Hellooooooooooooooo!! It's good to be back!
It feels like longer than a week since I was last on here wondering when the hell little one was going to make an appearance. Clearly I have missed ALOT. And huge congrats to Reggie and okie my fellow newbie mums. What a week for the ESHes. Thank you all for your lovely messages of congratulations and support - it has been lovely lovely lovely to read them in hospital, although I haven't been able to reply in my usual social network addict fashion.
Well, where to start. BabyMoo is sleeping peacefully beside me after a 30 minute shush shush session. So I'm typing quickly, not knowing how long I have got! We got home on Tuesday night and I have to say being home after a long and fairly traumatic stay in hospital is the best feeling EVER. Snuggled up in bed and my mum and MrMoo downstairs bringing me food/water and whatever I demand is ace.
I'm thinking this birth story is a bit like therapy so here goes nothing...
Wednesday had my second sweep as you know. Walked up and down stairs in the hospital afterwards, walked the dog, bounced like a maniac. All to the good, as at 2430 that night once we had gone to bed, felt this immense pressure (like I REALLY needed the loo) and felt a small gush of something. Jumped out of bed and went to the loo and sure enough it was fairly apparent that a small amount of my waters had gone. Luckily some had gone on a pillow between my legs so I could see it was totally clear. Rang MLU and they told me to come in for an initial check and I could then go back home to bed. The contractions had started more or less immediately after this every 10 minutes and we knew things were imminent. So off we went for our assessment which was fortunately nice and quick. The MLU was quiet and calm and in a way seeing it was a good precursor to going in later and feeling relaxed about it. So got back home roughly about 3-4am and finished packing bags, ate some crisps (yes WTF?) as I felt a bit sicky and then got back into bed and tried to rest with my hippo CD, to get into the zone. After an hour or maybe two, the ctx were getting stronger and MrMoo suggested the TENs machine which I had borrowed. We got it all hooked up and then realised it kept conking out. FUCK. In a panic texted doula to see if she had one to bring over, but luckily it was just batteries and all was ok. I cannot tell you how fortunate this was as that machine was the thing that saved me I think.
Anyway things ramped up and I spent until about 11am mooing deeply (massively helped with the pain, which was low down at the front of my bump) and rocking and listening to my affirmations. Doula kept telling me to try and get out of my rational brain/fighting it and just go with it. Sounds so wanky but I am sure this was the reason that things progressed the way they did and the hippo relaxing definitely made that easier. I also spent loads of time sitting on the loo and for some reason felt really safe and relaxed there.
At about 9 doula came over and was just quietly there, helping me ramp up the boost on my tens, giving me water and support and basically the more practical stuff. MrMoo was amazing and was just there telling me to relax and helping me stay calm and focussed. Hilariously after months of nagging him to practise all this hippo massage/techniques I didn't want anyone touching me. Oh well, I'm sure it will come in handy eventually.
So at 11 I was getting 3 or 4 in 10 minutes and realised that thing were progressing quicker than I thought they would. I felt really strongly that I wanted to go and just get there. Doula was encouraging us to stay home a bit longer, but I really didn't want and had started to panic a bit at this point. Anyway MrMoo said we're going and packed the car and off we went. Thank god we did and thank god for him insisting that we follow my lead.
Got to hospital and up into the Carmen Suite MLU. Amazingly room was ready with pool and stuff and we went straight in. That pool never even got a drip in it. I swear, anyone that tried to remove that tens machine would have died at my hands. At 1230 the amazing MW there did an examination between ctx and declared me to 4 cms and said how great it was I'd got there quickly at home. I can remember thinking holy fuck how I am going to do another 6cms? I was really really tired at this point having had no sleep and very little food since lunch and was throwing up/pooing like mad for a bit. After this, I ended up laying down on a bean bag on my left side and put some relaxing music on my ipod (thanks to MrMoo we had about 72 hours worth) and actually managed to rest through the ctx with the aid of the tens. Doula and MW actually thought I'd gone to sleep for the hour and everything was slowing down. In fact it wasn't, but I was totally silent and sort of in my head. This for me looking back is the weirdest bit, because I do think it was the hippo stuff really working. I have to say I was cynical and now I think, fuck me it does actually work.
