March 2010. A lesson for much of life: Shut the door. Find the corkscrew.

[Arcadie]

Happy Christmas MMMs. This is my gift to you!

hi all! Yay i am in the top posters too! :) RKD i cannot believe how much u post!

had a shit time here since my row with dh on sat( we both said things that shouldn't have been said) i have been a complete mess, had a massive cry on monday morning, and admitted to myself that i cant cope with all life is throwing my way on my own atm(wonderwoman needs a break!) and dh has agreed to do a bit more.....including thinking for himself so i dont fel likei have 4 kids and an expensive dog to see too all the time. We decided i should go see the doc who thinks i am under too much pressure, from the house work, 3 lo's, DH. Work. i keep getting anxiety attacks, feeling annoyed and stressed out etc, he prescribed me some anti depressants but really dont want to take them, tbh feeling mych better in myself, i think being honest with dh has really helped. got o go back next monday to see him again.

Feel like a right muppet when other people have real problems in life, look at what Rinders is going thru a friend of a friend lost her baby at 36 weeks last week and heres me feeling like this!

Sorry for the selfish post, just wanted to keep u all in the loop as to why i have been quieter than normal.

How are you all?

Gah. Was about to post the most massively self-pitying post until I read yours sarah. You're right, others have worse problems than many of us, although it also sounds like you have every right to feel a bit quiet or sorry for yourself right now. I hope you get a bit of a break soon and feel better.

to pacific too as you seem to be going through a tough patch just now too.

I guess I'm just tired. I realised today I've been tired for about - oooh - a year now, and I'm sort of fed up of it. Sleep training continues with VERY slow progress and in fact last night I caved and brought her into bed again after getting up three times between 1 and 2am. I just figured I was already exhausted and couldn't face the prospect of possibly getting up every hour or two for the rest of the night. So she came in next to me and, of course, slept like a log . I'm completely at a loss to know what to do next to improve her sleeping. She seems to have difficulty making it through more than one or two sleep cycles, and I have no idea how to tackle that. She's on her feet all day now - walking independently (which is fantastic and so cute) - but it doesn't seem to be zonking her out much at night!

Also - no job yet, and no new house yet . Ok, that might have been a wee bit of self-pity...sorry.

I did at the thread stats - that was cool.

Ok, I'd better go. I have to tidy toys, empty dishwasher, do dishes and try and squeeze in an hour's work before my brain packs in for the night. Laters.

Just a flying visit to give hugs to Sarah - you're always so positive, and thinking of others, that I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down and stressed . I'm glad you and your DH cleared the air, but do take some time for you. Don't feel guilty for feeling under pressure - it's good to remember that others have worse problems, but it doesn't mean that you don't deserve some time and support too. Feel free to vent here whenever you want - we're here for the good stuff but also for the not-so-good stuff xxxx

just want to say thanks to both Flip and Heckle, feeling much brighter today and more like myself!

thank Goodness!

Dh and i had parents eve at Rosies Nursery lastnight and took advantage of mom babysitting and went and had a curry- was lovely to chat and sort things out so thats good too!

Right ennough about me,

Hope the sleep training works soon heckle, nothing worse than being exhausted, cant offer any words of wisdon i am afraid as we have been blessed with 90% of the time a sleeper!

Hear hear, Flip - there are plenty of people who have it much worse but it's ok to be kind to ourselves sometimes, right?

Sarah, big hugs and it's great you're feeling better. It must have been so nice to have a clear up chat withDH.

Heckle, don't beat yourself up, whatever works is OK and one day it will all come good. In the meantime we're listening!

Evitas, he's being really quite good with intermittent periods of grumpiness/cuddliness. So I'm hoping that once they are through the gum he will be fine. Honestly, baby design is so rubbish, good job they're cute as well.

Pixie, fingers crossed the placenta shifts.

