleeper for granted. Does anyone else have two little ones in the same room? DS is still sleeping in a moses basket in the office. But he's almost as big as the basket so I think it's time for him to venture into his cot in DD's room. He sleeps there during the day at nap time. There haven't been any problems. But, I'm still a bit nervous about leaving a toddler with a baby in the same room all night. I'm just afraid he'll wake up and she'll go tend to him and unintentionally harm him. Anyone else have this situation/concern?

Lummox - that's the problem I went to the sleep lady with recently. I reckon she'd ask you how well ds was feeding every time and if he isn't hungry then start to cut back on the feeds. How old is ds now?
I think there does seem to be a pattern - they get down to 1 or 2 feeds a night and then suddenly increase to every 2 hoursish. It has to be to do with hunger I think. At least ds is sleeping far more now after the arrival of the blessed baby rice - although I know it makes not a jot of difference to some babies.
Things are getting better here with every nnight - thank goodness.
Last night it was bed at 7pm with hardly a whimper and no stirrings until 3am, I let him grumble until 4am when he was fed and went back to sleep until 7am. No food before 4 said the sleep lady and he wasn't even ravenous when I fed him either. I can't believe I had 5 hours kip in a row - or would have done if dd didn't have a cough like a walrus
I feel much better about life as a result - I really need to have some sense of progress as it's the horrendous unpredictability that starts to get me down after a while.
Lummox - I'm firmly in the sleep obsessed camp with you - it dominates my every waking hour

Forgot to say that I think we should be able to share exactly how crap we're feeling on this board with no worries. No need to plaster on any happy faces here.....

Hi everyone

That's a genuine happy face because it is Friday afternoon, which is my favourite part of the week, no matter how rubbish or brilliant the weeks has been.

I have to be honest and say I am not shocked by the amount of pepole posting about their baby blues or PND. I've spoken to enough mums in the last 2 and a half years to know that it is very common. I think plastering happy smiles and covering up is common too. I remember being at baby groups and looking around at all the mums thinking "you have everything under control". it was only after getting to know them that I realised I was badly wrong, and relieved to know I wasn't alone!

I seem to spend my whole day sorting out the children, tidying, cooking, making sure they're stimulated and happy, taking them out... 12 hours a day I do that. What a drudge! It's so much worse since I am bfing and hope to do so till the elusive 6 month mark. God help me! That means my time away from dd2 is limited indeed.

Definitely, definitely unload here. I tend not to because I'm worried about my identity and RL and stuff, it's also because I use it as an escape. But it's really important to moan on here, let of steam no matter what.

Lynny - So sorry to hear about your Step Dad. Blame and guilt are horrible things and will at you up, try not to let them.

Dd2 is still snuggling up to me in the middle of the night, I'm contemplating bringing in reinforecements i.e The Sleep Lady. She's not a bad sleeper, but I do want to break that habit!

Welshie - Is ds still in with you at night??? I can't ignore dd2 atm because she is still with us and it would disrupt dp too much if I left her. Hence my automatic response when she cries is to jump up and settle her on the boob before she wakes him up. I remember being much stronger when dd1 slept through and moved out of our room.

Mrs W - Where are you and your family off to?? Have fun!!!

Charley - I remember last time you accidentally used a pseudonym from another thread on here

Welshy - thanks for that. 7 - 3am is great. Well done to you. here's hoping we'll be joining you sometime.

lol at your dd coughing like a walrus.

In addition to the sleep thing we've had a bit of a stall on the solids as well. ds absolutely loved it at first, but really wailed when I tried to feed him yesterday and today. We're just trying one meal a day of 3 tablespoons of baby cereal and pear or carrot, so not sure why he has decided he doesn't want it. But part of the idea of starting solids early (as in before 6 months) was to be able to go very slowly and not force anything, so guess we have time.

The problem for me is that he does seem to be hungry in the night, in terms of the way he feeds, apart from the 5 am feed, when I think he probably wants to get up but we can' bear the thought. Am dreading the clocks going back!

On the upside (sort of) ds has started making a noise that makes it sound like he has swallowed a cat (in that it is like miaowing rather than the sounds of a five month old baby choking on a cat).