Anyway, after about an hour or so of this, I woke up and things had intensifed even more. Doula had gone off for lunch and MrMoo just came back in the room from getting a sandwich. I got up and suddenly my bump seemed to literally move and the pressure was unbearable I was getting ctx without a break virtually and feeling like I wanted to poo myself. Also I was doing what they apparently term involuntary pushing and had started to bear down. Began to panic and started swearing saying fuck this, I want out of here, I need an epidural etc etc (now know classic transition signs) Went to the loo and could see some greenish poo and MrMoo called the MW who came in and wasn't sure. This is where the calm and controlled and frankly great labour started to unwind - 2 hours 15minutes after arriving.
They wheeled me downstairs to delivery suite, kneeling on the chair yelling and bearing down like a nutter. Got into our room and I refused VE (as I had done upstairs moments earlier) and demanded my epidural. Anaethetist came in and said I don't think you are going to get it in time, it looks like you're about to have this baby now. At this point, they could actually see his head pushing down the back of my pelvis and I remember the sheer utter terror of knowing I was going to have to do this myself. Seconds later I could feel him descending and I started to really scream. Knowing this was it, I got onto the bed hands and knees and made the decision to do this and go for it. I have never screamed or pushed so hard in my life. Suddenly the room changed when MW couldn't get a heart beat and suddenly a gaxillion people were there, I felt a fetal clip go on his head and he squirmed inside my vag. His heartrate had apparently dropped v low and instead of everyone just encouraging me and being all supportive, I got manhandled onto my back, the top of the bed dropped down at an angle and told to push right NOW. It was truly terrifying. Out he came in an almightly push and I can remember seeing blood everywhere and just thinking don't look. They showed me the baby after a little bit of resus but I was out of it at this point having lost about 3 litres of blood delivering him in 10 minutes flat. I had 3rd degree tears thanks to his 9lbs 9oz size and they basically took me off to theatre and the gods were looking down on me as I had the best consultant perineal gynae on call that day (usually would have been a registrar). MrMoo stayed with the baby and I was in theatre with a spinal (best feeling ever) for about 2 hours.
Finally in recovery babyMoo was put on my chest and I sobbed and sobbed as I looked at his perfect face. It was so wonderful. After that I was on high dependency for 2 nights. Couldn't really move in the bed and needed 3 lots of blood to get me going. It was very scary and to be honest I think I was in shock for about 3 days at purely the speed at which it all happened. 10 minutes is not a normal delivery and people have since said that it is more shocking to your body as it doesn't have time to adjust etc.
On the third night I moved up to the normal postnatal ward and had a hellish night listening to other people's babies scream. The shock, lack of sleep and everything was beginning to take it's toll by now and I really needed to be able to rest. Even walking was a struggle. We labelled it the KFC ward as there were loads of chavs having KFC buckets and trays of sarnies brought in with their 10 mates who would stay the whole day. I literally wanted to kill someone.
Anyway Saturday pm we had our check with the baby doctor and he was fast asleep for this. during which time she was worried that his heart rate was too low. So a cannula was put into his hand and infection tests were started. She reassured us that it was probbaly just infection and not to worry. Then that evening a registrar turned up and said they were taking him down to Neonatal for continuous monitoring to check his heart. This had been instructed by another partner heart specialist hosp in the London. I can't even describe how awful the next few days were. I spent most of them sitting by him in Neo natal and various tests were performed eventually on Monday and Tuesday. To this moment they don't 100% know why it is a tiny bit slower when he is asleep but it IS normal and he is healthy and happy and well frankly huge! It was frustrating and terrifying beyond belief, but I kept reminding myself as I looked at all these other really properly sick babies in there that isn't it amazng how much precautionary care they took in making sure he was well. He had 5 days of antibiotics and after much negotiation the final dose was given yesterday after we returned home. Mr Moo was amazing at making sure this happened as by the Tuesday I was really in distress, tired, blue, scared and needing to leave.
God if you are stil reading, well done!!! Talk about me me me me!!! :) The positives have been there though and I have been looked after by some amazing people. That hospital is fantastic and I cannot fault the consultants and MWs that really looked after me and babymoo. I got one to one help BFing on a daily basis and that has been brilliant.
But being home is amazing and loving loving loving it. I can't actually imagine going anywhere with the baby just yet, but I'm just taking baby steps for now.
Need to go and have a cry now, feel really emotional after writing all this!!!!! :)