Right, it's 7.45 and I have yet to have a shower. Or breakfast. And I have to be at my desk at 8. (I should add both shower and breakfast are available through the benevolence of my employer who doesn't want us to have any excuse for not being in the office)

I'm feeling grim, worse, infact than I did and after feeling better for a couple of days at the beginning of the week this is hitting me hard

I was just gonna moan about that and 'mark my spot' as it were as the thread has fallen off my threads I'm on... but after seeing so many 'down' posts I have to comment on a few...

pixie having had 'low laying placenta' for the last two pregnancies I now what a worry it is (particularly as I kept bleeding - it annoys me the number of women I see postin in pregnancy about this who haven't been warned by a midwife or anyone what a serious situation that can tuen in to). Luckily, as is usual mine moved away from the cervix with the upwards growth of the uterus but if it turns out yours doesn't and you need a section? Well, as I'm sure you already know, this is yours and the babys life in balance with this condition should labour start naturally. Lots of positive thoughts for a behaving placenta and, hey, just be happy it even works at your age!

sarah Sarah, sarah, sarah. You remind me SO much of my best friend. She does so much, too much, and then is so damn apologetic when she's under par that after years of me just supporting her I had to be a little more honest (which is more difficult than it sounds) and told her that I thought she was depressed and needed help. It turns out her doctor agreed and she spent a period on antidepressants. She still doesn't cope as well as she used to look like she did, and that's it really. I could tell she wasn't, not really, because a) I knew her so well and b) having been depressed myself before. I love it that shes not more able to say 'you know what? This is Too Much for me (and belive me, when she's saying it, it's usually waaaaaaay past my threshold - she's not 'weak'!)' I really, really, hope you genuinely are feeling better but... don't feel you need to say you're back to your old self already if that's not entirely true. It's not easy being superwoman. Be kind to yourself.

You know those 'I wish I had a pound for every time...' sayings? Well, to make a point, today I am wishing I for a pound for every time one of us has posted ranted vented moaned about things that are getting to us and then apologising ! I mean, why do we do that?! Is it because we don't feel entitled to express ourselves? That we're being weak? What, what is it? Especially when we are all quick to say honestly to others 'don't be silly, we're here to listen' I'd say we should make a conscious effort to not apologise for seeking support from each other but... how successful would that be?

I'm gonna have to leave it there - I did want to address other people (I truly a thinking of you all) but just feel so... ugh (had a little cry earlier that the ms seems to be getting worse rather than better - sorry!

Yeah, laughing doesn't help either.

Gosh, realised I mentioned my tears twice in that post. Um, pretend it was just the once!

(also, those stats were about a week out of date so I know I'll have slipped in the ranking. But oddly proud of my number four spot )

Manda, you truly are wonderful- Thanks very much for your post, i am honestly feeling much better but know i havr to stop putting so much pressure on myslef and dare i say start being a bit more...erm selfish i guess!

Hope you begin to feel better soon, MS is something i am glad i wont endure again!

take it easy x

Evening all

sarah Sorry you are feeling exhausted and peed off. It sounds like you take far too much on and muddle on through. Take some time for yourself and don't feel at all bad for not wanting to continue on as you are.

manda Hope your MS passes very soon - did you suffer this long with previous pregnancies? I have a crap memory so I can't remember.

pixie low lying placenta is nothing for you to have to worry about now- you manage everything in your stride and if it moves great and if not - well hey ho you can 'plan' when to deliver this baby - with a family the size of yours thats gotta be a huge benefit!! Oh and thanks for the stats - very interesting!

pacific Hope you are feeling a bit better - I don't know how you cope with 4 boisterous boys and a DH working shifts. I struggle enough with one! Well done you.

heckle sympathies on the sleep front. My DS sleeps from 7pmish but wakes stupid early - anywhere between 5-6 frequently. It is matterless how late he goes to bed. I have tried! If I worked 9-5 hours i'd be peed off but cope - working shifts I find the ridiculous early starts hard to manage. The only way is up????

Update chez SCOOBY. DS teething like mad - He spent nearly 4 hrs yesterday SCREAMING - nothing seemed to help. Needless to say most of the screaming was when he was supposed to sleep - I guess cos when he's busy it bothers him a bit less. So not only very sore and VVVVV loud, also VVV tired. I soooo had a bad head and short fuse. Not least because of severe sleep deprivation as a result of his overnight upsets and early starts.