Lummox - are you finding the timing of attempting to feed the solids is pretty critical. I have to bf ds a little bit to take the edge off his hunger and then hope he's not too tired etc etc Could it be to do with any of that do you think?
Lippy - ds went into his own room at 3 months as I was doing the same - feeding him as soon as he stirred and he was using me as the cue to return to sleep. He slept so much better from the first night we moved him. That's the best thing the SL did really - gave me the courage to just get on with the move.
Don't know how you do the 2 of them every day Lippy, I'd go more la-la than I have already, and you're right it does feel like drudgery, so relentless.
I was going to start a thread called 'What's the worst question to ask a parent.....?' Mine would definitely be ' Is he sleeping through yet?' I genuinely want to punch anyone who asks - and if you want to see a plastered on polite smile....

hey - not been around as had the Party then been ill!

Party for Dd went really well, though I still think a lot went over her head. She looked absolutelly delightful in her princess costume (cue video and c amera overkill...!) We had the fantastic weather so were able to throw all 12 toddlers in the garden - phew!

Had mastitis this week, but thanks to my homeopath am feeling much better. Was v feverish and hallucinating a bit one night...all got a bit scary.

Haven't had much chance to read all posts but I'm picking up that people are down/PND. I'm certainly starting to feel the long term sleep deprivation kick in.....but I wanted to say I had PND with my first...and it was terrible because I didn't tell anyone for ages and just tried to hold it all in and not deal with it. I finally went to counselling and it really, really helped. So don't leave it to get some help - whether that's a girlfriend, hv or counsellor, doctor whatever. I've been amazed now I'm much more open about it how many mums felt they suffered from some form of depression. If anyone wants to CAT me they can too.

Hi RHM - glad to hear the mastitis cleared up, sounds horrible.

Welshy - think you may be right about timing. The first few times I bfd a bit first, then gave the solids. But because of the sleep thing I have been bfing for longer before solids (as I have become obsessed with feeding him as much as possible during the day) so maybe he's not hungry enough.

See - I can bring any conversation round to a discussion of sleep.

Hi Lippy - had forgotten it was Friday afternoon! That's cheered me up (at least I'm not about to get on the Northern Line in the rush hour).

Like the idea of a worst question to ask new mums thread. Everyone here asks "is he well-behaved?" - he's not quite five months old - what do they mean????

afternoon mums wow your all chatty today.

Lynny hunny im so sorry for your loss, im afreaid if men wamt to drink themselfs to destruction they will. My first husband died 6 years ago in july he did drink himself to death, and i know how you feel, as i felt terrible and of course my poor dear boys, but the truth is you cant stop them drinking, people only stop if they want too. of course you need to share with us and thats fine hope you are feeling better soon, try and remeber the happy times like i do when i think of my mum xxxxxxxx

Charleypops and katz at least youve recognised the PND im so sorry you feel so sad, i know how awful and alone that feeling is. I agree councling will be very good for you, and i have had many experience of councling in the past years, lots for deppression too. So take care and please do share with us. I dont know what id do without you junies at the moment.

Wow there so much sleep deprivation going on, wiliam isnt to bad he wakes twice and thats fine with us, hope you mums manage to get some rest soon x.

Lua were thinking of our second car seat to, william has grown out of this one im not to sure which one yet , hubby said there some from 6 months to 4 years old i havnt seen them.

Welcome back Uwila nice to see your still around hugss.

My sis called me yesterday, situation get worse be the minute, baby geoga now has to have a line through her body to introduce nutrients as she has reacted to IV which im not supprised it was massive. Were waiting on a number of tests now and my sis is more concerned that if she has NG tube that georga will lose her suck reflex im sure they will give her dummy or something, charley do you know? theres so many comlications that are thrown at my sister daily its just mad.

I try and keep busy or id drive everyone mad, im trying to reasearch most complications to help sis understand them a bit more.

Ive got to say thank you for all your kinds posts about my sis we are strong, and we will keep on fighting for our little girl xxxxxxx

Afternoon ladies, a doom-laden post from me this avo.

1. Took ds to the GP this morning as his reflux/wind seem to be worse - answer was "it's colic. [it isn't] Live with it". Cheers. He'd never heard of Omneo Comfort so I didn't think was possibly the best to be advising me. Bought some baby rice (Organix) and will give that a try.

2. Four hours' sleep. Again. ds v difficult to settle after his night feed. Again.

3. Had three different estate agents round today. All three valued our flat at a substantially lower amount than dh paid for it three years ago - in the tens of thousands, obv don't want to say exactly how much .