On the work front - still signed off sick until wednesday. Funnily enough, having sent in a sicknote which stated 'work related stress' they have now found me a job - theoretically to start . next Thursday- same department as my DH. It is better hours as a 'lateshift' ends at 10pm instead of 2am. It pees me off no end that I had to go sick to get them to do something - 5 mths after I first asked. I saw my OHU counsellor today. She has to write a report (of which I get a copy) she was appalled and is going to state that in no uncertain terms I am off with WORK RELATED stress. Moving jobs sorts the main problem out but I have been left with an extremely bitter taste in my mouth and nothing has ever been documented that I feel that way. I am seriously considering putting in grievances against the relevant persons in the hope that it makes me feel better, they are found out to be the incompetent nincompoops they are and that hopefully they will think twice before doing it to anyone else or ME again if good forbid we have no 2. On the topic of which I am 5 days late - which I never am. Quite sure it'll be the stress of it all. Did a cheapo test today just in case before I opened the bottle of red sitting beside me! And yes it is negative Am I mad to grievance them - I could just move on - but if it happens again, which to be frank it probably will then at least things will be documented for me ?? Hmm I shall ponder it a while longer and speak with my fed again next week. I got a new rep too who I already knew but because of rank restrictions wasn't suppose to use - that was lifted as the other one was so crap. She has been ace.

Anyway - off to finish my vino and head to bed before the screaming starts xx

Another flying visit from me (well past wine o'clock here and need to spend some time with DH instead of MNing)

manda bloody great post - you've summed up some things I've thought/felt about apologising etc (am sure others have thought/felt them too!). Very wise post indeed, especially considering you're in the pit of MS despair! Hope you feel better soon.

Sarah nothing wrong with being "selfish" though I know what you mean about a bit of sunshine helping things no end

Scooby I'm still at your work situation, but really hope your new job works better for you, DH and DS. It's just still so how much you've had to go through to get it. Hope the new rep works better for you.

pixie really hope the placenta moves with your pregnancy progresses. Try not to worry too much - nothing you can do really - but there's a lot of wisdom on this thread for you (see Manda and PD in particular for wise words!). Love the thread thingy by the way!

Arcadie don't worry, your posting secret stats are safe with us . Hope all is good with you and your brood.

Pacific hope you're doing a bit better - I read your thread and thought you handled yourself with good grace and aplomb considering what you'd been through (I have memories of my mother and father leaving older siblings by the side of the road, obviously going back for them, and there are definitely no long term scars!)

Siamese how you feeling about going back to work? Really hope DD is happy with nursery soon. Have they said anything about her being upset or anything? I reckon being on laps is a Good Thing (as I take it to mean caring staff, iykwim).

Bluey wow at your work providing breakfast and showers! But it must make getting to work easier for 8am easier (can you tell I'm already not looking forward to getting to work for 8am when I'm back to work proper in a few weeks ).

Heckle good work with the sleep training. It is hard but you're reaping the benefits (even with the occasional blip - blips are normal, as my DS definitely goes in waves). Hope the work/house situation improves. PS have I told you that I got into 30 Rock relatively recently? It is so much funny than I expected! I heart Liz Lemon!! I now love your profile pic on FB as a result

Sariska how's work going?

Been a good week settling in at nursery with us. DS seems to be enjoying it - even when he falls over and needs comforting by a nursery worker (which makes me a little sad and proud of him all at the same time). Next week I start leaving him each day for ever increasing increments. By the end of next week he'll be having proper full days at nursery. DH is in Singapore all week for work, so I'll have my first proper alone time in a long time. Quite looking forward to it really! Not quite sure what I'll do with myself...but am hoping I'll go book shopping and then enjoy actually reading the books

Oh and who posted about the triplets [faints at the thought]. Wine Tiredness means I'm incapable of remembering...

Night all. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

PS Pixie Bruno Mars has just come on Graham Norton. I am preening that I know who he is

Er @ Heckle didn't expect the crazy bolding there...I love Liz Lemon but not that much

Oh and Bruno's real name is Peter. Which makes me really and reach for more wine

manda what you said. Good call. No more apologising here. I already knew none of us wear our judgey pants when we're posting/reading but I guess it's good to reinforce that every now and again

flip I heart Liz lemon - bold intended! She's my hero and the box set of season 4 is keeping me sane in the midst of sleep training nightmares!

glad things seem to be on the up for you work-wise scooby. Good on you for taking a stand and seeing an improvement.

God bless cbeebies for distracting my DDs long enough for me to post this

I'm not exactly feeling the love where work is concerned, Flip, but it's OK, I suppose. The commute, though, is something else. Every single train has been late, with Thursday morning's effort taking a memorable 3 hours due to someone who ended up under a train at Waterloo. Unutterably tragic for them, of course, unbelievably traumatising for the train driver and plain annoying for everyone trying to get into work. (I missed that early meeting I told you about, Bluey.) Am wondering if I should try to camp out in one of the subterranean bedrooms that my firm offers for poor suckers trainees trapped on all-nighters . Ah well, I do now have a few days off work; decided I didn't want to be commuting on DD's 1st birthday and potentially not see her at all.

Anyway, I hope everyone else soon to return to work - Flip, Siamese etc - has better luck. Good to hear that the babies (if we can still call them that) are settling in to childcare.

Sarah, I hope you continue to feel better. Good that you got some quality time with DH.

Pixie - Hope your placenta moves. Presumably you have another scan booked later in the pregnancy to assess things?

manda - You poor thing. The misery of "morning" sickness.... Fingers crossed you leave that phase behind really soon.

Can't remember what else I was going to say so may be back later if I remember. Off to get the DC's breakfast now. Think DS has watched enough blimmin Peppa Pig.....

Name change! This must be a side effect of all the endless writing and lots of anxiety provoked by the prospect of not knowing when the thesis will be finished. Needed some distraction

my goodness has no one posted since yesterday afternoon! whats going on?

:) sarah still lurking here, busy cleaning up sick and ahem other stuff.

DD seems to have croup (self diagnosed, mind), and spent 1 till 4 am barking coughing nonstop, so Im shattered but trying to catch up with the ironing before tomorrow, when shes in nursery and Im going to have to go shopping for work clothes. Ive hung the wet washing in her room, and she missed her afternoon nap so she was knackered too, and so far shes not woke herself up coughing.. yet. Thankfully she doesnt have too much of a problem breathing

Beautiful sunny day here so we went to explore the new park which was unbelievably busy. I guess everyone decided they were sick of staying in too!

pacific i hope things get easier for you.

pixie I bet that scan comes round really really quick. I hope it turns out ok. I was thinking how frustrating if you had to have a cs after a natural birth with twins! (not sure if I'm helping)

scooby OMG your work make me . I hope the new position is something you are happy with?

sarah are you feeling happier?

Happy birthday for tomorrow to BMI's DD, and IWCAS's DS. I hope you have lovely days. Because DH is away during the week, I am moving DD's birthday to saturday. She'll never know ;)

OO gotta go.. she squeaks -

hi guys
Really sorry for the absence, i'm sure you haven't even noticed but you definitely dropped off my Threads I'm On...
siamese how is your little seal tonight? Seemed that our one got worse as the sun dropped below the yardarm....(and it wasn't anything to do with my wine intake i promise!!). RKD's advice on the ten minutes steam in the shower room is good, as is going outside into the cold and seeing if that calms things down. Hope she's on the mend soon. My paed friend recommends steroids but we didn't get that far... I also hope you catch up on sleep, poor you
speaking of rkd where are you lady and what are you up to?? You might be the most prolific poster but.....unless I've missed something I haven't seen you MUCH lately?? (or have i??)
pd dreamt about you the other night. nothing special but you were harping on about something medical and useful of course. That and Joe and thea were walking. Together. Genius children.
sarah - what everyone else said. Give yourself a break, my lady. shout if i can help in any way, even 60 miles away....
Big wave to everyone else - scoobs i'm glad you have done the sicknote thing, it all sounded DREADFUL. absolutely disgusting. How. Dare. They

One of the reasons i've been absent is obviously general RL stuff but i seem to be cooking for my friend's hen do next weekend, so this weekend has been spend cooking like a BANSHEE and then freezing the bejesus out of it all. Plus all the other angst you get with organising hen dos, you know, like - people deciding at the last minute they can't afford it, despite: their overly gushing initial first response/a budget so tight even George Osborne could take notes/offers of lifts to and from the venue.... You All Know The Score I'm Sure. Quite frankly There is JUST no pleasing Some People (particularly theatrical types) (for the purposes of this example)

Enough about me. I can't believe bmi and iwcas are on the Eve of A Birthday!!! HOW exciting!! hope you are well and coping with the fact you are Mums to One Year Olds Now
siamese no - DD may not know NOW....but how much will you pay us to not tell her when she's 15 and looking for any excuse to slam her bedroom door at you [evil grin] ha ha. at least you have plans. We don't. Other than it's already a Sunday and we don't really know what to do with her.