Hope all are okay, sorry don't have the energy to reply properly yet.

charleeeeeeeeeeeeey !!! saw your name on the Tripp Trapp thread, so tracked you down to say hello. Hope Arlo is still smiling in between his feeds, and delighted he's started enjoying the output of the paddyfields. Hope YOU are well. The Mountain Buggy (UK) Extreme Offroad Team needs you, remember. You keep on posting and chatting with all these lovely laydees, ya hear ? Hope things go from strength to strength for the both of you. Arlo's scary birth, and your ongoing sleep deprivation etc. would make anyone v. blue. I think you are doing v. well. X

Blimey, lynny, a lot for anyone to handle, hey.

EYM: our baby was born at 4lbs 4, so your niece is v. small, and as you say, some of the complications will be related to her being prem... there's a UK charity called something like 24weeks or 24 weekers or something like that and it seemed to have excellent info and a helpline etc. for premature babies, otherwise BLISS, of course could be good to speak to. Hope the wee one is doing well and that your sister is handling everything as well as can be expected. Such an early birth is scary, and then health complications too... can't be easy.

Hi everyone

I'm amazed at how many of us have been/are experiencing depression and entirely agree that being able to admit it to yourself and being able to chat about it, (even just here if nowhere else) is a bit of a relief for oneself and the others who've been suffering. I don't think there's much of a stigma attached to it - it can happen to anyone in any walk of life.

EYM - My heart goes out to you and your sis. To me the dummy sounds like a good idea, but I'm sure they'll know best in the intensive care unit - IME the staff there are among the most experienced and qualified you'll find anywhere. Your sis's head must be all over the place and nowhere at the same time. Those units are so surreal - the emotions you feel are crazy. One work of advice I feel I am qualified to give you is don't look on the internet please You'll drive yourself MAD and it won't make any difference to your niece. This is why I'm in the state I'm in. Please please make sure your sis doesn't either. Keep things simple for yourselves and let the doctors lead the way x

Trib - is anna at mainstream school? Arlo seems to have forgone the rolling over at the moment - he only used to do it because he didn't want to be on his front in the play pen, but now he likes being on his front so hasn't really rolled since I posted - he rolls onto his side if he's on a hard surface though. Good look with the baby rice - I'll keep everything crossed that it works for you. Did I mention that I've started to feed ds on his side in the cot (muslin under face) - he seems to find it a lot more comfortable than on his back and takes a lot more - not sure if this is coincidence or what, but I'm not changing it. I'd try it if I were you - make sure his hops are on the side too - not twisted iyswim. And get more estate agents round - that just cannot be right.

welshie - well done on your night! Hope you're getting somewhere with him. I'll cat you if your sure you don't mind?

Katz/Lummox/SFX - sorry to hear about your hellish nights I had a fab night - dp did until 4.30 (he didn't get any sleep) then I took over, fed him and he slept until 7.45! Then he went down for a nap at 9.30, I joined him and we slept until 11.30!

I know he wakes up a LOT throughout the night, but at least he goes straight back to sleep. Thank heaven for small mercies I suppose.

SFX - your post wasn't depressing and you made complete sense. It's really comforting to know that other people go through similar experiences

Hi Lippy! I also tend to jump in with a feed before ds really kicks off on a night because our walls are so thin and I worry about waking the neighbours. I know this hasn't helped with encouraging him to go longer between feeds. Can't wait until we move. WE just don't know where we want to live though - it's driving me insane.
Don't think Bournemouth is the place after all...
Don't know what you're referring to either with a previous pseudonym

RHM - Blimey - that mastitis sounds heavy hope you don't get it again.

Trib - "hips" not "hops"

Hi hub - be back in a min

Hi again Hub - lovely of you to track me down! How are you D and the gorgeous greedy C? Think she must've been having a little work in his shell-like because he's been eating so much better lately What highchair are you getting - have you seen the MB ones??

charley, unfortunately I think the estate agents are more or less correct. Dh drastically overpaid for this place when it was built (he's had it from new).

Anna's little girl is indeed in mainstream school, she seems to be doing very well by all accounts.

Don't think I'll start baby rice today as too damn tired.

Does anyone have that feeling that they can't wait for the day to end, even first thing in the morning? Unfortunately more and more recently I've been feeling like that every day