Anyway good luck baking for the birthday girls and hope to keep more of an eye over the week

Feeling much better thanks Siamese. Dh and i have had many a chat and things seem to be much better:) have really had a lovely weekend, i slept in today till 11AM got up dh had done all the house work down stairs, got all three dc's dressed (they looked pretty good too) walked the largest choclate labrador in the area with said dc's in tow! we then hit a soft play centre for a couple of hours and the pub for a fab carvery on the way home! cannot believe what a difference a week can make! i really do love my family so very much and its times like this i appreciate them all so muchx

Melk- i missed you! meant to text to see how you are, but u know what its like!Thanks for your offer of help, much appreciated!

BTW am thinking maybe a visit to bristol is needed at easter! fancy a visitor?????

Siamese hope u get some sleep tonight and C sleeps better too!

BMI and ICWAS- WOW first birthdays tomorrow, hope they both have fantastic days and the lo's too:)

i am having insead of just to make a change !

Right off to bed, x night all

evening, have had Simeon's dedication this morning. As a result have had lots of lovely family round and no mumsnetting time. Will do better.

Happy Birthday little BMI and little IWCAS. Hope both mums and little ones have a fantastic day! Enjoy your first birthdays :)

I'm also very emotional, I guess it's because I'm tired and because this would be DS due date if he hadn't been a premature (why can't I let this go, and still fell guilty?! I know it's not rational )

foreverevergreen, I think it's normal to still feel emotional about your birth experience, especially those that didn't go to plan (which is probably actually about 95% of all births). I still feel like I didn't try hard enough and that's why I ended up with an assisted delivery rather than a lovely all-natural birth in the Birth Centre. Pregnancy, childbirth and bringing up babies are such emotional things. It's not always rational, but that's fine. Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad, but really, you've nothing to feel guilty about. Your DS being premature was nothing to do with anything you did, or didn't do, and the important thing is that he's a happy, healthy, gorgeous boy.

Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone. We mainly celebrated yesterday with my parents and my sister. We've got DH's parents coming next weekend too. I can't believe my little baby is a whole year old! I miss the teeny newborn that she used to be, but it's so exciting watching her grow up as well. She's got three new teeth this week too (cue a few nights of inconsolable sobbing and much Calpol). Sympathies to all the other teething babies (and their mums).

siamese I hope DD is feeling better. Croup was horrible, and on top of a tummy bug as well can't be much fun.

Pixie well done to Oli for sleeping through! I hope Vivi (am I remembering that right?) takes some lessons from her.

sarah I'm glad you're feeling more positive. As others have said better than I could, you do so much for everyone (and you're obviously great at it, I don't know how you manage), but remember to take some time for yourself when you need it.

to everyone else :)

Just hopping in to say Happy BIrthday to both R and I.

It's my number one baby's birthday today - she's sixteen She asked we go to dinner at pizza express and polished off dough balls and a pizza; suffice to say things have improved greatly in the eating department. I'm so relieved (if still vigilant).

Sixteen. Never mind one, how'd that happen?!

So, off I go. I have a nasty cold-thing, resorted to paracetamol when I took my temperature last night and it was 38.6. Not sure what that is in old money, but I know it's not good for the baby in the first tri (albeit I'm almost out of it!).

BMI and IWCAS - I hope you have both enjoyed lovely first birthdays with your babies. Glorious weather for it, too!

Foreverevergreen, I agree with what the others have already said: it's normal normal normal to feel bad, regretful or unsatisfied about some element of your baby's birth. You just have to hang onto the fact that mode and timing of birth is not generally a choice. We just have to work with the circumstances as they are presented to us.

My few days off has not started well. Spent several hours in the wee small hours last night with, apologies if TMI, D&V. It struck out of the blue. Well, seemed to anyway. DH had a D bug for 24 hours or so just over a week ago and DS had a V bug for a day or so just over a week before that. Surely it can't be the same bug?? I thought incubation for these things is very rapid. Am feeling better enough now to contemplate a banana for dinner but am very worried about DD and DMum (staying with us, and a confirmed emetophobe) catching it. So have been brandishing the dettol and bleach with determined enthusiasm......